See! You're all lovely! THATS why I like it here

thank you <3

emily
xxx

Something about this thread just clicked for me this morning. I've read some of it a few times but this morning ... I think ... I think ...

freiamaya is noticing that when an overweight person comes to the site and asks for help ... we tell them things that will advance weight loss. When an underweight person comes along we give advice toward a healthier body image. Seemingly, a two-faced approach.

However, when you weed through the details, most folks are advised to eat healthier and get some exercise, right? to appreciate the machine they've been given and work with it.

Do we heartily embrace an overweight person who is just like us? probably.
Do we tippytoe around suspected anorexics? probably. But they can be delicate folks. And ... they're unknown to us, frightening in a way. I hesitate to give stern advice until I see that they will stick with 3FC and maybe we can help.

SusanB makes an interesting point about suspected anorexics being foreign to some of us.

I myself have been on both ends of the spectrum: I've been anorexic, ED-NOS, AND 20 pounds overweight! So... for me to openly criticise a suspected anorexic would be rather hypocritical, and as a former anorexic myself, I know the mindset never goes away, even if the habits change.

However, I do find it rather difficult to be supportive of anyone who is aiming for a severely underweight BMI, just because it is unhealthy to achieve and most likely difficult to maintain. If you look at the goals of all the people on this forum, we all have different ideas of what a sexy, healthy weight might be. Some of us just want to be in the healthy BMI range. Others want to be on the lowest possible end of that range. Others want to be overweight and not obese. And some of us go by mirrors and sizes, as opposed to scales.

Some of us lose weight for health reasons. Others lose weight for vanity. I support both - mine is vanity at the moment, as I am at a healthy weight and in great shape. I honestly support anyone's weight loss endeavors as long as they are healthy, reasonable, and will make the person doing them happier and more comfortable.

Well, I can only speak for myself, but when someone presents themselves here at an unhealthy weight-how I react depends on their situation. While MOST people are overweight because of too many calories and too little activity, and MOST people are underweight because of too little calories and being more avctive, there are exceptions to that rule.

If someone is underweight, how I would react depends on why they are underweight. My roomate when I was about 20 years old fluctuated between 85-95 pounds at about 5'3". She was scarily underweight, and was basically swimming in size 2 jeans. (At the time they didn't have 0's like they do now.)
A lot of people probably assumed she was anorexic, but the fact of the matter was she had digestive problems-extreme IBS, and there were only a handful of foods that she could eat that wouldn't cause her body to purge itself within an hour of eating.

My mother's weight fluctuates depending on how much stress she is under. She can be from a size 5 to a 12, depending on her workload, etc. Stress causes her to not eat. She doesn't have anorexic tendencies, she simply doesn't eat when she is stressed out.

So, that is why I am personally against celebrity bashing, etc. because we don't always know *why* someone is so thin. They could be filming 2 movies at the same time, going through a breakup with a partner, or what have you. It isn't always anorexia, and we shouldn't assume that it is. (There are some cases, however, such as with the Olsen twins, etc. where being in an eating disorder center has been confirmed). I am basically against assuming someone has one if it hasn't been confirmed, or tabloids calling someone fat if they gained 7 pounds.

As far as members here go, their current weight doesn't equate to anorexia to me-it is their posts, their exercise or eating habits, things they might say, etc. that lead me to believe someone might have a problem.

I am accepting, and understanding (my aunt has been an anorexic/bulimic for over 20 years), but I also know that at 3FC, we have to tread lightly, and realize that we are not equipped to deal with the emotional issues here. There are other websites more equipped to do so.

I don't think it is just about accepting everyone as they are-be it fat or thin-but more about keeping 3FC a place for learning HEALTHY habits through diet and exercise, whether the person wants to lose, gain, or maintain their weight.

