Sorry to not comment on stuff yet, but I'm freaking out. Dh just told me that we might be moving to Beijing!

I thought my book fair this week was enough to freak out about.... I was already over the top with my stress, and now dh dropped this bomb on me.

I can't tell anyone (in real life) until I know more.... so I'll let you all in on the secret...... We did tell our girls and they were excited about the prospect....

WOW! How exciting/scary for you!

But then again your 3FC "name" IS "traveling michele". I can't imagine a more "different" place than China in terms of language, culture, etc. But I think Beijing is becoming rapidly westernized - one of my former clients (the dog died last year) works in travel and he was one of the first agents to start tours to Beijing when it finally "opened" to western tourists.

How long would you be there?

Dagmar

I am really getting the analogy thing, as far as my life situation goes . DH and I watched a program about hot air balloons last night.

Again this is quite flawed. This morning I imagined the house situation in terms of hot air ballooning. I can let go of a lot of the ballast and soar . But I risk then plummeting to earth. The alternative is to remain anchored to earth by fear and anxiety and never soar at all.

Think I'm gonna soar.

I never have let myself have the life I want due to the fear and anxiety that it will be snatched away by someone more powerful than me. I'm 56 years old now and it really is now or never. I am tired. Tired of not being able to do anything, go anywhere. Tired of being afraid of taking any steps forward. Tired of making myself imagining all the bad things that can happen, rather than enjoying the good.

So I will buy a house I can afford with no debt but I won't settle for a house I hate because it is cheaper (which is what DH wants). And I will look at resale because I do intend to move away from Toronto and have some sort of real retirement, rather than continuing to work myself into collapse.

It's time to think of life as a positive thing.

Dagmar

Just WOW at the thought of a stint in Beijing. What an opportunity. With zillions of challenges, of course. Just mind boggling. Good luck thinking it through.

Wow, Beijing! That would be so exciting but all of that change would be also very overwhelming. Good luck with it!

Dagmar, I'm the same way, often letting anxiety and fears cause me to imagine all the bad things that could maybe happen rather than enjoy the good and I am also trying to look at life through a more positive view But I agree you shouldn't settle for a house you hate just because it's cheaper. the money you may potentially save won't make up for not being happy in your environment.

Beijing! OMG! Stay in touch with us during the Traveling Transition... grateful for internet!!!

Our two-week-long "Restaurant Week" ends tomorrow. Karen ended up taking me out to really nice restaurants every other day at about half price. I thought, OK, she's a 30-year maintainer so if she can do this so can I. We both gained about two pounds and plan a pretty serious ten-day diet/semi-cleanse starting Thursday. I'm actually pretty happy, during this whole time I've managed to isolate each dining experience and otherwise eat very lightly. Last year I lost 30 pounds from June 1 to September 15 or so (ah, summer!). This year I have just over ten pounds to lose and I CAN DO IT!

Good luck Dagmar in your house search. Karen and I moved into our present digs in 1989 and have no intention to move again till we're too decrepit to climb the stairs. That's how much we hate moving. Unfortunately I'm married to a bit of a packrat and I can't get her to throw things away!

Bejing~wow. That would be a huge change for you. DD went there in high school and really enjoyed it, but it's such a huge city. Best of luck with whatever happens with that.

Dagmar~nice analogy. Go and soar and don't be held down by DH's desires over your own.

That blip on my scale last week (6.1 pounds overnight) was not the scale. It really was me for some strange reason. I've managed to get all but .4 of it off, but it really bugs me that it piled on so fast and then lingered. Had it been salt related, I'd think it'd have flushed faster.

We're going out with my BFF from Utah and her boyfriend tonight. I think we'll take them to a happy hour at one of the local restaurants. The one we went to Sunday has a great happy hour menu (sushi, sliders, etc.) that will be a nice change of pace for us and not too large a meal.

Glad I lurk occasionally and saw this!

Michele, if this ends up happening, let me know! I lived in China from 2004-08 and loved it. I would go back for a vacation in hot minute if I could afford it. I was in far NW China, much less Westernized than Beijing, but ended up in Beijing a few times a year for flights and meetings and things. After the initial culture shock, which would be substantial, I think you'll find that Beijing is very easy to navigate and get used to.

I'm jealous!

