"Decrease Hunger and Cravings Day". Seems like that should be an official holiday on the calendar hmmmmm...

I got through yesterday, staying even longer without food than planned. I was at a friend's place after class and she usually wants to feed me pizza (not in the plan) but she didn't this time. However, I really felt ravenous sitting on her couch. it would come and go but in all reality I WAS ravenous. I just had coffee and took the bus home. Got takeout on the way and tried to eat like a sane person. I didn't shovel it in but I wasn't too mindful either. And when offered, I ate the rest of DH's food. What can I say? Room for improvement

Today is my most stressful class: drawing. And lo and behold I have actually lost my drawing homework. I moved it when I had to tidy up for the maintenance inspection last week and when I went to find it where I thought I put it last night it wasn't there. Ah well. I can do it again. 20 pages of drawings each representing/evoking a specific feeling. She made the whole class do it over last week as we all used only one pencil (horrors!) and she insisted we fill the page and use a few pencils. Last week I forgot to bring my homework with me. That class unhinges me.

We have March Break next week and it can't come soon enough. I am tired. I'll need a plan though. With the trouble I have on a Saturday a week of Saturdays could be a major challenge. Good thing I'm doing this program! And good thing I have you.

Enjoy your Tuesday.

BillBlueEyesThis feels so beautiful to me. "eating joy" Honouring abundance comes to mind. how lucky we are to have so many choices. Choosing what is best for our bodies... honouring ourselves with the food we eat. It's all so great. And definitely something to shoot for. Thank you for this visualization. It's very helpful.

hi everyone! finally well enough to type a little - i've been laid low with a fever and a bad cough for the past few days. i've never been this sick so often in my life - is this what they meant when people told me that having a baby would change everything??? i didn't realize how sick i was on saturday when i went for my long run (ended up being a long walk.) 8 miles and 1/2way through i was thinking, this is idiotic, why am i doing this, i'm tired and it sucks, i didn't bring my phone and even if i did if i gave up at mile 5 it's not like DH can drive out here with the kid and carry me the last 3 miles, why on earth would i decide to do such a stupid thing? it was actually a RELIEF to find out i was so sick and that's why it felt so bad. ugh.

trying to get it together enough to take a shower - it's votin' day today here in ohio, and those poor poll workers suffer enough without having to smell my unwashed self. here's to hoping that a shower helps my congestion!

more when i'm feeling better,
jean

Hey everybody! I would like to join your group. i bought the beck book several months ago and started it and then for some reason decided that i was smarter than a woman who went to school for many years and helped hundreds of people loose weight. DDUUHH!!
anyway my name is amy, i am married and have two kids. i need to loose about 80-90 pounds (depending on how generous i am feeling towards myself, some days i tell myself that i need to loose 100).
i used to journal on this site daily but that was some time back. so here i am at it again. i am going to give dr. beck one more try. this has to work this time, i am just getting so danged disappointed in myself for every failure that eventually something will work. so tomorrow will be day one of the beck diet for me. i will come back and post how it is going.
amy

Hi coaches,
I was just too tired to post last night so I went to bed early. I have done 2 dvd dance workouts since I set up the new dvd player in my room-yahoo! DD and I went for a nice walk with doggie this evening too-ran into a friend/neighbor and the kids played and we talked for a spell-nice! Dusting off the bike to get tuned up so I can begin training for my leg of the triathlon. Eating is going fine..I think that the newfound love of dark chocolate may be because I haven’t been eating much chocolate of any kind lately. I also think that now that I am slowing down with my eating and trying to taste my food, that I can appreciate it more. Who knows..

BillBlueEyes:
Big kudos to you on the big birthday dinner extravaganza. I love the perspective and need to remember it: that you were still “on plan” after eating near the ceiling –that is LIFE and “the plan” has to include feeling beyond “mildly full” sometimes… it is comments like that that help me shift my mind in a way that I want it to shift-away from being “on a plan” but balancing things out in order to be healthy in all areas of life. Credit to you!

What a nice offer of housing DD and I to be able to see my friend! The stress during planning came when facing the reality that I have a short window of time to get all desired activities in on this trip and the cost of getting from point A to point B (and C and D). My mom lives in Boston too so we have a place to stay there-thanks so much for thinking of it though!

