Awwww, thanks so much Countess

I finally got all the research I'll need for my Psych paper...you know, the 10 page one that I haven't even STARTED YET! hehe...Got all the info about John Wayne Gacy (thankfully there's Crimelibrary...love that website!), and I also found an article, very in depth called, "What makes serial killers tick?"...they should both prove to be helpful. Hoping to read through my (literally) 80+ pages of research over Spring Break, and get a start on it, since it's due by the end of the semester, and we are halfway done as of today....

I'd LOVE to read your paper when you are done, Kayley!

I had a HORRIBLE day at work today! Ug! I just need to vent--warning, dont read any further if you dont want to hear my b*tching!

To put it plainly, I just need a new job. I hate customer service. HATE it. I didnt used to. But then again I didnt used to work at a utility company. People are a lot meaner when it comes to thier gas and electricity than they were at the phone company or the credit card place I worked at before. I'm serious--they are just crazy. You'll have people who would probably otherwise be pretty normal call and just be crazy w/anger and profanities and name calling and yelling--I'm serious! And this is an every day thing! We even have people threaten our techs sometimes! Someone threatened to kill one of our tech's mothers today if she shut off thier electricity! I had like 4 calls in a row where the person was just SCREAMING at me from start to finish. I had to hang up on one guy because he wouldnt stop! I dont think people realize how emotionally bad this job is for the people who work it. A lot of times I am really depressed at work and most days I get this nervous feeling in my stomach when I am driving to work. Sometimes I even sit at my desk and cry. Its not just one person screaming at me and calling me names and cursing me out--is several in one day, every day! These people dont realize that them screaming at me is only the tip of the iceburg of the customers and other things I've had to deal with today. And they dont care! Then I get to hear how we are horrible company and this is just another way for us to get money and we are raping the poor and on and on and on. I just want to say "DUDE--I SURE as heck aint the one gettin' rich off ya so LAY OFF!!" As many of you may have noticed, gas prices are extremely high this winter. So THAT adds to all of it, too! And of course the CEO doesnt have to hear about it, so why should he care? The customers yell at ME! It's like they think my supervisor comes to my desk and says "Amy, what should we set the gas prices at for this month?" and I say "Oh, about $1.15 a therm--that should buy me a nice vacation house in the Hamptons". WHAT?? Today I was just so done w/work. I felt lonely and alone and like a piece of sh*t, to be frank. Part of it is where I sit. They have me stashed away in a corner w/no neighbors or cube-mates. I just sit there with no one to talk to, trying not to stew over the last person to call me the b-word or tell me to go f- myself. But most times I do. Today my entire chest and stomach hurt for the last 2 hours of work. I am physically sick at work at lot of times.

But as I have no college education and was laid off my $20/hr job 2 1/2 years ago and still have the same bills to pay but making $5/hr less, I dont have much choice. There is no where else I can work and make this much. I have a lot of $ stashed away in 401k and most days I just want to quit and cash it out, pay off my car, and get a different job (my car payment is the only reason I need a job that pays this much). But my plan is to work there till January when my car is paid off and my 401k is 60% vested and quit work and go to school full time and use the cash-out for school and living expenses. That is quite frankly the only thing that keeps me working there.

Till then I guess I just have to grin and bear it.

Well I was planning on majoring in Journalism but then I decieded I hated the media so that didnt really jive. Now I am thinking of being a teacher. That's what I was doing when I first started going to college when I was 17 and now 9 years later it still seems like a pretty good idea! Hard to believe its been NINE years! Gosh!!

wyllenn--Well I'm 5'1" and the jeans I bought last weekend are a 24W. In those jeans, which are stretch jeans, I could wear a 22W, but I don't like my pants tight at all and I didn't try them on in the store so when I discovered how loose they are, I just decided to deal LOL. They are the same brand as the 26W's that are practically falling off of me, and they are both stretch jeans, but my 26's that aren't stretch jeans (same brand as the others just not stretch) fit okay, a little loose but I wouldn't want them any tighter personally. I washed all my jeans last night and dried them in the dryer, which I never do so they don't shrink. And that did help some.

I think it has a lot to do with how and where you carry your weight...me, I carry it EVERYWHERE!!

Stray question, where near Chicago are you? I have a good friend I go see who lives in Hobart.

