Dagmar~I think most of us have a range of acceptable weights and a red line weight that we use to really buckle down if we get on or over it. It's really impossible to weight exactly the same every day, so the range is more normal. But then there some of us (like me) that are way over the red line....

How are things? Still walking/sitting the dogs?

Robin- what an amazing NSV! It sounds like you had a wonderful weekend and that is what is important.

LisaMarie-- I'm sorry the breastfeeding is such a struggle for you. I hope you can keep with it; I found it the best part of pregnancy/post pregnancy. I loved it. I guess I had it easy as I adjusted to it pretty quickly. I hope you can find some support to help you until it all feels like second nature.

Allison-- you and I are in this together! My dd leaves Sunday. Denial....denial....I'm in denial. My back isn't though-- I know it is stress but it hurts!!

Shane-- Happy Birthday!!!!!

Barbara-- Sorry you hurt yourself...... I hope you feel better soon.

Hello to everyone else!!

I am back to work as of today. More stress..... But it is good to be back I guess.....

My weight/exercise have been fine but I am soooo stressed out due to dd leaving in 6 days........ I just need to stay on plan because that is what I can control for now.

For those of you who count calories-- I've never counted them before (I have done weight watchers). I am using Calorie Count online and it says my calorie goal should be 2300. I know that if I ate that much I would gain weight. How do you set your goal? Is it trial and error?

I'm 39 and my biological clock still hasn't kicked in yet. At this point, I gotta believe the batteries are dead (how was I supposed to know you have to change the batteries ). I do sometimes worry that when I'm sixty, I'll be like that woman in the cartoon who hits her head and says "Shoot! I forgot to have kids!" But I know a number of women my age and older that haven't had kids and seem perfectly fulfilled, so I'm starting to be less worried about it. And I can't really see having kids now just because I'm worried that some day I might want them.

And I'm definitely not into other people's kids. I can tolerate my sister's kids, but that's about my limit. One my good friends has invited me to her two-year old's birthday party and I'm desperately trying to figure out a way out of it. I really just don't think I can take that many kids at once for that long. I thought there was an unwritten rule that you don't invite childless people to your kid's birthday party (and, she's a good friend, so she ought to know me better than that anyway). If anyone has any suggestions... I'm trying to decide whether I should just suck it up and tell her the truth or whether I should make up a lie (e.g., we have another engagement). The problem is that she's a good enough friend that I'm worried she'll catch me in the lie. Notice that I don't consider actually going to the party to be an option.

In other news, my eye is turning quite vivid shades of red and purple. The shade seems to change slightly with every application of ice. My sunglasses seem to do a good job of hiding it, but I got some pretty horrified looks as I walked around the gym today.

Michelle: Mostly trial and error for me in terms of figuring out my calories. I know I can lose at around 1200 to 1400 calories a day. To maintain, I just add 100 calories a day, for a week at time (so a week at 1500 calories a day, then the next week at 1600 calories a day, etc.) until I either start gaining or get the point where I just don't feel like I need to eat anymore. The last time I was trying to maintain, I got to the point where I didn't feel like I needed to eat anymore first and that ended up being about 1800 calories a day.

Dagmar: Welcome to the maintainers' forum and congratulations on getting to your goal weight! I generally try to maintain at a specific weight (116 lbs) but I recognize that my weight will fluctuate from day to day. So if I have a few days where my weight is high, I don't worry about it so long as my eating has been on plan. If my eating hasn't been on plan, then I might review what I ate to see if it was enough to account for the increased weight. If so, I'll drop my calories back down for a few weeks. Also, if my weight comes in high for a week or more, I'll drop my calories back down until my weight comes back down.

Paperclippy: I'd hate to waste a good steak on this eye! But I am trying to ice it every hour. My back seems quite a bit better today, but yesterday I was balancing an ice pack on my eye and one under my back all at the same time. I'm very talented!

Shane: Happy birthday! Oh to be 22 again!

Well, gotta go ice the eye again...

Barbara,
As honest as I usually am, I don't think I would tell your friend the truth about the birthday party. Moms tend to think their kids are the best and I would think she might be offended if you tell her the truth.

Maybe you could stretch the truth a bit? Do you get migraines? You could say that whenever you are around a bunch of kids, you start getting a migraine? That her son is wonderful and amazing, but you can't handle a whole bunch at a time...

Dagmar, welcome to maintainers! My weight can vary by 2-3 pounds, as long as I stay below goal I am happy.

What a good idea! So diplomatic! Maybe you could just leave out the migraine part and say you're very nervous around bunches of kids but really like her son one-to-one etc.?

