Here's the Scoop.
So here are my thoughts for keeping all parts of my life in check.

Yesterday I chatted on the phone with a dear 3 fc friend. Weeheee. I am blessed!!!!!!!!!!
She asked some questions or brought up thoughts.

1) do I obsess about my relationship with my family of origin. Sometimes, but no. I do have thoughts and feelings and I let them out in my journal so they dont consume me. They have in the past( teens, 20’s). My parents are good people and I love them. They also did some damaging, hurtful things. We have also talked a lot out. Part of the healing , the journey. New stuff came up this year around my Grandma and there has been a big shift in all our realtionships and I am thrilled with it. An example of how I have always been devalued happened at my Sis’s. In the past I would have internalized it or believed it. But when you have 4 people who supposedly love you and are supposed to nuture you and support you telling you that you are wrong, confused, misguided, you are not entitled to your own feelings,ideas, beliefs.... and they discuss openly in front of you how wrong you are to be you, while enabling and validating each other.......... this has happened since I was a small child. It is hard to have personal value and I learned these things at the their knee. Do I forgive them, yes. Is a big part of my journey of well being, yes. As far as my weight goes, I need to believe that I deserve to be smart, successful, a good mom and wife and pretty and fit and thinner too. I have been told I would be unbearable too good to be true if I was thin.
If you have been told over and over since you were pre adolescent that , you were lucky to be smart, that you would have to work hard at a good job because know one would really love you or want to be with you, you would never be beautiful..........it took a long time for me to realize those were my Mom’s fears, issues, anxieties and not realy about me at all. These things are on my mind as a parent. I try to parent and live in my marriage with awareness and to grow. I am hardly perfect. I am sure my kids will have baggage. I do hope for them to have healthy esteem and know they are loved and valued and they are an important part of this world, community, family. I will nuture their skills, desires so they can follow dreams........ I take it very seriously.

2) Is your house really that messy? you are always cleaning. I have been spending time at flylady.com and following the prompts that come in emails. I have thought about sending for advice. My situation is unique.
We have a 2300 sq ft house, not incuding the basement( another 1000 sq ft). It is old and has been poorly maintained for 20 years before we moved in 6 years ago. We have done major renovations to the majority of the house inside and out, ourselves. The 2 bathrooms are mid-reno as is the stairwell.Hence extra dust and dirt, never really gets clean. We have 9 kids and 2 adults here most days. I feed all the above 3 hot meals a day plus snacks or pack lunches for my 3. Both kids are in sports and activivities that have supplies. I run 3 businesses that generate paperwork( babysitting, hubby's books, Avon), filing etc, plus household paperwork. The kids bring home tons of stuff from school. They are crafty and creative and there are ALWAYS projects on the go. We heat with wood, messy yet inexpensive. DS wets his bed most night, lots of laundry. I caregive for my Grandma by making frozen dinners for her every night, doing her laundry, and go to do her hair and nails every week.
I volunteer at the school and church, this takes time and have their own little piles on my desk.
I do crafts and activities with 9 kids in my home everyday.We sing and dance.I have playpens in 3 bedrooms for naps.
In the last few years, Mom, Sis and my deceased Grandma gave us a ton of furniute etc because of their moves, we had the space etc....this spring, I unloaded most of it. My kids save special treasures. I work at getting them to part with some.
Then there is regular laundry, dusting ,vacuuming...... oh, and 3-7 year old boys rarely pee in the toilet, ew.
I putter away most nights til 10pm, then I stop. I watch TV for an hour go to bed, read a bit and sleep like the dead and start all over. I get minimal help from hubby but he does do some. He also works 10 hours a day ,outside, in all weather, at hard labour, with a back injury.
I love my life. My choices work for me and us.
It is a messy often dirty existance.
Not sure what the answer is but the mess does get to me. The kids have been better at following thru on, “if you use it put it away.”

As far as weightloss goes, it does fall to the wayside. I have wondered if now is just not the time ot focus on it but then when would be a good time. I just have to do it. I need to put as much effort into myself as I do the kids, hubby and my volunteer work.
So, I suppose the last is my new goal for the new year!

