This thread is great. I don't really have anything to add but I think it's wonderful that you all think about losing weight this way. I'm pretty sure that understanding your own motives helps with losing and keeping it off.

I know what you mean. But then, I wonder, isn't looks a part of who we are? Not all of who we are, but some part? How do you factor that in? I believe in seeing the person on the inside, but I can also recognize that we don't all walk around without bodies. I'm having real trouble figuring out the balance.

I don't want to have to be my own armour, either. I'd rather everyone treated me nice and no one ever tried to take advantage of or hurt me. But the reality of life is that not everyone is nice or looking out for you. I've had some people treat me pretty poorly in my life, especially men. At some point, I realized that I'm the one who let them in, who put up with it. The responsibility is on them for their actions, but I don't have to accept what they do and just continue on as if nothing had happened. Instead of using fat to keep users and meanies at a distance or to cope with how I feel about them, I can distance myself from users by recognizing that their behavior is not healthy for my life. It's work and it's annoying to have to do that. Sometimes I think about situations over and over and wonder if I've done the right thing. I feel like those movies where the young knight keeps dropping his shield, hitting trees instead of his opponent, falling off of his horse, etc. Ideally, it doesn't mean I never let anyone in, but it does mean that not everyone gets invited to be around when I lay down the shield and take off the breastplate.

This is just super hard, and it irritates me that I never learned these skills before. I shouldn't be this old and not know how to properly take care of myself. But I'm not sure I'll be successful at weight loss unless I do because the urge will always be to eat as a way to comfort and protect myself. Unless I'm honest and authentic and learn to deal with life as it comes, I'm still something less than I want to be, than I could be.

I had a friend noticed I've lost weight, and she said she couldn't wait to see me when I reached my goal because I'm going to be "luminescent" and she wants to go clothes shopping with me. I've never associated myself with any kind of pretty, and this whole potentially new aspect of me kind of freaks me out. Then I feel weird and stupid for being freaked out.

Great thread!

Yes I agree, your body is a part of who you are, and as we lose weight we are connecting with that. I read somewhere, maybe on this board, someone who was saying how overweight people lead "very cerebral lives", and it's so true. As we lose weight, we are learning to live in our bodies and they are absolutely part of who we are.

It's true that people will judge you on your looks. But they've been doing that all along! And it's not such a bad thing when you get checked out by a guy. It's nice when people like you for who you are but it's also nice to have someone respond to your looks positively without even knowing a thing about you.

Ufi- I agree with you. We have to have some type of armour. If we don't, we'll be eaten up by this world for sure. I guess I'm saying that I don't want to become hard and not a nice person. That's how I use to be and I like being nice! I have to take it all in stride I guess.

Thank you ladies for sharing your inner thoughts! I know that it's hard and thanks for letting this be a safe place to share.


Future- Question. What does "very cerebral lives", mean?

"Cerebral" refers to the brain, so by living a cerebral life I mean spending a lot of time with one's thoughts, thinking a lot, being a very deep thinker... which is something I think a lot of overweight people are, and it's a great quality. But it's a tradeoff of leading a less physical life, not participating in other aspects of life besides on an intellectual level. I don't mean to imply overweight people don't have lives or anything like that.. just that we missed out on some things that come from living more through our bodies. Does that make sense? It was someone else who gave me that idea but when I read it, it really rang true for me.

You know what really pisses me off? When I was in high school, I thought i was fat, and I wasn't! My drivers license reads 135lbs and I was 15-16. I *thought* I was a big girl, but I wasn't. I was just surrounded by super skinny girls when in reality, my weight was totally normal.

Ugh. Now that's my goal weight.

Anyways, to the OP... just keep it up!

sometimes i do, sometimes i find now i can fade into the background now (as i am getting closer to an "average" weight i guess, i dont stand out as a fat person). And every now and again something happens that reminds me that my weight wasnt my only armour >.<

Oh, I'm definitely cerebral. I remember someone saying to me, "You think too much," and I thought they were weird and perhaps stupid because they didn't think that much.

Hmmm.... Ufi & future.... I guess I've never looked at it as cerebral. I don't see myself thinking more so than others. I've had a reality check was I've lost weight. My perception on how big I was and am was totally warped! I had no clue how big I really was. I guess I always saw myself as big but not as big as I had gotten. Although I had the fear of being too big, I had coped with my weight pretty well. I did a lot of things but stayed away from the things I knew I couldn't do or that were questionable.

Sunflower- I understand! I was thinking of being in 6th grade, 5'7 size 10, ummm that's not fat! But that was at a time that everyone else was under 5' and still in kids clothes.

Icon- I never thought of just blending into the background either. I guess I must be vain, b/c at 5'11 with long red curly hair, I NEVER blend into the background. People remember way before I remember them, but I'd rather them remember me b/c I'm tall not b/c I'm fat. lol Picky aren't I?