wow.. you all dont know this, but these posts came at a VERY crucial moment for me... ive been depressed for 2 days. . i had a binge last weekend. . and i just havent been 'right' since.. putting that aside i want to thank all of you for your personal insights, and responses. . its made me feel like im not alone. that maybe im not as f-d up as i think. maybe, just maybe, i can do this. (although im crying right now because in the back of my head im telling myself im hopeless)

maybe i have a chance.. maybe i dont. im not so sure. but thank you from the depths of my heart for all of your replies. . its moments like these that keep me going. (in more ways than one)--

cher37: i do that allll the time. think i'll give up food forever. (in fact the opposite happends.. but still i make it a few days)



i needed to hear all of this.. thank you so much. -- im not sure if i'll overcome this weight, these binges.. this 'Issue' - but im going to try.

We all have a chance. Don't ever give up! The cycle can be broken. And yep, I do the food give up thing to and deprive my self of everything.
I do, feel so great reading this thread...sad, but I love the knowledge that I'm not the only one going through this- I always feel so alone. Watching the "normal" people in my life makes me want to binge even more- my roommate (with the perfect body who can eat as much as she wants and do no exercise) has acid reflux, and the last week she lost a lot of weight because she couldn't keep her food down. I was secretly wishing I could've been in her place. Knowing that there are people out there who are going through the same thing is empowering.
I'm always feeling so hopeless as well...But, the thing is, you've just got to get out there and do something! What always makes me feel really good is waking up early and doing pilates or some sort of aerobics. It makes you feel so refreshed and alive and ready to conquer the day. Starting with a positive attitude is always the key.
Don't let the food beat you! When you're feeling a binge coming on, go for a walk, find a friend, log in here! I know how tough that is...I too am always thinking about what I'm going to binge on hours beforehand, but you've got to take a deeeep breath. It's all mentality.

I feel a little hypocritical, saying these things, because I've only just started to really work on my binging recently (and had a fall...two salami/cheese sandwhiches, two bowls of cereal, waffles, and cheez-its) but I've gotten better already with being positive alone. Small steps, and you can do it.

Cher,
i could have written what you wrote
throwing caution to the wind, why do i have to monitor every bite i take when others don't need to, I slip up for 2 days and set myself back 10, and throwing a tantrum when my clothes don't fit!!!

I don't know how we can control ourselves around food. Gosh, i sure don't.
I can say this. Since the beggining of the year, i've avoided sweets like the plague. I won't say that it becomes easier to control myself around them, but i will say that i've entered into a mindset where I know i shouldn't touch them. If they are available to me, i don't take one.
i know that i'm still vulnerable, and they do call my name, but shunning them and complete avoidance helps. Alot.

part of it is i know the minute i make an exception, its' all over. and i really want to see if i can keep it up till 11:59pm, Dec 31, 2009 (11 more months!)

Plus i am starting to sense that my taste sensitivity is changing. I now look forward to my berries and other fruit as after-work and after dinner snacks.

The stuffs addictive, just like alcohol is for some people I guess. Some people are addicted to junk food, carbs, or sweets.

Thanks Kae, I know, it can be done. I've done it before, I'll do it again. Just last year, I lost 30lbs, but unfortunately gained back the 30+10lbs the moment I went off monitoring my food intake. I just got so sick of "having" to have yogurt & berries, oatmeal & berries, veggies & hummus, brown rice, salmon, SF/FF jello, chicken, chicken, chicken etc. etc. etc. Don't get me wrong, I love healthy food, it's just the fact that I have to monitor my intake & exercise everyday in order to lose weight. I know, I know, if I want to lose weight bad enough, I will do what I need to to get what I want. Sometimes, I just want to whine!!! If there was a magic pill to take, I would definitely take it!!! I'm just so t-i-r-e-d of dieting. Oh well, I've realized that I do need to get back to weight watchers, so tomorrow morning I'm registering - it's worked once before, it'll work again, my mistake was stopping (thinking that I knew it all & could do it on my own .... boy was I wrong!!!) I really do think that I need to continue coming here for support though.

You all are right, it does make me feel better knowing that there are others who overeat/binge/secretly eat for one reason or another - we need the support, not blame or negative words, especially if weight loss is a goal, because, I don't know about any of you ladies - but when someone tells me that I shouldn't be doing/eating that, I just want to do it in spite (oddly enough I will not enjoy eating that food but I'll do it anyways). How can this cycle be broken???

