Thank you, all of you really made me think.
saef- if I have to go out for dinner or a special occasion, luckily my family always asks me when my times to eat are and we schedule it around that. I feel so selfish, but they know I'll just order a diet pepsi if we eat later than 6:30. I've done it several times, and the only food I eat at a restaurant is the salad bar or fruit, no dessert, so it's no big deal for me. I have a small family & no friends, so it doesn't happen much.

I wanted to point out that alot of the food I don't eat, I really don't like much. I never crave any of it except for the sweet stuff, to me it's not worth eating unless it's a favorite food, for me that's cake, cookies, chocolate & ice cream. Never crave chips, fast food, anything fried, not even a donut. Can you believe I haven't had a donut or anything fried for 2.5yrs? I found all of your responses very interesting, please continue to post your comments & rules. I am convinced now that I am the only one in the world that has so many rules. lol

well I wouldn't say you're the only one in the world who has so many rules, but I would say those that do probably share your feelings of being in a prison...

There is a happy medium somewhere where you can go out with family at 8 pm, have a grilled chicken salad once a month and feel good about it. I hope you find it!

I have so many rules that I think they are affecting my quality of life.

This really, really stands out for me.

Have you always kept these eating rules, or are you adding rules as you go?

Have you considered working with a therapist? Maybe OA?

I respect the effort it takes to maintain weight loss, but I personally would choose 20 or 30 pounds over the relationship with food that I'm understanding from your initial post.

Rules? I like to call them guidelines. It sounds to me like you have been in this cycle before when you get to the around the 18-24 month period you sabotage yourself, unintentionally. I do it when I get to the 160lb mark (without fail every time). It sounds like you might be depriving yourself of things you enjoy. There is nothing wrong with indulging yourself sometimes in moderation, I would actually recommend it. What happens with my if I deprive myself is when I do finally get what I want I completely overdo it and keep over doing it. My suggestion would be to reevaluate your rules and switch them up a little. Shock your body! Enjoy yourself.

Good Luck

Rachael

Hi fruitlady-

This statement that you made:
I feel like I'm obsessed & trapped by my own rules, like I'm in prison.
made me feel really bad for you. Just reading the rules made me uncomfortable. I can't imagine having to live with that many rules. I would never be able to keep up with it all.
I know that being obese can make a person feel trapped and in a kind of prison as well. However, losing all the weight should be freeing and make you feel good, not bad.
Have you considered that you may have an eating disorder and talking with a professional in this area could really help? I wasn't going to respond because I didn't want to say the wrong thing or hurt your feelings. If I have, that was not my intention. I just have felt so bad for you since reading your post.
Just my 2 cents. Best wishes to you and (((hugs))).

I don't know, I didn't see your rules as being completely crazy or anything.

More like, that is what has worked for you in the past, and you don't want to gain any weight in the future, so you are sticking rigidly with what has worked for you.

Someone mentioned something about control. I find the idea of control is true for me.

Sometimes you have to rigidly control one thing in your life because you feel so out of control in other areas of your life. If that's true for you, you might want to look into those areas you feel out of control and explore them instead. Your rigid rules about eating/weight might end up relaxing when you feel you can control other parts of your life better. You may end up feeling more balanced.

You know what I'm saying?

~BreathingSpace~

Were these all your rules when you started?

I think the one thing that seems to be too much is having to plan your dinner dates or nights around your eating schedule. If you can't let yourself go here and there I worry that might be harmful. If you feel your quality of life is being hurt by all of your rules maybe you could talk to a nutritionist and work out a plan where you are still able to live your life without basing it around your entire eating schedule. Our nutrition is very important, but you need to make sure you are living your life and basing your food and exercise around that, not basing your life around food and exercise. I think you just need to find a healthy balance.

20g of fat maximum instantly stands out to me. That's almost half of what is healthy for someone at even a low 1200 calorie diet.

Here's the thing with potential ED behaviour - they stick to arbitrary rules in order to maintain control, feeling like if they diverge from their master plan, that ... "that just can't be allowed to happen!". Some of your rules are quite arbitrary and I must ask you - ARE YOU HAPPY? Is this how you want to live your life?

