Annie - I think you're right, I think I need to just get the legs strengthened. Plus my lower back no doubt... I should practice squats and trying to get up on my own. That is a quick way to do it Hehe... Zumba sounds interesting! I like the kick boxing, but right now lol...haha no. I can barely get through the warm ups. You've been through so much, but I know that getting moving makes you feel good! Despite my fall, I still did like the walk a bit. I miss moving...

Rat - TY, I think you're right about doing the walking thing to get the strength back. It sucks as I feel like I'm back where I started! The rebooting sucks lol...

Neon - Feeling much better, just stiff today. Cold free, well allergies are a problem for everyone these days, but leg is bruisey, but not too bad. Sounds like you had a lot of fun! WOOHOO~

Lindy - We totally get how you feel. I used to say to myself, "Well it is only a few hours" or "it is only one day" and then I would go suffer with some sort of social event. Of course your situation is different as you have the medical issues on top of it, could you set up a camera and see it "be there" or sit in the back near the exit?

****
Today I'm stiff, bruisey, but okay. Been doing some work, dealing with some people, yadda yadda. The usual.

Going to do some food prep today...not very hungry this morning thus far. I kind of feel like when I dont' get up early enough I sabotage myself. I am trying to drink enough water, lemon water if I can help it. I just need to get my energy level back. It is almost there, even though I'm still embarrassed over the falling.

Today I'm going to enjoy a smoothie later, make a few salads...yadda yadda. You know, raw it up or rawesome day.

Right now I'm wanting to go back to bed though lol...

*HUGS*

Good Morning all,

Stella: Woo hoo to -6.5 more pounds! Way to go hon.

Pink: Thank you for the reminder of what I've been through in the past 6 months or so. I think I will like Zumba when I can get my feet to go with the music. When he does the slow part it is super easy but then he speeds it up cause it is Latin dance and yowza I get lost. lol.

Rat: Please don't be jealous. I have wayyyy more time on my hands than you do. I am still not approved to go to work so.... I have lots of at home time. I can exercise as much as my body will allow. You are right about wanting to get back into exercise and waiting for the heart doc to say go! That is such a nice story about you and your friend. I loved it and I so many times allowed my fear of my size to interfere with the world and what was going on in it that I could have enjoyed.

Jacquie: Glad that you are not too sore. Hugs.

I think that Pink maybe right about how quickly the weight came on hopefully it will come off that quickly. I lost 2 pounds since yesterday morning. So, hoping it comes off like that back to where I was so I can continue my journey.

Joel is in a habit of putting Moose up on the bed with us or with me in the morning around 4:30. He is quite the snuggler and will plop down on top of me if he feels like it. He is huge and it wakes me up. lol. He weighs over 60 pounds now and takes up so much room.. He wakes us up around 1 a.m. every single morning and wants to snuggle. Bad habit but it is nice to snuggle with him until he sprawls out. lol. So, I am sleepy today cause he was in a sprawling mood. lol.

The past couple of days I have used a beautiful pitcher and filled it up with water and ice and sliced cucumbers. Today I sliced some strawberries into it. The water is a lovely shade of pinkish and it tastes yummy! Great way to get my water in!

I hope you all have a wonderful bootie moving, water drinking day.

Blessings all,
annie

OOOOO I'm gonna try that! I love it! I love lemon in my water, but berries and other things would rock!

Afternoon greetings here!

I walked 2 laps today and it started pouring rain. I did them fast though because it was sprinkling the entire time. Of course I forgot my umbrella. I ran down 10 flights of stairs to make up for the other lap.

Jacquie, I hate rebooting!!! When I go walking, I sound like my psychokitty when she goes to get fluids. I hiss and spit and growl the entire time, even though I know it's good for me.

Annie, I know everyone's situation is different when it comes to heart troubles and attacks, but... there have been 2 young men here at work that have had attacks.. lived.. and are now out running and exercising. One of the guys had his attack while running, came back into the bldg and our asst admin was a former military nurse and took care of him until ambulance arrived (3 yrs ago). This guy is doing half marathons now and was released after 6 months to exercise - he built back up slowly, of course. I'm not sure why your cardiologist has been so conservative. Even Australian studies showed that 30 min of exercise stimulates stem cells in the bone that aid in heart repair. I'm just pointing out the obvious. You know best what your limits are! Doctors are sometimes so clueless (oh wait, I r one.. well, that applies to me too LOL). Sorry for the babbling.

Hugs to all!
Ratkity

COLD WATER - YEA!!!!! GRADUATION - MAYBE..

I only have water in my mini-fridge and my lunch was in it earlier. It is so much fun to have cool water during the day when I'm home alone. I think I drank about a 1/2 gallon of water today, which is twice what i usually drink!!!

I still haven't decided if I am going to the graduation on Saturday, but I have decided that i WANT to go. I guess being the fattest person at Busch Gardens for one morning will be okay; I don't weigh as much as the tigers.

