Wow, I am completely overwhelmed and deeply touched that so many of you have taken the time to reach out and respond. I absorbed every post and realized that you all more or less had a common point. While rereading my post I saw an already defeated attitude materialize as some of you pointed out. Another incrediable point was the fact that this is, and only is, my choice. I have to stop trying to find an answer to why I'm fat, stop trying to find something or someone to help me lose weight. The only person that is going to change it, is of course me. I'm the answer.. it boils down to me. I'm the reason I'm overweight because I'm the only person who decided, yes decided.. it was okay to give in.

I'm tired too of adjusting my clothing everytime I move to make sure I'm decent (in my mind). Who am I kidding, no matter how many times I tug my shirt over my hips and my bottom roll.. it's still there! Stop wishing and hoping and start deciding. My daughter (Age 8) had a school ski trip last week. I went to support her and watch her take her first ski lesson. I was asked so many times why I'm not skiing and I laughed it off by saying who me? are you kidding? When in actuality I loved skiing when I tried it. But I kept picturing myself through others eyes. Look at that woman squeezed into a snowsuit 2 sizes too small (because where do they make plus size snowsuits?) trying to maneuver around. Not to mention the fact you have to write your weight down in order to have a pair of skis suited for you. Everytime I go out to eat I feel as though there are people judging me for no matter what I order. If I order badly I feel they say, "well no wonder you're so big... look at what you eat". Or if I order the salad I feel them saying, "Lady, that salad is a drop in the bucket compared to your problem."

Sitting and saying I want something so desperately I realize doesn't get me to an end result. It's reacting, it's living a decided factor.

Thank you all for replying, you have truly brightened my day and reopened my eyes. Lit my desire to want to try it again. Not to make a "get skinny" only project but a gradual healthier lifestyle that will in turn make me skinnier.. inside and out!

YAAAAAAAAAAY!! You can do it!!

This is what did it for me. Like you I have lost weight before, only to regain it back. This time, I decided that my Real Goal was to be healthier. Of course I also had this underlying goal of losing weight, but I was willing to let that happen at the rate it happened, and I would focus on eating better and moving more.

I also had to come to the point where I wanted to do the work. Not 'I want to lose weight', because, really, what overweight person doesn't, but "I want to do the work that will let me lose the weight"

I had to sit down and do a lot of looking at my life, I had to find and identify all the bad habits that I denied I had. I had to look at *why* I was eating too much and address those issues. That was really hard, because some of those reasons were burried so deeply that I had no idea what was going on.

I had to accept that I was making a change for the rest of my life. Not just 'until I lost the weight'. But forever. So I had to make the changes things I could live with forever. I wasn't going to take up an exercise that I had to force myself to do. I had to find one that I loved. For me it was dancing, for others it's running or yoga or weightlifting or swimming. Same thing with food. Make choices I can live with.

I also had to learn that it was ok to fall off the wagon and binge. Because it was a learning experience. I had to learn to use that as a reason to continue rather than get discouraged. I didn't like how I felt, both physically and emotionally, when I overate or binged, so I would take that experience and keep it as a reminder of why I was doing this.

Remember that whatever you do, don't set yourself up to fail. You have to have *realistic* goals that you know *you* can achieve. Once you get to one goal, you make another one.

At some point you will realize that you have changed, and the discovery of the new you is an exciting one!

BP