Hi Ladies,

I've been missing for a couple weeks. I'm having a melt down as far as desire and control go. I've been doing the "I'll get my act back together tomorrow" thing, but it isn't working. I wish I could put a handle on what got me off track. i was fine on vacation but I got home and weight loss/maintainance has gone to h**l.

I'll try to get back and I need to get back to journaling ASAP.

Good Morning Ladies and Gentleman!

It's hump day! Only two more to go to the weekend!!! I must admit to being awful glad, although I have soooo much to do at work. I've just been advised that I've been scheduled to do hearings regarding the new Medicaid law during my vacation! Spent $600 on the tent alone for this event and now I don't get to go! Well, actually, I probably will get to go for about 1/2 the time, but darn! At least two vehicals means that we don't have to haul a trailer too...and it could be worse.

Welcome to Tina, Jessica and Amy Blue! This is a wonderful site. You'll love the ladies here! Everyone gives great support. Not just in weight loss, but in anything you may need support over!

Congrats of the losses Sunshine and Dogpal and Tina WOW! 130 lbs, even due to illness, is still 130 lbs. Most important thing is you've kept going instead of gaining it back like many would! You go Girl!

Doxiemom: Don't you worry about that slip...get right back OP and you'll be fine! I understand how kids can drive you to drink...or eat! My own DS is JUST LIKE ME and I don't like it one bit!!! He's 10 and I swear sometimes I think he's been possessed by a hormonal teenage girl! He's never been an easy kid. He's very moody and usually the mood is bad. What I would give to have him be one of those sunny, good-tempered children that actually knows how to smile and laugh! He argues, he pouts, he stomps, he cries. ( = my kid!) And that's KNOWING he'll get in trouble for it! Sometimes he just makes me tired - and I have a husband to help! Problem is, DH and he are often like fire and water and I get as tired of DH's lectures as I do of DS's arguing and whining! Heck, I don't even want to listen to the lecturing - does he really think a 10 year old boy will??? I know he get's his temper from me but I'm really ready for this kid to get a clue! (Deep breath-Rant over!)

Tashabella: Good for you for doing what you need to get support! It does make things easier sometimes.

My scale today said 289.5! Of course, that was in the morning, after going to the bathroom but before I ate or drank anything and it was on my home scale, not the Dr. scale where I do my "official" weight on Friday, after breakfast but before lunch. So I know that it's likely, really more than that. Still...I haven't seen 280 anything for a LONG, LONG time! Heck, was just a few weeks ago the scale said ERR! It's a really nice feeling and gives me motivation for today!

My Wednesday Wish would be to not have to take so many pills. Right now I take two BP pills in the AM and one at night to control my pressure. I'm constantly forgetting the morning dose...which is the most important one. I got to work today wondering if I took it or not - I may run home at noon to check and take them late if I didn't. I'm sooo hoping that losing this weight will take care of that. I know I'll still be on med's...too much heart disease and HBP in the family to avoid it...but fewer would sure be nice!

Well, I know I missed folks, but I need to go! Good Work those staying OP! Those struggling...Hold On!!! You can do it!!! Any newbies I missed - Welcome! Any oldies - Good to see you again!

Have a happy, healthy OP day!

I'm back again, just to say that it looks like I'm not going to go to Food Addicts Anonymous. Apparently, they follow a no sugar, no flour, no wheat plan. I can't do that. (And we thought I was being restrictive before!)

I have done those plans (I'm totally familiar with them) and that's how I got here -- because I can't stay on them all my life -- it does not work for me.

I thought I'd share that in case there is anyone who didn't know it.

I can't go to OA because my former sponsor is deeply involved in the program -- she is a 25-year member and is in every aspect of the organization in my state. I'd have to drive to another state for the possibility of finding someone who doesn't know her (notice I said possibility). I don't want that. She was a total jerk to me.

Oh well. I'll keep looking. There's an answer somewhere.

HELLO EVERYONE!
Thought I'de stop in to see how everyone is doing! as a whole I think we're doing great! I know that some times the going gets a little rough, but thats when you dig you heels in and hang on! and if you do fall you just get right back up and start over again! and after a while it gets a little easier all most like sec. nature
TO ALL THE NEWCOMERS; WELCOME you are going to love it here1
Well guys its so many of us now! AND THATS A VERY GOOD THING! because theres safety in numbers!!!
So those of us with the great losses; Way to go guys! and to us thats haveing a little bit of a hard time, " this to shall pass"
Audrey

Hi! I'm new here. Is this were I post to join?
I started to WW in Jan.,2005. My beginning weight was 310.5 and after losing 18 lbs. I stopped going for about 6 weeks and I've regained 5 lbs....so here I am. Ready to do something different! Looking for support.....need support and hope I can offer encouragement to others.
Mertz

Thought I would take a quick minute and check in. Checking in daily keeps me grounded! Working on big brief to be filed in the Court of Appeals today and it has been nose to the grindstone. Atty in meeting right now, so nothing for me to do until he gets out and signs it (I have seriously warned him against making ANY changes!!!). I got right back OP today, and even with the stress of work, have managed just fine. Don't know what the problem was last night - but it's history and I've moved on today. BIG THANKS to everyone for the encouraging words. I hope you ladies realize how much you really do help.

