Oh shoot, p.s., yes, I mean to say, I do intend to get therapy. I've been in therapy before and I thought everything was all solved but all these years later, this new situation has brought it back up again. Like a repressed gorge...

Hello Mel,
I am literally sitting here at work reading your post and I am crying...I want nothing more then to reach through the computer and completly ***** out your FIL smack your husbend and move you back to the East Coast. Unfortunetly I cant do that- but YOU can. Many people on here have given you amazing advice so I am going to keep this short. It sounds like your husband is terrified of his father, perhaps this might not be the first time he has harrassed one of his girlfriends...friends ect. I suspect he is embarresed....and in denial- anger unfortunetly masks fear...it would be easier for him if it was in fact YOUR fault- so yes he is a immature jerk who cant stand up to his dad. DO I think you should leave him? Right now I do....but before you do You MUST stand up to his father no matter what- and then tell your husbend exactly how you feel....then get the **** out of there- all this negativity is not good for YOU or for your unborn child.....
as far as the molestation goes- I am also a survivor of both rape and incest....I have seen many therapists..been in and out of hospitals...but it was not until I came to grips with Who I was and WHO i WANTED to be...did I finally let the pain go...its not easy Mel- but I know in my heart you can do this....I am always here for you and I know the rest of the girls are as well

love

chelsea

Chelsea,,funny you said about reaching over and smacking the FIL..I had thought of a fly swatter,,,and just randomly swatting him,,,and when he would ask why,,,throw his saying back in his face *cause you asked for it. But thats just me being nasty. Zero tolerance for sexual harrassment.

exactly! yet I was thinking more like a book or something.... or perhaps a nice swift kick in @#$&!!!!

Aw girls, I love you.

I am so sorry and saddened to hear about other women who went through sexual abuse. I hate that the world has to be this way. I hate it.

Did you girls see The Color Purple? Do you remember the scene very near the beginning when Nettie is finally forced off the property by her father (stepfather) b/c she won't have sex with him, and while he's pushing her with a stick she just throws out her hands and sobs, "Why? WHY?"

That's how I feel right now. WHY?

My DH did actually call his mother (it's his stepfather who is FIL) to tell her what happened...I know he thought he was helping...and it was the right thing to do. Unfortunately MIL and FIL are completely psycho and very mutually self-protective...get what they told my DH..."Oh, I didn't say *I* was the baby's father. I said *Earl* was."

EARL IS MY DH'S 95-YEAR-OLD GRAND, YES, GRANDFATHER.

Oh that makes it ALL better.

OH GOD GET ME OUT OF HERE. (Well, actually I'm getting me out of here--but I'll get to that in a minute.)

That's how FIL "saved" himself! Oh no, he wasn't saying HE f*cked me. He was saying DH'S GRANDFATHER f*cked me. Well what a relief. And get that, MIL WAS RELIEVED TO HEAR THIS. Relieved.

WHAT?????????

So...I was like, "No, anyway, he DID say him. Not Earl." And DH apparently told them that my sister-in-law (SIL) said she heard exactly what I heard...and they called SIL!!! She could hear FIL on the other side of the phone. MIL demanded to know what SIL heard. Could you just die??? I could have. I mean what the....???? So SIL said bravely, "He said, 'We're pretty sure it's not mine.'" (Meaning FIL's.) Which is exactly what I said too. Funny how we heard exactly the same thing, isn't it? So MIL STILL won't believe it! "Well, of course I believe my husband," she said.

I hit the roof. I informed DH that this is it. I will not be over there again. I will not be alone with either of them again. Not for anything. First of all, does it matter WHICH family member FIL decided to tell the world I f*cked???? What the heck??????????/ Is it not SICK SICK SICK either way???? Second of all...no way will these freaks get me into a corner again. MIL wanted to come over tomorrow to pick up my DS for a while. I told DH she is NOT coming over. She WILL bring FIL and they'll corner me and I will not have it.

So, I am calling a temp agency tomorrow. I am asking whether they think any companies would hire a pregnant woman on a temporary basis. I don't know if companies would be weird about that. I am then going to interview daycares all next week, and the following week DH is off for vacation from work and I will take on as many interviews as I can possibly line up through the agency. Please say a prayer that they will want me!

I am sickened that DH still questions me repeatedly. You girls know exaclty what I'm talking about here: "You say your uncle/father/brother/whomever is doing what? Well. Let's go confront him then. Both of us. Oh, see how he's laughing. Oh surely in that case you must be mistaken. Are you CERTAIN of what he said? Because you're going to get A LOT of people upset with this. Why do you want to cause trouble? Why did YOU have to start this.......?" Well yup, that's about what's happening now.

My babies won't be subjected to this crap! DH is crying about how he wants his mother to have a relatonship with Colin. I said, "Fine, she can come see Colin, WHILE YOU'RE HERE. ONLY while you're here. I won't be alone with her. I won't be alone with FIL. Period. You want him to see her? That's fine--then you go out of YOUR way to make sure that happens. I will not. If she comes tomorrow (that was the original plan) I won't be home. She will have to turn around and go home. Oh well. If she waits for me, she will not get in the front door. She can pound for ten hours if that's what she wants to do; I'll just call the police. But I WILL NEVER AGAIN be at these people's mercy. This is beyond sick and if I had known any of this I would never have moved here. Not in a million years."

