CyndiM: My suggestion is just eat as clean and healthy as you can and get as much exercise as you can and the rest will take care of itself.
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Taking weight OUT of the equation may be the single best advice to give anyone who has been on the weight rollercoaster for years. Because if you do not use the scale to guage your progress, then what is there to be "frustrated" about. When your goal is to eat healthy and increase your exercise, the positive results (strength, endurance, health improvements, and weight loss) are the rewards not the basis of the reward.

When we talk about our weight loss, we act as though it is the behavior, not the reward. You cannot directly control your exact weight without liposuction (and even then, it's not in your control, but in your doctor's as he decided how much to remove).

So why do we feel bad when the weight loss isn't good enough (in our opinion), even when we worked as hard as we were able to? Because on some level, we DO think it is within our control. We "should" have done something differently.

I think why just making positive changes in the right direction are goal enough. Even if we aren't rewarded with pounds lost, we might be rewarded in ways we can't even see or feel, yet. It takes a while to realize that you're stronger or have better indurance, or haven't gotten sick as much....

Our goals really are most effective when they are goals of behavior, not goals of indirect results, because only behavior do we have direct control over.

I didn't have a goal weight or a time to lose it. I had a goal size and it took me about a year to get there. Worth the year!!!! I rarely even looked at a scale, just went by how I felt and how my clothes fit (or how great it felt to have my clothes falling off!!) I feel 1/2 my age.

I started SB the first week in May, so that puts it to around 2 mos. I've lost 13 lbs (with 5 of it on phase I, so only 8# the next 6 weeks or so), and am THRILLED. In one way, I think, "that's IT?!?!? only 13, for the DRASTIC changes I've made!?!", but then....

I walked/jogged/ran 65 miles (far higher than my goal) in June...I feel SOOO much better. I lost lots of inches. Almost two pant sizes!! My moods are better, I feel calmer, I have no cravings.

Now, don't remind me the guy at work, who started two weeks after I did, lost TWICE the weight....good for him. But, I guess since I'm a woman in my mid 30's with 2 young kids, I'm still thrilled with MY progress.

Point being...look at the big picture. In the little picture (the scale...which by the way, I am obsessed with), I haven't lost much. But, in the big picture, I feel like I'm a completely new person, and that has made the diet SOOO worth it. (and, my husband says my butt looks awesome ). My original goal, which is 128, is just on the horizon. I made it at that because I thought that I would struggle, and if I was lucky, I'd make it there. Now, I'm hoping to make it to 124 (my college weight), and....maybe beyond. I dunno, we'll see!

Big picture, big picture, big picture!!!

and look it

Kaplods, that is a really excellent point about how you can't tell if any goal is reasonable until you get started. Because I have no idea how much my body will burn off a week, or more if that's the case, and what amount of food and exercise will keep me from being starved, and what amount of exercise is too much.. I have no idea. So you've got a really good idea to push it until it's challenging, but in a way that I feel I can do it forever, and watch the scale, and if I don't like what I see, push harder. That's really, really good advice. And I also agree with your other post as well. Question... are you a writer, or are you into writing? Because I see a writer in you, you could totally write a motivational book about diet and exercise. I am into writing, hope to have written a novel one day. You've got a way with words, I definitely see it. And thanks again for your awesome advice.

CyndiM, I am really sorry to hear about your eating disorders. I have often wondered if I have a binge eating disorder but I am not sure. It's great and also inspiring to hear how the South Beach diet has really changed your life. (Uggh, why do they put HFCS in EVERYTHING???! I just don't get it. Nasty stuff, that!) I love this idea of eating "clean" like you guys keep saying... it changes the way I previously thought about dieting; especially since this isn't some stupid diet, this is a lifestyle change and it is an attainable one. It gives me a whole new outlook. You've done an amazing job and I hope one day I can say the same.


Femmecreole, do you have your before and afters posted on this board? I love seeing stuff like that on this board, it really motivates me to see how great someone else has done.

TwynnB, I think that 13 pounds is amazing and I think you did wonderfully. I really wish that I could sit here and type to you all that I have lost 13 lbs. Someday I will. But for right now I'm just going to be envious of the great job you did. I'm glad you're thrilled, you should be! It's a great achievement. Plus also, from the way you described your exercising, I think you are probably gaining muscle weight (which is a really good thing) and that's why the scale says just 13 lbs (not that I consider it to be *just* 13 lbs!) When you gain muscle, the scale might not move, but your clothes will be looser and you will look smaller and better. I think that is what happened with you. I have always heard that dudes usually lose twice as much as we girls. Have you seen that commercial where that cartoon woman is like "He ate subs for lunch, and lost 15 lbs. I ate subs for lunch, and lost 1." and etc. I am with ya, I am also scale obsessed. After reading everyone's great advice, I've decided to drop this idea of a certain weight loss goal, and decide to shoot for trying to change things one day at a time, trying to eat right and exercise, and push it a little more if the scale isn't moving, but I can't give up my scale! Noooo. It's fabulous that you are so close to your goal.


