im so frustrated with myself! i just cant seem to get back on track. *sigh* its too cold to ride my bike to school, and i cant get myself to go to the gym and my eating is HORRIBLE. who knows where my weigh in is gonna be tomorrow.

Well Ive done it .. I have finally hit 1500 with my dinner lol .. As Im really not hungry through the day I am having a USANA nutrition drink then .. that way I am still getting all the nutrients I need, its not too filling .. and the chocolate one is really yummy (esp when I added the half banana) ... then tonight I had a chicken breast (in my mini rotisserie .. boy was that a good investment), with lettuce, alfalfa sprouts, carrot peels (you know how you peel a carrot ... you keep peeling the carrot and have those strips lol . I call em peelings), and some gherkin slices. I also had a couple of slices of soft rye bread .. and washed it all down with a cup of grapefruit juice. I am now pleasantly full .. and I didnt finish my chook boob either .. the dogs were giving me those .. pleeeease mum .. Im a starving pitiful creature looks lol... so they got about a third of it lol.

Today was a nice and busy day ... I still havent got my exercise in .. so Im just gonna pop this post up then watch the end of SVU and get changed into my gear and get working ... my eyes are so sore today ... I sit here with them shut and ppl think Im asleep lol .. Im not tho .. Im wide awake .. just my eyes want to switch off lol.

VAL - Sounds like you had a wonderful time at the gym ... and I LOVE your mindset in regards to the jerks ... remember you aint doin it for them ... just to become even more fabulous than you already are Im sooo looking forward to getting my elliptical now lol .. gotta see how well behaved my one is .. is it going to be house trained or will I have to break the darn thing in?! Only another 2 weeks lol ..

ANNIE - Thankies hun .. Im not really that sweet ... I can be a right cow when I get bugged ... just ask my daughter and hunny lol .. but like I said to Ash yesterday (in one of our rare deep conversations) ... in life we only have a few real choices ... we can choose to be happy .. or sad .. see the world in black and white or a mulitude of shades of grey ... we can also choose to let others rule our emotions ... or take control of them and do what is best for ourselves by living a life rather than just surviving it.

When I turned 25 I saw an episode of Oprah not long after .. and it was a Dr John Grey seminar .. happened to be the first of 12 or something .. but it was like the world became soooo much brighter by the end of it as I had so many lightbulb moments ... I chose at that time to start taking a little more control over my journey rather than just travelling along with everyone else because I didnt want to be left behind and wasnt sure of where I wanted to go .. I STILL dont know what I want to be when I grow up ... but I know what I dont want any more ... and I think that is why this journey to health seems a lot less stressful now than it did the last few times I tried....... sooo ... maybe .. just maybe .. if I can help someone else find something positive in their day .. or make them smile just for a moment in a day when everything feels like its gone wrong ... maybe my journey to health can be a journey for spreading a little sunlight and silver lining for others too

Please dont think that because I post a lot of positive ones that I dont have off days .. or feel guilty because Im slacking off and dont feel 100% motivated lol .. oh boy do I ... but when I use past efforts I have made to lose weight as an example I really have to think when those stop points are and why ... and then come up with something to get my *** off the couch ... in all honesty ... all I want to do is curl up in bed and put a cold compress on my face to help my eyes ... BUT .. .I have already had a few days off my exercise and that isnt doing me any good ... so I will just have to boogie with my eyes shut .. at least that way I wont see anything jiggle rofl.

5 Positives for Wednesday...
1 - The day started with rain and ended with such clear blue sky it was brilliant
2 - My dad is up for a day
3 - I got my loan today so I have managed to clear 2 big bills, have another 2 biggies and my CC to clear tomorrow (and will be cutting up that card!) .. so my outgoings each week will be a little easier to control
4 - I finished the cross stitch Im doing for my mum!! I ended up staying up til 3am last night cos I just couldnt sleep being so darn close to finishing it rofl.
5 - My USANA vitamin range and products arrived today .... (has anyone else heard of it?) So Im all set to get my body workin like a well oiled machine

Off to boogie now ... Luan hun .. dont give up ... tomorrow is another day .. its another weigh in and hopefully it will be enough to get you back on track .. if not .. start venting .. ever since the jerk acted like a jerk you have been having issues hun .. dont let him ruin how well you have done already Huggies

LOL ... thankies very much for that Jilly .. I will never look at a paper towel the same way again! Okee .. Im gonna ignore my clothes now ... until my birthday .. by then I want something smaller to wear lol .. so I have another 6 months ... should be able to lose at least one size in that time

Okee .. I just did Richard ... and I even did the crunches part twice .. so instead of 5.5 min of them I did 11!! My abs are a little sore now lol .. but I wanted that extra 5 min to see if I could do it ... when I started doing the crunches I couldnt even finish the song! Now I have done the whole crunch song twice!! I would happy dance .. but Im getting sleepy now rofl .. so will update my siggie (YAYYY passed my goal!), go have my shower and get to bed .. Have a wonderful Wednesday everyone.