Onebyone: I totally hear you on the not wanting to be told what to do! I also love the way you pointed out the idea of “paying the emotional cost even if the physical cost is low”…. So true…Your anecdotes relating to your classes, losing assignments, etc… remind me of how hard college days were for me with food/health. You named several challenging/stressful situations in the last few posts…I hope that things will calm down a bit for you!

Jean: I have never been as sick as I was when my daughter came along (and I am a public school teacher too!)-I am back now to being generally healthy now though… there are some nasty flus out there. I am glad that you cut yourself some slack on the run when you were so sick!

Amy-welcome to the group! I have gone up and down with my weight and also gotten to that “last frustration” point that I ever wanted to experience with weight. The Beck program is really doing it for me..I hope that it speaks to you as well!

Amy (gahundy)

Welcome to the Beck Diet Solution Discussion Group, Support Group, Diet Coach Group.

And, in case you didn't receive a proper welcome when you were last around,

You certainly are welcome to join our group here. Feel free to begin posting immediately - no need tor try to catch up or to figure out who everybody is. We're going through the Program-days slowly, about one or two per week, in addition to whatever discussion about Beck and our own journey comes to mind. Jump right in.

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Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations

Diet Coaches - At the Korean restaurant last night, I chose a hot pot with Udon noodles. Got lots of hot liquid and modest volume of food. CREDIT moi. I did endulge in the shared dessert - red bean ice cream and ginger ice cream. Red bean was a first for me - it was quite good despite the incongruous image of red beans in ice cream. The ginger was good - just as you'd expect. My body is so ready for a few days of eating at home where sweet dessert isn't part of dinner and eating on plan is the way of life.

Sue (CoastalSue) - Just waving - hope your travels thru the Sierras are going well.

Heidi (hbuchwald) - Kudos for progress in tasting and appreciating your food. Methinks steps like that are the core of how Beck plans that we'll think like thin people.

Jean (kuhljeanie) - Ouch for being sick. Kudos for finally recognizing that you're sick; take care of yourself - I recommend the classic chicken soup. It can help you to acknowledge that you need to be taken care of. Mothers of young children are people too.

onebyone – Big Kudos for completing the hunger day exercise. How much discomfort did you feel when you got hungry and how long did it last?

What a wonderful phrase, "Honouring abundance." It makes abundance sound whole and rich rather than opulent and ostentatious.


Amy (gahundy) – LOL at your comment about feeling smarter than the book. I had that same initial reaction to The Beck Diet Solution; it seemed too simple - simplistic even. It wasn't until I actually did the exercises and observed my response to doing them that they made sense to me. Good luck as you begin the journey.


Readers – “… (Meanwhile, people on a waiting list to get into the program didn’t lose any weight.) …” Beck, pg 20.

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Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations!

Good Morning Coaches.

It's snowing again. just had to get that out of the way. This winter it goes like this 1) big snow 2) very cold but sunny 3) big snow 4) big thaw/warm-up/rain for a day 5) big snow and/or freezing rain We're in a stage 5 today... big snow. Where's my trusty icon for this...? Oh yes: That'll do.

Oh wait. I can use to show you how I am feeling about progressing to Day 15 tomorrow and "officially" starting my diet. I feel like "I can't do it". Why? I think it's because yesterday I was totally disconnected from the Beck program. It's that drawing class. OMG it was so fun though. That was unexpected. AND it was a key class where things from the beginning of the semester that made no sense at all but "you did it anyway cause the teacher said so" came together beautifully. Wow. Even the weakest student in class was on the verge of producing a beautiful accomplished drawing.
SO SATISFYING... and much longer lasting than any food I have ever eaten...

But Beck just went out the window. Well I say that. It's an exaggeration. The reality is: I did not have second helpings. I sat down to eat. I did not eat unconsciously. But I didn't exercise (the biggie I am down on myself for this morning). I didn't read the book before bed. I didn't consciously work on the task given for me for Day 13.

And today I am feeling afraid of tomorrow, the official start to my diet day. I have been following Weight Watchers but not very carefully. Like I am not counting my points. I will have to do that tomorrow.

