Good news today--The podiatrist dismissed me, but I can go back if the heel spurs start bothering me again.

Jennelle--Don't go to hard on your son.

This is day 4 of abstinence. Beginning to feel in control.

Hey, everyone!
Just in for a quickie. DH and I just got home from grocery shopping and a "necessary" trip to IKEA (in other words, it wasn't a fun, buy-everything in sight shop). I have a shipload of stuff to put away... just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about all of you.

Miss Chris, so glad your review went well!
Had a major screw-up today, thank you for asking.
xoxo ellis

Don't worry, CeeJay...He gets a lot less that I would have gotten if I'd brought home a report card like his.

Of course, he's lost all his computer and game priveleges. He had to give up his TV and his PlayStation 2 and all his games and DVDs. He will get them back when he brings his grades up.

He still gets to go play D&D with his friends Ian and Sarah this weekend. His dad wanted to say no, but I intervened on Sarah's behalf. Sarah's parents are in the middle of a divorce, she's had to move twice this year and go to two different schools (she's a junior in high school), and now she lives out in the middle of nowhere and has no friends. I don't think it's fair to wreck Sarah's plans just because Bobby's being a putz.

He keeps his job. This was his warning. If he brings home anything lower than a C from here on out, he loses his job, too.

I've been eating cleaner this week and my body is getting back to being at work. I'm zonked!

Went to a wonderful f2f meeting today on the fourth step. The leader shared some of his writings from his 4th step - quite powerful. I have recently begun mine. It's going to be a long process.

I'm a big time obsessor. Over little things, over big things. My mind loves to latch onto stuff and think about it. This program has been so wonderful in that now I let go of my obsessions - give them over to my HP. It is so freeing. I have to say it is my favorite thing. I was so sick of hearing my head. Now I like hearing my head.

Sandi - the meditation was calming. It was VERY helpful to me that it was guided. My mind hardly ever shuts up - so when I caught myself "thinking" I would turn it into imagery. My spirituality is nature-based, so I did a lot of nature imagery (this imagery sort of went with what the man was saying during the guided meditation). Meditation does not come easy to me but it's definitely something I want to keep up and hopefully do daily at some point (step 11).

Chris - I love Lifelines. I bring my copies to work and read a story or two during free moments. It's a great tool.

What tools do you all use? The tools I use the most are writing in my journal at night, emailing my sponsor my food for the day and other thoughts, going to online and f2f meetings, and mini-meditations during the day (plus I consider coming here a tool, too, and talking to you great folks! ).

A big hello to everyone - I am wiped, got to go to bed. I hope everyone has an abstinent and wonderful Friday!

No, I hadn't fallen off the face of the earth! I couldn't log in because I forgot my password and I couldn't get any help to reset it before just now. I know the ladies were busy fixing the website; what a mess for them!

Jennelle -- Sorry about your son! I hope things get better soon.

Miss Chris -- Glad your job review went well. Sending some extra prayers for those internal munchies.

Ellis -- A slip on the beach? Pick yourself up, girl. You can do it!

Patton -- I'm glad you came back! I've been thinking about you.

Sandi -- Did you make it to your counselor? Enjoy unloading all your stuff! I bet it's a huge relief.

CeeJay -- Congrats on your 4 days! Keep up the good work!

Kat -- Thanks for sharing the meditations. I enjoy reading them and your committment to your abstinence is amazing and inspiring!



Well, ladies. I have to confess that the disease voice has been talking a lot and, unfortunately, I have listened to every cruel and untrue thing she has said. I'm trying to start over from a relapse... a three day bender, to be exact. I'm heartsick at what I've put myself through. Something about the combination of getting back to work, not being able to come here, being overtired, another tragic situation with one of the students at our school (5th grader with leukemia), etc. have thrown me for a loop I wasn't expecting. I almost didn't come back here because the disease told me that you all wouldn't understand or would be repulsed by what I had done. It also made me wish I had a different ED so that at least my weight wouldn't go up if I gave in to it. (Please don't flame me...I know that is a wrong thought.)

