I'm heading off to visit Atlantic Beach with my x. I love the beach. I don't care if I'm a whale or a string bean, nothing can distract me from the joy of the ocean. True, there is much sighing and frustration BEFORE... in the dressing rooms trying on bathing suits, that first second when you peel off your wrap and find yourself half naked in public... but it fades so quickly. It's not like I live in Brazil where there are supermodels running around the sand or children throwing rocks at me like I was a monster in a carnival worthy of scorn. American beaches tend to be a great equalizer and a place of peace where children, teenagers, adults and grandparents can hang out - legs exposed, arms exposed - every shape and size imaginable - and just be themselves having a good time.

My profile picture was taken two weeks ago, when I was squeezing in my last summer vacation at Edisto Island. Size 20. 210 lbs. Pale as a ghost, practically reflecting the sunlight, and feeling grand. In general, once home I pretend the photos taken of me in a bathing suit magically disappear... stuffing them in a drawer. But this time around, I thought I'd try something else.

Post it. And look at it. And be cool with yourself. That's you! Head to toe. Half naked. In public. And it's not as terrible as all that... it's actually been kind of comforting seeing that little profile pic every time I sign in here. I've accepted it.

I think for me an important step in my weight loss goals have been fully accepting where I am now and trying to fuel my ambitions with love instead of self hate.

Mortonpixie - Homeschooling is wonderful and very brave of you! I have met many homeschooled kids coming into the high schools and they have all been wonderful, well adjusted and bright teens. Not that public schools aren't great, too, but I think it's good to remember there are options out there in how we educate children.

And let's remember this is government run schooling... there are NO classes with only 25 students at my school. That is supposed to be the max amount, true... but everyone has 30-35 this year. Overcrowded and under-budgeted! It is a sad fact, alas... and we are really short changing the future generations by being so slack on our national funding of schools.

Oh, and I'm a librarian! So I have students that are media assistants, but not actual classes - except for all the classes that come in daily and keep me swamped with exciting work!

I have yet to master the art of not indulging during the first two days of starting my period. I know this is something I need to work on. I'm just accustomed to "treating" myself... due to cramps and cravings. Chocolate, in particular. Or something salty and 100% terrible for you.

Needless to say I have not been on the scales since I started. Today is the end of the second day. Tomorrow it is back to the grind. It's a tricky thing, rewiring yourself to not see fattening food as a "treat" - sort of goes against years of upbringing. Ah well.

Still hanging strong, otherwise. Determined. Not deterred by a day or two of falling off the wagon. There's a long weekend ahead. Plenty of time to restock the veggies and get out and enjoy the day.

Well, I've survived my period and managed to loose weight! Miracle of Miracles! In general, this is a week of great weakness for me. And though there was a day of indulgence, I quickly got back on track.

207lbs. this morning. That's three pounds now! I'm thrilled!

I've decided that it is a bit ridiculous to wait to be "thinner" to start dating again. What the heck, right? So I've got two dates lined up this weekend and plan to enjoy myself. It will be a nice test to see if I can manage to overcome my insecurities enough to enjoy a dinner or lunch. I've been pepping myself up for it all week. Both individuals have seen me, full figured as I currently am, and have no noticeable problem with the way I look - so neither should I. It's one of my biggest irritations with myself... but I have gotten very cozy with myself and my extra weight. The aerobics of an active "bedroom" life seem quite overwhelming and unappealing to me. But then again... ! Not that I have to worry about that any time soon. Like I said. Dates. I'm slow to get into relationships, so I'm taking it one step at a time. First, let's start meeting new people...

Well, I'm off to work. Just wanted to note that newest notch down the scale line... three pounds... not bad at all...

on the 3lbs down!! I can relate with the treating during that ToM. I have some problems that cause me great discomfort during that time and I tend to slap a big ol' chocolaty band-aid on them.

Congrats on beginning to date again. My husband and I got married when I was 30 and he was 37 (a little "late" in life) He was quite overweight when we met, I was dieting. He lost 70lbs while we were dating due to wanting to support me in my efforts. ***just a little anecdote this morning*** best wishes on dating!

Thank you so much for the kind comments regarding homeschooled children you have encountered. This is my second year - I took our children out of public school because I thought they needed more attention. I have one child that is a constant behavior issue (although very bright) and one that is highly gifted and simply devours every text/literature book I throw at him. We live in a rougher neighborhood - so our schools must function largely as disciplinarian and (IMO) lack time to educate at a higher level.

I would LOVE to be a school librarian! Books and children...sounds like heaven. Though, I'm sure it's not all roses.

Congrats again on your victory! Have a nice day at work.

Mortonpixie - just wanted to say, I lol'd when I read "big ol' chocolaty band-aid on them". I can totally relate, though for me it would probably be a big ol'pizza filled band-aid.

Thanks for the smile!