Nancy I kinda know how you feel, my fiance prefers how should I say it a "thick girl" that's the term he uses. Well I can be that, but right now I feel like a grossly fat girl. The last time I was skinny was high school when I was a cheerleader and to be honest with you I looked sick. I am 5'10 and am big boned. I actually like to have a little skin on me I think it looks good. At the same time I feel like he is contradicting his self, at one point he will say I love a thick girl (not fat) but with some meat on the bones but within a few minutes he is raving about how Kate Beckinsale on TV is sooo hot. Now if you all know who Kate is you all know that she is no where near "Thick". I think alot of men prefer a woman that is a little larger because it makes them feel comfortable with the relationship, i.e "she won't go out looking for someone else because she is uncomfortable with her body", maybe I'm wrong or not quite hitting the nail on the head but I think alot of men are insecure themselves. My problem is I have heard so much that my fiance is "attracted to thick girls" yet his ex wife is as skinny as a toothpick and the other girls he dated are thin along with the girls he find attractive on tv are all skin and bones. I know he loves me and is really affectionate and he was the one to approach me at work to begin with even when I was married to my last husband and we were going through a seperation. He chased me for years before I gave in and went out with him.We have now been together for 4 years. Although my situation is not exactly the same as yours I am confused at times by what he wants. I have finally come to the conclusion that if he loves me for me then he will support what I want to do with my body for health reasons or self esteem or whatever reason I choose. You have to do this for you, your health and your happiness. When he sees you happy I am sure he will be happy too whether you are a size 20 or a size 4. I am still confused as to what my fiance really likes but I know what I like and I would like to be healthy and happy, so that's what I am going to do. Good Luck!

gosh,, I would love to know where u find these men that like "big women" as I am alone.............

It's hard Ms Crockett, I actually landed a very attractive guy who likes thick girls. You know I have noticed more and more men being attracted to the girls with meat on their bones vesus the little skinny girl. I will never ever be skinny again so THANK GOD for these types of men!

KcLynn - You nailed it right! I think a lot of men are insecure with themselves. Andrew's taste was for shall we say, not "thick"...but pretty skinny with large...endowments! LOL! But he got to know me, and fell in love with me...he doesn't see a size with me. He knows where I'm coming from, as he lost 200 pounds, and is now "normal"...he's never once judged me. After all, HE asked ME out...and believe me, I was SHOCKED!

Crock - Well, I got mine at Walmart! LOL...we were both working there at the time.

Well, it's off to work I go. Hope you all have a great rest of your day. I'll be able to pop in tomorrow before class hopefully. Here's to a good weigh-in tomorrow! (Since I couldn't weigh in today, as Andrew was working...bleh). Later, chicks!

Yes I understand that, my fiance told me if I wanted to lose weight do what makes me happy and he'll help me but please don't lose the butt and boobs. LOL No pun intented. I am not exactly sure how you lose weight everywhere but those two areas but he'll have to take what I give hime right? Haha. Off to Walmart to get my diet essentials talk to you gals later!

Lynn2002: by thick do you mean curvacious? I ask because where I come from if you are thick it means that you are quite stupid ? I hardly think that is what you mean?

Julee -- I loved the Lexus/Yugo analogy on the last thread. I am probably going to steal that from you, if you don't mind! Great example!

Nancy -- Wow, that is a tough situation. Having a bit of a rebellious nature myself, I understand how the pressure makes you react. I guess my only piece of advice is to ask whether you two can REALLY TALK about this issue. Can you tell him how you feel -- and have him listen? I think that's a place to start. Other than that, probably time will determine what's the best answer for you... and that this may be affected by whether he can really hear what you say, and whether he can accept you at a lower weight. It may take several attempts to really be able to listen to each other on such a loaded issue for each of you (you probably knew that already) but hopefully you'll each be able to hear the other. GOOD LUCK!!!!

Hey, where is Ammi lately?

My how the threads here are slow today, is anybody around?

Hi all,

My BF and I had another talk this afternoon and things are a bit better. He actually saw me writing my post and wanted to know what I said. I offered to have him read it, but he chose not to (although he knows about this site and where I post so he can come look if he wants).

One of the main things that came out of our conversation was that he felt somewhat shut out from my life recently because of my focus and the fact I wasn’t really sharing it with him. I wasn’t sharing things because it seemed to upset him (based on several times when I bought things like sugar free pudding or fat free salad dressing which bothered him). He would like to be a part of my journey to health, not brought along kicking and screaming, which I can totally understand. I need to be more supportive of him and help include him in what I am doing. Although I did ask if he wanted to do my workout tape with me today and he declined on that one.