Okay I just read the page for today and it's addressing all this stuff. I felt like she was going to be harsh and tough. No, that's MY inner voice. I am being hard on myself here... and I really don't want to plan my food. But I will. I need to move forward more than I need to argue with a book about my next step.

kuhljeanie I can relate to not realizing how sick you really are until you are in the middle of doing something. Sorry to read you are so sick with a flu bug. Get some more rest and get well soon

gahundy Welcome to the board! I am new here too, 14 days old to be exact. I've had the book since November and then "lost" it. I found it two weeks ago and decided I needed it. I am tired of self-sabotage. REALLY tired of it. Like you I want to lose 80-100 lbs. Will I? Only if I work for it, and Beck is part of that for me. I wish you a willing spirit and success.

hbuchwald A dancing workout sounds like great fun. And you're getting your bike tuned up? Nice to know there's some Spring weather somewhere in the world! Enjoy it for me.

BillBlueEyes Wow you're at restaurants a lot lately. You're going to be such an expert at dealing with this situation! Kudos on handling the challenge it presents. And to answer your question, my hunger was very strong and insistent like it wouldn't leave me alone for long. I was distracted cause I was with my friend, or on the bus but my body kept directing my attention to my empty stomach. My biggest problem is not that I feel being very hungry, but that feeling very hungry (and acknowledging it)triggers in me a deep feeling of fear and anxiety. The two travel hand in hand for me. These are old old childhood things, so I am taking a deep breath and doing this anyway. Childhood is long gone and I have the tools and more to go forward to lose the weight and deal with life. What else is there to do? Go forward or go back. Things always change.

Hi everyone! still feeling like crap, under the misguided impression that having less of a fever meant that I was well enough to go back to work. I'm leaving early.

onebyone, it occurred to me while I was reading your post that you weren't even CLOSE to disconnected to Beck yesterday. When you talked about your class, you said, "...things from the beginning of the semester that made no sense at all but "you did it anyway cause the teacher said so" came together beautifully. Wow. Even the weakest student in class was on the verge of producing a beautiful accomplished drawing...: - and Amy and Bill both talked about Beck seeming too simple, but doing it anyway. That made me smile. And of course you can start your diet! You'll be brilliant at it! My big concern with Day 15 was that I hadn't done enough crazed bingeing the first two weeks to adequately shore me up for the grueling denial I was about to subject myself to. I actually ate a piece of cake on the evening of day 14 that I really didn't want, since it was the last time I was "allowed" to. Reflecting back on it now - ugh - too much misguided thinking to even know where to start. Like using the word "allowed" as though I'm a little kid who needs to be controlled. And the idea that once I'm on plan, I can't eat anything with sugar, flour, butter - no mistakes allowed. No planned treats. All or nothing. Good or bad. And it'll be this dire, this consuming, forever and ever.

I was listening to my Beck CD every morning on the way to work, and doing the exercise the next day (with a sort of one-day lag.) I got to day 26 or so and just couldn't keep up with it. I tried backing up a few days, but still couldn't find the time to do the exercises, so everything else started slipping too - reading my ARC, etc. I was still eating the same food in the same quantities at the same time, but it didn't "count" because I wasn't writing it all down the day before. So that put me on the wrong side of the law.

About two weeks ago I had a couple of epiphanies. One is that I don't have to do everything perfectly to benefit from it. Another is that I don't have to do it all right this minute. Yes folks, you heard it first - I'm going to back up to some earlier point in the program and do a soft-restart later, like after graduation and marathon, when I can focus on it. I'm not going to be half-a$$ed trying to do too many things at once, and this will wait (unlike my midterms, which are this week whether I feel like it or not.) I can eat well and exercise, and I'm not losing any ground by taking a breather from actively working through Beck. I can just use what I've already learned, what's easy to apply given the circumstances, and cruise for a little bit (9 wks) until I'm ready to re-commit. And being so sick, I've lost my appetite, a bunch of fluids, and some bonus pounds. Yeah, I know it's not healthy weight loss, and it won't stick when my current state of dehydration ends - but I LOVE seeing it on the scale.

Ordered my empty charm bracelet yesterday. What a fabulous idea! DH and I had a good time decided what kind of charm I would get to represent him. (Guitar.) Technically I could go ahead and get it now (on the 5's and 0's) but I'll wait until I'm eating normally again and make it permanent.

thanks again for giving me a place to think out loud about these things, and welcome Amy!

