The simple joy of wrapping a towel around me, it goes all the way around, it tucks like it does when movie stars wrap themselves in a towel in a movie. I remember the shameful gap in the towel when I was heavy, I love my towel. It's silly but everyday I'm so...pleased and surprised when my towel wraps around me.

I've had a somewhat distorted body image my entire life. When I was young and thinner I thought I was overweight, when I was older and officially 'overweight' by my BMI, almost obese at my highest weight (which I know was higher than what I post as SW in my sig, I just don't know what it was), I didn't see a difference between myself then and myself as a younger person. Until I started seeing pictures. Even now I struggle not to look at my tummy first when I see myself. I was never active as a young person or young adult - I did everything I could to get out of physical education classes and things that made me move around. Why? Because I was embarrassed for people to see me hot and sweaty, with my clothes sticking to me. Pictured them pointing and laughing at the huge girl trying to run or play tennis. I was in the marching band, but that was okay for some reason. I did try out for drum major, but dropped out of the running because I didn't want to wear the uniform if I made it. Too close fitting. I was good in math and science as a teenager, really into astronomy. I remember the childhood 'I want to be an astronaut!' dream. Mine didn't go away because I grew out of it, mine went away because I didn't think there was any way I could handle the physical requirements so I consciously chose not to pursue it. (Though, I think that was a good decision in the long run, it was a terrible reason! )

I've spent a lot of time not enjoying the 'average' things because I was obsessed with my weight. I was never comfortable at the beach or at a pool, I seldom wore cute clothes, I didn't always fix my hair but settled for a baseball hat, I didn't wear much jewelry, I didn't stand up straight, I didn't wear high heels. I'm not doing that anymore. Like midwife, I'm participating more. I'm loving exercise. I really enjoy being strong. (I bought some dumbbells at Play It Again Sports on Monday and the male clerk was really surprised that I carried them to the counter myself and then thanked him for the offer, but carried them to the car myself, without moving my car around to the front curb. 54 pounds didn't seem intimidating to me. Yay!) I'm learning to appreciate my own hotness.

Like Jessica, I went to Europe at my high weight. I remember renting bikes and petering out after a short time and going back home. Others in my group biked all over the countryside. They did a biking castle tour, actually, that took all day. No way I could have done that. I remember walking a lot, well, felt like a lot to me, but others in my group went hiking and saw so much more than me. I spent more time than I like to remember riding the bus or the Metro. I wish I could go back and redo that trip now when I could really enjoy those things.

I love being able to walk up stairs without getting out of breath, even when I'm carrying my computer bag. I love that I felt comfortable in my bikini in front of my sister in law, who I've always seen as my 'ideal'.

I only wish I had been able to see myself clearly as a teenager. I beat myself up so many times and missed so many things.

I still revel in things like fitting into 'normal' seats. I don't know if that will ever go away. I appreciate things so much more now, like being able to cross my legs comfortably, being able to see parts of my body that I could never look at before without being a contortionist (figured that out doing a self skin check). And sometimes I still get that feeling, particularly when approaching a group of teenagers, that I am going to be made fun of, and then realizing that it wouldn't be likely and that they probably wouldn't even give me a second thought.
It's being normal that feels so weird :LOL:

I appreciate my health and ability to move so much more now. I did my first triathlon on Sunday and I cried when I got to the finish. My husband said that was the last reaction he expected because I was smiling as I was coming down the finish line. I was so overwhelmed with happiness and gratitude that I don't think a lot of other people would understand unless they had been in our shoes.

I can't say that I'm on cloud nine every day, probably because I never was morbidly obese and "only" 40 lbs overweight didn't prevent me from doing a lot of things? But I remember what had frightened me when I was at my highest (being 25 and looking more like 35, being out of breath so easily...), and I'm really, really glad things are different now.

I guess what strikes me the most as wonderful, in fact, is related to the lifestyle changes that led me to lose the extra weight. I used to be "the fat girl whom nobody wanted in their team during PE classes because she was so slow and clumsy". Now my doctor calls me "a sportswoman" and my friends confess that I somewhat inspire them to start running or taking on other sports as well. And I'm not even that athletic/fit/well-trained (but this will change when I get my sports center membership, because I'll be able to lift realweights again ). When I pause and think about it, I'm probably the one who's still the most amazed about it. "Whoa, that's me they're talking about?"

The day that I was able to fully wrap a towel around me was a day that I was greatly looking forward to. When that day finally occurred, my mouth kind of hung up. I couldn't believe it was finally happening. The fact that it didn't always bothered me greatly. And that morning - I cried. And each and every day that that towel fits around me with oodles of room to spare is something that amazes me - and gives me much joy.

