fluffy-thanks for the advice. I didn't think of just me and my son going. I was purely just thinking of us as parents and him going but now that I think about it, maybe I can go and see what he has to say and maybe he'll say something that'll "tick" into my hubby's brain and make sense of it all. I'll try talking to him. He didn't wanna listen to me last night when I was almost in tears about how I'm feeling, I just wonder if he'll listen to this. He's a very stubborn man and I guess that's what really get me frustrated. He doesn't wanna listen to me when it comes to things like this and all he says is that my son doesn't need counseling, he's just stupid. Counseling isnt' gonna do anything for him. I get so frustrated. Maybe I should tell him that when he goes to the couselor he feels better and does alittle better each time, it might be like that with my son. If he goes, his behavior might be better because he'll feel better. He doesn't have friends and he doesn't feel accepted anywhere and maybe talking to someone besides me and my hubby he'll feel better and start behaving better. What do we have to lose? I tried telling DH that maybe he feels unaccepted here at home that's why he feels he needs to be accepted by the bad peers at school, that's why he does what he does and my husbands comment back was that DS is just stupid, it has nothing to do with being accepted. I'm just in tears about it all.

What I found with the counseling with my son was that it was LESS about my son's frame of mind and "talking" than it was more of how we interacted with him and how we parent him. It wasn't that the psychologist was trying to mine my son's brain and get him to change. It was more of giving us ideas how to change his behavior, how it worked, what to modify. There wasn't any trauma that our son had to be talked through, it was just how we as parents were letting him run our lives and how we could gain control in a positive way. I think that's where your husband might have an issue - and I would,too. It's not that your son is going to go there and talk to the doctor and it will all work itself out in your son's head. It is about helping YOU to be a better parent. Your son is there to be observed to see what his behaviors actually are. Does that make sense?

yeah, it does. I think like you said, it is an issue with DH on how to control in a positive way. He feels that a child needs hard discipline, not a simple "don't do that again" type of discipline. That's where I am frustrated.

He feels that controling in a positive way is too simple and it's not gonna work, well, obviously yelling and hard discipline isn't working for him, right?!

howdy chicas.
sorry, no personals. haven't got it in me;(
feelin like a bad news bear..after more pelvic pain/symptoms despite antibiotics back to ob-gyn who now thinks it's an ovary infection. feverish and icky. at least i've got insurance but i am not reassured by the quality of my docs.

jandaman: Hope they get everything taken care of. I'm sorry about the doctor situation - I've been through similar situations before and it really stinks. Get some rest!!

Gonna: Thank you, I will enjoy couch time tonight! I even did some straightening up before work so that all I really need to do is sweep, dust, clean the kitchen counters and mop. Wahoo! Congrats on getting into those pants! You're doing great - maybe you're adding on some muscle, but still shrinking and that's the reason for the scale going up.

Hello, Krystal! Have a great day!

Janda hope all works out for you

Thanks Kim I sure hope your right

No time for personals, ladies. I have everything packed, I hope. And am just waiting for the dryer to finish before I leave. Camp is about two hours away from here - out in the boonies where my cell phone doesn't work.

I need to stop by the fire station and see if I can get some stuff signed for Twilight Camp and then I'll head out.

Roundtable worked out well last night. Brian didn't get home from his field trip until 8:30 since the mom who was driving had to wait for other other parent to show up. He did great. Heated up a piece of pizza in the microwave, got himself some milk and later some ice cream. He had fun at the Beta Club convention yesterday. Today is a half day at the convention. Hopefully everything will go well with his Dad dropping him off for his campout but I know I have done everything possible to arrange things.

Have a great weekend! I'll be back sometime on Sunday but I'm sure I'll be busy trying to get grocery shopping done and picking up Brian from his campout so I'm not sure if I can check in until Monday.

TK - It's not necessarily "nicer" discipline, it's just quieter.

Let me give you an example. My son was very slow in the mornings. He would go into his room, sit on his floor and basically DO NOTHING instead of getting dressed for school. You would think a 10 YO should get himself dressed, but he would not. It was a quiet defiant act of his, though he gave you more the impression he had forgotten what he had to do. Before, I would get really angry at him, yell and threaten, and the situation would dissolve into him yelling back, me angrier each time, and still he wasn't dressed!

In the "new" scheme of things, the doctor said that if he is acting like a 3YO, then to treat him like a 3YO and dress him. NOT yell at him, but to really and truly remember how I dressed him as a 3YO. "OK, honey... let's get these jammies off and into clean clothes for the day. Arms up! Over your head... OK, here's your shirt, do you want to put it on, or do you need some help?"... that kind of thing. NOT mocking, and not sing-song.

All the while, DS is protesting he CAN DO IT HIMSELF, to which the answer was "You haven't done it yourself, so I'm helping you like I would any young child who couldn't dress himself." (All in a very calm, non-mocking voice.)

Can I tell you that it took ONE TIME for this method to work? After that, if I sensed he wasn't dressing, I would simply (calmly and not mocking) ask him from down the hall "Do you need some help getting dressed today?" Zoom! The kid was dressed.

It's not that you are meaner or stricter, you are just smarter. It took ONE time for that method to work. For YEARS I spent my mornings yelling for him to GET A MOVE ON, and HURRY UP... IF YOU DON'T GET DRESSED, I'll.....

I like the new mornings much better.

Good morning ladies,
I'm new around these parts, but i've been reading your chat and wanted to say hi!
TK - I'm compelled to share my 2 cents about your son, coming from a Special education background and dealing primarily with behavior modification, but I won't unless you'd like me too. However, I think you're getting good advice from FluffyK.