Love and Laughter!

thanks Annie.. the FFM is being kind as i have now lost two more pounds!

Good Morning Ladies.
Yesterday was good. I ran out of time during the day to take DD on our walk. I refused to end the day without exercise so I ended up "dancing with Richard" at 9 o'clock last night. I really didn't want to do it but I knew I would feel like crap if I didn't so I pushed through it & went to bed feeling much better about myself.

Valerie: I have a little experience with TOPS. My mom belonged to a chapter for probably 8-10 years. She was chapter leader for alot of that time. I use to go with her when I was young because it was easier for me to sit in the back & color or whatever instead of getting a babysitter. I joined when I was 12/13. I did lose a little bit. The idea of the meetings/weigh ins is a good idea but you have to find the right group of people. The individual people will make or break the group. My moms group was comprised of a bunch of very negative unhappy women who lost & gained the same weight over & over & over again. My mom was taken advantage of so much that she ended up quitting the organization. Just make sure you check out a few & get a feel for the overall vibe of the group before joining.
Congrats on throwing out the evil cookie mix.
Also congrats on trying out the new gym. If I had the money/time to join a gym I would definately go for a full gym instead of curves, you have more options available to you. And a pool is a big plus! Yeah, you might have to deal with "the look" for awhile but when they see how determined you are they might turn into cheerleaders for ya! Plus you get to look at buff guys while working out, a definately plus, lol.

Katt: I think the whole clothing size thing sucks. When I lost 46 pounds earlier this year I didn't change any sizes. I went from a tight 26 to a wearable 26. But when I gained back 33 pounds I went up to a tight 28. Go figure. Its annoying but hang in there. They smaller we get the quicker we will see a difference.

Michelle: No sun for 4 months. OMG! I would shoot myself, lol. How does anyone ever get out of bed? I would think depression rates would be high too. You can come stay with me, I have a pull out sofa bed, lol.
Congrats on the Chinese making you sick, lol. Might not of felt like a NSV at the time but it definately is! Your body prefers the healthy stuff!

Sandy: Sorry you got the wrong parts for your gazelle. Don't let that stop you from exercising some though!

Lillion: Thanks for that article. I always eat off small plates when I am watching what I eat. It makes me feel that my smaller healthy portion is bigger. My small portion looks tiny & lonely on our oversized dinner plates. Truth is, the small portion is plenty, just got to trick the mind into thinking that.

Annie: Sorry you are sleepy & weepy. Hope you are feeling better soon. I agree that I don't know how people get addicted to pain killers. I know alot of people that are and I don't get it. I hate taking medicine for pain. Anything stronger then tylenol makes me feel weird. I only took tylenol after my c-section & oral surgery, eventhough they gave me much stronger prescriptions.

Luan: Hang in there & just keep trying. Emotional stuff is hard to get over. Like someone else said, don't like him stop you from being victorious!

Jill: I have the same fitness goal, to get through a taebo workout. It looks like so much fun but I could only do it for 15-20 mins before I collapsed and even during that time I was motifying some of the moves because I couldn't get my fat to move like the people on the screen, lol.

TooFat: Congrats on losing two more pounds. You are on a roll. 60 pounds lost! That AMAZING. You go girl, lol.

thanks i feel really great after the shock of what i actually weighed wore off lol!

Hello My Dear Chickies!

I found that article really interesting. After reading it I realized that I've had similar experiences. I usually have cereal for breakfast and really, the one serving just doesn't seem like enough. So I usually measure out two servings. I was using quite a large bowl. At first I measured, then I decided I can see how much it is and guess. But over time I'd realize my servings were getting bigger. One day I tried measure it out into a smaller bowl and it fills the bowl up. So now I use the smaller bowl and I don't have the problem of my servings getting bigger and bigger. Same thing at snack days at work. Whether I use the small plate or the big plate, I tend to fill it up! This is definitely something I'm going to keep in mind.

Jilly! I LOVED your response to that article!

Luan: It can be very, VERY hard to get back on track! God knows I struggle with it daily… Just keep trying!

Valerie! You have had your first experience on an Infernal Machine! Was it everything you'd hoped it would be? It does get easier! (Not that I have that much experience with it lately. )

Nonamesleft: I agree with what you said to Valerie. I used to go to the Y and always liked that I got a workout + beefcakes to ogle.