Oh I think I've mentioned this before - seats. They were such a source of anxiety for me. Folding chairs, barber chairs, transportation seats, lawn chairs, even people's couches. I was always so conscious of the fact that I was taking up so much room on their couch (& not leaving enough room for other people) and that they would be upset because I was damaging their couch by my weight and making it sink down. Oh and barber seats - I used to HATE the fact that I spilled over them. Not anymore I adore gazing down at the sides as there's all that room left over! I LOVE going to get my hair cut for this very reason alone. Where ever I was, in soooo many situations, I always felt like I was taking up my then my fair share of space in this world. Even walking in the supermarket. I love being able to squeeze by people in the tightest of spaces. Brings me so much pleasure.


I dropped something at work the other day and had to bend down to pick it up. There were many people standing around. Back in the day, never mind that bending down to pick it up was difficult, but having to show my *behind* to the world was another thing that I hated. But not the other day, I bent down - and I was going to say that I didn't give it a second thought - but I did. I thought how great it is that I can bend over and not be ashamed about the size of my rear.


I know I wouldn't get such a "charge" out of all these things if I'd always been slim. I *almost*, but not quite, would say that it was worth it just so I could experience these little pleasures that I do experience all day long. Because I'm telling you - all day long - every day I - I am getting massive quantities of pleasure from being a slim person.

I was thinking what started this thread. How much joy I get from going to the beach now. Had I always had this body, I probably would loathe going to the beach. I have to wear shorts to hide my saggy skin on my inner thighs. As toned as my arms are, I've still got "bat wings" underneath. But none of those things bother me - having coming from where I did. I walk along that beach and am proud of my body and FEEL good about my body. Had I never been morbidly obese, I would be very self conscious about my body. But nope, I LOVE my body - flaws and all

I could start another thread on this - I am such a changed person because of this. I really do feel as those these changes have changed ME and made me a different person - even on the inside. I am happier - and it makes me a more giving person. I am fitter and I am able to do more - not only for me - but for others as well. I am without a doubt, a "better" person having lost the weight.


Lori, congratulations on the triathalon. That is amazing!!! YOU are amazing.

I loved the hotel towel moment I always thought those towels didn't fit around anyone!

The other day the nurse was getting a wrist splint for me. She commented that she thought a small would fit right. I started to protest that I have "big bones" and then I realized that while I do have a pretty big frame without all the fat I still fit into small things! I muttered something about long fingers instead and just sat there feeling dazed. It's such a little thing but it made my week.

I still love walking between people and knowing I will slide through the space, having size 8 "fat pants" that I wear to bang around the house, and walking up hills without getting winded.

Lori - congratulations! What an accomplishment

I'm not maintaining my goal weight yet, but I'm maintaining my loss to date so I lurk here occasionally for motivation (nose pressed to the window, looking in on the club meeting).

I occasionally wake up with random thoughts in my head (I suppose related to a dream I can't quite remember) and what I woke up to yesterday was: "Well, I'm younger than I was 10 years ago." And when I was fully awake I thought, that's true--I FEEL younger.

So that's my new mantra: I'm younger than I was a few years ago. "I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now"

Fib - That's exactly how I felt with mine last year. Almost a feeling of freedom... The first one was the most powerful one for me, but that feeling is why I keep doing them. CONGRATS!

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I think I appreciate my body so much more because I suffered with obesity for so long, 25 years! I marvel at so many things that I am able to do now. We took a trip to LA this last week and I was constantly amazed at how different it was this time. We were there ten years ago when I weighed close to 250. We did many of the same things, Disneyland, a convention where I needed to dress in nice clothes, stayed in a hotel with a swimming pool, walked miles and miles. Last time it was so uncomfortable. I was miserable and hated the whole experience. This time I was just amazed at how wonderful it was to wear my pretty dresses and heels. I didn't worry about people looking at me. I actually took a swimming suit and swam in the pool! I walked and walked, and was loving it! I went on a roller coaster. No worries about fitting! I went on the dumbo ride with my husband and was amazed that I took up such a little bit of space! And I had no fear that I would break the ride! There was room to spare, shocking! I was more concerned about not getting enough exercise. I ate my fruit for snacks and just had a few bites of the husbands ice cream and was perfectly satisfied. I am so amazed at how much calmer the whole experience was for me. So many times I would be so sad and angry at myself for my obesity that I would be miserable the whole time. This time I was able to relax and just enjoy being normal and fit, and not worrying about all the miseries of being so heavy. One thing I am so aware of is others that are overweight. I have so much empathy for them, I just ache inside when I see someone who is obese trying to enjoy a vacation that is so physically difficult. I do live in fear of the weight coming back. I know how you feel Loribell. I never want to go back to what I was. It was like being in a prison of fat. I feel like I've been released after a 25 year sentence and I'm finally free. Maybe that sounds dramatic to someone who hasn't experienced it, but I know many of you will relate.
Congrat's to you, fiberlover Lori, on the triathlon! Those were tears of joy, and I know that feeling. I feel so free now when I run, it's amazing!
I have also noticed that men want to help me lift things now. This totally cracks me up! Now I am able to lift things easily, and do things physically that I really struggled with before. No one wanted to help the fat lady who really needed the help. Now I guess I look small and helpless, and they feel compelled to assist me. So funny! I had a young friend tell me that I look buff, though. That really made my day!