Safety is always a concern. I had an angry guy on my hands one time. Not a fun time!

Gosh, I hope no one I ever go out with takes that advice. Like Nelie said, I've done that once, and I felt horrible about it too. And frankly, it prolonged my misery too, he didn't get the hint very quickly. It's just not right.

me too but i thought maybe because i'm so much older....


i was thinking over coffee...

What ab if you invite him out for coffee over the phone, but preface the invite with the four dreaded words: "We have to talk." This way, he knows something is up and if he wants you to spit it out over the phone, he's given you the option of telling him then rather than in person. If he still want to meet, he already knows this isn't a "date" you've invited him on.

To this day that phrase "We need/have to talk" gives me the wiggins. I immediately get tense to the point of being sick. About that time DH continues..."We need to talk. I ordered something and it should be delivered on Monday..." Basically it's nothing major, but when he really wants me to hear something he uses that phase. I've tried explaining, but to no avail.

My two cents: Phone would be fine, if you do it in person either make sure you have backup (have someone nearby, but not right there with you) for safety, or do it in public. Either way, be honest but kind. I'm still fighting the bad karma from a horrible breakup 17 years ago.

Perfect suggestion!

brilliant...

I hate break-ups over the phone. Especially past 3 dates.

The problem is that when you say "Let's meet for coffee, we need to talk..." He's going to immediately ask "Why?" and you're going to think, "Oh, I will just get this over with." And break-up with him.

But I do think it needs to be done in person and I think it can be as simple as, "It's just not working out. I don't feel like we can be romantically involved. I don't know why, I'm just not in that place."

I'll throw in my two cents...don't get dragged into explanations. Keep just saying the same things over and over...it's not working for me... The worst thing is to drag things out.

Be kind...and it is kinder to end it than to let him continue investing in a relationship that is not happening for you.

Good luck

Lisa -

So what happened?

I'll second that. Giving reasons just invites counter-reasons. Same thing is true when saying no to someone that wants something from you.

Well, nothing so far, and now I'm kind of hoping that I can avoid "the talk" altogether. See, we haven't talked at all this week, and I hope that means things are petering out. If it does, and we can have an easy conversation about how it was fun but it's not a good match, that would be perfect.

I'll let you know.

Lisa

I have used this technique a couple of times, but I must admit it's cowardly.
And being on the receiving in of the "I'll call you line" is pretty unpleasant. I'd prefer a person just cut to the chase - though I was never great at it myself.

don't be surprised if he calls next week. sometimes they fall back and regroup.... men are so confusing.