I'm sorry you're feeling this way. But you have to just keep remembering how far you've come. Imagine yourself a couple years ago and think of what you've accomplished. Did you think you would be where you are today? Don't beat yourself up over a couple of "cheats" - we all have them. Just continue thinking of what you've done and how you ARE an inspiration to people and how many people look up to you and think that they can achieve what you have.

Jen, you may have temporarily gained back a couple of pounds, but you've kept off over 200. You are phenomenal!

We all struggle... unfortunately, we can't erase our histories --we can only establish new behaviors, new thoughts, and new patterns that we faithfully return to after a lapse instead of giving up. That's maintenance!

You are not a fraud.... You are human.

And it is scary. I SHOULD be in maintenance now. Should have been for about half a year. And I was doing so great and then something just overtook me. I even KNEW I was overeating, but at the moment, I didn't care. I was still exercising, it's cool... I can take the weight off again..

I stopped coming here. I stopped blogging. I stopped stepping on the scale, I stopped writing down my food for the day. If I didn't face it, then it wouldn't have an effect right?

Well... sure... 2 months of neglect of "just exercising" led to a 20 pound weight gain! So here I am, battling to get back down to 175 again when I was there in Dec. 2011!!!! My lowest weight, 165 seems so FARRRR Away.

So... I get it. I do. But you came here - you talked about it - that's more than many do... means you are a fighter!

And you are right - this is so much more than calories in and out. It's a total mental game.

I have also gained about 10 lbs. from thinking that I could just run and keep the weight off. We are human and we are in this for the long haul. It's never going to be really easy for most of us. It truly is a journey though. I believe that these little bumps in the road are learning experiences. I came here tonight to get inspiration from some of the nicest, kindest people I have ever known, anywhere. As usual, I wasn't disappointed.

You know, when I weighed 200 pounds and would see someone on here complaining about being 120 I seriously wanted to reach through the screen and pound them. I know that's terrible, but it was how I felt.

How did I become one of those people?

I know that I am my harshest critic and I tend to see what lies in front of me rather then what I have accomplished. It's something I'm working on!

Thanks to everyone for your kind words. I had a really productive long weekend and am feeling much better today!

We are in for a cold snap - AGAIN - which will depress me, but starting this weekend it looks like temps are easing into the high 30's low 40's - it will feel like a heat wave!!

Jen

Totally! My eldest dd has a big weight issue and I have to bite my tongue not to discuss my weight in front of her. We are extremely close and talk multiple times a day but she certainly doesn't want to hear if I'm struggling to take off 5 or 10 pounds.

i wish there was something I could say to help but to be honest im in the same boat as you........
I really hope you start feeling better - the main thing is you have noticed your behaviour and are aware of it, therefore you wont slide too far down the regain slope.
I wish you all the luck in the world and hope you find your happy place again!
One slip up (or even many) doesnt mean you should give up, it just means you are human and we are not perfect - so, you slipped up - brush yourself off and try again, you only fail when you stop trying.

Hey Jen, I'm late to this thread but wanted to pop in.

We are all our own harshest critics, aren't we? You have done such a fantastic job and accomplished so much, and there is nothing wrong at all with worrying about slipping back. Don't let it paralyze you though, you can get past this. A few bad days doesn't make you a failure, it just makes you human. And getting past those bad days and moving back into your healthier habits can be done.

I wanted to bump this thread because so many of us seemed to be struggling with similar issues last week. I want to check in and see how everyone is doing this week!

I've had a decent week. I haven't been on track eating wise 100%, but certainly better than last week. The obsession to eat has faded a bit and I haven't eaten any high calorie junk like cake.

Tomorrow the temps are supposed to be in the low 30's and sunny, so I should be able to get in a noon run, which will help my mood. I am smidge below my redline weight - I hate that such small fluctuations seem to be able to effect my emotional well being so greatly, but that appears to be where I'm at.

So the dark hole I was mired in last week is easing. How about everyone else?

Jen

Jen, first of I have read your story and find it very inspirational. I am far from my goal and sometimes it seems unatainalbe.
One thing I finally realized is that I cannot let a bad day, week or even months let me stop me from continuing to lose weight and live a healthier, happier life.
I can relate to your winter blues - as I call it. I find I want to eat much more this time of year and just hunker down on the sofa. Once spring comes my mood lifts and it's much easier to motivate myself to exercise and eat better.
So I guess I am telling you and myself (and others who struggle, especially this time of year) to hang in there and lighter days are not that far away.

I just fell into that hole this morning, Jen. I'm tired and jetlagged, and just learned yesterday that the hearing with the zoning board to approve our flood wall has been adjourned, for the third time, into April. And April is a month of heavy, all-day rain, and was the month in 2007 when the apartment flooded for the first time since the complex was built. So I got out of bed this morning at 4:20 AM, weighed myself & found that two pounds I'd lost on vacation were back. Nevertheless, I dressed for the gym, ate breakfast and then found myself feeling so tired, I could not make myself get up out of my chair. I'm here at my desk. I've got a meeting at 8:30 AM that I need to make notes toward. I am feeling wholly inadequate today but trying to remind myself I can still get to the gym when work ends this afternoon. If I can find some motivation between then & now.

My day is not starting out well, didn't sleep last night and got on the scale to see an increase of 2.2 pounds.

Saef - you've had SO MUCH going on I can't believe you are still STANDING let alone going to exercise at the crack of dawn!! I hope that things slow down a little and let you catch your breath!

Bagoo - Why do scales exist to simply torture us??

Jen

Because that's their job ?

I'm also in a hole this week - TOM is looming on the horizon and the early symptoms this week have been particularly vile. Hormones are flaring, food cravings that I've not done a good job of resisting are beating me, I'm tired and irritable, just about everything on me aches for some reason or another. A thunderstorm right over my house kept me awake last night - between the thunder cracks and the car alarm that the thunder kept setting off I was up until almost 3 and back up at 5:30. DSS's birthday party is coming up, which is always an exercise in stress and anxiety and resentment at having to pay for most of it leading up to it and then tense the entire time when XW and I and our families are in the same place. I'm not rolling with things right now.

I'm really glad that you are doing better though, it gives me hope.