Barbara, you said this is a good friend of yours. I wonder why, since you don't have any of your own, she is asking you to her kid's party?

Does she somehow want to encourage you to have them? Maybe she thinks if you're around a bunch of them you'll suddenly decide you want some?

Both of my cousin's wives did this for years. I'm 51 and have no children so obviously it didn't work. I like hanging out with kids for an afternoon but then I also like the option of giving them back.

One thing that kids do really get for their parents is acceptance into mainstream society. At least that is the rule here in Toronto. My partner and I are quite socially isolated and I think a large amount of that is the result of being seen as not quite "normal" since we have no kids.

That is definitely not a great reason to have kids but the stigma of not having them still exists in Canada. Maybe it's quite different where you live?

Dagmar

Welcome Dagmar. So glad to have you here. Congratulations on your weight loss. I have a range that I stay within. A 5 lb range. At least that was the plan. After a summer of overindulgent weekends I am now over that "red line" that I like to keep to. But I'm working on it and will definitely rethink how I handle next summers weekends away.

LisaMarie, I'm so sorry you're having such a hard time. I was bad. I never even gave breastfeeding a shot. And I am so sorry about that. At the time, I just couldn't imagine excusing myself every time I needed to feed the baby. And I was definitely not the type to breast feed in front of everyone. Hopefully things will get much better for you and very quickly at that.

Shane,

Barbara, Yikes. Doesn't sound like fun. It sounds awful in fact. Please feel better soon.

I hope everyone has a good and safe day. Be well.

Shane- Happy Birthday! Enjoy yourself

Welcome Dagmar For most of us, finding a maintenance level really is trial and error. The online calculators usually estimate that I could eat 1800-1900 calories, but I gain a LOT on that. Just add a little bit of something healthy to what you are eating for losing until you find the tipping point.

Lisa Marie- Hang in there; my problems were with weaning my kids. #2 had more problems learning to latch on, but once he figured that out, everything was fine. Aside from the health issue, it's free, it's portable, and you don't have to boil your nipples!

Barbara- I have kids and I still couldn't stand kids en masse. The headache or nervous excuse sounds good, and probably true. Or how about offering to come over later and help to "wind down"? Two year olds and their mothers are usually a wreck after something like that and could use a less weary, voice of reason to read a bedtime story and help everyone calm down.

I'm in struggle mode too. I was fine until Saturday when my dd left after her visit. She's starting a new job, and I won't get to see her much or for very long for quite a while. Chocolate seemed to help for one day....

Mel

Good Morning, Looks like it's going to rain today and I want to get my walk in before it starts. It's dark out! Soon I will be going to work in the dark and coming home in the dark. Hate that!

Welcome Dagmar. I'm new here too and stil feeling my way around. But eveyone is so supportive.

As far as having children. It's so individual. I think now we have the option of chosing. Years ago, maybe not. And everyone is not parent material. Nothing wrong with that. I think we see a lot of child abuse from people who made the wrong decision. So, those of you who have decided not to have kids....You know yourself. Good for you!

Finding maintenance leavel. I set my goal at a point where I feel comfortable. Actually, i'm 2 pounds under that. I don't weight every day, but if i weigh and i'm up I will cut back for a few days. I counted calories while I was losing. Now I just watch. Please, we know when we're eating too much. we might choose to ignore it, but we know. I've also realized I don't have to be perfect. If I eat too much one day, I just eat less the next. So far it's working. if it stops I will have to re-think it. Am I over simplifiing?

make it a good day, Freda

Thanks for all the encouragement on the breastfeeding thing. I'm still struggling but there are feedings where it seems better. There are really horrible ones too. I've definitely been counting the diapers (my husband and I are the kind of people who write down every feeding and every diaper at this point), and he's certainly having enough poops and pees, so I must be doing something right. He's been doing some cluster feeding at night, where he wants to eat at least once an hour, which is pretty much a nightmare in terms of pain. I know it will get better, though, so I'll stick with it.

Barbara, I feel your pain about the birthday party. I've never been into being around other people's kids that much either. My biological clock never ticked all that strongly, and I was almost ok with not having kids when I figured out that it was going to be a fertility struggle. I was overjoyed, however, when I lost the weight and got pregnant. I'm glad it happened later in life (I'm 36), because I wouldn't have had the patience I have now if I'd done it earlier.

Mudpie, for years all my husband and I heard was "why don't you have kids?" It really is annoying that people just expect it, and we were married 15 years before little Henry finally came along, so we heard it a LOT. His family drove us insane, and for a while I didn't even speak to his father and refused to go to his house. He knew I had fertility problems and STILL hounded me about it. Another son of his had cancer and the chemo and radiation may have affected his fertility, but he hounds him too!!! I'm not a fan of my father-in-law at ALL, as you can imagine.