And you know what's interesting--since after all this IS a compulsive eating board... Since I opened my mouth about this, I haven't had a single binge. Not one single binge.

Oh, btw, a couple of people have addressed my username. I know it's terrible. I'm trying throug the admins to get it changed to MyThreeTots.

im glad that you are taking control of your life!! and im super glad that coming here and venting has helped you not binge eat!!! thats already an awesome step. honestly, you need to tell your husband, straight up, that if he cant believe you and not question you, then he can go f*ck himself, with his parents. they have all shown to be very lowly people in my book. why WOULD you upset the family unless its true. i mean come on. people can be so one sided and ******ed sometimes. im super excited for you to be looking for alternative work. you will be fine. in my completely un-professional opinion, i think it would still benefit you to go through counseling. of SOME kind. i did a program with PSI seminars (http://www.psiseminars.com/) and the experiance was INVALUABLE!!! its about 400.00 for 4 days, but its seriously 10 years worth of therapy. its amazing what you learn about yourself and what you are capable of in the world. once you are able to hold yourself to a higher standard, you will be able to hold those around you to a higher standard, and thats the beginning of holding the world to a higher standard. look it over. if you have questions you can contact me.

*hugs*
heres to a beginning of a new life and a new you!

just a sidenote - they cant descriminate against you if you are pregnant. infact, i wouldnt bring it up, unless you go in and they ask you about it. even in temp positions.

Hi

I haven't read all this thread, i am in tears! (through my life experiences i just cannot read it all!)

Do not think it is below you to walk out and cause a RIOT in the family! do it! you are better than keeping all the family happy and playing at happy families.
PLEASE! my mother liked to play happy families, when her only girl was molested, beaten and verbally abused daily for 12 YEARS! she didn't want to know about it!

I was molested for YEARS! (4 years to 16 years) it became a fact of life that the males in my family thought i was their little toy! and MY MOTHER thought it was childhood games, and told me to get OVER IT! She was scared to bust the family to pieces with rumours, i should have just left, gone out and lived on the street, then go through that ****, It nearly destroyed me! i am still fighting back through the pain and I am 30!

TO **** with these people! do not bring yourself down , to allow them to treat you like this, YOUR DH should be the first to stand up and yell and scream about it!
It doesn't matter how old your FIL is, or how senile, he is NOT allowed to do this........................................

You are not ugly, or stupid, or worthless, you need to find people around you to tell you how much of a wonderful person you are! you have another life in your hands now! he/she does not need to be anywhere near this, or to have a mother that is constantly upset, or hurt, or hating herself.

If i could go back to my worst time, and give myself some advise, it would be this
" take a breath, stand up in front of these people, and tell them to "f**k OFF" tell them "NO ONE IS EVER, EVER GOING TO F**K AROUND WITH ME, MY BODY, MY HEAD EVER EVER AGAIN!!!!!!!!!"

that may sound crude, but i was too withdrawn, and did not have the will or knowledge to stand up for myself, I thought they were allowed to treat me like that! If only i could of stood up, and said enough!

Do not be scared to cause family problems! they know what is going on, and stop them sweeping it under the carpet! let it out! if it destroys them, well they deserve no better!

No job is worth that!

So many woman (and men) are abused, and it is soooo wrong....
please don't let it go on
email me, or pm me, if you need someone to talk to
sonja

Just popping in to say that Unholy_Cow had changed her name to MyThreeTots. Name changes can be a positive step.

Mel I am happy you are sticking up for yourself keep up the good work..baby steps!

chels

Mel-
You didn't deserve it when you were younger, and you DON'T deserve it now. These people are monsters. Monsters who have a disgusting ability to target people who have been hurt before, and then hurt them AGAIN. You couldn't pick your mother, but your husband needs to know that you have a choice about HIM. If he won't stand up and protect you and support you, you CAN leave. YOU are a wonderful person, and you deserve a life free from all this bullsh*t. All the best, and don't let them back you down.
YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEFEND YOURSELF AND YOU HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEFEND YOUR CHILDREN.

I just read this thread, and I have to say wow Mel, I'm so proud of you! You're following your heart and your head and not putting up with all the messed up things they're trying to make you believe. This is totally different but it reminds me of the first wives club movie how you are standing up for yourself and your kids.

Hi,
I popped in to read the updates because I had posted in this thread earlier and was hoping that things were going better.

First of, good for you for sticking up for yourself.

Second, I know money is tight. But you might also consider looking into self-defense and/or martial arts classes. Just KNOWING that you can wipe the floor with that cretin will be pretty empowering, in addition to all the health benefits you'll get from the exercise.

Keep looking out for yourself and your precious baby. We're all rooting for you and wishing you the best.

Sara