Lilion--Thank you for the birthday wishes, and I think I am going to put more faith in my measurements than my weight with the problems I'm having with my scales LOL. I sort of suspect that might have something to do with my measurements telling me what I want to hear though...I'm not sure.
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My day was alright. Pretty much OP, although I did have low-carb pasta for dinner only one serving, but it's more carbs than I try to go for. It reall wasn't bad though. 9 carbs for the pasta and sauce. It's been a long week, I didn't think it was EVER going to be Friday.

I'm still waiting to talk to the area coordinator about TOPS. She was supposed to call me sometime this week, but I definately understand busy schedules, so I haven't really started worrying about not hearing from her yet. If I don't hear from her by Sunday I will email her back and remind her of my interest.

I haven't worked out today. I've been pretty wiped out today and then I had a lot of things to take care of when I got home, and now it's past my bedtime...I'm still waiting for my bellydance DVDs to get here. Hopefully I can get a WATP workout in tomorrow with the gazelle and I'll aim for some yoga too. I think I need the grounding of the Yoga about now. And I need to get back on my ball. Actually what I need to do is set down and make a schedule to rotate my workouts, and get the garage rearranged so I can get to the universal gym and punching bag. Between all this equipment I feel like I have my very own gym LOL.

Okay I am rambling again, that means it's bedtime.

I hope everyone has a good day tomorrow.

Kayley: I wrote a paper on serial killers in college for a course I was taking called "The Evolution of Modern Horror." It was a film studies class I was taking to fill my Comm requirement I think. It was a very interesting paper for me to write, especially since the year before, in 1990, our campus had been hit by a serial killer of our own and 5 people were murdered off campus right ebfore school began. When they finally caught the guy and it was about to go trial, they had the book of evidence photos for public viewing at the County Clerk's office and my best friend and I went to see them...we felt like we needed the closure since it had colored so much of our college careers...and we saw the pictures during our senior year. I wrote about how the media, especially film, helped to perpetuate the myth and the thrill of the serial killer alive. I think I got an A.

Honi...Happy Belated Birthday!

Countess: My family was always heavy and I was always an eater but I did not get really heavy until college. I was always active so I was very muscular and toned... between dancing 4 times a week and riding my bike everywhere... but I was heavier than all my size 6 friends. When I graduated HS I was 140 lbs and I thought I was a moose. I initially got fat as a defense mechanism following something traumatic...figuring that if I were unattractive it wouldn't happen twice. It's a hard habit to break.

I also went to the grocery store and the produce market today after not grocery shopping for a few weeks...$130 later I am now fully restocked and ready to go. It's amazing how cheap it can be to eat crap all the time and how much more expensive it is to eat well and eat healthy. Of course I know that it's worth it...but nonetheless...it's pricey.

I am marinating some salmon for tomorrow night in a sort of asian marinade I made...garlic and ginger, 1 tsp. of sesame oil, 2 tsp. of rice vinegar, some low sodium soy sauce and some Soy Vey teriyaki sauce. I'll either pop it in the oven or on the George Foreman tomorrow night..depending on how much I feel like cleaning. Pair that up with a nice salad, a baked butternut squash and some sort of fruit for dessert....yummmy!

The rain hsa begun here again and it's getting COLD. I am supposed to be in a dunk tank at a Carnival on Sunday but if the rain doesn't stop then there won't be a dunk tank. I still cannot believe that I volunteered. I am going to Target to get a Neoprene top so that I won't totally freeze. If I don't use it then I'll return it, no harm no foul.

G'nite ladies!

Amy - your plan is exactly what i did. i worked as a travel agent in a call center for disney, and it literally sucked my will to live. i totally understand your pain. my 401k wasnt even vested yet when i quit, but i didnt care. i cashed it out and "retired" at 25. ive worked a bit here and there. i freelance doing production jobs for film and television, and i just started makeup school. honestly. it was the BEST decision i have ever made. ever. i LOVE my life. im happy. im healthy. i have amazing friends. its awesome. i never knew i could be this happy. i know it sounds lame. it was HARD to leave tho, and i was only making 11.00 an hour, but i had a steady income and i got benefits, so it was hard to walk away from, but honestly. best. idea. ever.

i wouldnt change my life for anything right now.

good luck with your decision.

Nancy ~ I know exactly where that is. I hope you will have a good time.

Jilly ~ If electric is included, then your rent isn't too bad after all.