Finally put my foot down with the son's mouth, and after I turned away the fourth kid that came to the door to see if he could play last night, he finally realized I'm serious. Basically, he is a really good kid. He has just recently morphed into a moody, sullen, smart-mouthed adolescent and he has to be reminded that it will never be okay for him to talk to me like I am some vile alien creature and not his mother! I wonder if there isn't some camp you can send them to from the ages of 13 to, oh say, 19...

Lilion - From my message above, I can soooo relate to the wonderful woes of young boys! Sorry about your vacation too - we really do need our down time away from work. Most important, many, many congrats to you for your "80's" - you GO GIRL!!!

AmyBlue and Mertz - Welcome to the group. I know you'll love it.

Tashabella - Keep going forward. You'll find something that fits for you. I'm sure you've tried WW, I think everyone has. It does work for me. Anything I can do, just holler!

Hello and take care to everyone else I missed. (Really do have to get back to work!)

HI,
I blew it last night I do good all day and then just eat at night so bad I know.
This is another day I will try my best not to eat at night or a healthy snack.
>>>Oh I so understand people sabotaging your eating.I try to ignore it but it is hard sometimes I know.
jillybean720>>> You can do it packing yes is way better that way you know what you have eaten I know if I had a restauart to eat at I blow it. Good luck and you have a great additude about it.
Okay well I have to run. But Ill post later take Care and thanks for all the welcomes.
Hugs

Hello everyone!! Welcome all newbie!! Oh man I am a big ol sweaty ball!! lol I just did about 20-30 minutes of Sweatin to the oldies!! I man i am hot!! I also walked 30 minutes with the kids this morning and rode 4 miles on my stationary bike!! I will also walk again tonight!! Wow I am wore out!! But dang it I am losing this weight!! I hope everyone is having a good day!!

hi everyone. Hope everyone is doing well. I am doing good, just need to have more love for myself! I am so hard on myself, constantly critisizing and demeaning myself. Is anyone else like this? or am i just weird, lol!
Sunshine: I love the sweatin to the oldies videos! They are so fun and inspiring. I have the first 3, and i just ordered 2 more from ebay. Seeing the cast members at the end, when they tell how much wt they lost, is a real motivator for me.
Welcome to anyone new here i havent already welcomed.

Tasha: My boyfriend's mom and a few other people I have recently met do CEA-HOW...which is basically Compulsive Eater's Anonymous. Their program is super restrictive...just what you said, no sugar, no flour, no grains, nada. And of course the whole aspect of having a sponsor, having to answer to someone else for your food, and having someone else develop a plan for you. On top of that there is also all of the "homework." I know that it works for some people, but this one woman I met who is doing it...yes she has lost 109 lbs in 9 months, but she also said she was SCARED to try and eat any type of grains or anything. I also can't stand weighing things...and you have to weigh everything you eat and there is no room for snacking.

There is a program out there for everyone. I'm personally really happy with WW right now...I'm doing the Core program, and it's so much easier than when I did WW 10 years ago. Even the Points plan is easier to do. I'm sorry that you are feeling like your options are limited right now. Hopefully you will find something that will help you get centered and focused on what you want to accomplish!

I think I had a good OP day....PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE let the scale agree. I've been a very good girl.

Tashabella-You could try calling the nutrition department of local hospital. A lot of hospitals have support groups for people trying to eat right because of heart attacks, etc. I did OA about 15 years ago, and my problem with it was my group was all anorexics. I went to open AA meetings for a long time. You'd be surprised how much in common we have with alcoholics. Just substitute OP for sobriety. When introducing yourself, just say you are an addict. I went to a woman's only group, and most of them were struggling with either weight or smoking.

Dixiemom-I have raised 3 teenage boys, one nephew and 2 foster sons. I had very clean toilets during those years. You'd be surprised how quickly handing them a toilet brush will zip their lips. I followed one of them around school for an entire day. It was an "if I can't trust you to act right when I'm not around, then I will follow you everywhere you go" kind of day. That solved a lot of problems. The principal had no trouble with me doing it, and said he wished more moms would give it a try. I also found just staring at them unnerved them, I'm usually quite loud. It never hurts a teenager to think their mom is just a tad "unwell," and might go postal.

