If you really can't figure out at all where to start, hire a trainer/nutritionist and do what they tell you to do. When I first got started lifting I hired someone to do my meal and training plans for me, and I learned so much from her.

JossFit's suggestion is a good one. If you can't afford to hire a trainer/nutritionist or don't think you can find one you trust (and it sounds like the ones you have consulted so far have been pretty useless), buy "The New Rules of Lifting For Women," like carpediem mentioned. Read the whole thing. You will get a training plan that will last 6+ months. It will tell you what to lift & how often. No one can tell you how much to lift, but you will figure that out, trust me.

I have mixed feelings on the nutrition section of the book, so: eat enough protein. I'd say minimum of 90g per day, but I'd eat more like 120. How often you eat doesn't matter; do what works for you, whether it's 1 meal a day or 6 or more. As for calories, I'm not sure anyone can tell you what to do there. Personally, I'd try eating around 1800 calories a day (this level assumes that you're not taking "cheat days" or binging, etc; it may also be too much if you lead a sedentary lifestyle outside of your workouts).

I'm sorry you're having such a hard time. Do keep in mind, though (since you say you've gotten "squishier" this week), that this is going to be a long process. Given your past history of weight loss (dieting down to very underweight) and what you've reported as your current strength level, you probably have very low levels of muscle mass. It will take time to build more. You're not going to see changes in a week or even a month, I think. Make a commitment to yourself; the months will fly by, and you'll be happy you did.

One more thing to keep in mind: your muscles will retain water while they're repairing themselves. This may lead to a "squishy" feeling, and you may swell up a bit larger. This effect will eventually lessen or go away entirely, but for me, it usually lasts through the first several weeks of weight training (when I first started, and when I started again after a hiatus).

I'm going to consult with a former high school classmate of mine who now lifts competitively and is a licensed personal trainer; I'm having my first session with her this weekend and we'll see how/where it goes.

It's extremely difficult to find a nutritionist here who takes insurance or who will talk to you for less than $200 a session, but I'll start looking I guess.

At this point I don't hold out much hope; I'll continue to exercise and eat right, but I have a feeling the weight is just going to keep creeping on until I'm just as fat as I used to be. What's the point?

For what it's worth, I do not have 'binge' or 'cheat' days either.

Try to make yourself busy so that u could not think about eating. Ignore junk food. Exercise everyday for atleast 20mins. Use walking.

Thanks, but I addressed all of those points in my initial post. I do not eat junk food and I work out at least five days per week.

The weight is continuing to pile on at a rate of about 2/10ths of a pound every day or every other day.

I had a session with a personal trainer who assessed my form and capabilities and helped me design a workout. She said my form was "excellent, near-perfect" and had me squatting with almost 60 lbs on my shoulders, curling 10 lb dumbbells, pressing 30 lbs, holding a plank for a minute (easy), etc. She said not to do HIIT more than 3 times a week at first, and never on back to back days. She's also not a fan of Les Mills Body Pump, which makes me feel better since I'd been feeling guilty about not wanting to go to a class where there seem to be 4 types of people:

1.) The hardcore lifters/fitness pros whose presence there I can't explain, they lift insane amounts of weight and don't even sweat; I think they are wasting their time in there
2.) Cardio bunnies who are there because Cosmopolitan or Allure told them strength training "torches calories" or "fries fat"...they are often seen texting furiously between sets
3.) Middle-aged men who are there to check out the hardcore lifters' behinds...at least I assume that's why they always park themselves right BEHIND these women in class
4.) People like me who are trying to get fit/stay fit and who usually don't become regulars because we get no advice, no guidance, and no improvement from the classes

Seriously, I've been doing Body Pump for months and have even been upping my weights and still flail my way through some exercises (fast lunges are stupid, they make me lose my balance) and don't feel any stronger in most areas.


Yesterday I did 20 minutes of HIIT (with 5 min warmup and 5 min cooldown) and did upper-body work in 5 sets of 5 reps, lifting as heavy as I could manage while maintaining form, working to exhaustion in the last set. I couldn't even complete my bicep work since that was my last exercise and the muscles kept failing, so I stretched and went home. All in all it was about an hour. I've ratcheted up the length and intensity of my workouts and still....

NOTHING.

All I can say is I feel a bit stronger but my body is still squishy, I'm not sleeping well at all (4 hours last night, woo hoo), I'm tired all the time (wonder why), etc.

It really is enough to make you want to just quit. I'm childless, not married, and have no desire to change either of those statuses. Who am I doing this for? Myself? Who cares, who wants to live to be 100 anyway? I certainly don't.

So...why am I doing this?

You're not going to see results in one day or one week or one month. You've just gotta ride it out, gal.

Frankly, I think that being fit and thin is its own reward (man, it feels good!). Hope you enjoy the heavy lifting.

Whoa yeah! I agree with sumire, you won't see the results of lifting right away. You have to measure your progress in months, maybe even years.

I can't tell you why you should do this, but personally me lifting is not about being attractive for someone else. I love feeling fit and strong! We're told to be delicate, thin, etc. and let men handle the heavy lifting; it's very empowering to throw that out the window and be STRONG and able to do that myself. Lifting makes me a confident, strong woman.

If you are not sleeping then your body's stress hormones are up. That increases fat and inhibits muscle growth and repair. Whatever you do- try to get plenty more sleep and maybe work on your relaxation methods. Good luck.

Insomnia runs in the family. I've tried all plausible herbal remedies and Lunesta. I'm at the point now where there is nothing left to try but 'sleep therapists' (who are very expensive and not covered by my insurance) or habit-forming, brain-fog inducing drugs which my GP is understandably hesitant to prescribe.

I've been trying every non-drug method I can find for years to overcome my insomnia...white noise, relaxation, no eating or drinking after a certain hour, always sleeping in the bed, keeping the bedroom at certain temperatures, removing the TV, bringing BACK the TV, etc. Everything.

What else would you recommend I try?

Well I guess that's part of it; I do this because I like having control over my body and also I don't want to end up like my mother, a disabled stroke patient who depends on my father to take care of her. I don't have anyone in my life to take care of me if something like that happened to me, so I guess what I'm trying to avoid is the indignity of being indigent and requiring that level of care.

Not much motivation, I guess. I admit I don't really care about much else. And yes, I have considered that I may be depressed. In my mind there's no doubt about it: I am. I've been struggling with it for 20 years, and no amount of therapy or medication has helped.

So yeah, I struggle with motivation.

I'm up to 122 now. Been at this 'new way' of doing things for over a month now and nothing's changed for the better; the weight just keeps creeping on. I feel like a flabby disgusting blimp.

I need HELP. Somebody PLEASE HELP.

Sorry I didn't see your last post about sleeping. Sounds like you really have tried it all. I don't know what else to tell you. I wish you the best. Have you had an exam and gotten your thyroid checked among other things? Might be good to do that.

Did that, levels are normal according to the doc.

I can't let this continue, I refuse to accept it. There has to be SOME WAY to stop it.

I did read through this whole thread, but maybe I missed it, so do forgive me if this is a repeat!

Have you gone to the doctor with several weeks history of your food and workouts? Honestly I don't know what else to suggest that hasn't already been said. I'm really sorry you are having such a hard time!!!

Thanks; I think that would probably be a waste of time, though; most doctors have no formal training whatsoever in nutrition. I'd have to see an actual RD, and they're not covered by my insurance.

Guess I'll start saving up, both for an RD and for replacement FAT PANTS.