I woke up this morning in a good mood ready to face the day and any challenges in it. All was fine until my husband got up. Then he started fighting with me again and started to bring up my weight. I told him that I didn't like it when he does that to me. But it just fell on deaf ears. So it another day of the old silent treatment from me before I really go and say things that I don't mean. I think I will wait for a moment to speak to him about it when the kids are not around and we have about an hour to discuss my weight issue. I am going to tell him that instead of being so hateful about my weight problem, I think I would do better if he was more supportive. What kills me is that I am 40 pounds lighter now than I was when I meet him. So I think he should be proud of how far I have come and not look at where I haven't went yet. He is disabled. But I don't throw that in his face when we have a fight. I have never said anything about him being disabled ever since I met him 5 years ago. Wonder how he would feel if I did say stuff about him being disabled?
How do you all handle it when your spouse talks mean towards you about your weight?
When we are out in public and one of our friends or family members says how great I am looking, he steps up and comments on how proud he is of me. But then when we are alone or at home and gets mad at me, he has to throw it up in my face. Where is the happy medium? Or will there ever be one?
Sorry to have babbled but I am really down right now. I did a 20 minute dance cardio dvd and had to take a short break before I do my strenghtening dvd for 20 minutes. Well I better go and finish my workout now. We were suppose to go to a friend's house this evening. But I think I might just skip that and stay home and do things for myself for a change.
Hope everyone is having a better day than I am!
Later,
Kerry

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Thanks Katrina for your words of encouragment. I made it through the rest of my workout. After I got my shower, he came in and told me that he does love me. I told him that he sure has a funny way of showing it at times. Then I went on to say that I don't like it how he has said some nasty things here lately to me about my weight. I said I have once said anything nasty or bad about your disabilty. He's reply was no. Then I went on to say that I have to live with being overweight everyday of my live. That you don't think that it bothers me when people stare at me, make rude comments about being fat, pick on me about my weight, that some of my clothes don't fit right or that I feel like people are staring at me when we go out to eat or go to parties. He was reply was that he got picked on so much when he was little that he has been able to build up a shell and not let it bother him. I said that is where men and women are different, we can just let it go as easily as a man can. I said that all I as is for you to be a little more supportive and not so critical. On that note, I walked out of the room we were in and he hasn't said anything to me since then. That was 15 minutes ago. So I don't know if he is pondering about it or has just moved on.
I think alot of our problems stem from that we have been strapped with our money situation for about 2 year now. Ever since we had a house with a gas furance in it and had gas bills as high as 600 or 700 dollars in the winter. Needless to say we got rid of that house and are renting now. But every time we think we are slowly getting back on our feet, something else pops up and sets us back. So alot of our stress is about money. I just pray that things will start looking up for us soon.
Well I need to go and eat something for supper before it gets too late for me to eat anything. Thanks for listening to me.
Take care,
Kerry