Back to the point of this thread -- I'm starving all the time from nursing, but I'm trying to be reasonably healthy about my choices. I haven't started counting calories yet, because right now I can't handle the stress of tracking something else along with diapers and feeding. I haven't started any kind of exercise yet, but I'm still walking around a bit gingerly from the birth. I'm really looking forward to getting out for a walk when I can, but lack of sleep may prevent that possibility for a while even when I'm healed. I think it will be a long, sloooooooow road back to my prepregnancy weight.

Dagmar/Barbara - I constantly get the old 'so when are you 2 going to have some kids'?
It is getting more infrequent now (I am 45 - so it is highly unlikely) It is quite annoying though nevertheless.
Dagmar - I know what you mean about feeling rather isolated without children - luckily I have a group of friends who are child free.

LisaMarie - Congratulation on Little Henry!- don't worry you will drop the pregnancy weight in time - you can do it.

Good morning everyone else - I am up early enough I can squeeze in an Ab workout, so I better get moving.

Have a great day.

Good morning!

I had a good birthday yesterday (with more off plan eating) and need to get my rear back in gear today. I went out to dinner, ate dessert, and then drank wine - I'm not having an official party until my new place is all situated (THEN it's time for a barbecue and a keg on my new DECK in my new YARD )

I've been exhausted lately and struggling to find the motivation to do anything besides live aimlessly day to day. I absolutely hate this feeling, but it arrives from time to time and I always pull through. I don't know why I always feel so tired and overwhelmed sometimes; it's not like I have a difficult life. I'm actually lucky and blessed in many ways.

BlueToBlue - OUCH! That hit on the head sounds excruciatingly painful! Hey, now you won't have to wear make up for a few days because of that cool eyeshadow you "accidentally smudged" all over your face. You can say you are making a new fashion statement.

Other people's kids, in my opinion, are only tolerable in small quantities. When they are still unable to talk, it's frustrating to communicate and when they ARE old enough to talk, they are usually so hyperactive and have a five second attention span. (There are exceptions to this, though, and those are the kids who I end up holding close to my heart )
I sort of agree with Mudpie - your friend just wants to encourage you to have kids of your own and she thinks that by being around so many kids, you'll automatically start wanting one

Jessica - @ the pregnant women - my girlfriend's sister-in-law says the same thing. Most parents I know (even the ones who go on and on about how beautiful/wonderful it is) say things like, "Yup, once you have a child, he or she becomes your life! I'm just a parent now! Yipppppeeeee!!!" It DEFINITELY makes me not want kids until I am over 30, IF I ever even want them at all!

Dagmar! As other members have said, being the exact same weight every day is nearly impossible. My maintenance range is 125-129. 130 is my red line; if I am consistantly weighing in at 130, then that is a cause for concern and means I must not be staying entirely on plan. Oh... mmm... low fat cheese and whole wheat pretzels

Michele - are you using Fitday? Daily Plate? I know on Fitday, I just set my activity level to sedentary; it gives you a much more accurate caloric estimate that way. If I do not work out, I burn around 1,600 calories for the day. You should be somewhere near the same. You can add your exercises in for each day and get a more accurate view of the calories you are burning that way.

Barbara~there is nothing wrong with begging out on the birthday party for the 2 year old! Get a small gift and say you just feel weird about going when you don't have kids yourself. I HATED going to birthday parties when my kids were young--to the point where I never threw parties for my own kids. I did have two for my DD, but never one for my son (sucks being born on Christmas). My family is quite gracious and they got plenty of presents and neither has ever said they missed not having parties. Usually I'd have them pick a favorite friend and we'd have a day of fun--park, movie, out to lunch, shopping, whatever the child wanted. It was so much less stressful than a houseful of rowdy kids. (Now you see where I can only tolerate so much!)

nightengaleshane~happy belated birthday!!

Michele~Yes, we'll commiserate together! Although it isn't an empty nest, DH and I were discussing how "quiet" this year will be. No Friday night football games to go to to hear the band. No band concerts (well, we might travel to see one or two), no charity functions (DD and I were in a Mother-Daughter charity organization that took up quite a lot of our time), etc. It will be sad, but thankfully she'll come home on occasion.

Lisa~one good thing about breastfeeding (IMO) it keeps your metabolism up. Although you really can't skimp on calories but that little extra does help a little in losing the pregnancy weight.

