In short? Yes. Tell her to mind her own business. And to be honest? She doesn't sound like much of a "friend." Personally speaking, I wouldn't want someone like that in my life.

I agree with what Candeka said, I don't think your friend's intention was to be mean, discourage you or make fun of you. Perhaps she just thought you were pushing yourself too hard and wanted to make you relax a little bit. I think her intentions were good, just her reaction wasn't a proper one, especially since she should know you are sensible about this issue. Try talking to her, but tell her that you're not upset or anything, it's just that you'd really appreciate if she supported your goals.

Dietvet-I agree and your friend is more like a frenemy, an enemy disguised as a friend. Her motivation could be to always be one up on you to make her feel better then herself, or who knows? But she does not sound like a friend to me.

Actually, you're wrong. Even if the OP *is* as short as 5'1", 119 pounds would be well within the healthy weight range for that height. A woman standing 5'1" with a body weight of 119 pounds would have a BMI of 22.5, which IS within the normal BMI range.

But you don't know how tall the OP is, anyway, so for you to even post the response you did is incredibly presumptuous. Would you tell me that *my* goal weight is "unrealistic", because I'm 5'0" and want to get to 125? Because you'd be wrong then, too, and I'll guarantee you that I wouldn't be very long telling you so.

The point is: Without making a boatload of assumptions, you don't know whether the OP's goal is unrealistic or not (none of us do.) Not only that, it's none of our business.

Oh brother, re-read my post. I never said that at 5'1" her BMI would be underweight, I never said at any weight her BMI would be underweight, I said that even if she was of average height, her BMI would be normal right now, and that maybe her weightloss goal are unrealistic... For all we know the OP is 5'9" and 119 would be dangerous.

Some of you people are telling her to ignore the friend or dump the friend OR (by god, keep losing weight regardless) by assuming she is of height that is compatible with such a low weight without knowing the REAL story, so why can't I err on the side of caution and offer some other point of view into mix? Give me a break.

I apologize for the BMI bit; I really thought you had said that 119 would put her at a dangerous BMI. But you make a very good point at the end there...we don't know how tall the OP is, so none of us should be making ANY assumptions. Perhaps we should all just keep our mouths shut on that score.

As for what people are saying about the friend...well, we all have our opinions, don't we? And obviously there are a lot of us who wouldn't want someone negative like that in our lives. If you'd be willing to put up with that crap, more power to you, but a lot of people don't have room in their lives for that.

I agree with this. In a perfect world, your friends would never, ever have negative intentions but that's not always the case. She sounds jealous to me.

My cousin was sort of like this. Mind you, there is about 20 years between us so you'd think she'd be over this kind of thing... Anyways, 5 years ago I was 160 and decided it was time to get some weight off. I needed something that would hold me accountable so Curves was what I came up with. They weigh and measure you monthly, track when you come in, and nag you when you don't show at least 3 times a week. So I thought there we go, that's what I need!

My cousin's reaction was to mock it. She said she tried it herself and found it boring, even after she brought a friend with her to gossip the entire time. Her adjective for my plan was "******ed", her favorite...yes, this grown woman calls things "******ed" on a regular basis... I dropped 30 pounds working out there so I don't know how "******ed" it was, I thought that was pretty good. After I dropped my weight, she started killing herself to do the same so take that for whatever you want...

Two other people who criticized me were obese or morbidly obese themselves. The one called me a waif and said I looked better overweight. The other nagged at me because she couldn't understand why I watched my food intake if I was already thin. It never occurred to her that I was thin because I watched what I ate, maybe if it had she wouldn't have been so unhealthy and bitter herself. Really, this girl just outright hated me and I didn't do a single thing to her so I chalk that up to jealousy but that's not my fault. >.<

The only guy to try to put me down did so by making fun of how long it took me to run a mile. He bragged that he could do it in 10 minutes but he's a total chub. He isn't active and he eats junk. How does that translate into a 10 minute mile? I challenged him but he never took me up on it...and I immediately cut him out of my social circle as a result.

When some people are jealous they are capable of almost anything, even "friends".


EDIT: As for the BMI discussion, according to the calculator I use, the OP wouldn't be underweight at 119 until she passed 5'7". Of course, she'd be incredibly thin but not underweight. I checked one other calculator and it said the same thing. I doubt the friend knows these numbers by heart to make her comment one of concern but that's just my take on it. I don't know these numbers and I'm actually health-oriented, someone who isn't necessarily working out or eating healthy would have no reason to know their own BMI even.

I realize the discussion wasn't originally supposed to be about BMI but I think as long as a person is aiming for something within the healthy range, they should basically be let alone. I was told to stop at 140 and 130 and I still had a lot to tone up and fat to get rid of. It's just a personal choice.

oh my...

well I guess krampus summed it up the best, my friend asked me about counting calories vs weight watchers (she has done WW). She showed me some Fiber One bars she's been eating and some organic flax oatmeal and asked which one I'd choose, she said she was so confused about 'eating healthy'. So I told her the flax oatmeal, since it was 'cleaner' and would probably keep her fuller longer. Then she asked how a person decides which weight to stop at, that's when I showed her the BMI chart.

I showed her how to look up if your frame is small/medium/large (it helps a bit for figuring the BMI), told her that my goal was 120 which is right in the middle of the healthy range according to the chart. I measured her wrist, and suggested she had a med/large frame so showed her how to look it up on the chart, and what weight she could aim for.

Then she started laughing, saying, you look fine right now, you don't need to lose weight and then laughing at the calorie counting. Now that I look back at it, maybe she was upset that since we are about the same height, and she has a larger frame then I do, she could be jealous.

Whatever it was, I learned my lesson, I won't talk to her about it, and I'll just keep my calorie counting to myself.

I wouldnt take offense. I am overweight, that is why I am here. If I asked my friend about her loss and she pulled out a BMI chart, I would probably laugh at her also.

Next time someone asks, tell them how it is going. Do not pull out the charts.

That's just condescending behavior on her part, and completely unsupportive. I suggest you stay away from her so that you can stay focused. It's not an obsession to learn everything there is to know about losing weight, it's the smart way to go about it.

I suspect that she took your suggestion of what weight she could aim for badly. Either in a "She just said I'm -how- overweight?" way, or in a "So she thinks she should be 120, but I ought to be glad to weigh 130? Where does she get off?"

Based on her response of "you're obsessed, and don't need to lose weight", I'd guess the first one. That she doesn't see herself as needing to lose 30lb, so from her point of view, you don't either. And while she came across as rude to you, you may have come across as equally rude to her.

Either dump her because she is not really a friend, or never discuss your dieting with her again. She is just too negative.