Well all, WI is later this morning and while I know I lost a tad I am once again retaining fluids. I can tell in my wedding ring when that happens. Yesterday I weighed 239 with my tennies on and those ususally add about 3 lbs. This morning first thing, I weighed 239. Oh well, down in down, huh? I better go for now though, but I'll come back and post my "official" WI.

Lilion - Thanks for posting that article. I saw another one about that researcher in the NYTimes, but you have to subscribe to read so I didn't post it. He just came out with a new book that I have been thinking about checking out.


I have been doing much better. I am pretty excited because I booked our tickets for Thanksgiving - we are going to Nassau/Paradise Island, Bahamas because that is where my BF's uncle lives (we have been several times before). My goal for the trip is to walk the bridge between Paradise Island and Nassau. It is a high bridge and I think it is at least a mile long, so I will start doing some extra training in the gym to see if I can build up some strength and endurance for it. When I think of the difference between that goal and my feelings of travel 2 years ago, I am amazed. On every other trip I had this portion of dread because his parents would have us walk almost everywhere. I would bring tons of painkillers and try my best to keep up, but would have a hard time and would be constantly stressed about it. This year is so different – I am actually looking forward to testing myself and am setting myself a fitness goal for the vacation! I am also going to do my best to stay on plan and active as much as possible to get as far as I can before the trip. It will be cool to compare the bathing suit pictures from two years ago to this year. If I feel brave enough I will even post them!

I just have to say that mashed cauliflower rocks. How did I not know about this before now?

Lilion -- Great article. From a personal standpoint, I realize that I have done a number of things to reduce mindless eating -- writing EVERYTHING down helps. But I portion out all my food (meals AND snacks) and so it's very obvious what my servings are, regardless of my plate size. I do better when I have those portions too...

Second, the research that's discussed is very much the kind of research I like to think about, talk about in my classes -- heck, maybe I can even do research like that myself! I am a social psychologist, and this kind of thing is right up my alley!!!

Jilly -- I AM SO PROUD OF YOU!!!!!!!!! Not only for exercising, but for being able to see the benefits! You're rocking!!!!!!

Val -- WTG at the gym! Do YOUR thing and the rest will take care of itself! SOunds like you're getting a good workout!


I am finally finally starting to see a stronger connection between my exercise and mental health. Last night I went for my weight workout with my trainer. I did NOT want to go and was just exhausted from the day. But lo and behold, when I was done I felt ENERGIZED. REJUVENATED. It is times like this when I think maybe I -- ME! -- can learn to like exercise. Course, it helps to have an appointment with someone -- had it been up to me, I would have napped instead!

Well, "official" WI today is 238. Not as good as I hoped. Not as bad as I feared! I'll take it!

congratulations aloss is aloss right?! way to go!

Ammi -- Glad to hear you're feeling better and wonderful you and Sharon met up!!!

Good Afternoon!
My day has been one of triumph & defeat. It started out well. I was getting dressed this morning to take DD to her first pumpkin patch. I decided to try on the jeans that were my first personal mini goal. A month ago these were too tight to wear (or breathe in). Today they fit! They aren't loose by no means but they are wearable & I wore them to the pumkin patch. My goal had been to get in them by halloween. One down!
But then my husband decides to be a huge grouch today. First he made a negative comment about how I looked. And here I was thinking I looked nice in my newly fitting jeans. Then while we were out he wants Arby's for lunch (a previous favorite of mine). We wait in line and he orders and I say I don't want anything, that I would perfer my lunch at home. Thats huge for me! But then he gets an attitude and drives off because I didn't want food. Said he wanted to eat lunch with me. WTF?? We are going home, what difference does it make if I eat the massive amounts of fat, calories & chemicals in the fast food or my healthy lunch? I'd still be eating with him. Arg.... men can be such babies. I chalk it up to him not getting much sleep but I just wanted to smack him.
Anyway, as long as I can get in some exercise today (ran out of time again before I had to get on to work) then I will count the day as a success, even if DH was being a poop. And me & DD got 2 nice pumpkins!

Lillion: Way to Go on weigh in!! 90 lbs Ah Ah Ah. (My DD loves seasame street & says "Ah Ah Ah" everytime she sees the count come on. Its too cute.) You are getting close to blowing away that 100 lb mark!

Nancy: That is awesome that you have made fitness goals for your vacation. A total 180 from your last experience! Way to go! I am also jealous! I've been to Nassau and its so beautiful.
What do you put in your mashed Califlower? I made some a long time ago but put butter, cheese & cream in it. Can't do that now.

Wyllenn: Thats my long term goal... to want to exercise, to love it & crave it. Don't know that I will ever get to that level.