Mel~step away from the chocolate! It's hard to see part of your life move away.

Freda~oh how I wish I could say I was 2 pounds under my goal. Perhaps this gym thing will pay off and I'll start losing again. I'm spending an hour a day there and I can see results in my body, but not in the scale (yet).

Well, the scale is back to where it has been for the past several weeks (it was up due to the disaster on Sunday). My food is planned for the day except dinner. DD wants to go to one of our favorite Mexican restaurants for dinner tonight. The margaritas always do me in. But I will still be hitting the gym first, so that may steer me away. Everyone have a great day!

Hello Everyone.

Let me introduce myself, I'm Bronwyn and I'm shocked that I'm ready for the maintainer's forum. I recognize a lot of you from other forums that I used to frequent, and some of you I don't know.

I'm back on 3FC after a three month hiatus to plant trees for my summer job. I love this site for the support it's given me through all the levels of losing the weight.

Robyn - Nice NSV. Being fit is awesome, that's all I want.

Shane - Happy Belated birthday! And by the way your loss and maintenance pages are super inspiring. Good on you.

lisamarie - I've heard that breastfeeding burns calories like CRAZY. But being in college and not planning on kids any time in the near future I can't give any advice on breastfeeding...

As for having kids, right now the idea is terrifying, but maybe one day... I'm always surprised by the number of people who have kids really young. My roommate's two best friends in her hometown had children at 19! :0 That just seems too young to me, I mean I couldn't handle kids, maybe some young people can, but aren't they still pretty much kids themselves??

I have a question for all you maintainers. When i was tree planting I was eating a LOT of food everyday. And I didn't really worry about what I was eating because I was burning like 5000 cals a day... But now that I'm back in the real world I have to start eating better. The eating better isn't the problem but I constantly feel like I'm overeating.

So my question is: if you've gone through phases where you've been eating more/worse or whatever, then you need to maintain, how do you get back into the good eating habits, i.e. eating less?

Thanks everyone for the comments on the birthday party. The migraine excuse won't work because my friend knows me well enough to know I don't get migraines. Same thing with the nervous excuse--I spend enough time with her and her two kids that she knows that's not true. I think I have two options: 1) Say that we already have plans with other friends (that she doesn't know) or 2) Just tell her that I think it's going to be too many kids for my SO and I.

Also, thanks for all the sympathy about my eye. It's just my eye, but it's shocking how much an injury like this really takes it out of you.

Sznn/Dagmar: I think there's a lot more tolerance for alternative lifestyles, including not having kids, here in northern CA. No one ever asks me when I'm going to have kids (of course, the might also be due to the fact that my SO and I aren't married). And, like I said, I know a number of other couples my age or older that chose not to have kids. We're not such an oddity.

Dagmar: I know! I cannot imagine why she invited me. In the past, she hasn't invited me to her kids birthday parties because she knows I'm not into kids. And I know she's not trying to get me to have kids--my relationship is on the skids right now, she knows all about it, and no one in the their right mind would be encouraging me to have kids at the moment. I think it's because this party is more about her than it is about the two-year old. She's invited around 100 people, so I think it's just that she wants to have a big party. But a big party with a lot of kids just doesn't sound fun to me. I like adult parties.

Shane: That sounds like a perfectly reasonable birthday celebration! But be sure to let us all know when to show up for the BBQ! How is the personal training going--that must get you up and out for a little bit each week? Personally, my favorite kid stage is when they can't talk or walk yet and just sort of sleep a lot. Once they start walking and talking, it's all over. The whining, the repetition, the interruptions, the noisy toys...I just don't have the patience for it. I really can't tolerate noise; I don't even like it when the phone rings, so all the noise that comes with kids is a real problem for me.

alinnell: That sounds like a smart strategy on the birthday parties. My mom did that for a while but eventually I think we forced her into hosting some parties (but she did always let us pick our favorite food for dinner, whether we had a party or not). Luckily, my friend has said "no gifts" so I don't have to get a gift for the kid. Like I said to Dagmar, I think the party is more for my friend than for her two-year old.

LisaMarie71: You definitely need more calories when you are breastfeeding (I read about 300 more calories per day, but I'm sure everyone is different), so make sure you are eating more than you normally would.

Cats tongue: Welcome to the maintainers' forum! When I've been off plan and need to get back on, I just pick a starting date and start counting my calories and logging what I eat on that day. So long as I'm counting and logging, I'm pretty good about staying on plan.

Mel: I'm sure chocolate would help my eye heal faster (just like it helped with your DD)! Isn't it a known panacea for all sorts of problems?