WELCOME CARLA!!! HOPE YOU MAKE THIS YOUR NEW HOME! I WOULD LOVE TO KNOW A BIT ABOUT YOU AND YOUR LIFE. I LIVE VICARIOUSLY THROUGH OTHERS!

SHAD~ I AM SO SORRY FOR THE SOAPY HEAD!! BUT I COULDN'T LET YOU FLY OFF BEFORE I SAID A MERRY CHRISTMAS TO MY LITTLE SISTER!!! THE TRIP SOUNDED WONDERFUL WITH THE DS AND THE GF AND ALL THE RELATIVES AND FOOD! I LOVE STUFF LIKE THAT BUT ONCE A YEAR IS ENOUGH! LOL HOME!!! I WILL GIVE YOU RICHIE'S KIDS AND THEN YOU NCAN SEE IF YOU FEEL THE SAME WAY! ONLY KIDDING. I WILL REMEMBER NEVER TO GET THOSE WRAPS!

PAINTER~ I LOVE THE HAY HOUSE WEBSITE AND GO THERE TO LOOK AT THEIR STUFF. A FRIEND GAVER ME THE ADDIE A FEW YEARS AGO. MORE BOOKS!! LOVE IT!! GOOD LUCK AND ENJOY THE LATEST AND I BOOKMARKED THE SITE TO GET BETTER ACQUAINTED WITH IT. GLAD TO HEAR IT'S NOT ALL ALPHA SPROUTS!! I LOVE THE AVATAR!!! JANUARY ALWAYS MAKES ME FEEL RENEWED AND I AM HOPING FOR A RESTART THIS COMING WEEK.

HOLLY~ THE HOLIDAYS SOUNDED GREAT. MAYBE IN 2006 YOU SHOULD THINK LESS AND LIVE MORE!! I HAVE A FEELING I'VE SAID THIS BEFORE THOUGH!

CEEJAY~ WHAT...NO DISCOUNT?!?!? TOO BAD I DON'T HAVE THE PHONE # THEN I COULD HAVE BEEN #68!! HOPE YOUR NOSE IS BETTER ALSO. SEEMS LIKE WE WANTED TO BOTH KEEP PAINTER AND HER NOSE COMPANY! LOL HOPE YOUR BILLS AREN'T AS BIG AS THE CUSTOMERS!!! YIKES!!!

MEADOW~ I AM HOPING FOR LOTS OF PEAC THIS WEEK. BUT I WAS BAD TODAY ALREADY! I LOVED THE GLOBE. TOOK ME RIGHT BACK TO THE 60'S! LIFE WAS SO SIMPLE THEN TOO. HOW WERE YOUR HOLIDAYS AND LIFE IN GENERAL!?

MISS RUTH~ ALWAYS A PLEASURE. HOPE YOU AND THE GIRLS ARE WARM AND COZY THESE DAYS!! LURK ALL YOU WANT.

I STARTED MY LAUNDRY TODAY AND AM DETERMINED TO GET IT ALL DONE BY FRIDAY. I TOLD MEADOW I WAS BAD ALREADY AND NI MEANT WITH MY ATTITUDE!!! THERE WAS A LOT OF JUNK TO BE DEALT WITH TODAY FROM THE 3 DAY WEEKEND AND THE OFFICE ACTED LIKE I WAS ANNOYING THEM....WELL HOW DO THEY THINK I FELT OVER THE HOLIDAY DEALING WITH IT ALL!?!?!? SO I SAID AS MUCH AND STORMED OUT. TOLD THEM NOT TO KILL THE MESSENGER.
SO I FINISHED THE LOAD OF WASH AND CAME BACK HERE. GOING TO DO DEEP BREATHING TILL THE MOOD PASSES. TOOK A BAG OF GOODIES TO THE OTHER OFFICE AND LEFT IT THERE. GOD KNOWS I DON'T NEED IT. I AM NOT ONLY LOOKING FOR A WEEK'S WORTH OF GOOD EATING BUT A YEARS!!! <----I MAY NEED A WEE BIT OF HELP THOUGH! LOL
GUESS I BETTER GET GOING BEFORE I LOSE MY RESOLVE TO EAT AND DRINK HEALTHY AND EXERCISE. GOING TO DUST OFF MY LITTLE PEDAY THING AND GET TESE LEGS GOING AGAIN. HAPPY TUESDAY!