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Katrina thanks for the hugs. I could feel them through the computer. LOL
My dh was raised by an abusive father. So I sometimes wonder if that also has a lot to do with the way he is. I try to tell him and do small things for him everyday to let him know that I love him. So I guess maybe after we get our money troubles straightened out then maybe life will be better for us. It doesn't help that he pays child support to his ex and we still have to shell out money for the kids. For sports equipment, shoes and clothes. Alot of our fights have been during the three months that I am off from school here the last few years. See I have an afterschool job with the afterschool program for 10 hours a week at $18.00 so that extra $360 every two weeks really can make a difference. But when school is not in session we don't have that program. Every summer I try to get a part-time job. But no one wants to hire a school teacher for the summer. And he has been trying to find a job where he can supplement his disability income. During the summer we have his three children Monday through Friday from 9:30 a.m. until 6:30 p.m. while their mom is at work. We have told her that money is tight for us doing the summer and asked if we could atleast have an extra 20 or 30 dollars a week for food for them and she throws a fit. But she has a build in babysitter in the two of us. Because we are the ones who take them to their doctor appointments during the summer, feed them two meals a day and a snack. Make sure that the one boy does his eye therapy and then all she had to do is go home and spend the evening with them. Plus during baseball/softball season we are the ones who run them to practice and make sure we are at every game. She might show up for the last fifteen minutes of their games. We had plans to go to a concert last Saturday. The tickets were really cheap, only 7 bucks apiece. We would have seen John Michael Montgermy (sp), Trisha Yearwood and Andy Griggs. Plus take the kids to my sister's in WV to go to a ball game with her on the 23rd. But we had to cancel all our plans, because the ex had taken a week off from work to go out on the road with her hubby who is an over the road truck driver. She wanted us to the watch the kids for this whole week. But she let my husband know about this on the 8th. But she knew for a couple months this is want she was doing. I called her at work and asked her for some money to help feed the kids for the week. We ended up getting into a screaming match on the phone and I just told her that I was not listening to her anymore and hung up the phone. We live on a budget from paycheck to paycheck. We had our van payment, car insurance and a like two or three other little bills to pay last Friday. But instead of paying all our bills, we had to put the little bills back until we can pay a little on them hopefully the next paycheck so we could buy food for the kids for the week. Because we just buy enough food to feed them in the morning and at lunch time. Then my hubby and I make small items for the two of us to eat for dinner. Needless to say, we have been used big time. We went out and bought all kinds of good healthly food for them to eat this week and then she brings them over late Tuesday afternoon and came to pick them up this afternoon. I said we won't have had to buy so much extra food, we could have paid on our bills and went to the $7 concert and to the free ball game with my sister. Oh well, I guess the only good thing about it is, is that we don't have to worry about not having anything to feed them next week or possibly the week after.
As for this afternoon, my hubby has acted like nothing was wrong this morning or that I even said anything this afternoon about our fight. Our one friend called this evening and asked if we would go over to his brother's house so they could play cards. I told my hubby that he could go and our friend said why isn't Kerry going to come. My hubby's reply was just that I was in a bad mood. Couldn't have anything to do with being up late last night and having to get up at 7:30 this morning to get his daughter ready to go to her mom's work with her mom's co-worker to help with some picnic they were having today. I finally went back to bed around 9. Only for him to wake up and want to talk. So I never did get to go to sleep for a little bit longer. Then we got into a fight around 11. Done the laundry, dishes and then finally got to put in my workout late this afternoon. So I am tired this evening and just wanted some me time. Is that selfish of me?
So how old are your kids? How long was your hubby in the Navy? Glad to hear that live does get better after being married for a while.
Well I think I am going to sign off and go read a book for a little bit. Then hopeful fall in bed early this evening.
Thanks for helping me through my rotten day.
Have a great evening!
Kerry

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Katrina hope you were finally able to get some sleep last night. I had a hard time falling asleep to last night. But I think my was from being so tired and worn out from being up late the night before, getting up early yesterday morning and then just the day's events. So I am hoping that today after I run some errands I can take me a nap. LOL What is that? Huh.
You must have your hands full with your kids. Sounds like you are a busy lady. How do you like homeschooling your children? Do you find it easier than sending them off to school? I haven't really know anyone who is homeschooled,so was just curious.
I better start thinking about doing my walking video, then getting my shower and getting dressed for the day. I have an appointment at 11 a.m. this morning. Thank goodness it is just down the street from my house. I have several errands to run today. So that should keep me busy and focused on positive things.
Well I better get busy for the day. Look forward to chatting with you again real soon. Hope you have a great Friday!
Take care,
Kerry

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Katrina,
My dh and I haven't fought any since on Thursday. Now when he has something to ask me, he starts off with the comment "I don't want to start a fight, I just have a question to ask you". So I am hoping that my little chat with him on Thursday has helped some. I guess time will tell.
Yesterday was okay. My schedule got through out the window though. My bil came over for a visit unannounced and had to use the computer. He likes to come over and look up recipes he has seen on all the cooking shows he watches and then print them off. But it bugs the crap out of me, because that is the only reason he comes over. Then he complains when we ask for he to purchase either paper or ink every so often. So my excerise time was cut out in the morning. Then my dh came home with his two sons to inform me that they were spending the night. Usually this don't bother me, but I had made plans last evening to go over to my sil for a girls evening. My dh had promised a friend that he would help park cars at the county fair from 6 to 9. So then the kids had the neighbor boy over to play and I don't feel comfortable working out in front of people that are not family. If that makes sense. So at 10 when we found my stepdaughter's cell phone change I jumped at the chance to take it to her house. Then I rode around for a little bit before going home. So that was my big exciting day. Today I am planning on mowing the sideyard as my excerise. Then maybe convince my dh to go for a walk with me later. I think want might have changed his tune too is that I went for a job interview on Friday morning and go back for a second one on Wednesday night. So things are starting to look up a little bit. Only bad thing is that it is that time of the month and I feel like a bloated beached whale. I just hope that on Tuesday night when I go to TOPS for my weigh-in, I come up on the losing end of the scale.
Sounds like your kids had a blast at their Harry Potter party. What kinds of things did they have there for the kids? My sister is the head of the children's department at the library she works at. I might have to share that idea with her. Believe it or not, I have never read a Harry Potter book. Maybe that is something I will have to do though. I have my work cut out for me though, since there are seven books in the series now.
So how is your weekend going? Hope you are having nice weather in NM. It is sunny and breezy here today in Ohio. It is nice to have the windows open to let the breeze in and not have the fans on making a lot of noise.
Well I better go and get ready to mow the lawn. Talk to you later. Have a great afternoon.
Kerry