My day will begin shortly when the students arive @8:30. Tonight my dh and I are going over to friends for wine and poker. I'm going to do my best to stay away from the chips and snackies. I plan on bringing a good supply of veggies and cheese to snack on. The wine.......I really hope to keep it to 3 glasses. Our friends are all in the food and entertainment industry so their taste in wine is impecable. Really hard to pass up a glass of wine that's fantastic.

I was supposed to walk with a co-worker this morning, but she lost her keys and is in a panic to find them. Hopefully I'll find some time today to get in a short walk.

Tomorrow I'll be up and early in order to get to the USO to volunteer. I'm going to need a lot of willpower. There's SO MUCH FOOD there. My plan is to be sure to have gum at my disposal. If I have gum in my mouth I'll be much less tempted to put a cookie or a pastry in my mouth.

Anyhow, I hope everyone has a good weekend.
ENJOY!

We have Fios and like it. I don't see much difference in it and Comcast. When we move the end of May, we are going to see who has the better deal to offer us and go with them. Fios likes a 2 year contract to get their special prices and I think Comcast only asked for a 1 year deal.

Good Morning, ladies!

TK, from my experience (and mind you it's secondhand experience for now) I've seen that an "asswhoopin" in times like this could be more detrimental than anything. If your son is having problems with feeling like he is accepted, he could be doing what he is doing as a way of reaching out -- if your husband rejects that reach, it could lead to severe resentment in future years and even more rebellion. Tread lightly with this one. I think it is your husband's job to make sure that the family is sound, especially emotionally, and it seems pretty obvious that your son isn't emotionally sound right now. If your husband isn't doing his job...it falls on you, which I know isn't fair. My thoughts are if you think your son needs some therapy, take him. Do what you think is best for your family. It will help in the long run.
My thoughts are with you during this time. I just can't even describe how hard this must be.
*hugs*
Barb, have a great time!
--

It's about to start raining here I was thinking about going thrifting this afternoon (I <3 thrift shop shopping), but I'm not sure if I want to be out in this weather. My husband should be done with work around 2, and then we're headed to our friend's home for this little cooking get together.

We talked to some friends of ours about going camping within the next few weeks. Not too far from here, but in a state park with a lake and whatnot. I don't really want to camp next to RV's, so it looks like we might have to rent the "primitive" camping site....which scares me! I don't want to have to walk 10 miles to pee in the morning! Oh well, it's cheap. $1 per day per person. Can't beat that.

I'm taking more steps to living a greener life. I'm changing all our bulbs over to CFL bulbs. I put all the major appliances (tv's, computers) on surge strips to turn off at night so they won't leach power. Unplugged all the smaller appliances when not in use (toaster, coffee maker, kitchenaid mixer). I've also been moving my errands to one day, so I don't drive as much. We bought bikes to make quick trips to the store (less than 2 miles away). My father is going to be installing a rain collection system for us within the month (which will be great for the summer). I've been trying to buy secondhand whenever possible (you would be amazed at what I've found at consignment and thrift shops -- and for cheap! Ebay and Craigslist have been great too) Calvin switched over to re-usable diapers about a month ago, and it's actually worked out quite well! We check out from the library instead of buying DVDs, audio books and regular books. We only buy books if it is something we cannot live without.

I know being Green is the hip thing right now, but I really think it's a good thing to be hip about, plus it saves a ton of money! We calculated how much we spent on diapers before Calvin moved to reusable diapers and it was something like $2000. Sure, it takes an initial investment and water to wash them....but I save them until I have a pretty full load and I line dry them when the weather is nice. Plus, his booty looks really cute in them.

My mantra when I was younger was "Materialism is the barrier to being content"....it worked for my husband and I, but then my son was born and he had to have this and that and this and that again! Now that he's older, we really think about what we're buying him and wonder if he'll just play with it for a minute and then throw it away. He is happy to have anything, homemade toys are his favorite. He loves his set of old keys on a carabeener that he slips on his belt loop, and his different shakers! Best of all, they re-used something that would have just gone to the dump, and they were free as toys!

Most green ways of living require an initial investment...but in the long run, the savings (to your pocketbook and the environment) is worth it.

Have a great day, ladies

TK - I am PMing you. Started a post and realized it's a book.

Tk I agree with all the others about the whole getting behavioral counsel. You guys seem to have run out of ways to discipline him that work. So go and learn some new ways. Right now is the time to mold him, if you can't mold him someone else will and it won't be good. This is YOUR time, teach him, learn how to handle him.
[B]Jandaman[B] My advice: get a new OBGYN and whatever other dr's that don't work for you. This is your health and you need to take care of your body. If a Dr isn't meeting your needs, find someone else. Talk to friends, co-workers, family ask them who they see. You may be able to find someone better. And you need some rest, but call around and find someone now.

Me: well, the DH and I had a lovely fight last night, but we talked everything through. We went to bed happy...but we didn't get to bed until about 2 230...and this morning was very nice...
I made breakfast, snack and threw some laundry in the washing machine. I'm going to take a quick nap and then start gettin' my grove on in this place. I'm tired of the mess!!!
And if I have some time I'll try to go on at least a short bike ride or maybe some dancing.. We'll see. Anyhow, I'll be around through out the day... Toodles!!

Thank you everyone for your help and encouragement. And all of your support. I totally appreciate it. Gotta go and finish my cake and pick up meds and run some errands. Thanks again you guys.