Sharon – Sand absolutely kills me too. However, now I am looking forward to my next sand vacation to help gauge how far I have come in my fitness.

Kayley – I definitely know what you mean - I can’t be a certain way just because someone else wants me to that ends up making me miserable. Hopefully he and I will be able to come to some middle ground that will work for both of us.

KC Lynn – My BF looks at women on television and says “wow, she’d be really beautiful if she gained 20 pounds.” I have never been skinny, so I don’t know what it is like. I also can’t really remember what weight I was at different times in order to form a comparison.

Welcome to the forum by the way. Hopefully the depression doesn’t get you too down. Hope you got what you needed at Wal-mart.

MsCrockett – I first discovered the BBW/FA world about 5 years ago when I saw a news program that profiled Dimensions magazine (no longer in print, but they have a web message board). Being someone who was overweight all my life and constantly told that no one would find me attractive, I was dumbfounded to find this community of people that thought I had the attributes of beauty. I didn’t really get into the whole scene, but I did meet my BF through it.

Wyllen – what we definitely need it to keep the communication open and not be scared to say the difficult things. Thanks.

I’ve been wondering about Ammi too – hope she’s OK.

Zelma – Your walk today sounds fantastic. Your NSV of being able to fit into a “One Size Fits All” is great too! I will never wear a wrap around skirt again, due to a very embarrassing moment of having one fall off in the middle of a shopping mall.

Brenda – Way to go on the 5 pounds down and making the good choices at the restaurant. Eating out can be so tough.

Michelle – Welcome back! I wish I could recommend my scale but I am starting to hate it. It is a digital Tanita thing that says a different weight every time I get on it (even a few seconds apart). If the floor is not completely level it gets a false reading.

Julee – thanks for the car analogy – that is great!

Well ladies, I should try to get some cleaning in today. Hope everyone is having a good weekend. We are quite snowed in today and I enjoyed not being able to go anywhere.

Nancy -- sounds like your most recent talk was exactly what should happen... you understand a little bit more of why he kinda lashed out at your plans, and maybe he heard a little more about what YOU need to do for YOU. The thing is -- I think those getting this kind of reaction need to think about WHO are you doing this for. Compare it to something else --- what would you do to make someone else happy if it meant making you unhappy or unhealthy? If you know it's dangerous to take drugs, for example, and you have no interest in doing it....would you just because someone else wants you to? Probably not. This isn't really different. We are on this journey for a variety of reasons, and while it affects those closest to us (and even causes their own journey of sorts) it's still our journey. I'm so glad you had that talk with him.

I missed a lot having not been here in a couple of days and not yet reading through what I missed, so sorry if I'm getting all philosophical and psychological after being away

This has been a weekend of no real direction ... between birthdays and wedding showers, I feel like I've been eating too much of the "out of norm" things that I don't know how to count. Thank goodness the person who put on the shower did all Mediterranean things like hummas and pita, grilled chicken skewers etc--at least it wasn't all sweets. (I even managed to resist the baklava... although I would have LOVED to dive in!) But I'm feeling a high need to get back on some kind of routine and predicatable track. Even my water consumption is way done. ACK.... neeeeeeed to get back to it!

Hope you all have a great week coming up.....
(anyone into the Olympics? I'm sooooo sad for Michelle Kwan)

Nancy -- I often find that when I don't talk things out with my husband that I end up making lots of assumptions wbout his motivations. Though I sometimes think we talk things to death, usually I find that it helps keep me from misinterpretting his feelings. Good for you two for having the hard conversation (and they will keep coming!). You know, it's very possible that while he's a FA, his love for you will allow you to be the healthy person you want to be. Look at the flip side -- there are probably many men and women who are attracted to a certain ideal body type (for them), but end up finding love and realizing that the love is more important than the body type...

2losinIt -- I'm a big Michelle Kwan fan from way back and am sad for her too. I thought Michelle deserved to win years back and always figured that somehow the cards weren't in it for her to win...Though it sounds like she put the brakes on soon enough to bring Emily Hughes out... who knows.

