Thanks to everyone who replied to my post. I was offline for a few days and it was so good for my soul to come here and read what you've all had to say. Thank you for the support, the stories, the empathy and the words of wisdom.
Also, part of the reason I've been offline for a few is my doctor switched my meds. Yipee! Actually I switched doctors and the new doctor switched my meds. I got tired of my old doctor not believing that Zoloft wasn't working for me...they just kept changing the dosage instead of changing the medication. It was so disempowering to be under the care of a doctor like that. Weened off the Zoloft and then started Effexor. I was really kind of afraid to try Effexor because I read some posts on here that were negetive, but it's working wonders for me! I haven't even been on it a week and I already feel positive changes and haven't had any side effects.
Also I went to my first appt with a therapist. That was hard for me since I actually have a background in mental health work and haven't wanted to admit that I'm the one who needs therapy now. I spent my first session bawling...but it was the most theraputic cry I've had in ages.
My mother surprised me with a puppy this past weekend. At first I didn't know, a puppy and a toddler? But it's really been a blessing to have her. Wish the weather would warm up so we could break out the stroller and go for walks, just the 3 of us.
I fully intend to respond to some of you in specific who's posts especially touched me. It will just take me a while to catch up. Again, I've overwhelmed with the amount of support and empathy you've shown and very very grateful.

So glad to hear you're heading in a better direction. I was offline for a few days or would have replied sooner, myself.
I haven't been on the rollercoaster of meds that a lot of the women here have, but everyone I know seems to have been.
I, personally, am still recovering from a rough year while my hubby was in Iraq. On top of all the emotions of knowing he was in harm's way everyday, our marriage fell apart and we separated completely for several months. Last summer I took a leap of faith in out ability to repair things, and moved to Texas to be with him. I had an episode last fall while he was away at school that finally prompted me to seek help and ended up "doing time" in the psyche ward.
The thing that prompted me most to reply to your post was that you just got a puppy. I have to tell you that my Siberian Husky saved my life in my darkest moments. Prior to my daughter moving in last winter, it was just me and Max when my hubby was away. I was downright suicidal on more than one occasion, but I told myself that I wouldn't be found in time for Max to be cared for. It almost sounds like a silly reason, but it got me through and I am well into a more stable emotional place. I hope your puppy is the Angel for you that my Max has been for me, and you continue to get the help you need to get through this.
Keep us posted, and take care!
Erin

Erin-My puppy is always there for me, too. I have a 3 year old german shepherd named Sophie, and she is so great. Always loves me no matter what. And if she hears me crying, she comes to find me and climbs up in my lap-not an easy task for a german shepherd!

My husband is in Iraq right now. It's tough. Esp. since our marriage has been in a bad place for a long time. When he calls, he wants to hear how much I love him and miss him. I tell him what he wants to hear, because I feel so bad for him that he has to be there. But who knows what will happen when he gets home.

I have a siberian husky named dakota...

I'm so glad you got your meds changed and YES, its so defeating when a doctor won't listen to you. Some times doctors don't realize they are only practicing physicians and that the patient can be right lol.

Congratulations and you gotta post a picture of the puppy

Hugs!!

I'm sorry you aren't feeling well. I took Topamax at one point and felt great and lost about 25 pounds. Right now I am on Lamictal (more for a mood stabalizer) and am feeling great too. Sometimes it seems like things are at rock bottom and we're never going to get out, but we are all here for you and I know you can do since I have. If you need anything, I am here.

Thanks again everyone! Erin and Vixen I have an adult Siberian Husky as well as this new pup, they're wonderful. Unfortunately he's developed some mobility problems with his old age and isn't up to being my exercise partner anymore but he's still my faithful companion. My mom brought gave me the new puppy partially because she's afraid that when my husky passes away, (Which I know is in the not to distant future) I'll fall deeper into depression.
My new puppy is apparently called a "chiweenie." He's a chiuahua/weiner dog mix. He's a lot of fun.
Love to all of you with husbands in Iraq. The rest of us will never fully comprehend the sacrifices military families endure. Thank you.
I've been thinking about how I can volunteer to help other women in the world instead of bogging myself down in my own woes. I realize compared to millions of women in other countries my life is really pretty easy...and yet I've been totally consumed with my own depression and problems. Currently I do animal rescue work, (cats) and it is rewarding but also very "safe." In some ways it plays into my social anxiety disorder, dedicating so much time to the animals is a way to avoid dealing with people. While I will keep doing rescue work I'm going to find a way to help people directly.
I'm researching different diet plans right now. What have other women here had success with? Did that low carb stuff before and lost weight but gained it all plus more back. I've gained over 100lbs in the last 10 years following the birth of both my children. I'm so ashamed of that...I have let myself go. I need to lose it for my health and for my sanity and most of all for my kids. I want to be a healthy example and I want to BE HERE as they grow up. Would love to hear from anyone who's losing it successfully.
You are all a lifesaver and I am grateful for you. Thank you for opening your arms and including me in this community. "I was lost but now I'm found." I found this prayer for weight loss and thought I'd add it here:

Father God, I come to you in the precious name of Jesus that you will perform a miraculous healing in my life concerning my desire to lose weight. Thank you Lord that nothing is impossible with you and that you can help take away my desire to overeat and fill the voids within me that cause me to seek food as a substitute.
Lord, touch my mind right now, help me to see what causes me to overeat, give me a strong desire to want to take care of my body and see it as you do Lord. Help me to make the right food choices and touch my mind with creativity concerning food and what I eat. May I be restored to divine health again.