Futurediva-I don't think anyone can be as hard on themselves as I have been during my life. I am a recovering self-hater. It is a perfectionism trait. I never measured up to what my mom expected, so I never measured up to what I expected of myself. I don't think it is a coincidence that I was able to get control over it right after I broke off communication with my mother. I thought that would be hard, but it has been surprisingly easy.

Dogpal-Thanks for your kind words. I have a hard time thinking about myself that way. Isn't it great when you get those 10 pound weight losses? I had a bunch of them in the beginning. I was probably eating over 6000 calories at one time, so going down to 1200 let me lose over a pound a day without exercising at all. Just don't get disappointed when it levels out some. It is real easy to get used to big losses.

I'm going to take it easy tonight. My water aerobics instructor worked my butt off today, literally. I've got to take my suit up in the butt again. Droopy Drawers is not a nick-name that I am willing to put with for very long.

Jill - I was very ill - heart problems a few years ago that left my heart weak and I went into Kidney failure. But they were able to get 60 pounds of fluid off of me in abou 1 1/2 weeks and the rest I did myself. I just didn't eat very much. I had no appetite. And then "suddenly" (LOL!) I was getting better the weight was just falling off and I got my appetite back! well the weight is no longer just falling off! I love to eat to much! And I felt so deprived from no appetite for so long that I was just lineing up my next meal! So excited - couldn't wait for what to eat next!
But I am getting it under control again. I gained back 30-40 pounds. Actually the total that I had lost was 160 pounds and since last october I have gained a few back!
Thanks for asking!
I am glad I have lost what I have - no matter how it came off - because of it - I am ALIVE!
~Tina~

HippieVanLady!!! You are an inspiration!!!
What diet are you following? What foods do you eat - if you don't mind me asking.
You have done a fantastic job!
~Tina~

YAY!!! Another 4.8 lbs down...I feel lots better and back in control. sadly our WW leader was out tonight and we had a sub...eh...lots of people were so rude and just walked out while she was talking..and they were on their cell phones. I felt bad for her. I wonder if a lot of people knew that she was going to be out...lots of regulars were missing.

Have a great night...almost Happy Thursday...off to watch AI...thanks for not putting the results on here before I watched the show!

I was reading something on the Internet yesterday that struck a chord with me. It went like this "There is no such thing as perfect eating. When the pursuit of perfection becomes the focus of life, we lose the ability to be productive, loving, and involved in the world around us."

That's me. I don't think my battle is with the weight, it's with doing it perfectly. (See, Futurediva, you're not alone.) That's why I can't achieve it. (I'm not perfect, never going to be perfect. I need to learn to be happy with what I am and work on the things I can change.)

Catherine, I have been to nutritionists before. It's not the food -- I know what to eat to be healthy (I went to cardiac health classes with my mom after her heart surgery even). It's me. I have, however, scheduled an appointment with my new doctor (never met him) to discuss all of this stuff and get to know him to ask for his help. I can only hope that he will be supportive and not a jerk.

As far as I can tell, when my binge/diet obsession problem started it was caused by a doctor. Several years ago I went to a doctor I hadn't seen in a number of years and he said to me "Good God, what happened to you?!!! You're huge!!!" The last time he had seen me, about five years prior, I had lost 80 pounds on Slim Fast and only weighed about 225. When I went back, I was at 300. He told me, and I quote "I want you to go on Sugar Busters (diet) and if you don't lose 30 pounds in the next month, then don't come back!"

He didn't know I had almost weighed 300 pounds before he ever met me or that I had done the Slim Fast and then gained all the weight back and then some. He didn't even ask. I was so stunned by what he said to me, I didn't even try to offer an explanation. He just demanded that I lose 30 pounds.

Well, I did Sugar Busters faithfully for a whole month and had an appointment to return after the month was up. However, I had only lost 16 pounds. So, I didn't go back. He said 30 or don't come back. I didn't. That's when I started one diet right after another and that has caused me to gain another 20+ pounds.

If this new doctor is a jerk, I won't go back to him either. I have had doctors tell me how "fat" I am for years, but never have offered me any kind of support or assistance. I had one doctor three years ago schedule me for that stomach surgery without my permission -- I hadn't even discussed it with him. I have no faith in the medical profession and I'm hoping this new guy doesn't turn me totally against doctors.

I have been to WW, TOPS, OA, etc. I can't afford to go to WW meetings and I can't do it without the support so that's out (I bought the at-home kit and did it for a year and didn't get anywhere). I went to TOPS and they tried to put so much responsibility on me that I had to quit to get away from it. The others weren't for me either.

Ultimately, the problem is me.

For today, though, I'm just going to choose to eat healthy and do things that are good for me. It's time to take the pressure off!