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It makes me so happy to see everyone's tickers and see everyone doing so well, even if I haven't done well so far. It motivates me and gives me hope, knowing that I can do it too.

And another thing, the advice I've been given has all been so good, it has honestly changed my outlook and has changed my thinking. Right now I don't feel any need to have lost a certain amount by a certain date. The only goal I have is to eventually lose 50 lbs, no matter how long it takes, and to take things one day at a time, focusing on eating healthy and exercising. And then what happens, happens. It will be a side effect of living healthy, lol.

I can't believe that you guys have changed my thinking so much, I'm usually really set in my ways and in my opinions. But everything you're all saying just makes so much sense to me.

Whenever I've posted diet questions on Yahooanswers, I've gotten the most idiotic and simple "advice". Thank god for this forum, honestly.

Thank you guys very much. I'm feeling really good about things right now.... I feel very motivated. I'm so glad I came back (not that I was gone long or anything, lol.) All of this is honest advice that I truly needed to hear to really be able to make a change. Thanks again. Sorry for rambling on like a lovesick puppy, because I am not one to be all corny and gushing AT ALL, but I'm just really happy right now. Because I really believe I can do this now, I believe I will be able to accomplish health and fitness and weightloss with the advice and support of this forum.

Fat Melanie: Question... are you a writer, or are you into writing? Because I see a writer in you, you could totally write a motivational book about diet and exercise. I am into writing, hope to have written a novel one day. You've got a way with words, I definitely see it. And thanks again for your awesome advice.
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Actually yeah, I'm a wordholic, which translates into talkativeness and writing. I have three novels started. A couple craft books idea, of course a diet cookbook, and even the diet & exercise motivation book you mentioned, well more a diet autobiography (with a working title of How I lost 250 lbs, and only took 40 years to do it).

Seriously though, most "how I lost" books are not written until after the person has lost their weight. I tend to think that such books may often reflect selective memory rather than an accurate "in the trenches" viewpoint. How I wish I still had all of the diaries and journals I ever had. It would span age 8 or so until now.

I'm not overly sentimental myself (or rather am deeply sentimental, just not often comfortable expressing it in ways that I see as excessive). I call it a sap-allergy. My all-time HATED movie was titanic (I know, when the movie came out it was practically heresy to say). But think about it, even today if an enaged friend came home from a cruise and told you she'd picked up an "artist" and he sketched her nude in the suite she was sharing with her fiance, they had sex in the cargo hold, then dumped the fiance all within a few days, most of us would find that "creepy" and scandalous not romantic. And 90 years ago? Yikes, that's not just scandal, it's perversion. Sorry, but I like at least a little realism in my historical fiction.

Off-track, I know. It's sort of gotten to be my trade-mark (and not only here, I'm afraid).

But there are two things that I love enough to gush about. This site and my TOPS (taking off pounds sensibly). To be successful, I need the support of other people. And the people here and at TOPS provide amazing support. I couldn't do it without you all.

Melanie....what about setting a long term goal that you adjust monthly that is what I've done.

For ex: If my goal is 1-2 pounds (practically, allowing for fluctuations, 1.5 lbs is what I use for goal setting) a week for a total los of 40 pounds that would be about 27 weeks (40 divided by 1.5) or 7 months.

So, then I would set up my monthly goal. By the end of the first month my goal would be to lose 6-8 pounds. At the end of each month, I re-adjust my long term goal longer or shorter.

Here is my thoughts:

1) Have a long term goal. Approximation of where you want to be ...and know how long it will take. Part of this is to help you determine...that this has to be lifestyle and it is going to be a process. Slow and steady.

2) Have a short term goal (monthly). Less than that does not really allow for fluid changes, or monthly cycles...and just plain fluctuations of weight. If all you do is look at a weekly goal, you get frustrated or 'cocky'. And you have to allow for those changes to become new 'set points'. The monthly goal allows you to do self evaluation and see what is working and what is not. When you are successful month one and no results the second you can look back and compare. As you can see, I only lost 4 last month. BUT that is 4 pounds gone. No, it wasn't the 7 pounds (but 6 would have been more practical) I was hoping for. BUT it is still progress. AND this month I re-adjusted my long term goal. AND I know that one of my weeks last month was soooo off program I can't believe I stayed the same weight that week (I should have gained). Life happened...an unexpected family death. We ate meals provided by church family and ate out. My choices may not have been so off the SBeach concepts...but I ate way too many calories and I know it. SO, it was my fault I did not achieve those other few.