CYN: I have been on a scrapbooking marathon. I was making a scrapbook for my son of his high school years and i thought he could have it since many people - including doctors - did not think I would be alive to see him graduate. I have scrapbook stuff all over my bedroom! Anyway, I wondered if you have ever seen a website called Scrapyourtrips? They sell incredible scrapbook stuff including custom pages and die cuts that are personalized for your family or event.

MILLION - I'm practicing my bed-bound version of a 'happy dance' for WHEN you get into the 200's.

RAT - how is psychokitty doing? Send this TOM off to visit my dad so we can both take care of ourselves!!!

THINMINT - WOW - way to go - your inches off sound fantastic. I have not found a measuring tape big enough to measure myself yet. Maybe i can get two and tape them together. You are really on your way!

PINK - How are you? Are you looking forward to summer?

Email me if you want to. Remember, I'm not allowed to post my email address so you have to email me at:
put these three words together in a row: lindys baby steps (then make one of those little at signs) ADD a o l with a dot and com. It works.

Blessings,
Lindy

lindy: I will check that website out.

As for me: Spent last night cryin my eyes out. My sons EX was fine til about 2pm then said she chooses her family over him and isnt talking to him again. This is after he took baby stuff to her on sunday. He is hurt..and so am I. He told her that if she stops talking to him..he wont chase her again. I personally think her mother said something to her again. She found out Damian dropped stuff off and is probably mad.

JUST CALL ME HEART broken!!

I can't fix this. And I am a fixer!!!

Life is just a mess sometimes

Dinkachu -- (hugs) thank you so much! I am rooting for you as well.

Cyn - I am just so sorry and my heart breaks for you and your son. But, don't give up - things can change. I think you are right -something is behind her decision and she may have been told she had to choose family in order to have a home. We just don't know. But if her mom really puts her out, as you mentioned earlier, she might have a complete turn around. After she is 18 lots of things can change. Do something non-caloric to make yourself feel loved and special!!! Obviously, the people in this girls life have no idea what a wonderful dad and grandma they are keeping from the baby!!!

Love and prayers,
Lindy

Morning everyone,

Sorry, just a quickie. I have an interview at the residences for my university for a reception job. More than anything, I just want to hide in bed today and cuddle with my babies and cry, but I promised my pastor yesterday I would get up and get out today and be active. I am really really low into depression, scared, feeling alone. I am so cut off from everyone and she is really my only support right now, and she' moving away in a little over a month. Heartbroken, I guess because she's like a mom to me. Trying to go through the motions of school, but it's hard studying Theology/ministry prep when I feel so distant from God right now/abandoned and angry. Just feeling really really low and scared because sometimes my self-hatred is *so* strong.

Hi Pink,

When I was in grad school and under lots of stress and suffering from depression, I used the school resources to find a therapist to help me. It was free and the dude really really helped me. Perhaps you can explore this option today as you get out?

Hugs,
Ratkity

Cyn - *HUGS* Hang in there...with all these problems it might be a good idea for them to take a break. She sounds very impressionable and speaking from when I was that age, my step-mother and father had a hold over me. Very controlling (abusive as well as you know) and it wasn't until I removed myself from that situation, totally, that I started really getting it. I knew that either I got out or I died there, that was my situation, but removing myself was the BEST thing. Hopefully this girl will get that and be safe and secure in her life.

Heck I remember the day I started choosing myself OVER my family and lol...they basically had RUINED my time with my boyfriend and they made me come to their house or "home" and I was trying so hard to please them. They wanted me to stop seeing my boyfriend at the time (i was in college), who had flown in to see me and we were spending two weeks together (wonderful weeks) and I had kept it a secret from them KNOWING my step-mother would do ANYTHING to break my relationships up. I was an adult, so it was my choice. I was safe and secure, had a network of friends and they informed me of the trouble my step-mother was causing. So, I was there and I was so upset, crying and said I would do ANYTHING to make up for whatever I did wrong (which I hadn't done anything wrong actually, but at the time I thought I had) and my step-mother looked at me and said "never see HIM again and stay home." I looked her dead in the eyes and said "no, I won't do that" and her look she said "you said you would do anything" and I said "I won't do that, anything BUT that." I think my looked scared her as I stared her down, I FINALLY started to GET IT then! That was my moment and from that day on I was coming into my own. Sure I struggled and sure it was VERY bad for a long time, BUT I think this girl will have a moment like that. Hopefully soon...she is very young, but they don't have the right to force her choose them over anyone else. I understand the situation makes it a bit awkward and hard, sure she is pregnant and is very young, however I do personally feel that people who give ultimatums like that have been doing that for a long time and that controlling behavior continues! I mean lol...there is this site Mother in Law **** (com) and that pretty much sums it up! lol.. I hope she has her moment and I hope things work out for the positive! *HUGS* HANG IN THERE!

Rat - Yeah rebooting sucks. I was hobbling around last night lol...i'm so sore haha. I am making myself be active, just doing things, getting out of the house and things. Now i'm sore, but healing well!