Just wanted to share a small victory with you! I had been craving a small hot fudge sundae with peanuts on it from the DQ for two days now. Well I told myself this mornig that I would go get it tonight when my dh and stepsons where gone. Well I pushed mowed the side yard this afternoon. It took me about an hour and fifteen minutes to do. Well I felt really pumped up from that great workout, that I decided that I wasn't craving the ice cream anymore. That for a snack this evening I will just eat a small bowl of grapes.
Hope are enjoying today!
Take care,
Kerry

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Hi Katrina,
Now it is I that is having a hard time sleeping. I had finally fallen asleep about 3 only to wake back up round 4:30. So I just hope that shortly I can get some sleep. Or maybe my dh will let me sleep in somewhat in the morning.
Sounds like you are having a really hot summer. I don't do well in too much heat and humidity. I became very cracky and mean. I think that is why when it is too hot out, I prefer to stay inside and read. LOL
I went over to my SIL for a about 4 hours this evening. I had her help me experiement by waxing the hair off of my chin. Boy did we have a ball at that. We had wax everywhere. But we got it done. But, boy oh boy, does my chin itch now. Maybe that is why I can't sleep!
I did stop at the DQ on the way to her house. But it is not what you think, I stopped for a hot dog and med. Diet coke. That is what I had for dinner. I laughed that here was craving ice cream for the last day and half from there and I stop for a hot dog. I have tried the WW ice cream stuff. But I don't take to kindly to sharing those as treats with my stepsons. They gooble them up before I can get my share fair of them. Like they discovered my Crystal Light packets! Now I feel that I have to race them to cupboard before they use them all up! LOL
I am proud of your will power that you had at the Harry Potter party. Sounds like it was a grand time for everyone involved. I am hoping that they have the first book available at my library when I go this week. If not, I guess I will put my name down for it as a hold.
As for the job, I have always wanted to be a librarian. I was thinking about going back to school to get my master's in library science. But my assistant superindent told me that they would not give the pay raise if I got in library science. So I am thinking about going and getting it in education of technology. That way I can use it with my special needs kids and teach them things that they can be very hands-on with. I just have to pay off some bills and save up the money.
I try to get my workout videos done when the kids first get to our house and they are busy talking to their dad about what they did the night before or are busy playing video games or watching tv in their rooms. My stepdaughter use to do the Walk away the Pounds videos with me at the old house. But there we had a huge living room. Now we have a tiny one and there just isn't enough room for the two of us to do them together. I went to Curves for about two years. At first it worked for me, than my body got use to it and stopped making progress. Plus it was hard for me to get there in time from work before they closed for the evening. So we joined the Y last Nov. I went there strong for the first two months. Then the snow really hit us in the middle of Jan. and I had to stop going. Then I just never went back. So my dh finally told me the other day to cancel it. So it looks like it is going to be workout videos for me for awhile and walking at the local lake. I hope when we find another house, I can have one room devoted to working out with different machinces in it. That is my goal for wanting to reach the President's Club selling Avon. If you sell $10,100 of Avon in one year, you reach the President's Club level. Then you can start earning points for every dollar you sell, then you can remeed those points for prizes from their little awards catolog. Well I saw some really neat workout equipment that you can earn. So has been my goal for the last couple of years. My goal is to reach that level this year. Don't know if I can or not. But I am going to try like the dickens.
Well I think I might be able to go back to bed now and fall asleep. I better close and go try that. I will chat with you more tomorrow. Have a great Monday!
Take care,
Kerry

Hey chickies! I see you have a nice private thread going here. I just wanted to mention that if you have something to say that you really want kept private, you can use the Private Message feature. Just click the recipient's name, on the left of her post, and choose "Send a private message to..." from the menu that pops up.

Kerry, you ought to consider signing up for the YMCA again during the summer! They do have short-term memberships, and that might be better for you if winter isn't a good time to get there. I used to go to Curves and then switched to the Y, and I'm very happy with it.

Jay

Jay thanks for the advice about the Y. But I have a hard time getting there since it is not in the town that I live in. I can't always leave because of my three stepkids being at our house during the day. So I guess I will stick to the workout videos at home and walking outside when I can. Now if my town would have a gym, it would be easier for me.

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