Back when my husband was in the Navy, I used to tell other wives that, no matter how bad it seems, you never ever leave during a deployment, because deployments magnify all emotions and problems and then a few weeks after it's over, everything gets back to normal. And our submariners were nice and insulated from death, for the most part.

He's not hot for you, darlin', he's hot for life. He's getting ready to go to WAR. Got that? WAR. I realize most folks no longer grasp this concept, but he's about to go someplace where people who hate him and half their countrymen have decided to dedicate their lives to killing as many of the "other side" as possible. He's thinking about that, and how there's a good chance that he's going to get various parts of his body forcibly removed in a most painful fashion. He's wondering--probably not consciously--whether he's going to return with his manhood intact.

Which is to say--It ain't you, Jezebel, it's what's between your legs.

That's not love.

(It is, however, all I have to add to this discussion. So go back and reread the previous posts until they get through your head.)

I agree that you should leave this man alone for MANY reasons:

~He has a WIFE. No matter how hot he is, or how much he is into you-what if YOU were someone's wife, you made vows to love/honor them forever-and he was out flirting and possibly screwing around with someone else behind your back. Put yourself in HER shoes, and think about how you would feel.

~He is leaving for war. It is one thing if you were already involved with a SINGLE man months for a long period of time, and then circumstances happened where he was deployed. Why would you get involved with someone just now-who is already scheduled to leave. It is a long distance relationship, first of all...and one in which there is a chance where he might not come back second of all, and a situation where YOU are not his top priority third of all.

~Once a cheater, ALWAYS a cheater. If he will cheat WITH you...then he will cheat ON you. Even if he leaves his wife, comes back from war uscathed, and marries you...what happens 3 years from now, or 5 years from now-when he finds someone ELSE he is really hot for?

This isn't love...it is setting yourself up for unneeded drama, and pain. Not just for you, but for his WIFE.

If he has children with her, then it makes it that much worse.



Find a man who is SINGLE...and one not about to go off to war.

These things never turn out well if you give in to your desires.

Best to keep it as friends-with-a-little-buzz. If you can't do that, then stay away from him.

Jay

I'll have to ditto everything everyone has said. I'm sorry that you're attracted to someone who is not only attached but going off to war soon, I'm sure that can hurt. But it's a baaaaaad situation. I've been attracted to married men, too. But that's all it is, an attraction. I think they're attractive men. But they're married. So it's a look but don't touch type of thing. There's nothing wrong with finding a married man attractive. But you're diving into deep territory if you pursue your desires.

I'm not in the greatest situation right now either, but I'd never go after someone who is married. I don't care how bad he says his marriage stinks. If that ring is still on his finger and the legal papers are still active, no way.

It very well may be Deployment and an ego boost. That last hooray before he is off to the desert... Think about it, a bunch of men together, for months with no women and no real enjoyment. They sit together and exchange stories. More than likely you would be one of his. Don't think for one minute he would respect you...he would save that for his wife. The guys there would know how *hot* you were for him ( he wouldnt dare tell that he pursued you in the bit) Seriously, he will degrade you. He doesnt respect you now. Just imagine the "barracks" (trash) talk. He will be getting high fives for getting his hooks into you before leaving...

Just stay clear. There are plenty of single guys out there....they can be *hot* too.

Be a WOMAN, not a FEMALE. A female has feelings and desires that are very strong, but a WOMAN knows when to keep them in check and have respect for herself and other people...such as the wife in this situation. No matter what he's said about her and what is true or fiction, she's still his WIFE and that needs to be respected no matter what until HE has her demoted to EXwife.

On the same token, you need to find a MAN, not a MALE. A male has strong feelings and desires but at MAN knows how to keep them in check and have respect for himself and those around him, especially YOU.

This may sound rude, but you are just a pile of female flesh to him...I guarantee it. Have more respect for yourself, dump him and find yourself a MAN.

Good luck!

I can't hardly dump him, this is only someone I run into via a club we both belong to every now and again (think Elks lodge, VFW, American Legion, etc.). Beyond alittle flirting there's nothing going on. He has not propositioned me nor have I him. The 'yet' in my first post is where I wonder if he will, with the idea that he might start stocking up on his fun because hey, anything could happen and a safe return back to the USA is a gamble. I've heard through the grapevine that his wife is a club member also, and I do know that currently they are together but not too long ago they had split up. Their problems are none of my business but I will say this: in the last year or so I've seen him numerous times but I've never seen her, not even once. If your man is choosing to socialize without you then something just ain't quite right ... again, none of my business. I'm not defending the 'other woman' thing, but I will say this also: For as many 'Jezebelle's' who might flirt with someone's husband, there are women out there who will do much more without the requirement of a single formal 'date'. Coupla drinks at a bar somewhere, flirt em up a bit and get laid without getting caught. I used to hang out with a chick who did whatever she wanted with whomever she wanted and at 40+ years old you'd like to think she ought to know better. She did, she just didn't care because she was, and still is, selfish. I am happy to say that I am not like that and could never be. Small sized city I live in, there are the bar hoppers that are out every weekend and none of them ever go home alone, married or not. There's nothing unique about my city, it's like that all over the place.

But yeah, if his status ever changes then that might be a different story. For now I will let the attention build my confidence - as someone else here stated. Let's face it, ya don't get flattered too often when you're over 250 lbs. I am alone but I am not desperately alone. And I won't be doing anything completely stupid. My initial posting of this topic was after having seen him the night before and it was fresh. I'm not looking to wreck anybody's marriage. Can't say the same for the next girl though - assuming he's flirting with more that just me.

I agree with everyone else.... forget about him as relationship material!!

You've stated that nothing more than fllirting is what has happened so far between the 2 of you. Well, Good! Leave it at that - I don't believe there's any harm in flirting

How much you weigh should have nothing to do with deciding whether or not to become involved with someone - or even if you like them! Being flirted with is flattering, yes.... but shouldn't be what you chose to start ANY relationship on (that "WOW he likes me even though I'm overweight!" won't last long, that honestly just sounds like a low self-esteem thing because in reality the people/men who are worthy of a relationship with you will like you REGARDLESS of your weight!)