Congrats on figuring out a plan that works for you. You've done fantastic!

I disagree, sorta.

Well, I think you're being too hard on people who use the word,"diet". People say diet when they mean lifestyle change but diet is A) easier for people who aren't in the weigh loss community to understand B) common cultural vernacular. A lot of people on a low-carb diet never intend to stop low-carbing. People on WeightWatchers intend to go into "maintenance" (which is not much different than before maintenance except that you don't pay).

Also, I think there's a lot of value in diets that stop and start, if they work for you. For example, I am doing 100 days of real food (a short explanation is no refined sugars, flours, processed food, no juice, no chemicals). I, personally, find the program eye-opening and habit breaking but I would not do it if there wasn't an end point. If I woke up craving peanut m&ms and the "diet" was a lifestyle change instead, I would give up. There's comfort in knowing that I can have peanut m&ms in 95 days. I admit it's more of a "challenge" to me than a diet but the rest of the world would absolutely consider it a "weird diet she's on".

Finally, it sounds like you found what works for you BUT I'd caution you on telling people that other methods are a waste of time. It's a journey. Sometimes people need a jump start to prove they can do it, sometimes people need a plan they can follow until they know how to do it on their own. Whatever the reasons are, attempts to change aren't necessarily a waste of time if you learn something for the rest of the journey.

It sounds like deep down you're angry at saboteurs. I think we can all relate. You're strong and you're doing it. I believe in you and I think you believe in yourself.

Very interesting discussion. I have had a couple of semi-coherent thoughts as I have read through it.

* There is an important distinction between "indefinitely" and "forever". My plan has evolved continuously over the three years I have been working actively at weight loss. The changes I made to start losing at 275 pounds were on thing, but other changes were needed as I went along. I've experimented with different approaches to calorie counting (cycling, starting the count in the evening instead of the morning, etc.). I've experimented with different macronutrient ratios. I've cut back on some foods I never expected to give up. I've kept eating others I might have thought I'd have to cut back on.

The upshot is that while all the changes are indefinite, in that I don't foresee stopping when I reach an end point, none of them is forever - everything is negotiable, everything can be revisited in light of new needs or new information.

* I hate the term "lifestyle change". This is just me, I know, but I find it cloying and overly precious. But the other thing I don't like about "lifestyle change" is that it is very daunting - it makes the process sound very big. Thinking about changing the way I live my life is a massive challenge to tackle. Instead I prefer to think about the choices I make and take them one at a time, with laser-like focus on the moment and on making the best choice right now.

As it turns out, in 3 years of making good choices and figuring out how to engineer my environment so that good choices are available and easier to make, I have arguably effected a lifestyle change! But I never set out to do that. I never approached it that way - it was just too much to think about, changing my whole life.

I have to admit that I probably perpetuate the problem with others. Whenever someone asks me how I am losing weight, I just say dieting. It's just way easier to say that then to go into the lifestyle change discussion. (A term I also dislike for some reason)

I do feel though that I am on a diet. I'm on a calorie counting diet that will last probably for the rest of my life with the only changes being the amount I eat to control whether I go up or down on the scale. I don't know if that feeling of 'being on a diet' will ever go away. I'm perfectly happy thinking that though and am not filled with dread over the future.

I just guess it's my "diet - The kinds of food that a person, animal, or community habitually eats." as Elladorine said. Diet is not a bad word as society likes to make it.

Regarding others and their reactions towards me? I really haven't had any negative or snarky comments - but I work with mostly men who tend to say nothing. I did have a guy tell me that he thought 1200 was too low, but that's ok - he was a big guy so I can understand why he thought that. It seems like from what I read here women are the ones that are causing the issues.

Personally, I never go into the details unless someone is that curious and asks. I don't mind sharing, but it's really not the general public's business.

I do find it fascinating that people feel so free to ask you questions like how much did you weigh or how much you have lost, etc. I put these questions up there with how much money you make, etc. It's none of their business! I usually just make a general statement like over ___ pounds (I use a pretty low number like duh!) or just say "Oh, I've dropped a few dress sizes" and move on. I'm in the camp of not caring what we call our eating approach - diet, lifestyle change, etc. As long as we're doing what works for us. I also typically just say I'm eating heathier without going into much more detail. This limits the amount of criticism about my eating plan. BTW, there will always be sabotagers (some well meaning and some just jerks) but I've learned to just ignore them and enjoy the success I'm achieving.

ive managed to somehow slide by with very little negative comments from anyone...i dont know why...i work, i socialize, i'm out in public, i have kids, etc so i'm not exactly hiding away at home

however i keep my weight loss efforts very very private...i'm not even sure why, maybe fear of failure(?), dont know...i discuss it here on the forum, with my DH and with my sister and mom...that's all...sometimes i'll mention in passing that i like (insert health food choice) or that i was at the gym, but not a big deal to anyone

and somehow i've managed to shed 40 pounds with barely anyone noticing or commenting on it...

perhaps because i dont post anything on facebook about it...i like to "share" workout motivational poster kind of stuff....and i once posted a photo where i had finished running a (small) memorial section of a marathon and i got lots of comments along the lines of "way to go/good job" and nothing negative

sometimes i wonder if i've really lost any weight...because in my head i'm still getting used to it...but the scale doesnt lie (at least not by 40 pounds) and my clothes are different...most of my closet is sitting in the "too big to wear, too loose to wear" pile

I guess it comes down to semantics, doesn't it? I dislike "diet" because it sort of has a bad rep - as in "crash diet" - and I tend to think of a diet as something you do to lose 5 or 8 pounds to look killer in the dress you bought for your class reunion that is just a bit tight. Weight or size doesn't figure in - "diet" is a temporary thing, and is relative to the weight you are right now. That, to me, is a "diet."