3) Set a weekly goal BUT DO NOT FOCUS on it. This weekly goal is a guide....most of us can probably tell you that when we are following the program strictly, even then, we have varying losses week by week. That is normal. The key is to keep it in the 'stay the same' or a1-2 pound loss. To be honest mine tends to be....3 pounds, 1.5 pound, 1 pound, .5 pound.... The next month it might be....2, 1.5, 2.5, STS.....a little lower...but still steady with a pattern. It averages out to about 1.5-2 per week...but has only been 2 once in 3 months. HOWEVER....any gain...should cause you not to be discourage but do a program check. What is not being done, what is being done wrong, Did I cheat, am I retaining water...etc. I can't get super excited about the 3... (and think oh, its working...I can allow a few more cheats). BUT then neither can I get discouraged at a STS or a 1 pound gain (unless it becomes several weeks- Then I have to re-evaluate.).

4) I actually weigh EVERY morning. Periodically at night if I ate a high sodium meal. This allows me to know what my body is doing. I have a scale that measures to the tenths. I can see minor changes. It can be encouraging, but I am not consumed with it. It is mearly part of my routine. BUT I only officially record the weight in my records for my Tuesday morning weigh in. Also, one thing I've noted...if I drink all of my water (8 -8z glasses plus one additional 8 oz glass for every 10 pounds over your 'ideal' body weight) I notice that my morning to evening weight only fluctuates about 1-2 pounds. When I don't drink enough it can be a 5 pound difference...which means it may be up the next morning as well.

I you haven't determined this....

I really encourage you to keep a food/exercise log. Do not throw them out. Keep it by week somehow and record what the weight loss was for that period. That will allow you to look back later and see what is working and is not. And when you were successful and when not.

As a fellow struggler...I can tell you this is not easy. It is an every day choice. But you are only one meal or snack away from being back on track.

BTW....wanted to say that it does get easier.

Sometimes I go into situations were I plan to 'cheat'. But I can honestly say I feel so much better mentally (after even the first month of success) and so much more in control of my eating now. I often do better than I plan. At my daughters graduation recently....I planned to have a burger...even got some whole wheat buns. When all was said and done...I ended up just having a burger, cheese, lettuce, and tomato; topped it with a little guacamole (I made it so...there was no added fat or sugar, just avacado and seasonings). I had it with some veggies and fat free dip made with greek yoghurt. I ate it with a knife and fork AND I did not feel deprived. Actually more satisfied than I would have been with a burger. Burgers seem so 'fast food' to me. I had a loaded plate. I had a meal.


PLANNING.....like everyone else said. You are more likely to succeed if you make plans. 'Winging it' just allows most of us to be caught by surprised and affected by our circumstances. Instead choose to make the right choice ahead of time. Determine and set goals weeks. Then most of the time you will be on program. THEN the times where something unexpected happens it will truly be an "occassional" instead of pattern. Remember planning becomes quicker the more familiar with the program you become. Also planning is the time of self evaluation. Planning helps you re-group and keep your eye on the goal.

Read the book. Live it. Then read the book again. I started the first of April. Since then about once a month...I pick the book up and read or scan it. This allows me to re-focus and remember some of my goals.

Best wishes for a successful journey.

Hi! I'm a mom too so I can relate to having your schedule (or lack there of) around a baby. My daughter will turn 3 next month and it has taken me this long just to get to my first goal. That has been frustrating and why I have yoyo for the past 3 years. I've realized that mini goals is all I can handle. So my next goal...get through the 4th without breaking Phase 1. Might take a little planning, might mean passing up the chocolate cake at my parents house or the funnel cake at the fest, but 1 goal in 1 day. Have a main goal if want (overall I need to lose 55 pounds), but mini goals, daily goals can be achieved and rewarded. Hope this helps.

Melanie, With any goal - Work related projects, marathon training and yes.. dieting.. To focus on the goal is important however it can be very overwhelming... Focusing on losing 30-40lbs can be daunting... Instead try taking dieting one day at a time... Focus on eating clean and working out one day at a time. I PROMISE YOU - once you lose a few lbs the motivation is self perpetuating... You'll feel so good you won't want to cheat or skip a work out...

Maybe give yourself a weight range... or your goal can be "once I feel lean and sexy in my bikini"... Sometimes putting an intangible number/weight to attain, only sets us up to fail...

I think it's good to set goals. I would not have half of my achievements had I not challenged myself. The key is to make reasonable goals with a made up mind to follow through with them.

Melanie, if setting goals work for you then set them. Your real achievement comes from your work in attempting the goal, but not necessarily from the end results. It's all about the enjoying the ride instead of focusing on your destination. If you lose 20 pounds by Thanksgiving would you really consider that a failure? I really doubt it. That means you should set a new goal to lose the last 10 pounds by Valentines Day (or any other marker of your choosing).

No particular way is good for everyone. Without knowing your life situation, it would be hard for anyone to tell you what will work for you. Only you have the answer to that question. Just be realistic, work hard, and have fun.