Both of my little brothers were dropped back a grade this year...it was there first year in public school (we had homeschooled previously) and they were put in 1st and 3rd....they hated school, it was torture for them. When the school decided to move them back a grade after about a month, they were devastated...for about two days...now they enjoy school. Both have made tremendous progress. As far as I know, nobody has ever said anything to them or made fun of them about it (although what sane kid would pick on someone who had 4 other siblings at the same school )

I've been teaching elementary school for 8 years. In my experience schools take the issue of holding children back very seriously. They are more prone to pushing kids through than holding them back unless it's absolutely necessary. The sad thing about this is that there are too many kids pushing through grades when they are not ready. You wouldn't believe how many 5th graders I've taught that do not know how to read.

In your son's case be glad that it is a developmental thing. It sounds like academically he is doing well and will continue to do so whether he repeats or goes on. However, if his maturity level isn't there yet then do not doubt that it will interfere with his academics.

Children develop at different rates, there is no evidence that a child being left behind in kindergarden will effect his later academic career in a negative way. Quite the opposite in fact. Have no worries about kids making fun of him. Kids that age don't really view things in that way until later. Even if they notice that he's left behind for a moment they will quickly forget about it. There's very little drama at that age.

Gotta jump in here, too. My daughter was held back in 4th grade, so I know where you are coming from. You feel so sad and you really start questioning what you have done as a parent. I beat myself up for a long time, thinking I didn't do my job very well. But, honestly, my daughter was immature compared to the rest of the kids in that grade and she was struggling so much that she pretty much just gave up. The next year, she did so much better and regained a lot of confidence. She's in 9th grade now and she has not had any regrets about it.

Also, the other kids NEVER said a thing about it. I think it is handled so much better than it was when I was a kid, that the other kids are ok with it and still accepted her.

You'll be glad this happened! Maybe not now, but someday!

My first reaction was to tell you that he will be fine if you hold him back but on reflection, I think that you really should try to consider all aspects of this. It is an important decision.

We held our youngest son back in Kindergarten and I think that it was the best thing that we ever did for him. He was immature and just not ready. Since he was my youngest, I think that I had probably babied him too long. After that second year of Kindergarten, he excelled at school. He also adjusted fine socially. He is 23 now and I am very glad that we held him back.

I think that it helped him that DH and I took all the blame. We told him that we wanted him to stay another year in Kindergarten to give him another fun year. I did not want him to feel that he had "failed". In later years when his peers realized that he was older, he would always shrug it off saying, "My mom couldn't stand to let me grow up and kept me back in Kindergarten." He would usually get the a "Yeah, MOMS!" kind of reaction from his friends. They really didn't care but were curious. But part of my point is that they did realize he was older and did ask about it.

Not to want to say anything negative but you do need to consider the negative aspects of keeping him back so that you can make an informed decision. You do want to consider his self esteem and how this will impact it.

In thinking about his self esteem, I think you might want to consider his size. Is he an average size for his age or bigger or smaller? My son was small. He was usually the smallest kid in his class even though he often was the oldest. Physically no one could tell that he was older, so he fit in very well. A coworker and I talk about this fairly often. She held her son back and regretted it. He was very tall and physically large for his age. Being older and naturally large, he always stood out in school. He was teased by other children all through elementary school. She says that academically, it was a good thing but socially, it hurt him.

It may be too soon to tell, but do you think he will be interested in playing sports? Are you and your husband interested in him playing sports? Teams are often grouped by age. If he is older, than he may be in different leagues than his classmates. Do you think that will affect him?

I don't think that there is any doubt that it is the best thing academically. I have another child that I wish I had held back. She struggled throughout her education and then decided not to go to college. If I had held her back in Kindergarten, this may have totally changed. I will never know and sometimes wonder. Maybe I should have held her back. A crystal ball sure would have been nice!

Anyway, it is good that they are talking to you about this now and not making it a surprise at the end of the school year. Don't let the school rush you into this. Weigh the pros and cons. Ask to talk to the school counselor. Your son is lucky to have a mother that cares so much!

To address the questions…

He is an average size child. As a baby and a toddler, he was always a little big for his age. He’s built like his dad…broad shoulders and narrows down. But I’d say he’s about the same size as all the other boys in his class.

As for sports, I hope that he’s interested, but I don’t have a preference. I want him to have extracurricular activities, but it doesn’t matter to me if it’s music or art or a club of some sort or sports. I just want him to be well rounded.

The thing that makes me think it is probably for the best: picturing him in a first grade classroom. I’ve heard so many times that first grade is drastically different from kindergarten and a huge adjustment. I cannot picture him sitting in a desk for extended periods of time, focusing, retaining all of that information, etc. I think he would be very frustrated. I don’t think he has ADD or ADHD, I just don’t think he’s grown up enough to settle into that type of environment. I can’t throw him to the wolves to save face for now…

I think that you have answered your question. Trust your instincts because you know your child better than anyone else.

It usually has nothing to do with academics, and more to do with maturity and social skills. I was not allowed to skip a grade, although the work at my grade level was boring for me, and I could easily have done the work at the next grade up. The reason was that my social skills were not developed. The school compensated by allowing me to do extra work after I completed the regular assignments. And in third grade, my best friend ended up "retained" at the end of the year, rather than promoted. She took it hard, and the teacher tried to console her with "you were just too little." Meaning, I think, immature for her age.

I completely understand where you are coming from. It is always hard to deal with something when it comes to your child. My brother was held back in kindergarten and it was the best thing for him. He was taller than the rest of the kids in his class, but now at age 27 - he is 6ft seven in, so he would have been taller regardless of being held back.
As an educator, it is definately in his best interest to repeat kindergarten now, then to fall behind later. I see children in 8th grade who would be such better students if they had been held back when they were younger. The curriculum builds on prior knowledge from previous years, so giving him the opportunity to really understand those basic concepts is more of a reward than a punishment.
Don't take it personally, each child is different and learn in their own way. I would suggest that you work with him over the summer in some of the areas where he is struggling to make his next school year a success.
Lots of Luck!