I hear ya. :-( But why do we torture ourselves?!?

I recently have foudn myself having "skinny days" and "chubby days". I just FEEL differently, and view myself totally different on different days. I have NO IDEA WHY. But I just keep trying to tell myself that noone is 100% stoked with their body. Noone's life is 100% perfect. To hope for, and expect that, is self-sabotage.

Focus on a part you like and apply the law of averages. I love my toned arms. I hate my stretchmarked, floppy upper thighs. But I just figure the good and bad equal each other out! LOL

To play the other side of the fence here, just because a person is well within their BMI doesn't mean they are healthy or at their ideal body fat. It is a term "skinny fat". I know plenty of people with normal BMI's who have absolutely NO lean muscle.

At the end of the day, all a person can do is work out to replace body fat with lean muscle. I love simplyshredded.com for women. If you read the interviews, the women well tell you what they eat. There are mothers, and women of all ages on that site and they give great advice on how to gain lean muscle.

But like EVERYONE has said, this will take time and will NOT happen overnight. So you can either just give in and hate your body forever, or do work to change it. Either way, loving yourself and being healthy is the MOST important, both physically and mentally.

Wish you much success on your journey!

Not to sound weird, but I can sympathize with the original poster. I'm about 5'9" and in the past few months, I've walked a winded road between 150 and 160. I know that my BMI is less than 24.9.

I'm currently 20 years old. So, I don't know if it's a teen thing, but I can immensely relate a lot to pointless2011. My goal is also the size 7 junior's jeans. Which is also around 135. The sad, sad thing about being 5'9 and in the 150s AND a girl (just *my* opinion): you are competing against girls who are 5'3" and 135 and guys will pick her over you because she's "smaller" (to hold, touch, etc.). I promise there is room for me to improve, as I unquestionably can NOT wear a crop top or short shorts. I won't post pics, but please believe me: this is not an option. If we're going to talk about healthy BMI's, pointless2011's goal weight is also "well within" a healthy BMI (19.9). Yes, both 135 and 155 at 5'9 are healthy!!! There's another thread here about weight vs. age, and I think we should take age into account most definitely too, when analyzing a person's body image and weight.

That said, let's not hate our bodies, ever. I think the more we try and love our bodies, the more we'll sort of nurture them and care for them and make them nice. Feeling negativity towards our bodies isn't uncommon, but it might not mean you're hallucinating excess body fat...I mean, imo, you say you see stomach fat, and the posts above are kind of telling you "nope, you're imagining it" lol.

In any case, and I wish I took this advice more often myself, just go for it. Be brave and regain control of your life and wear what you wanna wear, why are you staring at pictures willing yourself to be leaner when that's hardly a Jillian Michaels workout :P And I really, really truly feel like you can reach a point where you'll be completely at peace with your body and happy with your life, even should you end up weighing more than you are now. You can definitely do it

EDIT: just read the post above me and COMPLETELY concur. Thank you!!

I agree with the "skinny fat" and think that everything should hing on a desire to be healthy and to be in good cardiovascular health/fit/etc.

Also, I can remember my years in the teen years and in the early twenties (I'm 25 now) and I can completely understand with wtfudge about "competing" with girls who are shorter and tinier, etc. And it sucked. Sucked big time. And I hated myself. But you know what, I look at those pictures of me when i was younger and I looked really hot.

I don't know if the OP is skinny fat or if she has a gut but I do know that I spent years hating myself and now I wish that I hadn't. I'm really passionate about young girls having healthy self-esteems because of so much psychological damage that can be done. It can also lead to physical health. I think my self-loathing of my body contributed slightly to my massive weight gain. "I'm already fat/ugly/lazy/etc. so what is the use of trying."
If someone else can be saved those years of self-loathing, then I will be happy.

To the OP, continue making healthy lifestyle changes (throw out the magazines), increase toning exercises (the Jillian Michaels workout) and don't forget about cardiovascular. Please don't hate yourself. If you get a flat stomach, well that is awesome! Good for you! But if you don't, you are still a wonderful person who is worthy of love and acceptance.

^ True that. Really nicely put. With or without more weight loss, you're probably freakin' hot so just own it =)

LOL----I have a funny story about that. I have been eating a little better here and there, and exercising, so naturally, I feel SO MUCH SKINNER. I'll show my husband, he's also trying to lose weight, and I say "Check me out, don't you see how skinny I am getting? Check this out, it's like all the fat is gone?"

