That is great fedup! You are doing awesome! Thanx for the props I know I am but I just feel like I ain't at the same time. Just getting depressed I guess.

How many cals are you doing?

I don't count to a tee, don't want to be too obsessive, but it goes something like this:

Breakfast about 200 calories, lunch between 200 & 300, dinner between 400 & 500, 2 snacks between 60 & 100, so that's anywhere from 1000 - 1200. And if I feel I need a little more I will. I was going a little higher, but I'm am so terrified of that dreaded plateau I figured while I'm still at a high weight and the weight therefore is easier to come off of me, why not see if I can do with less, and the truth is I am completely satisfied, not hungry at all. It's amazing how quickly we can retrain ourselves.

And don't be down on yourself. You are doing amazingly well. Look how far you've come. You have MUCH to be proud of!!!

Of course, the drawback is a plateau when you're only eating 1200 calories - not much wiggle room!

Please we all need to be kinder to ourselves and offer some grace. Would we be this critical of our best friend? A sister? A spouse? A daughter? A fellow 3FC'er? Heck a stranger? Why are we so mean-spirited and cruel when it comes to our bodies? Why do we look in a mirror and think what we think? What does this say about our sense of self-worth... and does it really have anything to do with our weight?

Enough is enough. Who here is willing to STOP the vicious cycles of self-hatred and embrace who we are, today, as an amazing, beautiful creation whose identy equates to far more than a number on the scale? It just brings tears to my eyes to know that an entire generation of American women hates themselves because of their weight... and even worse we are teaching our daughters to do the same.

I don't hate myself, not even close, I just think I look terrible because I am so overweight due to my not taking care of myself. I can separate the two issues. There are so many things in this great world that we have absolutely no control over, our weight for the most part is something we do have control over and I'm finally gonna starting TO take control. But I don't hate me. And this is not only about weight, there is the matter of good health.

Well do you think other women who are overweight look terrible? Or just you?

Ahhh, now you're getting onto a whole other issue. I absolutely see the beauty in my overweight friends. And in fact think they are indeed pretty and attractive, could they be more pretty and more attractive, yes, do I care- not even a little bit. My very dear friend has told me that I am beautiful and that she doesn't even notice my weight, but she doesn't have to live in my skin. But you're right, I mean I CERTAINLY see your point, we could be kinder to ourselves and more loving. But then again we are our own worse critics, which is why I do see such beauty in my overweight friends. You've definitely got a point and I guess I should try listening a little louder. Thanks.

Sigh... its so difficult isn't it? Just wishing everyone grace and peace of mind today and in the days to come... especially with the holidays and crazy families and hectic schedules and everything that comes with it.

SOjo:

I know you are right and at 235 I was at a point where I started feeling beautiful and cute again and all of that and it breaks my heart too that women look at these movie stars who weigh 100 pounds at 5'7 and start starving themselves and never think they are thin enough etc. Unfortunately it seems like I flip between two ways, not caring at all, and that got me to 280 pounds!! And thinking I am too fat and everyone else is tiny and cute and actually caring that I work on it. So given the two I would rather be in this frame of mind and I know this will get me to my goal. When i was about 160 I still had a lil pouch but I thought I looked great. I was never one to care about having the perfectly flat tummy anyways. Sometimes I get worried and think this obsession is going to take me too far in the other direction like anorexic what not but I know 100% it won't. My health is first and foremost my deepest concern way before vanity, both my parents are dead from obesity related issues and that is my biggest motivator. So I know I am never going to turn anorexic becuase my goal is health firstly.

I do think once everything evens out and I get to about 160 I will feel really good again and I am hoping to be able to get to the healthy weight of 135-140. It is a work in progress and it is not every day i feel so miserable about myself. Just some days. I am going to try to start doing a little bike riding, crunches and maybe some pilates. we'll see how it goes but thanx for all the concern hun!!

I'm returning to the party a little late here, but I agree with Sojourner. I would never say the things to my friends or to my daughter that I say to myself. I love my daughter's cute little tummy (she isn't overweight, just still a little baby fat) but there is no way I would ever love my own. I tell her everyday that she is the prettiest little girl in the whole wide world while I tell myself that life would be better if I weren't so fat and ugly. The self hate is what has to stop, because that is exactly what got me to where I was. I never thought that I was important enough to take care of, but if I don't do it, who will? Just never thought about it that way until now.

That is so so true for me, too. I didn't care about myself, and now I have a lot of ground to make up. I can be so prone to self-pity. I need someone to flick my head sometimes and tell me just to stop that!

I have those days. I think it has something to do with bloating.

Interesting topic!

Yes, I agree, we have to be kind to ourselves. I am definately taking joy in my journey this time. I also know that perspective can be a real bear!

As someone that has lost over a 100 pounds in the past, I can say that my perspective is VERY warped. Even after losing all that weight, I still couldn't "see" the difference. I don't think it would have mattered if I had been 100 pounds soaking wet. It wouldn't have been good enough. I had to realize that I had other issues to deal with besides the weight loss and that is where I am today.

I've been able to "see" the differences. Yes, it is never going to be perfection. I've been WAY overweight for to long. But I am certainly going to be the best I can possibly be and believe that I am right where I need to be today.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Some really great advice I was once given was to find a photo of myself as a child and carry it with me everywhere. Whenever I became self-critical, I was to take out the photo and instead talk to that little girl. Wow what a difference! I actually picked a photo of myself at age 13, when some traumatic things happened to me that caused a lot of damage to my sense of self worth and confidence. So it could be a photo of you as a child, or a photo from a time when you needed to be especially loved and protected. Its really a powerful tool. For anyone who has trouble looking at themselves in the mirror without negative thinking, you could tape the photo of yourself as a child to the mirror as a reminder to be kind, caring, and full of grace.

Happy Thanksgiving to all the Americans here... enjoy the day, family, friends, AND food.

Yeah, now that I've lost most all of my weight, I'm still not happy because I think I look old. My face is too thin.