Food addiction is real and so is compulsive eating. After years of agonizing over why I cannot control myself with most food, the amount of food, and the presence of food and in comparing myself to normal people I finally realized and admitted I am a food addict. Slowly I am recovering after falling off the wagon 2 years ago and regaining 50 pounds. My past recovery was based on taking care of three things: the physical; the mental; the spiritual. During my past recovery I felt so good, happy, calm and at peace. I am working towards the same recovery today and hearing other's stories and what has helped them really helps me.

I am a food obsessed person. It's hard to admit but it's the truth. Whenever someone would mention going on a trip to the beach, etc I'd always first think about all the delicious food I might get to eat on the way. I also hide what I've eaten from other people. Yesterday someone brought a box of donuts to the office. I decided that it was okay to have half of one for a treat as I hadn't eaten anything sweet but fruit all week. So I stood in the kitchen trying to eat it slowly and I heard someone coming- my first impulse was to cram the rest of it in my mouth so they couldn't see what I'd been eating. I paused and thought to myself that there's nothing wrong with me eating half of a donut. So I finished it slowly and enjoyed the flavor. Progress.

Yeah, lots of them. When I'm at a business meeting with high-quality catered food, everyone else seems so INDIFFERENT to the dessert tray, while I'm waging a continual battle with myself while furtively glancing at the tray: "Will I have a slice of that cheesecake? Maybe a sliver of chocolate raspberry cake? No, I should probably just have that mini-mousse cup and a piece of fruit. On the other hand, I haven't had cheesecake in ages..."

I alternate between thinking "What's wrong with these people for not caring about the desserts?" and "What's wrong with me for caring about them so much?"

F.