Below: Finally figured out how to post cake pictures. These two are my best so far, but I'll need to start thinking about making sugar flowers for that wedding cake soon. Maybe in April? If it gets too much I can always buy them from a supplier, and no one the wiser. Right?

i made it back. so far today all i did was find some motivational quotes and sayings that i can go to for a quick pick me up. i meant to bring my book to work to read at lunch today and in the chaos of it all i left it on the table. oh well.tomorrow is another day.
Thanks to everyone for welcoming me here, i feel like i have made friends already!

Onbyone-i am glad your drawing class was so satisfying for you! i can barely draw a stick man with a smiley face! if you are still a little nervous about the diet, stop and go over the steps you have already done, and come back to the "start the diet" step when you are ready. it's ok if you aren't quite ready yet.

kuhljeanie-your cakes are fab!! i love that sort of thing but am no good at cake decorating, just haven't applied the skills enough to master them i think. anyway, i think you are being very wise about just sticking with the steps you know you can do now anc coming back and regrouping at a better time. i know for me if i get bogged down with too much the diet is the first to go but then i have to deal with the guilt, but i think since you are making the choice to slow down with diet, etc. then there will be no guilt. good luck with your exams and keep cominghere to let us know how it is going.
amy

Greetings and Salutations everyone!

No big challenges today. I ate well and will be hopping on the treadmill or dancing around in my room after DD goes to bed. I am getting compliments in the area of my “eyes being lit up now” and “looking like I have so much energy” and “just looking healthy”! WOW. Tomorrow I am taking DD to my school’s roller skating party. That means that I get to roller skate and my students take turns taking my daughter around the rink-win/win situation! We will get Mexican food beforehand and I will have 2 small chicken soft tacos-I mention it for accountability’s sake. Thanks coaches.

BillBlueEyes: You are quite the adventurous eater-great way to keep food interesting amidst trying to manage calories/nutrients… do you keep track of what you eat or do you just know now how to balance it all out from doing this stuff for so long?

Onebyone: Your drawing class sounds FABULOUS! I love how you sound about it… passionate. Try to think about the things that you DID do well and give yourself credit for those things. I personally fight “black and white thinking”…when I am feeling like I ‘blew it” and then really look at the reality, it is rarely as bad as I made it out to be in my mind. It also takes time to build all of these skills. It will never be PERFECT (I am reminding myself as much as sharing with you) so hopefully you will be able to cut yourself some slack and do your best with what you have right now. This is life…Take it or leave it..  Sometimes it helps me to also think about what used to be… when I really would binge out or just not even care what I ate or how much, etc… I have come so far-it really sounds like you have too!

Jean: Great description of what I was trying to say above about black and white thinking! Gorgeous cakes and so fun that you got a charm bracelet. Smart gameplan to do a soft reboot later.

Diet Coaches - The good news is that I still feel the fullness from the several recent eating out events. So I had smaller portions of both lunch and dinner yesterday. CREDIT moi for working the issue. Also trying to work Beck's notion of avoiding exaggerated thinking here. I can eat more on some occasions and balance with less on others. Every extra bite is not the beginning of the mindless eating where I used cookies, candy, crackers and cheese to pack on my pounds. I need to say this in front of you guys so I can hear it myself:Obviously, this is a work in progress to welcome the tension while avoiding the angst.


Heidi (hbuchwald) - Kudos for another day on plan and congrats for all those compliments. Are you able to believe them?

Concerning your questions of how I track: I journal what I eat every day but I don't calorie count or fitday. I'm still working on my long term technique for knowing that I'm staying at a maintenance level. It's easy to stick to plan when I have full control of my choices, but I still feel the challenge of opening my plan to explore new foods and attend major celebrations. The only thought I have is to track my weekly weight against a "red line" and cut back as needed when I drift upwards - this is, in fact, what I think Beck recommends. I'm long winded here because I'm still looking for the right way to make it work for me. I was really comfortable heavily using NO CHOICE during my losing phase and am searching for the appropriate level of SOME choice on SOME occasions, but NOT SO MUCH as leads to the slippery slope. LOL at my long winded reply getting to the point - no, I don't "just know now how to balance it all out". Would welcome any thoughts you have on staying the course.