Kayley ~ It sounds like your friend's boyfriend has a lot of issues, and it sounds a little like he's trying to control her/keep her isolated, which is a very bad sign (that's what abusers do). Don't say anything bad about him to her though, because that'll just make it worse. But stay in touch in case she needs you too.

~~~

I'm going to try to go out for a walk in the beautiful weather today. I'm looking forward to it. I have springitis and can't wait to get out in the sun and breathe the nice, warm air (even though it is killing my allergies).

I hope everyone will have a good day!

Well last night I went to a banquet, for the National Wild Turkey Federation, Women in the Outdoors, $20 per plate, and $25 for your yearly subscription to Women in the Outdoors (WITO) by joinin at there banquet, that gives you what they call an early bird, which they give you $75 free of raffle tickets, I won two things, A Mallard duck figure, and a candle holder, I stayed OP had Green Beans and Salad,, and drank water,, even though there was a bar there, and I was surrounded by beer drinkers.. ... It was a fun night though. Alot of my friends were there, just chatted the entire night........

I passed my math test,,, not sure what with ,, just know I gotta thumbs up from the teacher,,,, shewwwwwwwwww.......

Take Care All

Amber - Measuring is VERY good, too...if the scale is being evil as usual, at least you have SOLID evidence that you are kickin' butt!

Julee - So many words...brain...hurting...ugh! I don't even wanna THINK about this paper right now, but the research is staring me in the face...I think I need to go put it away, before I drive myself crazy. I hear ya about how ridiculous it is to eat healthy. You can get a box of twinkies for $1.50, but you can't get ANYTHING healthy for that much! When I went to London, it was quite different. The junk food wasn't as readily available, and it was MORE expensive than the healthy stuff. It's no wonder obesity is such a problem here in the U.S...but will it change? Hardly. Hope it ends up being a nice day for the dunk tank!

Luan - So glad you are enjoying school. I wouldn't mind learning how to do awesome makeup, as I have NO skills whatsoever in that area! I thought about going to school to learn to cut hair, and maybe do makeup...and then I decided not to because of my fatness, I guess....I applaud you for following what you want to do.

Tasha - Yeah, I don't talk bad about him to her...because that just makes her defensive about him...all I've said is "that's messed up", a couple of times...but I'm going to see her when I go into work today, as she works the morning shift...so we'll see what happens.

Crock - Glad you were able to stay OP at the banquet! And congrats on that math test!!! You're on spring break now, too, right?

I just woke up, and I do NOT want to go to work. I know I need to go and work out, but I'm still so sleepy, it doesn't seem like a possibility at the moment. I need to wake up a bit more...

Amber -- Yeah, I feel like I'm fat all over too. I don't have one area that's hugely larger than others, except maybe my bust and maybe that won't be a bad thing when I'm smaller.

I braved the mall again last night -- I'm only now just starting to realize how I avoided it before. Makes sense as I couldn't fit into much of anything! I am definitely fitting into most 20s now, quite well actually, and squeezing into 18s. I haven't had to buy new clothes so far in this journey, as I had a lot in my closet, but that's coming to an end. I need to figure out what I need first!

So, despite feeling like a whale for being still so big, I am really pleased by the fact that I've gone from about a size 30 to a size 20!

I have only lived here for a few years, and don't even know where Hobart is! I'm in the western suburbs.

*YAWN* I was up till 2:30 last night making my brother's birthday card. Well, that and watching Scrubs on DVD I could've just bought him a card but I really enjoy cardmaking and now my family kinda expects homemade cards because I've done it for everyone else so I didnt want him to be disappointed. Besides, its nice to hear them "oooh" and "aw" over my creations

I started w/a premade blank card. I used inkpads to ink the front orange and silver and it says "Are you sleeping, are you sleeping, brother Don? Brother Don?" and the inside says "of course you are, that's what old people do!" Ha! He is going to be 40 so I'm sure he'll love that I hand stamped all the letters and used stickers and other embellishments for the first letter of all the words. I hope he likes it. My hands are all black from stamping

I really love card making and scrapbooking. I havent scrapbooked in a long time, though. I just havent really been into it lately. I've been too busy reading "The Stand" by Stephen King. Its almost 1200 pages long and has to go back to the library soon so I have to get it done!


On another note--do any of you ladies know a good place to buy plus-size bras? I wear a 46C and I've tried ordering from Roamans and Lane Bryant catalog but the cup sizes are always HUGE compared to other bras I have and they dont fit right and I end up returning them. I have bras from the Lane Bryant store that fit really well but they dont carry 46C on thier website. I could buy them at the store but they are really expensive anyway. Has anyone tried Fashion Bug's bras?