Thank you Kitty and Liz for your responses. Kitty - I will definitely speak to the counselor next week and ask her how 'it' all works.

Liz - I am so sorry that you have lost a son, and I am glad that therapy helped you to deal with the loss. My sister's son committed suicide when he was 21, she has never gotten over it and I have often wondered if counseling would help her.

Take care both and thank you again,

Hugs,

Ammi

Hi Ammi (and everyone else )

I just wanted to check in and see how you're doing, Ammi. I was away for the weekend, but was hoping things were going well for you with the counseling. (And no, unfortunately I have no plans to visit Wales again soon, which is a bummer).

Carla49 -- I don't think I've ever heard of Pilsley...you said it was a small town, so I don't feel so bad not knowing where it is! Do you know what part of Derbyshire it's in or what town it's near? I lived in Buxton, which is pretty close to the Staffordshire border and kind of on the "Manchester/Cheshire side" of Derbyshire. Do you live in Moose Jaw, or somewhere warmer ?

Hiya Lovebassets, great to hear from you again. Where did you go for the weekend, somewhere nice I hope. I am doing ok, although I had a bit of a kick in the teeth from my daughter today. She is at her dads and made an online quiz which she sent to me and all her friends. One of the questions she wrote was what does she and her half brother and sister (on her dad's side) have in common. Her answer, that they all don't get on with their mums! I thought Beth and I had a good relationship, yeah I know she hates that I remarried and have a step daughter now, but I didn't think she thought we don't get on. I will have to talk to her about it when she comes home. I have so much to deal with in my life right now, and now I have the worry that my daughter hates me. What's a girl to do

Hope you, and everybody else is having a better weekend,

Hugs,

Ammi

Ouch, Ammi, that IS a kick in the teeth! How old is she? Let me guess...somewhere between 9 and 14 ? I used to teach 7th grade (12 - 13 year olds) and it sounds like something they would do. I'm not a parent, but I would say just try to keep it in perspective -- she was with her friends and if she's adolescent or pre-adolescent, (from my experience, anyway) complaining to each other about their parents is just kinda "something they do." That probably doesn't help you much... Like I said, I'm not a parent, so I don't have any actual experience, just second-hand knowledge from my former students.

Anyway, now that I've babbled a bit too much...I thought this was a good place to admit that I fell COMPLETELY off plan yesterday. And Saturday, too . I was a baaaaaad girl for the first time in months and I thought if I admitted it here (among friends) I'd feel less guilty about it. I was with a bunch of friends I haven't seen in YEARS -- and tomorrow's my birthday -- so...well...cake, candy, and donuts were involved....BUT I'm back on plan now and eating carrots as I type this, so I think I'll be okay.

Sorry...the thread is now VERY off-topic.

- Kate

Hi Kate,

You guessed correctly, Beth is 14. Thank you for your perspective, it did help actually. You just reminded me that I often moaned about my mum and I loved her to bits. So I may still have the chat with Beth, but I won't take anything too much to heart.

Good for you for letting us know you fell off plan. You know, I don't reckon it should be called that. This is supposed to be a lifestyle change isn't it. Well I don't intend to spend the rest of my life never having a day where I eat what I want. It was an early birthday celebration for you, so I am glad you ate well and enjoyed yourself. Happy birthday for tomorrow, and thanks again for your reply. It did help a lot.

Hugs,

Ammi

Sherry I am so very very sorry about your son. I don't know how I would deal with losing a child of mine that way. I am glad the therapist has been helping you. I have only seen my therapist once, and when she looked at the clock a few times it just hit me that this woman doesn't really care, she is being paid for her time. I would feel the same way if I was in your shoes now, I would be reminded that I was just another paying customer. I am sorry you are going to have to deal with a new therapist, but I hope you will find her even better than the one that has just left.

Hugs,

Ammi

Sherry, it's really tough starting with a new therapist. Mine told me she was planning to retire a few months into therapy, and it sent me totally off the deep end. Somehow it felt like another enormous betrayal. I was lucky because she decided to keep seeing those patients who needed her until they were ready to go, but I do understand the feeling of abandonment.

After 6 or 7 months with the same person, you've established a routine, you've gotten past your inhibitions and let an awful lot of stuff out, and most importantly, you've built up trust. I hope you'll give the new one a chance, and if it doesn't click, move on before wasting too much time. But you may find this one is actually better than the last, once you get over the disappointment and the fear of change. (My poor doctor kept seeing me for almost two years before I felt ready to let go - more than she had bargained for, but at least it was less frequent towards the end.)

The loss of your son to violence must be unbelievably hard to recover from, and the last thing you need is another disruption. There will be another good therapist out there for you. Hang in there!

Such stong incredible women here..........very humbling. You are an awesome bunch of strong women!

Hugs to you all! Liz

Ditto's Liz

Well I am off to see the therapist for the second session. Not looking forward to it, but it has to be done. Will let you know how it all goes this time around.

Hugs,

Ammi

Hi Ammi

Thinking of you today as you see your therapist right about now! I'm so pleased you're giving it another try!! Please do let us know how it went.

- Kate

Just to throw in my 2 cents - when I was a teenager I would say things about my mom that I didn't mean. I feel bad about it when I think about it now. But when you are a teenager it's almost uncool to act like you get along well with your parents. Maybe she was just trying to sound cool? Maybe she had just had an argument with you earlier that day and was mad when she answered the question? I would talk to her but try not to take it too personally.

I had a counsellor and I ended up thinking she had a mental problem worse than mine! She started calling me at home - once she called me and said that she couldn't tell me where she got the information but "something big was about to happen" and I should immediately drop whatever I was doing and pick up my (then) baby and leave! I told her that without more information I wasn't going to just jump up and take my child and leave. She started yelling at me that it was very important, that she couldn't tell me her source, but that really "something big is about to go down" and you have to get out. I said "I'm not." She said, "Yes you are!" I told her that if any problem came up I would call the police. She hung up and I never heard from her again. Guess what happend??!! Nothing!

So recently I ordered the Lucinda Bassett tapes and that has worked well for me.

I felt like my counsellor was trying to make me paranoid. I was in need of counselling and in a vulnerable state of mind at that time. I thank God that I didn't listen to her! Just be careful and make sure your counsellor is worth his/her salt and don't let anyone make your problems bigger than they really are! (I know some problems are already big) Just please use discretion!