Michele, Exciting news ! A bit scary, too. but what an opportunity. I know there are quite a few posters living abroad, I don't know about Beijing. I believe krampus lived abroad, Japan, I believe.

Oh Michele, that is exciting! And terrifying. Wow.

Michele, how do YOU feel about going to Beijing? It would be quite a change! To provide the flipside opinion, I was there in the summer of 2004 for a few days vacationing and it's probably a place I would never go back to. The pollution was so horrible that my skin and the inside of my mouth and nose got coated with black film from going outside, the weather was extremely hot and humid, and I had trouble dealing with some of the culture shock (e.g. people don't get in line, they just push and shove in a giant crowd; people try to sell you things constantly if you look like a tourist; I had a number of bad experiences with people running up to me and waving mutilated limbs in my face to try to get money from me). I'm not saying it's all bad -- I certainly wasn't there to live, only to visit, and there are a lot of sites of cultural and historic significance in the area. I also believe that they've cleaned up the city a lot since then, particularly for the Olympics, so my experience might be totally irrelevant. FWIW I went to Shanghai in 2006 and liked it far better than Beijing. (I also loved Hong Kong which I went to in 2004.)

Dagmar, sounds like you have a plan! I don't know your DH so I don't know how it would affect your relationship, but if I were you I might pull the "It's my money, I can do what I want with it, and don't forget I'm the breadwinner of the two of us" card if he complains about what house you plan to buy. Just make sure to account for things like insurance, property tax, and home maintenance when you buy so you know how much you'll actually have to pay annually to take care of your new home.

We would be there for 2 years. Dh has been there many times working the past few years and has told me about the horrible pollution so that is the thing I'm most worried about. That, and our pets. They have a 30 day quarantine and we wouldn't bring Jozi, our Great Dane. She had a horrible time traveling when we moved from S. Africa to the states and she was only 2 then. She is now 9 and an old woman. We would have our older dd take her (the one with Owen, the service dog, and her own kitty). We would bring our dachshund and our two kitties though. Beyond that-- I'm not sure how I feel. I barely slept at all. Just mind going crazy. We are very upside down in our mortgage and this would get us out of it, so it makes sense financially.

Jen-- It looks like a very real possibility. I'd love to hear more from you....

My thoughts, exactly.

Dagmar, second what Jessica said. And definitely get the house that you want either way. You've worked hard for a long time for it.

I'll add to the drama in this thread with my own unhappiness and worries: My mother's cat, Fritz, is ill.

He had a wound on his leg that was healing strangely. The doctor first attributed it to a cat bite, then thought it might be ringworm, then sent it off to a lab for a biopsy.

In the meantime, Fritz quieted down, did not want to play, and began eating less and less. Today, he has my mother in tears on the phone with me, and me nearly in tears, too. He never came up to stay with her last night, but remained on his cat bed all night. He wasn't interested when she came downstairs. He didn't want to eat. He only drank a little water. Then he went upstairs and hid under one of the beds, in his hiding place right in front of a heating grate and between two boxes of books. He hasn't come out all day.

This doesn't sound good. My mother was going to wait for the vet to call with the biopsy results but I've advised her to call now and describe his behavior. We both feel so hopeless, though.

As for Michele's possible move to China -- now that is way up there on the list of stressful, disruptive events. Is it any more manageable to you, Michele, when you think that it would only last for two years, rather than an uncertain or open-ended length of time? For me, that would help considerably, at least as I contemplated my age-old question for myself, when faced with a life-changing choice: "What's my worst fear about being there?" Mine would probably be: "It's a permanent stay, it feels like exile, and I'm unhappy and never adapt." But this isn't permanent. Things with a duration can be bearable. (I've learned that in the gym ;-) On the other hand, the worst thing about NOT doing it might mean passing up an opportunity to change and grow, to have an adventure, or your husband forgoing career advancement -- or you learning you are more resourceful, strong, resilient & adaptable than you ever thought you were.

Dagmar, from your posts, I think that I understand how fraught your interactions with Male Authority figures can be, if they seem unhappy, disapproving or angry. But you don't always need to please or placate those figures, as you know. You can assert yourself and advocate for your own needs in this relationship. Particularly since you have the power of your own money. There are some things that are really worth spending money on, and some things that lend themselves to economizing. I think that it's smart to put money into one's home.