Carla--Welcome. This is a great group of ladies.

Shad-Glad to see you are back.--Thought about you this morning. The crew had to turn the main water line off to repair leak. It caught a lot of people in the shower getting ready for work.

Holly-We must be thinking a like. I was just about to abandon ship when I read your post. I will be doing things differently in 2006, but I'm going to try. I do have some things that need to be taken care of in 2006.

Mel--The sinuses are a lot better thanks to Claritin D.

Ruthxxx--It's good to see you again also.

Hello to Madcat, Linus, Lisa, Honey-dipped, Meadow, Tig and Teel.

We got our yearly work evaluations this morning. I was pleased cause I made an 88.9% which is at the top of the very good category which is just below excellent. I was told not to many employee's get excellent. That is one of my goals for next year's evaulation, excellence. T. gave me a little higher percentage in the maintenance part than last year also. We got a 3% cost of living but I also got a merit raise. He also told me that our utility bills will be higher until May. This is due to Katrina.

I want to finish some cleaning downstairs. Wish I had time to clean at home. sigh!!!!

PW. I went to the web sight. It sounds promising. Maybe I should try this.

Another stinker of a day again. I've been out and watered the pots early this morning. Pulled out a few weeds and tfhat was enough to get me breaking out in a sweat! I was going to early gym but I got immersed in sorting out some of the brothers trials and tribulations and now I will go later in the day. Have to ring the DB2 later today so thought I would come post here before the day goes to pot.

Painter - I see you have found a new avatar. Looks good. I may pluck up the courage to change mine in the new year.

Holly - good post. Get into those veges. Gotta do it right.

Ruth - keep snooping. We will just act as though you are here. Thanks for the Baileys in the coffee yesterday!!!!

Busy Mel, take it easy. The office would have to deal with it if you weren't there. Who would they have delegated to look after the building if they actually didn't have you? Or would all the services and seniors just go hang while they ignored the screeching for help? I didn't mind getting out of the shower knowing it was you.

Ceejay - way to go on that appraisal. You rock. I'm not sure what miracle you will have to pull out to get to excellent. They don't like giving those out because they might jeopardise their own job. You'll end up being the boss if you are not careful.

Right better go drop an email to DS1 thanking him for having me. And then I better unpack the bag and go check out the housework list. Too hot to garden now. Water is on the cards. Better make that a challenge as well I think. I'm definitely short on that.

First I promise a bio, and now I can't decide what to write. Hard to find the balance between TMI and enough info to introduce myself!

I'm 56, and semi-retired - which in my case means I don't accept as many contracts, particularly ones that don't appeal to me. Two and a half years ago my husband found a much younger, apparently less boring lover, and that was the end of our nine years together. It turns out I'm a bit slow sometimes, and I'm still having a tough time adjusting to the new reality. Looking for company and affection, I acquired two cats, Lily and Zen, who I think are defective as they are both downright unfriendly unless there's food in the offing... NOT lap cats, and I'm still sleeping alone. Also, after an initial stress-related weight loss, I drowned my sorrows in wine, chocolate, and sloth for about 2 years. With 3fc and a lot of hard work, I'm trying to reverse that mistake.
What else? I've been very lucky in the friend department, and have many people I can count on for support. Less lucky in the family department, my parents died long ago, my only brother died 2 years ago, and my main "family" is a very difficult stepmother I have a very conflicted relationship with.

I think that's about all I can manage for now. Please, Shad, do tell the others I'm not always this dull! It's just a case of Post-Holiday Stress Syndrome... Thank you all for the warm welcome.