Hey fruitlady,
I think you definitely are restricting, which always leads to binge eating. IMHO that is why you eventually binge time and time again. Your BINGE eating things you deprive yourself of and a lot of it in one sitting, being you think you blew it, I may as well continue to shovel the sweets in, am I right? NOW, If you would just let yourself enjoy several pieces of dark chocolate or whatever sweet treat you want on a daily/weekly basis, in moderation, eat it, savor it & enjoy it, this way you will satisfy your sweet tooth & you will less likely have a full out binge on the stuff later after your good run of "perfect days!", if you allow yourself some sweet treats from time to time. This way if you eat some from time to time, you will be satisfied & not binge on it later... Hello we are women, we all crave sweet stuff especially around ovulation or TOM time! Trust me, I know I suffer from PMS-C (cravings) bigtime! I truly believe, you are just setting yourself up by not giving into the craving that is why you eat everything you can get your hands on eventually, now look where that has gotten you,- nowhere's, so I think it is time to try a different approach! Also I think your body is not happy at that low weight & it maybe your body is telling you it would be happier at a higher weight & one that will be FAR easier for you to maintain day in & day out for a lifetime, wouldn't that be better weighing a bit more to ease off some of the rules you have set for yourself? I am sure you realize your either eating perfectly or your binge-ing, so try to find a happy medium allowing treats so you can be in the middle somewhere's instead & live your life happily ever after..... Something to think about...BED is binge eating disorder & it is more common these days than anorexia or bulimia & I think you are teetering!

Also my rules are 80% of the time I am on plan & the other 20% of the time not so much! Yup, it is a perfect balance for me.. And I workout religiously everyday!

How's it going today fruit lady?

The only place I find I have to define things very closely (assuming I'm keeping to my daily calorie count with a combo of eating and exercises) is how often to have treats and eat out. "Once in awhile" is too vague for me, and I often slip up if, say, two opportunities to go out come up in a week, and then I will go for a treat with both . That might be a drink or a bit of dessert, for example. If I have a rule in place, I slip up less often and can say to myself that I had one treat and can't have any more for that two week period or whatever.

I also find that rules can change and change again, depending on what is going on in my life or at work, etc., and I have to adjust them. Example: A couple of years ago I had a new parking spot at work that involved going by vending machines on my way to my office. It was *horrible* resisting those things at first, and I often gave into a chocolate bar. Then suddenly it got better. Maybe bringing my own snacks had something to do with it. I may have stopped there twice in the last year.

Hang in there, fruit lady. I hope you are ok .

Thanks you everyone, I'm reading your posts everyday & doing some soul searching. Really trying to figure this all out.

evilwomaniamshe- Thanks so much- There's more to the story. I actually weighed 104-105lbs. for a year & I didn't have my period for 10mo. during that time. I knew my body fat % was too low, but I felt great. In Oct. 1010 my body started to hold on to fat when I over ate or binged, I couldn't lose it again no matter what I did & accepted the gain as a good thing. When my weight hit 108lbs. I got my period again & have ever since. My body seemed to be happy at 108lbs. so I thought that's where I was supposed to be. Then the holidays came, alot of over eating caused more weight gain. I'm now 110lbs. it's very slowly coming off. I'm afraid if i let my weight continue to creep up, then eventually I'll be right back 173lbs. Being overweight is in my genes, my father & his side of the family was all over 300lbs. I have been over weight since I was very young, I know my body wants me to be fat again. I'm not going to let it happen, I'm in battle with my own body! That's why i don't want to ease up on any rules, I don't trust myself. If I let my guard down a little, then I'll end up giving up totally.

sacha- Thanks- I am happy w/ all other areas of my life, I am a control freak about everything. That's how things get done around my home, otherwise they wouldn't. I realized my weight was one thing I could really control. I wish I could change that.

k15g15- I had some of my own rules when I started dieting, then as I learned what really worked for me, I kept adding more.


I am so interested in what you all have to say, Thank you, I appreciate all your help.