And he'll say, "I can't really tell a difference."

LOL, it's hysterical because I probably don't really look different, I just feel different.

On that note, I am close to the same BMI as you----23----and I am also 5'10". I have negative thoughts about my body too, and I've had people tell me some pretty negative, harsh stuff.

For instance, I am training for a half marathon. I just finished two this month! Woo-hoo!! When a guy at work learned that I was training for a half marathon he said, "You need to be really careful about that, because the weight we have will start jarring on your knees, and it can really hurt a person."

Naturally, I am an overly sensitive woman, so I took this to mean he was saying I was fat, and I have a friendly personality where I can what people are getting to if I pay attention. Eventually he said, "Well, you just don't have the runners type of body." I laughed, told him my family is from Nebraksa and they are all 6 foot tall, and that we're Polish, so by nature we eat a lot of potatoes.

But I feel the same as you do a lot of the time, and the reason for it is because I do eat healthy, and I do take care of myself. I think the key is just allowing to let changes in your body happen naturally, finding solutions that work for you.

I really wanted to do Nutrisystem for a while, but it was too expensive. Instead, now, I just go to walmart and buy Amy's Light and Lean Frozen Meals, and Lean Cusines, all meals under 300 calories. In the morning, I try to eat Kashi puffs (very tasty---70 cal/cup), and then some snacks here and there. By the time dinner rolls around, I am able to eat a sensible dinner (just like the SlimFast commercials), but instead of having milkshakes all day, I can actually have "meals", or what could be called meals.

And I don't look like a skinny girl. It's taken me a long time to admit that to myself, and it's also taken me a long time to let my BMI seep in. I am at a healthy weight.

It's scary, the strange rabbit holes girls can go down, and I quite frankly think some of them are just starving themselves. There's a girl I know who lost a ton of weigh, like she looks so hot, she doesn't need to loose any more weight, and I told her that, "You look hot!" However, since she is a dieter, and I have this amazing empathy skill that God gave me, and I am a dieter too, I could tell when she told me "I still want to lose another 10 pounds" that she was sad about how she looked. Strange, right?

There's also a misconception that people out there who are considered "big" can't have fun, because people aren't nice to them and vice versa, and blah, blah, blah. We can't control people if they call us "big" and we can't control it if people want to make us feel bad about how we look, or if they think there is a certain way to be "healthy".

I can tell you from runnning a couple half marathons already that fitness has nothing to do with how a person looks, and being healthy has nothing to do with being skinny. I can vouch for this, because I have definately been able to pass up some girls who were much skinner than me on the racecourse.

LOL, however, the point is if you don't feel good on the inside, you'll never truly look your best on the outside, and if all the horrible thoughts and feelings you have eventually turn you into a person who just doesn't like themselves, that's no fun.

SO----I would recommmend trying a half marathon if you haven't already. It really helped me with my body issues. Here's me giving Dale from Chip 'n Dale Rescue Rangers a high five towards the end of the Disneyland half marathon:



Note: I am only wearing my sports bra, and during the running of this course, I got high fives from seven male teenage band kids! And they all were excited when I gave them a high five at the run anyway (lol, everyone is always having such a blast at those things).

My prescription for you: Go do an athletic event that makes you feel competent, healthy, and happy. Focus on happiness and not how skinny you are, because the truth of the matter is that what we are all essentially trying to achieve through weight loss is happiness, and if it stops being fun to lose weight at some point, you've lost the point of it to begin with.

I've said it before and I'll say it again:
Weight is NOT a syndrome, it is a symptom.
As I'm sure you know, even your START weight is within healthy guidelines for your height, so it's really not a symptom either...
I agree that seeking individual/group counseling for either/all OCD, Depression, anxiety, grief may help in how you feel about several things - including body image.
good luck to you my lady!

that's so sweet, librarygirl...about weight loss being fun. I kinda never thought of it that way. I don't know if the dieting can be fun, but the exercise, most def. and I'm Polish too......maybe that explains my weight thing lol!!

librarygirl (you don't happen to be a librarian, too? ) you are truly an inspiration. I have just started up running and it is HARD. I can only do 25-30 minutes of it. Definitely worth it and it is a great stress reliever.