She hasn't got the message under her name for nothing you know. I think she is feeling a little shy. And she is definitely not dull and boring except when she is promising to use the gazelle (work out thingy) but only uses it as a clothes horse!
She travels a lot for work contracts, I think she does transalations from French to English or is it the other way around or both. She's about 6 months younger than me and I wish I was semi retired!!!

Come to think of it I probably am since I usually only work about 9-10 months of the year.

Okay - that's about it. I'll let Carla ease herself in gently from there.

Just thought I'd add that I've started unfriendly-cat-owner self-therapy: reading Your Cat's Just Not That Into You, a Christmas gift, which is leading me to believe I'm not the first "owner" to be tricked by "affectionate" cats at the shelter.... I feel so used. The scales are falling from my eyes!

I may make this my new avatar for the new year, then again I really enjoy my fat cat pic... maybe I'll just get a canvas and paint this lady in red and hang it over my bed Speaks to me, you know

Oooooh, Meadow, I love that lady in red. Hotsy Totsy. Ample, but ON THE MOVE. That would work for me. Part of the reason my avatar is lying down is because that's how much energy I usually have!!

Hollyhock... soon I'll be drawing an avatar of how I WANT to look... inside and out. I can at least like the current one... but She. IS. FAT.

CeeJay: contrats on merit raise... that always is a plus!! Be sure your evaluator tells you what needs to be done to bump up your score... You know.. if doesn't get measured, it doesn't happen (or something like that).

Carla... I have a lot in common with you... although i am remarried very happily... and the people at the shelter recommend an odd looking cat WHO LOVES TO LIE ON MY LAP!! Maybe you can teach us how to lose weight in French... like those French Women who don't get fat....

Shad - you sound busy as always... hope it is temperate there. We set a record high for this date today (82) and had several grass fires... Strange that it is winter for us, but your climate is similar.

Best to all.

I HAVE A QUESTION:
ALMOST EVERYTIME I GO DOWNSTAIRS SOMEONE IN THE OFFICE FEELS COMPELLED TO COMMENT ON MY HAIR OR SKIN CONDITION. (ROSACEA) AM I JUST BEING TOO SENSITIVE? MY GRAM TOLD US IF WE HAVE NOTHING NICE TO SAY, THEN SAY NOTHING AT ALL.
I HAVE TRIED TO UNDERSTAND THESE WOMEN AS THE COMMENTS ARE COMING FROM THE "DOWNTRODDEN" BUT DAMN....IT'S REALLY BOTHERING ME. (SIGH)
LAST WEEK, ONE OF THE MEN HEARD A COMMENT AND SAID IN MY EAR "DON'T LISTEN MELODY SHE IS JEALOUS". WELL...JEALOUS OF WHAT? AN EFFING WHEELCHAIR! HE INSISTS THEY ART JEALOUS BECAUSE I AM HAPPY AND HE HAS SEEN THEM HAPPY ONCE I AM SAD.....GOD!

good morning ladies,

Went home last night and cleaned that nasty kitchen. I think one of the curtains fainted cause it had fallen. he he that is how bad it was. Also made lunch for the day while listening to a James Bond movie-Live and Let Die. The Spike channel has been having a marathon of his movies this week. It's kinda amazing that some of his gadgets have been developed for use. My favorite gadget is the jet that is tucked away in a horse carrier and when it runs out of fuel he lands it and pulls up to a gas station.
Decided to take a healthier approach to eating to 2006. My strategy will be to count only cholesterol and fat grams and limit the sugar intake. My problem now is eating to heavy a meal after 7 p.m. My weight goes up and down between 180 and 189. I'm going to try and add small salad's back into my menu. I f the bother my stomach I'll leave them alone.

Has any one seen LindaT? I haven't seen her in the journals since 12-23-05.

have a good day.

Me too! As usual, Hollyhock is dead on.

You chickies just rock!

And MEL, use my mother's line "Personal remarks are seldom in good taste!" and move on. They are jealous of your wonderful sense of self-worth.

I wish to heck it was Shad weather here instead of the freezing rain predicted for tomorrow. I am going to drib and drab away at niggles this morning and then hit the road for some minor shopping and major visiting this afternoon.

