It isn't possible to control what other people choose to do. You have made it clear what is acceptable and unacceptable behavior. He has made his choice about whether to respect that or not (not) Now it's your turn to decide if you're willing to stay with someone who consciously chooses to behave in away which is hurtful to you. My only suggestion is to take the power and make the decision for yourself... the problem with ultimatums is that you're really just letting the other person decide for you.

It's a tough situation, whatever you decide to do, take care of yourself.
Best wishes,
Snap

It doesn't matter if -she- doesn't care. It only matters that your boyfriend doesn't seem to care.

He's the one in the relationship with you. He's the one who is supposed to be supportive, and understanding, and wanting to foster good feelings.

It sounds like it's time to move on and find better people in your life. Cut off all contact with him, and save yourself a bigger headache/heartache in the long run.

Sounds like you can do a lot better than this. He will continue to make the fight about you and your "jealousy" I am sorry, but **** yes I would be jealous if another woman is getting the attention that I am supposed to be receiving!

Obviously the girl has no respect for either of you either. Unless, he has her convinced that the two of you are over, and she can call whenever?

However, the fact that he has done this before and is doing it again, would push me away. I do not believe once a cheater always a cheater, however, he is proving that he does not respect you or your relationship.

Do not cave to him when he gets lonely and wants you back. He is seeing the grass is greener on the other side, but when it gets "brown" he wants to come back to your pasture.

Well said!

Sorry to hear he's been sneaking around. "Emotional affair" is a heavy and loaded expression but it sounds like he's having one...the dishonesty, secrecy and whatnot are not something that a regular friendship would involve.

I agree with this.

He's crossed some boundaries with you. So it is...

1) Determine if your trust is broken beyond repair.

If so, break up for good. Whether or not you can try to be friends is another story, but if you know you do not fit together like BF/GF then don't go there any more.

2) If your trust IS repairable...

Talk and see if the expectations and boundaries still work or need to be renegotiated. This is not working how it is. So... maybe go back a step and not be exclusive then, and then you can date others as well. Something else? But something different so that you are both on the same page and can keep to so you are both being honest and respectful of each other.

That's really about it here.

You decide where you are at with this and then let him know where your trust is at -- broken or repairable.

A.

OK agree that what he's doing isn't necessarily the problem, but the fact that he is being deceitful and secretive is. Especially if he knows it upsets you. Being friends with a girl is no big deal. Sneaking around to see her is a problem. Going over for drinks at 10pm is a problem.

BUT

The biggest red flag is that he already cheated on you. And you took him back. So you've already demonstrated that this is okay with you. Sorry, I don't believe in second chances with cheaters. You're either a cheater, or you're not. If you are, then that's the type of person you are and I am done with you. Why wouldn't he think he can get away with cheating if he did before and you took him back? People like this call you "jealous" and tell you to "grow up" as a way to manipulate and make YOU feel guilty for your (perfectly reasonable) suspicions.

Its up to you whether you want to be the type of girl who takes that treatment.. not me! As the song goes: "The next time that he cheats, oh, you know it won't be on me..."

I think it's pretty clear what I have to do... thanks guys.

I'm sorry Kelli, it sucks. But, you'll be better off alone or with someone who deserves YOU. No woman should have to question those things in the first place yu know. I feel for you though and I'm sure you'll be just fine. And I'm very proud of you for standing up for yourself and not taking it like so many people tend to do these days. Congrats to you!

I have another little question to go with this. Okay on thursday is when he ended up going to her house. During the day I texted him telling him where he can get medicine for his earache. 10 minutes later he responds back 'lol' then 'um after work'. I call to ask what he's talking about because it sounds like he's making plans with someone. He goes off on me for asking. Then that night he texts me saying he's going out with his friend for a drink. I ask when he'll be home, and he calls and says he doesnt know and he'll call me on his way home. He calls me at 1am on his way home. I ask where he went, and he says 'Oh well K** called me and R** and asked us to come to her house so we went over and I talked to her neighbor for a while, had a drink, and we left.' I asked where he was before that, and he said they were at McD's watching a game until 11pm. So I'm pretty sure that he planned this all along with going over there and went right there after work, but he says no. So what does that all sound like to you guys?

It sounds like he is a liar and a sneak.

Exactly.. and he doesnt seem to be very good at them either.

He sounds like someone that doesn't need to be in your life.

Thought so. Especially after I just question it for a second and he gets defensive and starts yelling. I'm so done with this. I deserve a happy life.

Yes, yes you do...we all do