The people on suicide hotlines are there to listen. They volunteer their time and that is what they WANT to do with it. They want to listen and help you. Seriously.

You said you can't call given the environment that you are in. Can you go to the emergency room? Does your area have a crisis line? A lot of crisis places have places you can stay overnight if need be. The fact that you're sharing stuff on here indicates that you do want help. It's hard to think that anything will make anything better when you're in a dark place, but it does. Really, though, what is the worst that can happen if the help doesn't help? You're in the same situation you're in right now. I really hope you'll try and get some help.

I guess that is a way to keep your skin tight.

Food isn't going to help you in this situation. Food isn't going to fix your broken heart, or your loneliness, or your depression and definitely not your financial situation. Some how, some way you have the ability to get this under control and get help. You have lost 70 pounds, that is no easy task. MANY have tried to do that and have failed. YOU have done it, and you can keep doing it if you choose to. It is a choice. Fight for this, damn it. FIGHT FOR IT! You can turn this around and get physically and mentally in a good, (or better) place. Leave any and all baggage and excuses at the door and just get this ball rolling again. I'm begging you.

Going2bskinny,
I lost a lot of weight and yes I do have some loose skin on my arms, belly, and upper thighs. It has shrunk though! It is most noticeable to me and I doubt it is noticeable to others unless they were really looking. I think the key to having as little excess skin as possible is by weight training and exercise. I have to be very careful with what I do because I have asthma but even walking and lifting some light weights can help. Regardless, you will be healthier weighing less, even with excess skin.
If your man does not stand by you after your successful weight loss, then I highly doubt it was a relationship that would stand well at all. When you lose weight YOU WILL GAIN MORE CONFIDENCE...and that is what you need. You are a valuable person and need to treat yourself that way.
Hugs,
Sissy

I'm really sorry you guys thanks for all the nice replies it really helped. Was having a very bad week I guess. And a bit of a pity party. I'm not giving up my diet or anything I weighed myself today and I was only 5lbs more so I think I maybe only gained a couple pounds and the rest is water weight. So that is good I was binging on bad food for a few days there, I'm getting back on track now. I know it's really not an option to give up and stop anymore even after I lose weight so that won't be happening.

I read that too specialk85 I really hope it is possible to work it off in the end I am really going to try and see what happens.

I'd really like some diet buddies if anyone wants to be mine, I don't have anyone to talk to about it who are actually nice to me. I do have very low self esteem I never had a nice friend or even any family that was not mean to me. Not just mean horrible. It is really hard doing it all on my own while everyone around me puts me down, treats me bad and tries to sabotage it, among other things. But I am still doing my best. I really don't talk about my life much to anyone at all, it is just shock value for anyone that hears it, just trying to get this weight off and get out of here in the shortest amount of time possible.

Thanks everyone for the messages it really helped, good to see nice people really do exist for a change

I agree about the counseling or hotline....
but I'd also like to ask you,is your body perfect now?
he's with you now right? so maybe you're more worried about perfection than he is,and he is just uninformed about weightloss.
must be some reason he's there...maybe it's YOU.

going2bskinny- i'm sorry that you're having a hard time. but like everyone has said- focus on the good. you've lost a lot of weight! you're doing something really good for yourself. something that a lot of don't fully grasp- and you're doing it, day after day.
also, i know you're really worried about what your body will look like after, but try not to focus on that right now. try to focus on being healthy, and treating your body with kindness and respect by putting in the fuel it needs and giving it activity
be in the moment. spend your energy working on yourself and your self esteem, seek counseling...you'll deal with the "what ifs" of the future when they come.
again, you're doing a great job, keep your head up, and be in the here and now.

much love

When we have such a massive amount of weight to lose, it is so hard to know what to expect at goal. When I was younger, I lost 120 pounds and while I got to my goal weight, it seemed to take about a year for everything to settle, for my body to take a shape that stayed. The remaining fat seemed to shift, the loose skin firmed up.

I am much older now and I panicked when I had lost about 70 pounds and saw the sagging skin! But amazingly, it has gotten less loose over the last few months. It gave me hope that eventually I will be able to deal with the realities of my body and be ever so grateful that I am no longer dealing with the issues of obesity.

Relationships, body image are all tied up in the weight loss journey and I think that we all have to step back a bit and explore our feelings about it. I know that I lost weight so fast before that I felt like i had suddenly stepped out into the spotlight and didn't know how to handle the attention I received. I was use to being invisible by being obese. Take it one step at a time, getting to know your body, building up ideas about how you will want to dress, what you want to accomplish when obesity is no longer a hindrance.

Because you have anxiety over the future with what may happen, I think you should find a support group. Have you considered Overeaters Anonymous? There are no fees and there will be people there that will know what you are going through and they set you up with a sponsor so that you have one on one support too.

While I am not in the situation to attend one regularly (I am on the road) I am considering attending a weekly meeting when I am home for a month so that I can have support when I feel vulnerable to sneak eating when alone for so long.

Hope you seek the help you need. We ALL need support in the weight loss journey, we ALL need to work through the changes that happen. Often we find that what we fear most never happens.

Everyone else has already given you great advice, and I agree that you need to talk to someone about the emotional side. We're all here for you, too, of course.

About your boyfriend, though...you say you know he'll leave if you don't look perfect after you lose the weight. Do you believe he loves you now and will stop loving you if you don't look perfect later? Or do think he doesn't love you now and will only start loving you if you look perfect? Sometimes men say things they think are encouraging and just come out wrong. A few years ago when I was on a diet, my boyfriend said something about a bikini, but it was because he thought that's what I wanted. Not because he cared. Is it possible your boyfriend is just trying to encourage you?

Forgive me if I'm way off base and he is emotionally abusive. I just thought I'd throw that out there because I have absolutely horrific self-esteem, like you, and for a long time I thought my boyfriend had to hate my body despite all the evidence to the contrary.

I had more loose skin last year than this year! Some of it did bounce back over time (stomach and boobs got better, arms slightly but more due to building muscle to "fill" it in a bit). I will always have loose skin, unless I have surgery. I have learned to love my body however and to accept it for what it is instead of looking at it like a punishment for all those years of treating it badly. It WILL get better, as in- your outlook.

Thanks you guys yes he is really nice it is mostly me and my horrible self esteem and depression I think. I can't really get to any meetings right now either. Thanks for sharing your stories with me I really appreciate it. I guess I'll worry more about it later when I get more closer to my goal weight. I still have a long way to go. Thanks everyone you are all so nice