Hi all! I am finally over my wanting to eat everything in site-PMS mode...thankfully it balances out since I barely have an appetite during TOM week. I almost had to go the hospital today because my feeding tube clogged off yesterday afternoon- thankfully I was able to get it unclogged...I so didn't' want to have to go in on a Sunday when they have to call in the on-call interventional radiologist to put a new one it. I tried my Nordic Track skier for a couple minutes again today- it was a little easy, though I can definitely feel it in my legs that I'm using muscles that I forgot I even had

I still need to go out and so my major grocery shopping for the month at SuperWalMart & Meijer- didn't make it yesterday because of the problems with my feeding tube. Since our new Meijer opened- they had to built a super store to compete with the WalMart next door- the deli always marks down all the meat they sliced just before they close to either $1.99 or less per pound, so I've gotten use to shopping in the late evening so I can stock up. I love when I can get a couple pounds of smoked turkey breast for what I would usually pay for one pound. I separate it out into individual servings and then use my FoodSaver to vacuum seal it for the freezer- its great for quick & healthy meals. I've also gotten hooked on buying the roasted chickens- they mark them down to $2.25 each...I hardly cook regular chicken anymore-lol


Does anyone use Fitday to track their food and stuff? I used their on-line version a few years ago- and surprisingly enough I still remembered my screen name & password. I like the on-line version, but I've also been looking at their computer version thats $20 and I'd like to know if anyone has tried it? I like the thought of all the additional things it lets you track and everything being all in one place- beside the charts & graphs just look so dang impressive. I just don't waste my money if it really doesn't let you do much more then the on-line version, especially since I have a high speed internet connection.




Garnet- I lost a lot of weight when I struggling for so long just to get 800 calories per day in- I would guess it was around 50-60 pounds over a few months. It all started with a simple flu bug, so at first I didn't think much of it. And since I had been diet and & exercising as much as could (had 3 major knee surgeries in the prior year) before all this started and even after for the first couple months when I didn't realize yet. I didn't even complain much to my doctors at first- I thought I was re-catching the flu bug or just not fully getting over it or something. I was down to just over 200 pounds at the lowest (highest weight back then had been 280-290ish). At my lowest point I was wearing size large & XL shirts & size 18 pants and somehow I ended up gaining all the weight back- and then some, as I sit here in 3XL & 24/26s It didn't help that for the first time in my entire adult life, doctors were happy at first when I gained weight when I went on the feeding tube...guess I took the encouragement a little too far I was so weak and lost so much muscle mass from spending a couple months in bed that I had no energy...of course the fact my sleep disorders hadn't been diagnosed yet didn't help either. My weight finally stabilized when I got treatment for the sleep disorders about 2 1/2 years ago- unfortunately they can't fully treat them so I still don't get enough restorative sleep even now so I can't be as active as I would like to be. I still rely on the feeding tube that bypasses my stomach for part of my nutrition- I can't get enough in consistently on my own. Since the incident with the swelling when I went off the Singulair (allergy med), it looks like I'm probably allergic to the tube feeding formula I've been on for most of 4 years- it would explain some other things too. I see my GI doc in a couple weeks, so in the mean time I think I'm going to experiment with some of the Slimfast-like diet drinks to see if I do better with different ingredients...I figure if I can at least show him I do better with certain types that it will be easier to figure out what type of formula to switch me to.




Julee- I still like how WW points systems is set up- I was a member several years ago and it was the first time I really learned what a normal amount of food was for a day and how to budget my calories for the day. Too many diets tell you exactly what to eat and never teach you to think on your own, which is what we need to maintain a weight loss once we reach our goal weights. I played around with modifying WW to meet my needs now with my health problems for a couple months, but I think I need to watch things a little more carefully with FitDay at this point. If it wasn't for that, I would be back on WW in a heart beat.


Zelma- those 'one size fit all' things make me laugh too...they have tended to change it to 'one size fits most'- guess that's suppose to make us feel better or something You'll have have to post some pictures of yourself in those fancy new sarongs- I can't wait until I can wear stuff like that again.


Brenda- isn't it weird when you start notice things are changing like that? I really need to step up my exercising because I lost so much muscle tone from being sick for some many years that I'm starting to get sagging in places I never have before.


Michelle- Could you have your husband try out your scales to see if he things they are accurate? Do you have a doctor yet that you go in and ask to be weighed to compare with?- most of the time the nurse will do it without an appointment. IF all else fails, you could see if any stores have scales you can try out when no one is looking Also, I just looked at your weight tracker and noticed you're at 330- that is the top weight for a lot of scales- are your scales the old analog type or are they digital? My digital ones give a big ol' EEE if you're over 330, but my old analog ones just went to 330- which can be deceptive...just a thought...