Cher, i can relate to everything you said in your post. EVERYTHING. ive lost, ive gained. i get so freaking sick of dieting... *ugh* im having one of those days today. but we *can* do it. we can. its just a mind set.

Kae-- ive been at the same thing. i avoid foods like that as well (im a low carber) so i *have* to in order to stay on track. --its the ONLY thing that has worked for me, and i admire everyone that can count calories and have some semblence of 'normalcy' - (DONT get me wrong. low carbs is 'normal' its just differant that wasnt what i was implying)


i find comfort in your posts gals. -- yes its anonymous. we've never sat face to face. . but i dont feel alone. i dont feel like there is something incredibly wrong with me that will never be fixed. it gives me hope.

we'll do this, and look back and wonder why we didnt do it sooner. to you all.. i hope we all find happiness and inner peace with our food demons.

I have and am still where you all have been...except I was a Binge and Purger.

I am finally at a place where I very seldom purge anymore (Journalling works for me IF I can remember to Journal

I thought I was the only one who binged to this degree...buying and hiding food..waiting for everyone to leave so I could go hide in the bedroom to eat everything I bought and it was all different stuff..sometimes I would go the bedroom when we'd have guests and binge because I didn't want anyone to see me eat.

I think I may have found my 'home'.

Have a nice day all

ASoutherner~

I suppose i get 'tired' of doing it too, since i just don't do it anymore. I've just never thought of it like that, but it does get to be a bother. writing down everything.
I've had better continuity since i simplified my journal to basically just "food" and "calories". I was getting too complex with it. but it does help. Helps me see that "okay i ate 2500 cals that day, so i shouldn't be surprized about my inability to drop pounds."

I just always though of it as i was slacking off on the whole diet thing.

well, i made a big step, and started admitting the truth to my family ( i always had excuses as to why i hadnt lost weight, even though to them it looked like i was trying.) -- i cried and it took me about 5 minutes to spit it out through the tears, but my husband knows, and so does my mom.. *SIGH* that was tough. to admit i had defeated myself all through these years.

i was surprised but telling them has stopped a lot of the binging. the "secret" is out and so its not so appealing. HOWEVER ive been struggling daily to not binge, and today is my 8th day. thats a huge huge huge step for me. everyone has been supportive and now, instead of battling in my head against myself.. i can talk about it.and work through the urges.. i think that was half the battle.

i *do* get so sick of haivng to keep myself in check. i just wish i was 'normal' in the fact i stopped when i was full, and could eat treats in moderation.. and since i cannot. i exclude them completly and almost feel as though ive lost a friend. i almost didnt want to let go of my binging. i felt as though it was the *ONLY* thing that has gotten me through some tough times. . im still struggling with that. . but we'll see. the benefits out weight the food.

im just soooooooooooooooooo glad im not alone in this. im so glad to know that there are other women out there that go through this too. when i was talking to hubby about it, i was actually able to say "im not the only one" and it somehow, to me, softened the blow.

--ASoutherner-- in a sick way, i always wished i could purge.. i know, its demented, but i could never make myself purge successfully.. good for you that you tackled that demon. if you can do that, you can do the rest

well, ive rambled on. thanks for letting me share. we'll see how this keeps up. i *really* hope this is it for me...

Nayex,
i'm so glad you made such a big step. a dancing carrot is called for :

I can relate to being fearful of giving up binging. Or maybe it's just a belief i harbor that I can't give it up.
It's troubling that nothing gives me the same comfort that eating does. There is nothing that fully replaces the feelings it brings. ( or perhaps the feelings that it dulls??)

I pray that we all find another way to bring us peace in life and that we learn to adopt new habits to where we rarely think about binging.

That is a huge step! And congrats on not binging for 8 days! I've made it 4 so far...and am only feeling weak in this fourth day, so I figured I'd pop on over here for some inspiration to stop me from scarfing down anything- and I'm feeling good and re-energized again! I can totally relate to you always wishing you could purge...I often have felt that way after a binge, and have sometimes succumbed to it. My mother was bulimic, and knowing what she went through has stopped me.

Kaebea- Me too, me too. There is always that troublesome issue haunting...questioning "will I ever be able to beat this?". It's constantly on my mind and usually leads to a binge.

We're in this together! We can make it. We will make it.