I don't have issue with individuals who present at a low weight and ask for advice to optimize their health. We absolutely should be supportive, for sure. The same goes for those at the higher weights who, again, want to optimize their health.
As for commenting about celebrities, well, I'm just not sure. Those in the public eye are choosing to be there, and along with the wealth and fame comes public scrutiny. At the end of the day, celebrities truly are marketing a product - themselves. You see this with announced appearances to maximize paparazzi exposure, diversified marketing of perfumes with their names on it, clothing lines, endorsements, appearances, etc. My concern is not that there are ultra-thin celebrities out there. My concern is that the ultra-thin has become the norm, and the standard for impressionable people especially our young has shifted. When Victoria Beckham gets a tv show, during which she asks the cameras to shoot from certain angles to make her look "taller and thinner" (she is around 5'5" and weighs less than 100 lbs), some comment may be appropriate. I don't feel that this is, in any way, "celebrity bashing". To me, celebrity bashing is impugning the character of a celebrity for being simply a celebrity. I think it is possible to have compassion for another, celebrity or not, without supporting that individual's pursuit of an unhealthy lifestyle. And if we, as a general public, are quiet about the idolization of these ultra-skinny role models, aren't we complicit in their idolization? Are we abrogating our responsibility in this matter? How will society change if no one speaks up?
I'm not trying to be rude or confrontational or anything -- these are just huge questions that keep popping up in my mind, and I think they might be really interesting topics of discussion!
Sure is an interesting question!

The sort of celebrity bashing I was referring to is the kind where everyone bashes a celeb for being thin, and assuming it is an ED right off the bat.

I agree with the fact that celebrities are selling themselves-and promoting themselves through their work, perfume and makeup ads, etc. but at the same time, I think that they *should* be allowed to sit in their backyard with a privacy fence in a bathing suit or sweatpants without helicopters flying over their house to get a photo of them in it so the Enquirer can do a cover story on how fat they are. I think there is a line that should be drawn, you know? Everyone deserves some privacy.

There is a huge contradiction in our society in that regard. People complain about celebrities being too thin, and then are the first to buy the trash magazines that show a celebrity who has apparently gotten fat. Covers poking fun at Britney or Kirstie or whoever in an unflattering outfit looking chunky sells magazines.

Heck, I'd want to be 100 pounds, too, if every time I walked out my front door I had 20 guys with cameras trying to get a photo of me looking fat.

It is enough, actually, to give someone an ED that didn't have one. Think about how we all feel when we are, or simply feel fat. Now think about 20 people following you around all day to take photos of it.

I don't know about you all, but I think this is probably one of the best threads I've read in a long time. Thanks for all the input and debate!!!! I know I'm thinking a bit differently about things, that's for sure!

THANKS so much for this thread, FREIMAYA ...

Recently, I'm having a problem with responding to those who ask for our advice and opinions, but who get offended by our replies. I'm just trying to be supportive and compassionate to that PERSON; I may not agree with everything they say or do either. To me, it doesn't matter if they have 20 lbs or 200 lbs to lose, or are underweight; we are all here for the same reason: which is ... SUPPORT!

ADVICE is just that ... a suggestion or my opinion (I never intend to offend or criticize anyone); so, one can take it or leave it. My issue is with those that call themselves abusive names (hardass, piggy, lazy, and so on); and maybe I'm just too sensitive from being the victim of such name-calling in the past, but I find that very sad.

So now, I'm going to be very cautious about who and how I reply to those who ask questions. We all have to realize that if we ask questions, that we may not like everything others say; and we may not always agree (agree to disagree); BUT, I THINK THAT MOST PEOPLE ARE JUST TRYING TO BE HELPFUL!

Sorry, if I'm a little off topic, but I think this is all related. Yes, this is a very interesting topic and thread; thanx again! ROSEBUD

I think that's an excellent point. Unless somebody's plan is seriously dodgy I won't comment on it. There are a lot of people here whose goal weights still them overweight, sometimes even obese, and some who are aiming for officially underweight but live and let live I say - unless it's dangerous.