Happy Fourth Day of Christmas to all. Thos damned four calling birds are sure making a racket this morning!

Welcome Carla! Pull up a chair. Don’t worry much about the bio. We’ll find out stuff as we go along. In general, clean eating is pretty much what you would think it is. Water, no junk, getting fruits and veggies in, avoid processed foods, the usual. Pretty much define it for yourself.

Painter –I love the new avatar!! Is it yours? I’m going to take a look at the link too. Always looking for a new inspiration.

Shad – thanks for the warning about the wraps. “5 serves of veg per day and 2 of fruit sounds like a good start. Maybe I should make that my goal too.

Ruth – waves madly!!! Keep those South Beachers in Line. Just how unruly is that group that they need your constant supervision?

Holly – lovely insightful post. One of the great joys fo getting older is we can decide to decide for ourselves. – creating the goddess in out own image maybe? Your goals for your kids are perfect, and the best gift you can give them. But you are right – you need one more slice of the (metaphorical) pie for yourself.

Ceejay – congrats on the evaluation. It’s so nice that they appreciate yoru efforts. Good to have a goal too. You will achieve it, I am sure. Yay for the healthier approach in 2006.

Mel – No coffee?? We can suffer together. Hope it helps. And don’t listen to the unkind comments of others. The guy might be on to something. Some people are so soggy and waterlogged from swimming in their own sorrow that they feel the need to pull others in.

Meadow – I love that avatar! I think you should paint it.

Linus and Rosebush and Teel and morelli and anyone else I missed howdy and take care.

Glad to hear everyone survived the holiday onslaught. I’ve been busy… and naughty. Too much rich food – and it shows on the scale. Thank goodness this only happens once a year. Today the ‘fridge will be emptied of all the remaining temptations (and not into my mouth) and the post recovery will begin. Fruits and veggies today. I have dinner (birthday and Xmas exchange) planned with a friend – but I will NOT have a beer or wine. I’ll stick to water or soda water and have some sort of chicken dish… maybe a salad to start.

Enough is really a enough. I don’t want to be this weight any more. I don’t want to feel this lethargic. The goal for 2006 is to treat myself with the respect I would give to any one I loved. Get more sleep. Find more me time. Breathe!!! Do something I enjoy that isn’t work related. I’m thinking of writing a series of short stories about a cat detective… His name is Francesco (Frank) and he lives with an artist named Madelaine. Not sure where it will go but I am dreaming of the characters – so that is a good sign. The evil crime lord is a large white poodle named Mr. Pink. Think Sidney Greenstreet in Casablanca.

I better get back to work.

Just a quick post. Maybe. For some unearthly reason I decided to tackle the wallpaper in my bathroom. I've always hated it because it's so tacky. Not retro, tacky. Turns out it obviously was the first thing done to the bathroom including before the tub, sink, toilet, cabinets, anything was installed. No primer, nothing on the wallboard. I've been painstakingly working on taking off the wallpaper layer by layer. First the vinyl wallpaper, then the paper part, then the glue. My homemade emulsifier is magic, thank goodness. whew. I've almost got one wall done. Almost. Two days. Then I'll prime, spackle, sand. THEN paint.

I DID want to say one thing. Maybe only one.

I say a lot of things to people that say tacky things to me IN MY MIND. For example, over the weekend, we went to see all the relatives (and had a WONDERFUL TIME - HURRAY!!!). One of the more thoughtless ones looked at my plate and said Is THAT all your going to eat? and what I DIDN'T say out loud was as I looked at HER plate was Are you going to eat ALL THAT? It gave me the sweetest smile on my face. Of course Slim was holding his breath because he can't always be sure that I'll always just say it in my mind.

All I'm suggesting is that sometimes letting those petty little people get under our skin does no good at all for us. A wicked smile does wonders. Oops. I'm sure I meant to say a sweet smile. I'm SURE it was a sweet smile.

SMelly, at least you have COLOR on your face!! And at least you HAVE hair!!!