Wyllenn- there are a lot of different formula for figuring out how many calories you need per day. You have to somewhat experiment to figure out what works best, but too many people think if I lose 1# a week eating 1500 calories per day, then I'll lost 2# if I go down to 1000 calories. That is one reason I like WW points programs- they slowly adjust downward as you lose weight. The daily range drops about 50-100 calories for every 25 pounds you lose. Under the old Winning Points (they modify the program every couple years to keep it 'new & improved', but the basics are still the same), someone who weighs 300-324 would have been eating approximately 1650-1900 calories- it may be a little higher if you had eaten a lot of higher fiber foods, lower if you ate a lot of higher fat foods. Someone who weighs 325-349 would be around 1700-2050 calories; 275-299 would be around 1600-1850; some who's less then 150 would around 1050-1300 per day. Of course they allow you to earn more points/calories for exercise, so if you're more active you have more calories per day too. And once you get to your goal weight and maintain it for a few weeks, they recommend adding points/calories back in until you reach a point were you start actually gaining- not just the normal fluctuations we all have- and then back off a little to maintain on as high a level as you can.


kayle- We should compare stories some day- I worked in a geriatric psychiatric facility in college & part way through grad school. We got all the people from the state psych facilities and patients that got kicked out of nursing homes, so you can just imagine what we had to deal with-lol. Some of them were so sweet & nice, but others...well, lets just say I was glad to get out of there when the state decided we couldn't do physical interventions when someone went off the deep end anymore.


Crockett- Your granny sounds like my dad when he rode in the ambulance to the hospital after his stroke (he was 75 at the time & had been left home alone with him since my mom worked nights at the nursing home). I breathed a sigh of relief when he started asking the EMTs all the specs on the ambulance- what type of engine it had, who made it, did it have 4 wheel drive, etc. You just can't help but laugh at that point.


Catherine- I'm glad you've found a good doctor...and that you're getting your dh on the right path with his eating & all. My mom use to shock people when they found out she had me at age 45- that was bad enough for most male doctors, until they found out my dad was 58 when I was born...more then one almost fell off his stool


Sharon- I'm with you being glad TOM finally started too...I hate all those food cravings I get the week before hand and I have to admit I didn't do the best this time at eating healthy It sounds like you need to get another ball for your kids so you can have yours to work out on.


KC- be careful going to low fat- they have learned a lot in the last few years about us needing a certain amount of healthy fat. If you're eating around 1800 calories per day, 20 grams fat is only about 10%. I think they recommend staying above 15-20% now- even WW has added that you need a certain amount of healthy fats since since there are a lot of vitamins that are fat soluble that our body can't absorb on too low % of fat.


Nancy- It sounds like you're in a tough situation. I agree he should love you no matter what you weigh. I hate to say it, but he sounds like some of those guys who think their wives should weigh exactly what they did on their wedding day, and not a pound more, even after having several kids and are 20 years older. It sounds like you really want to make this relationship work and that you've both been trying to deal with the issue, but you may need to see a relationship therapist to help you sort things out. I agree that you can't compromise who you are or your health just to make him happy- otherwise you will never be happy with who you are.


Anyone see Ammi lately? Its seems strange for her to miss this many threads.

Christine - Thank you for answering my questions.

About the FA - I think everyone gave good advise. Ive never been with an FA, I wonder what it is like.

Kayley - you keep going girl! Happy to hear that Andrew has a lot more sense than the men I have known in my lifetime.

I am still off on my calories. Partly because of my exercising. I did another good day at the gym today which makes it look like I did not eat enough. But I dont want to get in the habit of eating more because what if I stop exercising for some reason? Then I have to get used to smaller servings all over again. It is a conundrum. But I appreciate all the information and advice! I am sure I will find a happy medium soon.

Take care everyone! Hey do y'all know if the Biggest Loser is on this week or is it off for the olympics? I just hate sports!

Well I had my weigh-in. I gained a pound...but I was actually expecting to gain more than that, and that still puts me at my V-day goal, so I'm not letting it upset me. I have spent the day working on a website and I am beat and tired of sitting on this ball at the computer *lol* so I am heading to the shower and bed...Night all

I hope everyone has a wonderful day tomorrow!!!!!

Hiya ladies! Just thought I'd check in before heading to bed. Back to another exciting week of work.. ugh.

Catherine, so glad to see you back! I wondered where you'd gotten off to. I'm sure with hubby starting to lose weight, and the weight loss you've gone through and will continue to go through, you'll teach the doc a thing or two How's married life treating you?

Christine, I use the PC version of fitday. I love it. You can keep track of so many different aspects that it's worth the $20. I log in all my exercise, my measurements, my weight, emotional eating is easy to log, etc. It's definitely one of my favorite tools.

Julee, thanks for that analogy! Will definitely have to remember it.

I wanted to say more, but I'm honestly drawing a blank here. Must be time for bed. 'Night ladies!