Exactly.

I would love to have her completely out of my life, believe me, but I don't want to lose 2 friends over 1 idiot and I don't want my hubby to lose friends. So it's easier to just tolerate her as best I can. I am leaning more and more toward the out of town thing. I know that he will understand. If I do that I will be actually going out of town to visit friends or family so as not to get caught. With my hubby gone for 5 months it's going to be lonely here anyhow.

http://www.honeyfund.com/Etiquette#ans2
Its not really wrong to ask for money rather than gifts, so long as she doesn't expect people to donate to the wedding and than give a gift too. I'd rather have money for stuff around to the house rather than a big wedding..
This chick sounds like a nightmare and I'm not thinking this is going to be a marriage that lasts too long...

That's pretty sad that he's so whooped on this girl he'd stop speaking to his friends who did nothing wrong. Sounds like he needs to grow some huevos in the relationship I mean I can't imagine truly being happy with someone like that!

I don't know you, but I just have to say if I were in that situation, I would have to say it is time to let those 'friends' go. If they were real friends, they wouldn't let some little tyrant tell them who they can and cannot be friends with. For crying out loud, they are suppose to be ADULTS and should act as such -- especially when it comes to relationships and friendships. But at this juncture, if she is going to continue to try to manipulate and control the situation, you AND your hubby are better off without them in your lives. Not to mention, you cutting the strings just MIGHT be what sets the alarms off in their heads and says, you know, something here isn't right! I wouldn't lie, I wouldn't run away, I would flat out just say NO THANK YOU, but I will be happy to be a guest.

I don't have issues with the money fund -- I've seen it more and more where the couples are older and pretty much established but would like a nicer reception. They do it in lieu of gifts and no one is required. I'd much rather do that than buy them towels or a vase or some other 'thing'. I'd rather have a great party with them to celebrate. But her abrasive behavior in forcing what she wants is just insane. I know it's hard to make new and good friends (The hubbs is ex-military so we've moved a lot), but it's better to NOT have people like that in your life. I mean, think of it this way... why kiss any more butt than you have to???

Good luck and I hope you are able to come to a decision you can be at peace with irregardless of what all of our opinions are!