Jean (kuhljeanie) - Kudos for ordering your charm bracelet and Big Kudos for making a decision about delaying reading new Beck Program-days until you have sufficient time. Keeping yourself sane is certainly goal one and you seem to be acting wisely in respecting yourself.

Thanks for the discussion about "allowed" and being constrained by hard rules. It's useful for me to be reminded that I have no choice but to accept responsibility that my eating satisfies my long term goals to remain responsible even if it costs my short term goal of sticking to a tight plan. Most things in my life that are real are in a constant tension between conflicting goals; if I try to make my eating different than that, I expose myself to implosion.


onebyone – Sending warm support as you start the dieting part of your Beck journey. As Jean (kuhljeanie) so wisely noted, you've demonstrated your skill at moving forward on faith and reaping the rewards. You really have the right attitude with "I need to move forward more than I need to argue."

Thanks for answering; hunger is larger for you than just the discomfort that Beck's exercise is designed to show us is lower than we had been thinking. Seems like it is wise for you to be rigorous in keeping up with your meal and snack schedule to avoid having to deal with the artifacts of hunger. It's good reason to remember that your WW plan, as I understand it, has minimum points as well as maximum. Again, good luck starting that portion of your journey today.


Amy (gahundy) – Neat that you've already found quotes "for a quick pick me up." Were you already on a diet plan when you found Beck?

Readers – “… But here’s the truly impressive part: When the researchers re-evaluated study participants a year and a half after treatment, their average weight had continued to drop whereas the average weight of the people on the waiting list had increased. This is what sets Cognitive Therapy apart from other types of therapy and other types of weight-loss programs. …” Beck, pg 20.

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Completed Beck Program-day 42. You’ve met your goal. Congratulations!

Hello Coaches

I have officially started my diet plan, weight watchers points.
I weighed in at 257.8 this morning.
I chose this as I am familiar with it, it's sane and I can choose pretty much anything I want to eat, just have to be accountable. Plus I get rewarded for exercising and that's good incentive for one such as I. It seems exactly in line with Beck's suggestions to me, and I feel a desire to do it. I am committing to this plan and if I feel it isn't right at some point, before chucking it aside I will come here and discuss it, and make another plan.
Kudos me for knowing I have choices.

I followed the book and wrote out a diet food plan for today last night. I flipped through the book looking to see if we were really required to do this the night before, even counting the pages of daily food plans vs. days in the book and yep, you definitely do it the day before. I didn't want to do it but did it anyway and this morning I was glad I did.
Imagine that. No one's more surprised than I am. It's taken the worry out of today. I opened to the food page and just followed orders. And as I weighed and measured things I looked at the actual amount that I had accounted for and it's more than I normally give myself. I was reminded that I often find an irony in that. In the past when I weighed and measured I often found my plate to be carrying more food not less. I have a lot to learn.

kuhljeanie I was bidding on a charm bracelet on ebay and lost. I may get the chain and make my own bracelet. Your cake pictures remind me of an artisan who sells at the farmers' market where I sell my work. She's a cake artist and her work is fantastic. Before she started at the market she did art and craft fairs. She would create a cardboard form that she would wear and she would stand inside it and decorate the cardboard with colourful butter cream icing during the course of the art show. Performance art. Delish!

gahundy Happy to see you back! Enjoy your day today and let us know how you are doing.

hbuchwald I was feeling mopey last night and popped a 1 mi WATP workout dvd into the player and after it was done I was no longer blue. I forget how powerful exercise is. I still lean towards the "oh it's gonna be hard and make me sore and tire me out" which was all true when I first came back to exercise and lasted a good 4 days, but that's not the case anymore. My body is so thrilled to be moving and I know I am only helping my heart and lungs get stronger and my butt's getting shaplier by the workout (where is the beautiful booty smilie anyway?)