As I strive to do this Lord, please bless all within me - my cells, and my metabolism - that they will function properly so I can lose the weight. And let me take it one day at a time and not worry about anything else but the cares of the day that I woke up to.

Thank you Father for loving me enough to help me through this.

Amen.

Wow, it's a Siberian Husky board. I too have a Siberian (and an Alaskan Husky) and my dearly departed Teddy Bear was a Siberian. I have loads of pictures of them, but this is my favorite - a drawing I did over Christmas of Blizzard (white Alaskan) and Kodiak (Siberian).


I was thinking of going, back to the real topic of the thread, depression, but then thought of how my huskies helped me through some of my lowest times. About 12 years ago, I was looking to enter the work force and I was not getting any offers. I was very low and feeling very rejected. One day I just sank to the floor in tears and my beloved Teddy Bear crawled in my lap and literally hugged me. She was so giving and sweet, I realized how lucky I was to be loved unconditionally. Since then, my dogs are my lifeline to sanity. I love and adore my DH and children and grandbaby, but my dogs keep me stable. Funny, huh?

Well, back to work (in other words the ending to my job hunting woes turned out fine as I have a good career).
Marie

I volunteer some of my time by fundraising for and running race for the cure (susan g. komen foundation) (which it is perfectly acceptable to walk, jog,etc). So far this year i have raised over 3,000 dollars with an ultimate goal of 4,000. The best part is that it forces me to exercise because i don't want to be huffing and puffing and have my boss (who is about 20 yrs older than i am) finish before me again. If you go to the komen foundation website, you can look for races/groups in your area, if that is something you might want to get involved with.

This is a GREAT website. The support here is unbelievable! I too suffer from depression. I lost a brother, he was murdered and a sister who had lung cancer. I was very close to both of them and it takes YEARS to be able to come to grips with it. Hang in there, it has been 26 years since my brother died and 6 years since my sister died. Each year gets easier. I am on an antidepressant named cymbalta. I like it. I have used paxil, zoloft, and
wellbutrin, I think Cymbalta is the best yet for me. Depression and nerve issues cause me to eat out of control. I need to loose 100 pounds and I get so depressed thinking about it I just eat more. It seems like a vicious cycle. I just started on this site today and I am hoping to find support and encoragement to help me over come by feelings of being out of control with food.

ProudNan,
Thank you so much. Sometimes I feel like there's nobody out there who understands what it's like to lose someone to murder. It's not the same feeling as a loss to natural causes or accidents...I don't know how to explain it.
I too eat when I'm depressed then get depressed because I eat so much. It is a vicious cycle.
Hope to see more posts from you and welcome to the website. I'm new too.

eada,
Thanks I am going to look into that!

To loose someone to murder is an awful experience. You are right it is so much worse than a natural disaster. Unless someone has "been there" it's hard to imagine and even though my brother was murdered I know the loss you experienced was just as great and all circumstances are different. Just believe me when I tell you time is the greatest healer of all times. You will overcome it.

Like you said the depression makes me eat and the eating makes me depressed. I take some meds too that probably attribute to some of my weight gain, however, I can't blame 100 pounds on medicine! It is my lack of will power! I am going to work on that and I am looking forward to sharing our trials and tribulations with each other. Feel free to private email me anytime.

ProudNan, I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you found the site and can help huffnpuff with some insight. As you said, I just can't even imagine the pain you both must be feeling.

Just an FYI, the meds do affect some people nastily with weight gain. My bipolar meds made me gain about 25 pounds. Then just the antidepressants made losing weiight nearly impossible even though I was nearly angelic for 2 years. I stopped the meds, and weight started falling off. I DON'T recommend anyone stop their meds for the reason to lose weight, but I did it as an experiment and it was as I thought - the meds were making my body hang on every pound. All said, losing weight isn't worth the price of sanity and if I need meds, I'll definitely go back on them. I mention this so you don't beat yourself up thinking that you ate 100 pounds worth of weight. More than anything, it was probably a combination of both. Good luck with your weight loss.

I recently started a new diet. I got it from Women's World magazine. It is from the Rice Diet Clinic. I works so great for me, and I have been able to stick to it. It takes away my cravings, something I thought impossible, and is even taking away my chronic heartburn. I think everyone is different, and where low carb works great for some, i just couldn't tolerate it. On this diet you eat lots of whole grains, like brown rice, whole grain bread, beas, and potatoes, lots of fruit and veggies, and some protein. I don't know if the magazine is still available, but if anyone is interested, I can email the info to you.