I feel lost. I keep thinking it's just too hard to get back on track and get back that wonderful feeling I had last week. I need a sponsor. A real live sponsor. Can I get an email sponsor if I join an online group? What literature do I need to get hold of in order to work through the steps, as you girls talk are talking about? Please tell me so I can get it!

We have a snow day today so I'll be able to check back in a few times. I've missed y'all a bunch!

Feeling sad and vulnerable,
Christy

Christy, I'm sick with a bad cough (and it's SO cold here... I'm keeping the kids home today. The windchill right now is -39C, which means frostbite can occur within minutes!), but I just wanted to give you a hug and let you know I'll be saying prayers for you. I'm in the exact same situation as you... I've been screwing up for the last 3 days or so, and I'm too cold and tired and fed up to do anything about it.
Come on girl... let's give it all we've got and really make an effort... we can do this!

Hugs to everyone... take care... I'm going back to bed.

Morning Everyone!

Christy- BIG OL'HUG GIRL!I am so glad you were here when I logged on this morning. I prayed yesterday that you would come back to us. I have been worried. So to ease my little mind I think I will PM each of you with my real e-mail address and phone number.

Since Christy asked and Kat brought it up and I have lost so much (I hope to start putting info back up on this board today and through the weekend).

Kat I know you have a god on-line board if you would post the URL it would be much appreciated.

http://recovery.hiwaay.net/meetings/ is where I have gone before, they also have a post board to ask questions like how to find an on-line sponsor. Jenelle has actually done this, so she is probably a good resource as well.

How I use the program of recovery?
Literature- I read everyday and right before I go to bed. Anything to remind me that I have this disease and my recovery comes first.

Sponsorship- I have 2 sponsors, one I call 2-3 times a week to work on step work and my food plan sponsor is an everyday call. I use to talk to her machine, but now she is off work, totally unnerved me the first time

Journaling- I have a hard journal for Step Work and personal feelings, sometimes it seem that my past problems with drugs come up and I feel alot more comfortable talking about those in my journal or to my sponsor than on-line. I also journal on-line. I like the feed back, others see things I don't

Phone calls- Besides talking to my sponsor I try to "suprise" 2 people a week by calling them.

Meetings- I got to as many as I can. This week I have been very angry that I am not a normal eater and this gives me a place to vent and feel love.

Meditation- I have a prayer book I read every morning as part of my meditation. Talking to God to and from work helps me alot. Then there is my Yoga, I feel so balance and centered and my mind calms down.

So these are the things I do to stay sane. I also have a food plan at the beginning of everyday.

Jenelle- I think our kids are too smart. If I took out half his brain he would have to try twice as hard. And I was thinking about it the other day when I first started program I was the same way, "things are going so well, why do I need to report" . I think its because that can change in a minute and isolation is the breeding ground.

CJ- The last thing any of us have is control. Congrats on 4 days! God has my back on the food and my unmanageable life. I thought this was a wonderful scripture I read last night and would like to share with the group.

Go, eat your food with gladness, and drink your wine with a joyful heart, for it is now that God favors what you do. Always be clothed in white, and always anoint your head with oil- Ecclesiastes 9:7-8

When I surrender my food and life to God's will and I have my food plan I can feel this scripture to the bone.

Me today? I am working out with my sponsor. (nervous about this.I log my workouts, is that obsessive?) I want to get online and get some stickies up on the board. Food, house, journaling, online stuff, and a 1800 meeting. Friday and Wed. meetings are my favorites.

Miss Chris

Miss Chris, you've got to be one of the most "together" people I know.
Thanks for all the support you give us, sweetie... xoxo

I love you too Ellis and your experience, strength, and hope keep me sane!

Miss Chris

And a big hug to Christy!

I have belonged to some OA email lists (which can also be read as a message board if you choose the "no email" option).

