Going out and having fun with your friends does not have to always mean unhealthy fatty food! You don't have to have "a lot a lot" of wine, or multiple desserts. Just because these are rituals that you all have associated with the trip before, doesn't mean that it's something you can't change. When you go to do the wine tasting, just take a couple of sips of something that sounds good (just because it's offered, doesn't mean you have to take it ). Think about what got you here in the first place. I know that for me it did have to do with making excuses about why I couldn't be "on plan" that day or splurging and letting a gain (from water weight) throw me into a binge spiral for the next week, undoing all of my hard work.

I'm not saying that food shouldn't be enjoyed. I LOVE food. I love cooking and eating and enjoying food. But that doesn't mean that every fun occasion with friends and family should be centered around food. I wouldn't consider someone else's wedding splurge worthy, even IF I was in the bridal party. However, I would consider my own as splurge worthy for sure. Going out to dinner with my husband to our favorite restaurant and having a glass of wine and sharing a dessert to celebrate his return from Afghanistan is splurge worthy to me.

It's your decision about whether to go or not. If I were in your position, without a doubt I would go. I would enjoy the time with my friends and control myself when it comes to food and drinks. In 5, 10, 20 years what are you going to remember about the trip? Is it the food? Or is it the time you're enjoying with your friends?

The thing is, there are SO many events in our life - holidays galore and than of course - all the additional social events and food opportunities, not to mention weekends, work place, stress, etc. It is a never ending stream of food *challenges*. If we deemed each one as splurge worthy occasions, or heck even every third one, we would not be able to lose the weight and keep it off.

Being a health minded person is a 365 days a years commitment. Even if we weren't to count calories for those times, trust me, your body WILL. The idea is to learn how to navigate a healthy lifestyle within, well - life.

Of course being a health minded person and adhering to a healthy lifestyle doesn't mean that you have to eat healthy 100 percent of the time. There is some room for said splurges, but they must be minimal and spaced far apart. And the other thing is - rethink what a splurge is, rethink what a treat is.

But this really says it all:

We place too much emphasis on food and not enough emphasis on the really important things - people, friends, relationships, fun, laughter...

As always, you guys have been wonderuflly brilliant and insightful. To clarify- for me, going off plan never involves bingeing or going crazy with things so to speak, just a meal or two that, while reasonably portioned, doesn't fit with my day to day plan. I never have problems getting back on track, it's just that my body seems to think that the two pounds of water weight from a poor meal choice should take an entire week to lose.

To answer a few of the questions- it's a mixed event of men and women, some of whom are healthy weights, some of whome are overweight, etc. Following any one person's particular lead is going to lead to disaster since nobody is moderate there

For the weddings- one of them had amazing food that I have dreamed about ever since and would eat all over again(mushroom and brie wellington? I had never heard of such a thing but man is it delicious!). Two of them were in the same weekend, and in different states (one of which I was day of coordinating!), so those were both more of a poor planning/time crunch, the other I ate very moderately at but still options I wouldn't normally eat (pasta, it was what was there and a 3 hour drive away), the other one I was also coordinating and I also ate very moderate portions but wasn't going to turn down a little sliver of wedding cake. In retrospect, most of it was poor planning in advance coupled with bad decision making.

For this weekend, I've decided to go. I'm going to skip out on breakfast. (there is literally nothing there that isn't huge and served with a big as your head tasty biscuit) I'm still finding myself in the place in between "I can't stand to stall my weightloss even for a day or two!" and "But, this is something I really look forward to and love!" If I do decide to indulge a little, I'll taste at one winery (where I only really like the whites, so even fewer to taste there!) and maybe a super super small sip of anything from another winery that DH decides to buy. I'll bring my own snacks, and I rearranged the car situation to drive so I won't feel awkward doing so (plus driving= super good reason not to drink much wine at all.) As for the desserts- it was inbetween the apple cobbler and apple donut. Both of which are so tasty that I literally crave them specifically randomly throughout the year. (there's a big apple festival thing going on at the same time) The cobbler is delicious but not served hot. So, it's out. The donut, when served hot, is mind blowing, and so I will split one with the hubs. If cold, probably not.

Thanks again for your insight ladies. You saved me from missing out on something that I love and smacked a little sense in to me

I think your plan excellently balances a desire to keep on track with doing the things you really love!

And drool-worthy wedding food?? I'm impressed!

Robin, thank you for this! I needed to hear it today . . . and since I'm a slow learner, I think I'm probaly going to print it out so I can come back to it over and over again.

Having been overweight, well, always, I feel like I have to relearn everything. It's a pain in the neck. But it's also what's going to keep me from re-gaining the weight I've lost and going back to my terribly unhealthy lifestyle.

I don't count any event as splurge-worthy during this weightloss phase. I wouldn't find getting back on plan easy. I'm really passionate about continuing to enjoy life though, I just find it much more rewarding to do when I can enjoy life and not spoil my diet at the same time.