"Life style change" does sound so pretentious sometimes, but I guess that's the more accurate term for what we are doing most of the time, since what we did before was pretty much a big FAIL and we're changing that.

I think what you mean, though, is that fad or crash diets don't work. If we need to think of eating within a certain number of "whatevers" as a diet - then so be it. Calories, carbs, grams of protein, gluten free, etc.

I, too, am surprised every time someone says "When are you going back to eating normal foods?" like a a box of Cheese Nips for lunch was normal. Or "Can you ever eat - fill in the blank - again?" Sure - if I want to. No one has a gun to my head. People who never needed to lose a lot of weight don't have the same perspective as we do. AND (here's the big conclusion I've reached in the past 19 months) people who DO have a lot to lose but who aren't planning to do anything about it don't have the same perspective, either. That means that probably only people in the same situation as we are - those who need to lose a bunch of weight and are doing something about it - are the ones who truly get it.

There is no getting around the stupid comments. We're human and just trying to understand something out of our own realm of experiences. We (they) mean well but it doesn't always come out that way. I had an older man at church (I know his son and DIL) say this, "Did you lose weight on purpose?" I guess he meant, "Are you well? I hope you haven't been sick." You can't let it get to you. My SIL (of 37 years - we're like sister) tells me every time she sees me that it's always a wonder to her that I'm keeping the weight off. Sheesh. First of all, it's only been 10 months. When I finally said to her, "Did you think I'd start gaining it all back immediately?" she said, "No. I don't think you'll ever gain any back. It's just a surprise you're still maintaining." I don't get that at all! She doesn't think I'll gain it back but she's surprised I'm keeping it off. And she is absolutely the sweetest person in the world. A hurtful word would never come out of her mouth under any circumstance. Sometimes we just say things.

I, too, have had very little in the way of criticism. A trio of overweight friends confronted me last year and told me I was starting to look sick, older, haggard, etc. and I should stop losing for appearances sake. When I questioned them to make sure they were only concerned about my "looks" and not that I was doing anything that was unhealthy, I let them have it. I told them that we had never expressed opinions about any of our overweight friends' appearance, but if they were allowed to tell me how they thought I looked (their opinion) then I was allowed to tell them how I felt about their appearance. I never heard another word from them on the subject.

Lin

Ikesgirl,
Just wanted to tell you inspried me to get up off my "self" and continue training for an 8k Event (I doubt I will be RUNNING!). I walked 3 miles today in about 2 hours - not very fast, but very determined. Thank you for your inspriation!

An interesting discussion, indeed.

I also dislike the terms "lifestyle change" and "journey." Like [B]carter[B] said, they seem a bit precious to me. But most of us are trying to make a big change in our lives and it is more of a long-distance run than a sprint (which, like lin said, is what the word "diet" often implies: a short-term regimen to reach a specific goal).

I think the fact that there are so many paths to success shows what a complicated issue this is. I'm firmly in favor of people doing whatever works for them, as long as "works" means a long term change. I know too many people who have spent too much money on fad diets to lose 20 pounds, just to gain it all back.

I'm in my 50s and have been struggling with this my whole life. I feel confident this time but I know I'm always going to have to be vigilant about the choices I make.

When people ask me how I lost weight and how I'm keeping it off I just say, I quit eating junk type foods and eat healthy foods now...and stay active. They always look a little disappointed in my answer, lol.

I've been on a mini vacation, and just caught up with the converstation. Not time to comment on everything, but I love reading everyone's opinion and giving me things to think about. I think Lin put it best to how I feel here:


And thank you so much for this one! Just keep pushing and you will get there! Monday I had a great run, today I walked most of it, but bad runs will always happen, just get back up!

Kat, you made me laugh. Everytime I tell anyone, anything, anymore, I always preface it with "I'm sorry. I swore I would never say this, but..." and some people almost cry!

Was rereading this and thinking how someone has lately been irritating me by "raining on my parade" re my placing importance on "diet" and weight management. This was an online nice person. I tried to explain how important that is to me on so many levels. I have said this to many people, many times. It was focusing on weight that got me out of obesity and it is focusing on weight that keeps me there. I have so many reasons that I want to manage weight and to try to explain them to anyone else gets to be an exercise in futility. So why do I talk about it online and then get frustrated when people don't understand? I don't know lol.

In the final analysis, it is more helpful to me to talk about weight than not to talk about weight, so I always risk people not getting it or having and expressing opinions that rain on my parade.

Hmmm, not sure where I was going with this thought. Good-night, all.

Wow, what an interesting thread. Love hearing the varying viewpoints. It is good for one's inner being.
I eat well, I eat healthy, and if there is something I really want, I buy it or make it.
I do try to make sure it is under controlled conditions (I know myself well, I have no "OFF" switch), so I can enjoy it and move on with my day.
I am an old lady. On the outside, inside I am still a 45 y/o kick a$$ motorcycle mama.
When people used to ask me 'when are you going to go back to eating normal, I just made big eyes, pause a moment, and then reply "and this is your business how?" I have also been known to look at what they are eating, and just raising my eyebrows.
History. Morbidly obese from age of 8. In mid life I lost 92.5# and kept it off for TWENTY YEARS. Eating 'normally' and exercising. Then life went to hades in a handcart. I regained it and buddies. However, the diabetes diagnosis and realizing I had to do this all over again, straightened me out. It is coming off slowly, but steadily.
I will make it, sometimes I take the scenic route, but I will get there.