Dealing With Jealousy

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  •   #16  
    mars735's Avatarmars735 , 05-03-2014 08:10 PM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by MonicaM
    I think Kaplods answer is one of the best I have ever read, and I am going to post parts of it on my refrigerator.

    My sister has a saying in needlepoint that goes something like "In my teens and 20s I worried about what people thought of me; in my 30s and 40s I did not care what they thought. In my 50s I realized they weren't thinking of me at all.

    I do not think many people are truly jealous; some are crabby, frustrated, mean-spirited, whatever, at times. But think - - how many times have you truly been jealous of someone? I was jealous of a friend once because she found a ring with SEVEN diamonds in a public restroom. She brought it to the local police station, and a year later, they gave it to her. I thought, "She has a great husband, two good sons, a great professional job, is beautiful and has a great shape. It just doesn't seem fair." Within a month she fell on the bleachers at one of her son's games, had a brain tumor, had surgery, and was never the same. She died about ten years after that. Whenever I would feel the slight twinge of green I would think of this dear woman.
    I am going to post your words on my refrigerator.
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  •   #17  
    kaplods's Avatarkaplods , 05-03-2014 09:33 PM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by WeightGoingDown
    ????

    I know this person. She doesn't have any of that stuff. As a matter of fact, she specifically said that when she jumped, she was younger and very healthy at the time.

    She also tried to make it seem as though my daughter had become sick from jumping in the cold water by writing "hope you feel well soon" on her social media page. My daughter took a nasty spill in the driveway after the jump and hurt her arm.

    ?????

    It has been my experience that treating someone who is jealous of you with compassion doesn't work, which is the reason for the thread. I'm looking for a solution.

    Also regarding the "crazy" remark in your own family, perhaps the other members of your family are upset but don't want to cause drama. As a person who did do the polar plunge and was called crazy, I can attest that I found the comment rude. I was raised that if you can't think of anything nice to say . . . say nothing.

    Perhaps you're right, though. Perhaps it's not jealousy that makes her behave the way she does. Perhaps she's just someone that I should keep at an arm's length and not have close to me. She DID undermine a charity. She DID talk someone out of performing a charitable activity. There are other indicators that perhaps she's just not a nice person deep down. For example, she is disgustingly rude to ALL waitresses, to the point where I've returned to a restaurant and apologized for her behavior. She's also confided to me that she's "using" this person or that person. So, I think that it's best just to keep her at a distance, regardless of the motivations for her actions.

    You've had nothing positive to say about this woman, but you've cerainly said a lot more than nothing - or does the rule about saying nothing negative not apply behind the person's back?

    There is absolutely no way you can know whether this woman did or did not jump into the cold water or if she did or did not have pain afterward.

    As I tried to make clear in my previous post, even young, fit, healthy, and active people can have fibromyalgia or other pain issues for decades and not know it. Or they can experience pain for no clear reason.


    You're assuming she's lying because you don't like her. Maybe she's not a very likeable person, but that doesn't mean she was lying or deliberately trying to sabotage your charity.


    Practicing compassion has nothing to do with changing the person I'm having difficulty with, it's purpose is to change my interpretation of the person's motives and the impact on my emotional state and well-being. In that regard, it can't "not work." By assuming the best of people, even at their worst, their problem doesn't become my problem.

    As to the potential volunteer this woman supposedly scared off - anyone who could be so easily persuaded by one person's negative opinion, didn't want to volunteer very badly in the first place.

    As to polar plunges specifically, a whole lot of people (healthy, sick, young, old, rich, poor) think polar plunges are crazy, stupid, dangerous, and painful (or at least severely uncomfortable).

    In fact, it's the "crazy" image that draws people to the event. The idea is to draw a crowd with the promise of an experience that is unique and entertaining. And often that entertainment takes the form of some kind of "crazy."

    If people didn't think polar plunges were crazy, they wouldn't gather to watch it being done.
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  •   #18  
    WeightGoingDown's AvatarWeightGoingDown , 05-03-2014 10:29 PM
    I really don't want to get into a back and forth pissing match here. I guess this will be my last post in my own thread.
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