BillBlueEyes In my family, a family of very creative folk and very intense personalities, we have a term for this very thing "creative tension". It's the state of being inbetween, searching and not being so afraid, paralyzed, or angsty that you break the flow, you stop yourself or you give up. Making things necessitates fallow periods. You have to believe these times are as productive as when you have things to show someone. And sometimes you are the only one who believes you... and that sometimes has to be enough.
So why mention this? It's a way of looking at a life as a whole that is experienced over time. Taking the longview. While indeed we live our lives only "one day at a time" we continue to make plans and look forward, or back. We didn't come to this day in a vacuum of time and space. The trick is not to be overly controlled by future events or the past, but to be present in our life right now and make choices that are as best as we can for ourselves right now. Do the next right thing you know? And food, and food plans, and eating out and everything is right in the mix. It's one of those paradoxes of truth: do the right thing today and tomorrow takes care of itself. Or something like that (I often mangle quotes). I am going on at length on this as it is something I need to reinforce to myself. I am building my future success by using Beck daily. It's a long term plan focusing on daily acts. hmmm. Heavy man. Heavy.

well i remembered to bring my book to work today, i tried reading it last night but ds insisted that i "put that book down". he misses me all day and thinks that i should be giving him my undivided attention once we get home.
i am going to decorate my "success can" this afternoon and then i will be ready to go!
so far my day has been good, no drama and no junk so that's a plus in my book.

billie-when i first got the beck book i was already on the carb addicts plan, but it didn't seem to really fit me so i stopped following the plan. i am on my own plan now. i know how and what to eat to fuel my body and stay healthy, i just have to make myself do it!

onebyone-i would write down my meal plans for the next day before i read Beck and it always worked better for me that writing it down as i go. i like to plan ahead. i hope this technique works for you, let us know!

hope to hear how everybody else is doing today!
amy

Hello everyone,I am still here although very busy.I start my working 4 days a week instead of five so I am off Thur and Fri this week.I am over the flu but still tired,I got the kids off to school and went bach to bed instead of to my ww meeting.Slept till 1pn,guess I needed it.My eating has been up and down,had 5 good days and then gave in to these stupid candy bars my son is still selling.Also got frustrated at work,the usually supportive coworkers said they are not on ww and are sick of not ordering out ,eating snacks ect...They have started bringing junk food again and ordering pizza stromboli on a regular basis.It bothered me but I resisted at work.At home however I became resentful and started feeling sorry for myself and ordered pizza and ate candy[alot of it,not just a piece].Sometimes I feel like I just can't do it anymore like something is just wrong with me,maybe an eating disorder.I hate to keep posting and saying the same things over and over,like I do well and then I just do awful and I can't seem to stop.My weight ends up going down and then right back up.I am not getting anywhere and I spend alot of money in the process.Buy all healthy stuff,fill the frig,get moody go buy take out and junk food,buy all healthy stuff,eat the kids snacks and on and on.Feel like just giving up and I don't want to keep posting the same thing over and over.

Hi coaches,

We just got back from the roller skating extravaganza. We had a great time and I got some exercise in and saw lots of my students there. Fun times! I feel a cold coming on and will be going to sleep right after I post this. Nothing earth shattering to report. I contacted the swimmer in our triathlon group to see if she wanted to take our kids to public swim while we swim laps..we are going to do that tomorrow night! AND her brother is going to tune my bike up and pimp it out with some street tires (I have a mountain bike) and whatever else I need. I reminded him that I am not in this to WIN but to finish and I truly don’t care if I have mountain bike tires or not..he is a bike guy and so wants to set me up with all this stuff. NICE! So the training begins…

BillBlueEyes: Great description of your maintenance gameplan. I didn’t mean to sound flip when I asked if you just knew what to do suddenly after losing all of your weight! I am far from being in a position to offer advice on the topic.. still figuring it all out for weight loss. I enjoy hearing your process-I am making note for when I hit maintenance!

Onebyone: I am glad that you have a plan that you are excited about that feels right! I really enjoyed reading your explanation of living in the moment…

Gahundy: What is the success can? I must have missed that post somehow???? I am interested!

Wendylan: I am so sorry that you are having a hard time of this right now. Please don’t apologize for posting the same thing more than once…kudos to you for posting-period! Sometimes it helps to read those reasons you want to lose weight… I even brought my cards out and actually did tape them up around my house-the ones that I refer to a lot. It really helps me to have those ideas in my head. It also helps me to record what I ate even if I totally binged out…it feels cleansing somehow and for some reason, sometimes makes it easier to plan the next day’s food. I know how hard it is, believe me. I also know the power of Beck’s strategies have worked for me in so many situations like that. I hope that you can be gentle with yourself as you continue to recover from being sick… all this stuff takes a lot of energy and you have less when you are sick and have kids, etc… (like you don’t know these things..right?). Hang in there….