OA list

Newcomers and Recovery This list has a sponsor list emailed out every few weeks - you can find the latest in the message archive. The most recent sponsor list was emailed to the group 1/7/04. I would direct link it but you have to be a memeber of the group (it's free).

www.yahoogroups.com Has a ton of OA groups. Just do a search. There's religion-specific ones, etc...

OK, I have to run to work. I hope everyone has a great day! I had a great run/walk this morning, watching dawn greet the day. It was wonderful.

I'll make sure to send a more personal message later.

Do you have room for one more??? I am not new to 3FC (moderator for the 100lbs club) but I am new to this group. Jennelle and Chris also post in my world and they have mentioned this group to me. I have visited many times, but I have been reluctant to post. Why? Didn't want to admit it. That maybe this whole thing is bigger than me and maybe I need some additional support.

I am a COMPILSIVE OVEREATER. When I am binging (First time for that word, I always say when I am not doing good) I eat all day. I am the kind of binger who eats all day long. Fast food breakfast, a doughnut when I get to work, 3 cookies here, 4 more cookies there, chocolate of some sort, Fast food lunch and it just goes on. My food intake is constant and of the highest calorie and lowest nutrional value. That's what landed me at 300 lbs. I have been this heavy for 10 years. I did used to be of a normal weight.

I lose when when I follow any plan, but my problem is I never stick to them. They last for a month or two (occasionally 3) and then I am back to binging. And the binging lasts for 10 months or so. Then I have another good run. What kills me is that during the 10 months, I am still "dieting" I start over almost every monday, but I never last the week and if I do, It's not more than a week or two.

So I am here and starting over. I have realized that my main trigger is sugar and meoderation doesn't work for me. Not yet anyway! So on Monday, I gave up sugar. I am doing really well with it and my COE seems to be under control (except for a small pizza incident yesterday).

Just wanted to say Hi and introduce myself. A little personal information about myself might be nice. I am a 36 year old mom to a wonderful 3 year old boy. I have been happily married for 11 years and work full time as a computer software trainer.

I look forward to gettingto know you all better.

Hey, Sandi! Welcome!
How many mods can we get in this one forum.

Well start out your day right, eat breakfast, call your sponsor, work out with her, and have lunch with her. We talked alot about food, I guess she is my food plan sponsor

Welcome Sandi!!!!!! (now we have 2 Sandi's on the board!) Sandi I want you to know your absolutely not alone in this hum. I have eaten just as you have described ALL DAY LONG, and then to punish myself I have restricted food. Also not a good plan for a "foodie".

Thanks for posting the links Kat!

Miss Ellis- What are you doing today?????

Okay a few more PM's and then a shower and off to grocery shop.

Miss Chris

Thanks for the hugs this morning, girls! I needed them sooooo badly.

I checked out the links to online groups and I joined the Newcomers And Recovery. I've emailed about getting an online sponsor. I spent a long hour soaking in my big ol' bathtub reading the OA literature I have and I'm feeling better about things. I hope I'll get a sponsor soon and can really get to work on this!

Kat and Miss Chris -- Do you recommend I go ahead and get the Big Book and the workbook that goes with it or will my hypothetical future sponsor help me with writing assignments, etc.?

Ellis -- If the mods start to outnumber the "regular folks", I might get a bit nervous around here!

Sandi -- Glad you made it over here! I lurk on the 100 lb. Club and have posted just a few times there. I have been the queen of Monday morning startovers for awhile, but I've never really been able to stick with a plan longer than a few days. I have noticed that my bingeing episodes have gotten more and more frequent and out of hand and it scares me.

My bio...I'm 32 (33 next month), married for 14 years, have two DDs (6 and almost 10), teach third grade, live in rural southwest Virginia, and my weight is fluctuating all over the 240 range...last time I checked. I won't be checking again until Feb. 1.

I'm going to get back to my snow day scrapbookin'. I'll talk to you gals a little later!

Christy

Hi Christy!

I am glad you are feeling better. I would wait and see what your sponsor wants to do, but a Big Book is not a bad investment.

Hey having Mods here isn't bad it just shows how diverse the disease can be!

Miss Chris