The cupcake I had today was worth it. My oldest son and his wife are 5 months pregnant and they showed up at work with this cupcake, the color of the center is the sex of the baby, so I had to eat the darn thing to find out! Actually the cupcake was cute, white frosting with pearl sprinkles white on the outside with a pink center. All done in a cute decorative box with a ribbon and cute card, that said, boy or girl?

It's a girl!

Part of my success with weight loss and so far in maintenance (I'm still a maintenance newbie) is regular planned free-for-all cheat days. I'm not talking about "cheating" and getting a burger but no fries. I mean I get the bacon double stacked burger with fries and a shake. And the whole DAY is a free for all, so I can eat whatever I want before and after that. I don't count and I don't care. These are PLANNED days, as in a few weeks in advance, and generally do not happen more than once a month.

A few things that have made the list for me are:
- cupcakes, cookies, candy, frozen yogurt....on the same day
- Chinese buffet (2 or 3 plates, mind you)
- Five Guys burger and fries
- Olive Garden all you can eat pasta

You get the idea, when I splurge, I do it right. Go big or go home.

BUT, every time I have splurged completely shamelessly, I feel awful afterwards. Not guilty, because it's a guilt-free day, but physically ill. I eat too much and the sugar rush and crash or the grease brick in my stomach just makes me regret the whole thing. So over the last few months, I find myself making more and more modest decisions. Sure, I'll eat Chinese buffet, but I naturally only desire one plate. It's above and beyond my daily calories, but that's okay, it's a cheat day. But instead of the crazed eat eat eat mentality, I just have my treat, but I desire it in moderation and rarely.

I've explained it dozens of times on here. I can't do the mini "cheat" treats throughout the week. Allowing myself to eat one fun size candy bar, but only one, every single day would be absolute mental torture for me. I can do without any candy bars or bites of treat foods for weeks, but on my cheat day, you better believe I'll eat what I want. And as I said, what I want is much more moderate than what I used to want.

mkendrick, I do something very similar.

Since hitting maintenance, I have not upped my daily caloric intake. I keep it the same. My extra calories come from *splurges* and they're not daily or even weekly. I too can't be bothered or have no desire for a little splurge here or there.

I look at my social calender for the month ahead, see what's going on and decide where I will have a MAJOR splurge. As in several things. For me, it's important (vital) to have my splurges away from home, still keeping my home a safe haven. It's usually at a social event or when I'm away with friends for a few days. Sometimes it's on a holiday. Funny enough, it's never on my birthday. That's my day to be extra good to myself and for me, that means eating exceptionally well.

I have also learned to scale these days down. My stomach just doesn't have the same capacity (thank G-d) that it used to. I get full and uncomfortable VERY quickly. I've learned to pace myself. I still have to be choosy because there are many things that are not worth it to me and like I said, I get full quickly, so there's only so much *off* foods I could possibly get down me in one day.

An event such as the OP described, now that I'm in maintenance mode, would most likely be one of these planned splurge days for me.

rockinrobin, I'm the same way!!!

I plan my splurges on holidays, weddings, parties and other such events. I prefer to have them on special occasions because I can keep the mental barrier between rare special occasions and "just because" splurges. "Just because" splurges can start happening more and more often while special occasions are just that, special. I still eat the same amount of calories as I did when I was losing and remain quite content on it. I loosen up a bit on weekends and eat around maintenance. Still count and stay on plan, but this is when I'll get a frozen yogurt or a restaurant meal with friends or something.

And I learned the hard way a few times about having a smaller stomach capacity. I still had the hungry eyes of my old self, ate too quickly, and was in pain once it all got to my stomach.

Interesting thoughts on splurging. I know that's going to be a problem for me, so reading everyone's strategies is making me think about my own approach. I'm definitely not considering just any occasion splurge worthy but I also don't think I am the person who can just cut them out completely.
I've already got one splurge on the calendar...
I'm going back to the US to visit friends, etc in a couple weeks and since I left there 14 months ago, the only thing I have really been craving from time to time was the Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake from the Cheesecake Factory. I think that's just about the worst thing you can crave, but I know I'm going to have one just once while I'm there.

Definitely not worth the splurge: Buffet food.

Splurge worthy: Really, really good sushi.

Not to hijack the thread, but the funny thing about doing all of my major splurges at social events, therefore in front of everyone (what a switch from back in the day) well you wouldn't believe the looks and yes comments that I get. "How in the world did you lose all that weight eating like THAT?" "OMG, I can't believe you eat so much?" "That's allowed on your diet???"

And then on the flip side, like I said I pick and choose which events I'll splurge at, so if there's more than one in a short time, at other events I'll stick to really healthy foods and eat very lightly. Then I'll hear, "no wonder you stay so slim, you eat nothing", "well that's why I can't lose weight - I could never eat like that", "you gotta live".

The food police. The absolute worst part of losing 165 lbs in front of every one's eyes. Oh well.

Anyway, that's why you can't get a good picture of someones diet by judging one or two meals. So when I hear things like, "she eats so much and never gains weight", "she's got a great metabolism" - yeah, you're not seeing what she's doing all those other times.