And interestingly, there are those who are overweight who seem very self-conscious but there are also those who seem to have plenty of self-confidence and at least, appearance-wise, seem unhindered by their weight.
So just the etiology of the issue of the overweight person's behavior contributing to how we are/were treated clearly factors in....and seems to vary.
I still marvel every time some sort of incident happens where I immediately go "wow, nobody EVER did that when I was fat".....and begin thinking about this whole topic again. I fascinates me to some degree. I have always been fascinated by human behavior (among other things).
So, regarding the not being weight-blind....here is my confession:
I DO notice other people's weight. Although I feel extremely empathetic there is still a feeling of....well, I don't want to say smugness because I truly am not a smug person.....but more like a sense of elation, of relief, when I see them eying me up and down, or see them tugging on their shirt constantly, etc. I literally FEEL all these behaviors as I did them all myself when I was fat.
I have to mention this, even though it's somewhat off the topic here. But my oldest son got married in August...in Astoria and then had a very fancy reception at "the Penthouse" in Manhattan.
I was literally terrified about having to go, esp. as mother-of-the-groom....just terrified. Approx. one year prior to the wedding I buckled down, ready to do literally anything to lose the weight for the wedding.....as the panic kept increasing, the closer the date approached.
Long story short, about 11 months later and approx. 65 lbs less, my son and his fiance took me shopping to buy "the gown" for the wedding. And all the ones I tried on were 8's and 10's and I did end up with a gorgeous gown....and had a fabulous time at the wedding. One of the all-time highlights of my life, in fact.
But I think back to that panic I was having....and to be honest, I think it's quite possible that I would have figured out some way to not attend....my own son's wedding. Something I can't even fathom myself ever doing....yet realizing there was a good possibility I'd have done it if I was 195 lbs.for the wedding. There would have been the massive crying and frustration episodes in the dressing rooms, the feelings of embarrassment and no self-worth.....which might have led me to do something desperate.
Yet my oldest son's wife (his fiance at that time) probably weighs what I did back when I was overweight (I'm so proud of my sons...they are not at all shallow...hey, I really tried as a mom).....and she looked absolutely gorgeous in her wedding gown and didn't seem self-conscious at all...and never has, really.
And mother-of-the-groom is almost nothing compared to being the BRIDE in terms of having everyone looking at you....yet she carried it off with aplomb.
Self-confidence is a huge factor when it comes to weight.....and also a huge factor in relation to how others treat you, I believe. Yet, there is something else that I can't seem to put my finger on....when it comes to the different treatment I'm getting now. Some huge factor I can't completely identify.
And in fact, every time it happens to me I am torn....as I feel flattered but at the same time, somewhat annoyed, thinking "I am the same person I was back then. How can you be so shallow as to only care what I weigh?"
It's funny but when my sons were young, we used to go to the beach every summer. Ocean City MD and stayed at this place (belonging to a customer of my dad's) across from the Convention Center. And I would take walks down to the boardwalk (approx. 40 blocks) at least once every summer.
And as I got older and older, I noticed that guys were checking me out less and less. And I remember feeling somewhat saddened.....although in reality, the guys at the beach are looking to hook up with young gals and are not a microcosm of the entire population.
But when I gained all the weight from the medication I was on....the not being noticed took on a whole new face. It wasn't just these young guys....I had adjusted to that whole situation as I had adjusted to getting older. This time it involved literally everyone. Well, to be fair, there were some who were very nice to me, acknowledged me, even chatted with me....but they were the huge minority. And I was beyond saddened....I totally felt like hiding all the time....figured out multiple ways to get out of going anywhere, hated when anyone invited me anywhere, esp. family, thinking "please don't do me any favors. I don't WANT to go", etc.
I did dress in huge tent-like clothing...jeans and large men's shirts....but there are many overweight people who are quite the nice dressers, I've noticed. And don't seem to want to hide like I did.
So I'm guessing it's all about what your weight symbolizes or means to you. To me, it's a huge deal....so there is the "what came first, the chicken or the egg?" but I suspect a great deal of it came from me and others just responded to it. And then that was exacerbated by the issues of others being uncomfortable looking at me at that weight, seeming to consider me either invisible or not a member of the normal world.
deena