*****
WOOOOOOOO... okay...girls...I'm a makeup virgin of sorts (well I know what looks good and what doesn't, meaning I won't be going around in bright blue eyeshadow and bright red lipstick) and I'm just struggling with getting an inexpensive supply. I went out yesterday, couldn't find what I wanted, so i'm gonna have to order online. However, I feel like there is this great makeup scam out there, mentioned before with palettes and kits being the same and just marked up. I mean where are these made? What is in them? Etc... I feel like i'm backed into a corner here and am going to try this ELF site and order some stuff. I need everything really lol. I have very little.

So, I went to Target last night and got a 2x (woo) sized sleep wear outfit. So, it fits...ha! It is stretchy though so perhaps THAT is why, but it counts! LOL! So, anyhow, I was checking out and this lady, (not thin, but shapely girl with HORRIBLE eye make up she had like this THICK eyeliner that she whipped around her eyes...so dark and so thick, like a quarter of an inch thick WITH painted eyebrows...), looked at my outfit, checked the size, and looked over and me and gave me this "yeah right" look! So, I cocked my head to the side, squinted, lightly tapped my left eye, and looked at her makeup and gave her a "yeah right" look right back! She blinked and looked away...yeah you know WE the FAT are not stupid, we know when we are being looked down upon and if you do it to me, I'm gonna do it to you! So she looked a bit embarrassed and I did thank her and was very nice, but goodness. How thick can you get. I'm not stupid, I know you are judging me so if you feel you need to do that, then friggin' learn how to put on EYELINER!

Victory for me, well at least I thought to so. Hopefully I was not too rude, but it was my moment I don't want some other girl ruining it! I'm wearing it now and it is fab. HMPH!

*HUGS* Rock on peeps!

Rat - I tried seeing a counselor at school and I just felt I didn't click with her. I felt like she was trying to get me to leave. Maybe I will try it again though, I feel really low. There is usually a long waiting list too. *sigh*

Afternoon mah peeps!

I did my laps around the parking lot at lunch today. It was a good walk.

Cyn, sometimes it takes time for these things to work out. It's been a roller coaster of a ride, but it ain't over. Try not to let these ups and downs yank your emotions so severely. I know, easy to say, but it's hard to keep up such extreme emotions for long.

Pink, I'm hoping you try a counselor again. Things haven't been getting any better for you since you found out your sole support is leaving. I'm sending encouraging thoughts out to you.

Lindy, Psychokitty is hanging in there. She continues to do well when she is getting external fluids. I had her get fluids last Friday and this past Monday. She'll get more on Friday again. I have defined a weight threshold to stop extraordinary measures to keep her stable if she gets to that point. This evil little kitteh has been with me a long long time. BTW, she's only evil to other people, not me. She sat on my lap for hours last night and demanded pets and face scratches. She even took a few swats at the golden retrievers (who were jealous of the petting). Silly old kitteh.

Jacquie, you are so insightful with your family relationships. It took me a while before I got IT too. I found out that my anger was holding me hostage most of the time. I saw this great film on Hallmark (while parents were visiting) called Hanging up. Had Walter Matheau in it and Melanie Griffith as well as a few other big names as her sisters. In the movie, Melanie's dad (Walter M.) had dementia and would call her all the time with bizarre requests and demands from the nursing home. One of the best lines came from the mother of some man's car she wrecked after a frazzled Melanie told her all that was going on... the mom said "sometimes, you have to hang up". I'm trying to incorporate that into my life a bit when it comes to my family.

Million, hope all is going well with you and your insights.

Hugs to all!
Ratkity

thank you, ratkitten.

Hi Pink,

Can you try a free counseling service in your city? There are a lot of free or low-cost community services that help to provide counseling. Sometimes, it is just a chemical imbalance and a little help could make you feel 10x better about yourself.

Good Evening all,

Busy day today for me. I went for my walk then did Yoga. I have finished off my day with picking weeds in my back yard for the past 2 hours. My back is a little tired from bending but all in all I'm okay. I just need to flex my back the other way for a while. Got lots of sunshine in this afternoon as well as some chatty time while I picked weeds with my doggies.

Jacquie: I am drinking Lime water today!!! It is super yummy. I hope you do try it.

Rat: My cardiologist is being so conservative because it isn't just a heart attack that he is worried about. I was born with tiny veins on the top and left side of my heart where there should be arteries. They are so small that no stint can go through them. Nothing available is small enough. The are pretty plugged up so any extra exertion can bring on a heart attack/heart failure. The only thing that he says, along with first opinion Doc, is that down the road I can possibly have a heart transplant. So, I am trying to be good. I do wayyyy more exercise and exertion than he is comfortable with but I just have so much energy now and don't want to waste my life sitting around not moving because of fear. Silly Dr's lol.

Lindy: Yippee for cold water! That is becoming my favorite drink once again with all the fruit and stuff I have been slicing into the picture. It makes the water so refreshing. Whatever you decided for Saturday, we will be here to support your decision sweetie. Hugs.

Cyn: Big old hugs.

Pink: I am so sorry that you are struggling right now. I will be praying for you hon. Hugs.

Well, I am going to go and do some stretches for my back now.

Blessings all,
Annie