Shannon thinking of you.

saef, oh, how I recognised this. 'A reserved, petite French woman interviewing me over a WebEx video setup and me, Americanly selling myself, enthusiastic and expressive.' Cultures are so different.

'Spongy', Dagmar? Yes, that's how I feel. And my rear view is not improving. Nor my tummy. It's now obvious to me that I'm fatigued and have been for some time. Sugar isn't the way out, as we all know. So early nights for me, just like Beccy.

I'm at my mum's from tomorrow for about a week which isn't going to help the fatigue/sugar thing, unfortunately. I will turn the light out by 10.30pm every night and hope that helps.

Spongy. An excellent description. I ran across a picture today of what I thought was my "before" from about fifteen years ago. It did make me laugh, because it would be a rather good representation of what I would call a goal look now!

Water's on track, electronics were turned off, but I was persuaded to go out with friends last night and I ended up staying out wayyyyy too late. Working on getting all three in line today and I have a decent shot at it.

I know that sleep is so important, but it's always hard to get enough!

The AC isn't working in my car and it's HOT here. That also makes for poor decisions. I like to be hot when I want to, like bikram yoga, not driving around running errands. I feel like my mind had gone mushy.

Saturday morning, down to 156.1.

It takes a concentrated effort for me not to boomerang back up over the weekend. You'd think my Saturdays and Sundays were a bacchanalia of chugging sugary soft drinks, eating every mozzarella-dripping, pepperoni-oil-pooled pizza and bucket of fried chicken advertised on TV and topping it off with bags of candy.

Working on & off all weekend on that presentation for the petite Frenchwoman. But I'm not feeling sorry for myself. Actually, there is nothing more absorbing for me than making something, with my brain humming along, problem-solving, even when I'm doing something else. Like the weight-training that I ought to be doing right now in my gym, as Saturday is one of my leg days. (I've been squatting 110 lbs for four sets of eight reps, and I'm feeling like it's time to add weight today, probably just five pounds.)

Also I've borrowed a friend's Gold Anniversary Edition Boxed Set (or something like that) for the original TV series "Twin Peaks." Tonight with any luck I'll watch Episodes 5-7. How did I miss this, years ago? I would've loved it at the time.

DH and were completely absorbed in that series when it was first out. That was when we were relocating to So Cal and I stayed in SLC to sell our house. Each week, we'd watch it from our separate locations and then call each other to discuss it. Now we're going to watch the new series on On Demand as we have very few other shows to watch. It'll be interesting to compare. It was one strange show.

Saturday morning, weight still unchanged. I guess as long as it isn't going up I should be happy, but I'm not. I'll get in a good workout after I read the paper.

i live about 40 minutes where Twin Peaks was filmed

On the subject of weight, i'm maintaining but something (perimenopause?) lately is making me want to eat eat eat.....

Great job on maintaining! Thinking peri menopause or menopause may be wreaking havoc for me too. I'm struggling like never before to lose anything.

Sunday morning, weight at 156.9. Roasted shrimp with Old Bay seasoning, that was the bacchanalia.

Several years into menopause, and I can't tell whether it's harder to lose weight because of that, or because I've simply lost my taste for following a truly Spartan regime. Which I think is actually a healthier attitude. Or because I get more screen time at the laptop than ever, which means less incidental movement.

Menopause was where I gained all the weight. I was savagely hungry all the time for about 2 years. Part of that was due to what I was eating - lots of artificial sweeteners, preservatives, etc. in snacks) - and all the caffeine consumption.

After changing some of those habits I was still hungry all the time for the other 2 years but it was controllable. I was really glad when it was all over and I felt like I was in control of my body again.

I'm pretty much down to one final remaining substance that has to go - caffeine - and I'm curious to see what happens after that's gone. I'm going to do an initial "test run" in August when I'm taking 17 days of vacation. Haven't had that long off work since 1991. I'm looking forward to having no "monkeys on my back" permanently.

Dagmar

Caffeine? I thought that was an appetite suppressant? It always seems to work that way for me; when I'm hungry, a cup of coffee will temporarily quell the hunger pangs. Maybe you mean that your appetite comes back harder when it wears off? As for menopause, I'm terrified of it for all sorts of reasons, but not there yet.

Monday morning. Boom! Back up to 158.2. A very large piece of baked cod for dinner last night and glass after glass of iced tea, because of the high humidity.

My Sunday was spoiled by an analyst who wanted to write something quickly on Amazon buying Whole Foods. He did it all wrong. I had to spend the afternoon fixing his work.

Wistfully driving past the summer lawns and blue hydrangeas of affluent CT this morning. These houses, so close to Long Island Sound, look so peaceful and summery. I never have that kind of summer. In fact, I don't "summer." Work never relents, really.

Saef - make sure after you watch the original series that you watch Fire Walk With Me before watching the new series on Showtime. FWWM is a little different feel and gets some criticisms, but there are parts in it that you need for the new series. If you are planning on watching it, that is. DH is a big Twin Peaks fan, watched it when it first aired. I didn't watch it originally, he and I watched it a few years ago, and again before the new series started.

Caffeine is definitely an appetite suppressant for me. I'm also worried about menopause, and getting closer every day.

I did get up and exercise before work on Friday and again today before taking the boy back to his mom's house. I've done my yoga now every day since 6/6. Headspace still going strong. Working on food choices.

Had a nice day yesterday. We drove into Irvine, met at a nice Italian restaurant for a combo graduation/Father's Day celebration, then onto the school for the ceremony. Got home around 8:30 so it was too late for dinner and we weren't hungry anyway. Got to bed around 10, which is late for us but we needed to unwind otherwise we wouldn't sleep well. Up at 4:30 expecting to see a lower number on the scale, but nope, it was up. This menopause thing is really bothering me. I've never had this much trouble losing before and my stomach seems to be getting bigger and bigger.

No menopause for me, at least currently. My destruction is entirely my own doing.

Friday I was alerted by coworkers of a discrepancy between a diagnosis I made, and one they were making on more complete samples. The delay in correct diagnosis may have allowed the cancer to spread. I spent the weekend anxious and angry at myself, and of course stress eating because somehow that fit with self-punishment. This morning I couldn't stand it so I came in extra early and pulled the old sample that I had received. Even now, I don't see how I could have gotten it "right" (detected malignancy) with what I had; I can stand by my initial write-up. There are some highly subtle abnormalities, but that's all. So I self-destructed for nothing. It ruined an otherwise lovely weekend, our first truly sunny weekend since October.

Me thinks you're way too hard on yourself. But you probably already know that. Did you ever salvage any of your other samples issue?