I'm not saying the OP's wife should not BUY those things or should not EAT those things. His diet should not affect her choices. But I'm saying that I don't see why food has to be lying out in the kitchen. Maybe it's just a cultural thing, but I never leave food sitting out unless it's cooling. As soon as possible, it gets put away.

Of course the OP is responsible for what he chooses to put in his mouth--it's just that the original description made it sound like his kitchen is a buffet! And it doesn't have to be that way.

Jay

"]I'm not saying the OP's wife should not BUY those things or should not EAT those things. His diet should not affect her choices. But I'm saying that I don't see why food has to be lying out in the kitchen. Maybe it's just a cultural thing, but I never leave food sitting out unless it's cooling. As soon as possible, it gets put away.

Of course the OP is responsible for what he chooses to put in his mouth--it's just that the original description made it sound like his kitchen is a buffet! And it doesn't have to be that way."


The bacon and biscuits sitting on the counter still at bedtime gave me pause also. Having food visible doesn't bother me, but if it did, I certainly would clear it all up and put it away, and perhaps make separate food storage areas so I wouldn't have to look at it. I'm not saying we shouldn't help our family members in their desire to lose weight, just that we shouldn't judge and/or put upon on them the responsibility of doing it with us, if they aren't ready. Weight loss/weight gain is very, very personal to me. So, I am perhaps unusual in my not wanting or needing the support of others when losing weight. It isn't better or worse in general, just better for ME personally.

I've been on my weight-loss program since November, and I originally lost 27 lbs. (and was still going). But in April I moved for a job, and once I left my work/leisure "routine" and way of eating, I gained back eight of it. But I've managed to lose four lbs. of that and am planning to lose 12 more to reach my goal (I don't have near as far to go as some of you, but those last repositories of fat on my body are murder to get rid of).

My wife is very supportive, and I think she just forgets and leaves bad food lying around, since we have three small children whom she's constantly having to cook/provide for - and she's a stay-at-home mom, so things don't get shoved into the fridge perhaps as often as a wife who works.

I've been very (very!) careful to not mention to her anything related to her own weight - and it's not like she's not aware of it. But I do try and talk to her about my diet and exercise and hope it'll eventually rub off on her. She had actually gone on an extreme diet about nine years ago (under a doctor's supervision) and had lost 60 lbs. and was very shapely. She's since gained all of it back and is closing in on being sure-enough obese. I don't see any effort on her part to control her eating at all. She does want to exercise and isn't necessarily against dieting, but it's hard to exercise with three children under six to continually monitor, and her knees give her trouble. She did ask me yesterday when she was at Target if she could buy some nice walking shoes so she could start walking around in the neighborhood. Unfortunately, money is tight and I had to tell her no - that she'd just have to find another way to exercise.

I think that if my wife puts the fattening foods out of sight for me, my willpower should be strong enough to keep myself at bay, as long as I've set enough calories for myself to eat in the evening. Oh, btw, that part I posted above about not letting my wife buy the running shoes - I was kidding, hehe! Of course I want her to walk. If she exercises, she's more likely to watch her diet, too. Just havin' a little fun in the forum, don't yew know.

Your wife will take on the journey when she is ready for it. That she mentioned shoes, she is ready for it at least at some level. If money is tight (so hard to know what is a joke and what is reality), find ways to save up for it - one less bag of chips. One less beer. Saving on gas money by running errands all at once instead of one at a time and so on. Running shoes would be my top priority if it were my spouse.

Which is the irony in my family. My husband is a tight wad, but he has said not a WORD and has only encouraged with anythign weight loss related. He knows in the long run it will save us money if I actually get more fit.

And about it rubbing off. I think it often does when there is no pressure. I started my journey with a HUGE job ahead of me, but very quickly my husband decided to take of 15 and to get more fit (he is already fine). he's now 2 pounds from his goal and is swimming a mile 3 times a week.

I still stand by my original point of view. I'm lucky because a) I do the cooking in this house normally b) my boyfriend doesn't really eat unhealthy food anyway but he does have a soft spot for sweet foods, just like me. Seeing as though I'm sitting around the house recovering from surgery, I asked him not to buy chocolate and if he does, can he keep it either out of my reach (not hard at the moment!) or take it to work and eat it there only. I think it's a fair enough request. Nobody has that kind of willpower that they can see all their favourite, fattening food on the kitchen worktop and won't eat it. He said yes, but if he had refused, I would have got really pissy because to me that is just selfish, unsupportive behaviour. It is not as if you're dictating what the person can eat, just where they can eat it.

I personally dread the day I have children and am just going to have to be the mean mum who won't give them sweets. But just like with my boyfriend, it's not as if they won't eat them at work/school/round other people's houses so I don't think it's that big a deal if there is an unhealthy food bad at home (as long as you don't sell it as a ban to children and cause an unhealthy relationship with food). Goodies are easier to regulate if you can only eat them when you go out to dinner/out for the day. It's an easy way to balance healthy eating and treats :s

I agree that asking someone to change their food habits for you is going too far, but asking them if they could put the sweets in the cupboard instead of leaving them lying out is reasonable. Would it help if you had a nice bowl of fruit sitting out, so that you would have something healthy to migrate to? Fruit is a lot more attractive to look at anyway, and certainly more eye-catching with all the bright colours.

I'm lucky: yes, my partner eats his fair share of unhealthy snacks, and remains slim regardless, but I'm vegan and he's not. Practically all of his snacks are things I can't eat, so I'm never tempted. When I first started dieting, he very sweetly asked if there was anything he could do to help, including not buying certain snacks. I thanked him and requested that we stop buying crisps for the time being, as that's one thing I usually can eat (it's still a mystery why so many flavoured crisps have milk protein added, but the plain ones are generally fine). So there were no crisps in this house for a while. I've been sticking to the diet surprisingly easily and not feeling the need to binge, so he's bought the odd packet of crisps and when he's eating a packet that happens to be vegan, I've sometimes had a single crisp. I wouldn't do that if I was having trouble with self-control in this area, though. Tortilla chips, however, are out of the question. I might be better with self-control now but I've always found it really hard to eat a small quantity of those, and the bags are always huge.

It doesn't have to be one or the other. You can request your wife to keep the fattening goodies away out of sight AND you can take responsibility for what you put in your mouth. Having your own healthy snacks available will help in those gotta-eat-something moments.

If money is tight as you note, I have to wonder why any of it is being spent on empty-calorie, fattening snacks. Just saying.

I am almost at my goal weight and my morbidly obese husband is starting to adopt some of my healthy eating style. I never said a word about his weight and he now wants to be slim and healthy just from watching me.

All the best to you and your wife on your path to good health...sounds like she is starting to think about exercise, and food consciousness may follow.