Back in the crack den. I have the resolve of an addict who doesn't want to quit. I just snarfed three chocolate bars in the past 10 minutes, and I have a cold so I can't even taste them properly.

NO.MORE.CHOCOLATE.

Just an idea...it seems that the obsessive consuming of chocolate/sweets is coming from a deeper place. It's a symptom. By trying to stop the symptom, you're not getting at the root of the problem. Any ideas?

And I would ask, how did you get the chocolate bars? Did you keep them in the house "hoping" you won't eat them? Did you go out and buy them so you could eat them?

I tend to agree with HTWP--something is going on. Do you get anxious or panicky when you can't eat sugar?

Jay

Krampus, when is this snarfing happening? During empty time? When you're tired? Like, can you describe the circumstances surrounding these moments? I mean, like, first this happens, then this happens, and what you're feeling, what exactly you may be thinking. I don't mean to be invasive, but you maybe need to take a look at that.

Cause it's sound like the equivalent of someone taking a couple shots of liquor, one after the other, sort of mindlessly.

I know you've got some big changes coming. We were talking about the Big Question Mark in another one of your posts.

I'm not a trained therapist, but I think you are under a lot of tension from this transitional period & this is how you're expressing it.

Is there a healthier way to blow off this tension?

Are you procrastinating any part of your plans and the food is a way to seek solace in the meantime?

Can you talk about any tentative plans you've made?

You're a smart, articulate woman. You strike me as very employable. And able to accomplish many things. Hang in there.

Here's the embarrassing part, the chocolate bars were intended as a gift to my boyfriend. But I bought enough of them so that it wouldn't be "so bad" if I ate some. I know myself well!

I'm not sure what deeper place it's coming from other than a toddler-like annoyance that I can't have what I want all the time. As a baby my first two-word phrase was "More ham," and my #1 favorite hobby/activity has always been eating for as long as I can remember.

There is no specific timeframe for snarfing, but it usually works out to be during the day at work or at home after work. I am PMSing quite a bit and very ill with a cold at the moment, and yesterday was Valentine's Day and had generally been a crappy day overall with bad weather and having to go into the city for a meeting I was dreading.

After typing that it all feels like putting a Band-Aid on a massive internal injury, but I still can't work out what that injury is. I do feel a bit panicky if I have been regularly eating lots of sugar and then cut myself off.

Hey Krampus. Back when I was still drinking, I would buy a bottle of something special for a friend's birthday--only I'd have to buy two, because I would "manage" to get into the first one.

Eventually I realized that buying alcohol "for someone else" was a lie that allowed me to drink more. It's one of the many ploys that addicts use to keep on using.

Your story about the chocolate bars reminded me of this. Gosh, next time go with the flowers...

So I don't know what to suggest as a strategy except that you have to stop eating sugar. Maybe not forever, but certainly for more than a week. It helps to make sure you have plenty of good nutrition otherwise. Don't try to cut out all carbohydrates--that's going too far. Make sure that the carbs you eat are complex ones (whole grain, for example) and don't have added sugar. And think of substitute activities besides eating sugar to medicate yourself. Listen to music and dance. Read a book or listen to one. Write in a blog or a journal. Go for a walk. Call or text with a friend.

Just some ideas...

Jay

Sometimes my DH is right on the money. I don't keep any alcohol in the house because I know I'd drink it. I don't keep any cookies or chocolate for the same reason.

But, as DH says, you can't not keep any food in the house. It is possible to binge on anything if you're anxious/depressed/(insert emotion here) enough.

If you are an emotional eater (like me & DH) then you have to get to the root of the problem and figure out a different strategy. I have yet to fully do that (and I've been trying for many years).

While Jayell's ideas are all good ones sometimes we can't help ourselves - we need an objective stranger (therapist) to guide us. Only you can decide if you need to go that far.

Dagmar

Dagmar, have you ever tried to binge on water-packed tuna? Next time you want a binge, give it a whirl and see how it goes. And no, I don't mean with mayonnaise added!

I agree that a good therapist can help us see the things we can't see on our own. I've had some very helpful counselors in my time.

Jay

I see what you mean. I'll try that when I next am feeling totally anxious etc.

Dagmar

Krampus, I'm kind of with you on the idea that sometimes binging behavior doesn't come from any deep, unresolved conflicts or sublimated stress, but is really just about "more, more, this tastes too good to stop." There's a reason that binging behavior is 3 times as common in people under 30 as in those over it, and why it's more common the higher you are on measures of impulsivity.

If you've spent some time introspecting, and really don't feel like the binging is coming from any darker place, it might be more productive to simply focus on the behavioral issue at hand (the binge), and what you can do to stop it. In addition to Jayell's (and others') terrific suggestion that you stop enabling yourself by bringing your trigger foods into the house, you should really look into Judith Beck's great book "The Beck Diet Solution" (there's even a forum on 3FC devoted just to it). It is basically an entire book devoted to altering unhelpful dieting behaviors (esp. binging and overeating) that many on this site have found useful.

I really do need to get that book. I've been reading loads of reviews on it and even just reading the reviews and feedback from people read and enjoyed it have been quite motivational for me. I'm an incredibly impulsive person with an atrocious track record of behaving irresponsibly for no reason other than that I felt like it at the time, so it's not surprising that I'd be prone to binges.

My biggest issue is reconciling my huge appetite with what I can realistically eat without gaining weight. It's hard and it sucks sometimes, but it sucks more to gain the weight back and feel like you gave up halfway there. I've been there before and it really, truly sucks.

I am with you on this one. I had to get over the fact that I couldn't eat as much as I wanted to, and let me tell you, it chapped my butt! I spent years (YEARS) mad about the fact that I couldn't eat what I wanted (while I did anyway and gained 75lbs). Something finally clicked and I decided that my "inner brat" was stomping her foot and getting her way way too often and it was making me miserable in every other area of my life.

Sure, I was eating what I wanted, but the list of things I wanted that I COULDN'T have was longer: clothes, libido, keeping up with kids, feeling pretty, good mood, energy....etc.... I had to decide that food - that 1 stupid thing - was keeping me from zillions of other life-affirming, beautiful things. I told my inner brat to pipe down - "grown up me" was in charge, now. It's just food - it's delicious, yes. It's comforting, yes. It's calming, yes. But, being fat and depressed is the opposite of all of those things and it is a lot harder to say "no" to than a chocolate bar. I can't wake up one morning and say, "I'm not gonna be fat and depressed today."

All of this to say, I feel ya, sister. You've gotta dig deep and figure out which "hard thing" you're going to pursue - the hard life of being overweight, or the hard life of being healthful. It's one or the other.

Much love,

That really speaks to me - an excellent way to look at it.

EXCELLENT point, hatethesweatpants. Excellent point. I don't want to return to the "hair must be down and styled around the face to hide my disappearing jawline." Not ever.

Out of the crack den for the time being, and it's showing on the scale.

As cruel as this sounds, it's reality - I think moving back to America will tighten my resolve to stay firm with myself because there is such a problem with obesity and weight there. There are more temptations for sure, but there are also millions of gentle reminders that you can't eat it all and stay thin.