I think what you said about accepting the fact that you aren't a "skinny" girl is important. We all have different body frames and will carry our weight differently based off of genetics. That is why our main motivation for starting a weight loss journey shouldn't be looks based. Absolutely, it can play a large part but there are many different factors that should motivate an individual. Because even with healthy lifestyle choices, exercising, etc. a person might never look like a bikini or Victoria's Secret model. I had to accept the fact that I would never be a size two or probably even a size four...I will always have a little bit of padding. But that is what makes me....me. And this weight loss journey is just me attempting to be a better and healthier me. And the surprising thing is that I am enjoying the person in the mirror. I will always have imperfections that I wish I could change (like the pooch in my stomach that I attempting to get rid of ) but I'm starting to notice how good my arms are, how my chin is getting defined. OP, you might not ever be a model but there are many qualities that you will discover that you do like about yourself if you just accept everything about you.

Wow, so much support, thank you guys!!! I want to go back and say that I do not need counseling LOL. I mean I know where you guys are coming from, maybe I do not seem like I am "fat" on your terms, but I have a gut which is deff not healthy.

Wtfudge, OMG you are like my twin, seriously I can agree with every single thing you say. And we are so much alike! LOL. About the girls who are shorter and weight less= SO TRUE ugh.

I'm European I don't know if it has anything to do with my diet/body type. But I do eat alot of carbs but for some reason when I lived in my country I wasn't fat at all. And most of my relatives eat SO much through out the day and are very skinny. I feel like it's the american food and what's in it that makes us fat LOL

I seriously recommend HIIT instead of any long distance running as it gives you more definition and lean muscle than walking on a treadmill for an hour. I also recommend cutting out starches or limiting them for awhile. and incorporating strength training.

The only thing you need to do is lose the body fat (which is diff than weight) and gain some lean muscle in its place!

On the counseling note, just be aware that people can read and write things in a different tone than they come across. I read your post as if you really don't want to leave the house because you are so self conscious. Only you know if you really need help or not. I def have had days where someone could have told me the exact same thing. Heck, the looney bin would probably welcome me (and my whole family) with open arms. :P

Also, I thought I was dieting and exercising right for the last month or so, but if I was honest with myself I was only half in it and therefore not doing anything. I kept getting frustrated and thought the weight wouldn't come off. I was destined to have it. Finally I realized that was a load of crap, made a new plan, and got started. I tried a new (pretty restrictive) diet and exercise regimen and honestly the lbs are coming off, I feel great, and I'm loving it. (I'm doing the Fat Smash Diet, in case you're interested.)

I think I can speak for everyone here in that we just want everyone to love themselves, be happy in their own skin, and be healthy. We are here for you if you need to vent. We are here for you if you need to cry. And we are here for you if you need someone to tell you to get up and go to the gym. (Someone please tell me that last one...) We all know what it is like to not feel like your body is who you want to be and we all have felt bad about it. Just know we are here for you. Whenever you need, for whatever you need.

:') that brought a tear to my eye, thank you so much!

You are my HERO for this post!!! We do all want to try and help, and we have all been in an "I HATE my body" mood... but "Hate" is such a strong word!

"Counseling" on the other had isn't - it's a positive word that results in taking care of yourself... BEFORE you feel like you "need" it



I also agree with the previous post about doing HIT - The Jillian Micheals Shred/Ripped in 30 videos are GREAT (and cheap) for getting started

I totally agree with this, I think this is an issue you have with the way your head is working, and not with your body. You need to call a truce with your body. It's not about punishing your body or beating it into submission-it's about changing your thinking from a punishing attitude to a kinder one.

I very recently started viewing my body in a better light because of some passages in a great book I picked up. I realized that it was ultimately not my body's fault-it was mine, my head's. My body did exactly what it was supposed to do when I allowed my head to run my appetite. My body didn't get fat just because-the 'hunger' that I allowed to run my head made it fat. I reccomend this book highly, as it has helped me achieve some of the best attitudes toward my body in a very very long time- A Course in Weight Loss: 21 Spiritual Lessons for Surrendering Your Weight Forever. My favorite chapter deals with learning to love your body again, and I think that's what you need to do. learn to love it for what it is, and stop punishing it (and yourself) for what it is not.