Trying to Stay Positive in the Face of Criticism

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  •   #16  
    Kaonashi's AvatarKaonashi , 11-15-2010 11:36 PM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nola Celeste

    There are certain things which are decidedly Off Limits for out-of-context criticism in any relationship. Once you get to know a person, you learn where their sensitivities are, where to stick the knife in to do the most damage. A person who regularly delivers jabs to those soft spots--even if they try to portray it as "for your own good"--is being cruel. Robin41's right: someone who likes to poke at bruises is worse than even the most callous of strangers.
    I agree with this completely!

    I don't even know the OP, but I'd bet good money that within the 5 year time span she's been with this guy the "Hey...I used to weigh XXX" conversation has come up. OP, you have made an amazing accomplishment with your weight loss so far. And you DESERVE to be with someone who will celebrate that with you, not tear you down.

    It could be that he thinks his comments are just light-hearted teasing and honestly doesn't realize that his comments hurt, and if that's the case then a conversation with him is in order. But if you find yourself constantly censoring what you tell him in fear that it will be used against you then it's time for you to do some re-evaluating. Life is too short to spend one minute with people who will kill your joy.
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  •   #17  
    shannonmb's Avatarshannonmb , 11-16-2010 06:31 AM
    Quote:
    Originally Posted by Nola Celeste
    If he is going to talk about the overall size of your body, perhaps you should discuss the size of a particular part of his. Or is that hitting below the belt, so to speak? And if he wouldn't like it, why should you appreciate his out-of-the-blue critiques of your appearance?
    This is so true! I think for a LOT of men, criticizing (sp) and/or making unkind remarks about the size of 'him' would pretty much be a relationship killer. I mean, every time he was going to 'show it', he'd start to feel like, "Oh no, it's inadequate, I'm embarrassed, I'm mad at her for saying it, etc, etc, etc". Well guess what, buddy, most women who've struggled with weight feel the same way about their bodies!

    Maybe try explaining it that way? He probably feels like he's just telling you about a simple matter of a few pesky pounds, but he might realize it's hurting you more if you equate it to how he'd feel if he was missing a few pesky inches. AND you felt the need to be mean about it!
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