Thanks to everyone for sharing your different views. It was very helpful to read all of the posts!

Have a hug!!

This woman is clearly lacking some social skills. Some people spew nonsense from their mouths and have no idea that it may actually affect the people around them. I'm sorry this is one of those people.

There's nothing wrong with telling somebody that you think their comments are rude. If you can do it in a nice way, people often aren't expecting it, and will apologize and if not then you have the satisfaction of having your say. Simply because a person has a physical disability doesn't mean in society they should be given the green light to say any old thing that pops into their head, and you don't need to be the target.

Okay now I sound harsh and mean, but really I'm not. I'm just around teenagers all day and their social skills can be poor as well.

Okay I'm stopping now because maybe I'm digging a hole for myself. Anyways

Tammy

Of course you have the right to say you are hurt by a person's comments, that's just good communication, but I think we've all stuck our foot in our mouths and only gotten it lodged deeper trying to get it out - or didn't realize until it was pointed out that our comments were hurtful to someone. Unless a person makes a habit of insensitive comments though, I think there's something to be said for letting an occasional insensitive statement slide, especially if there doesn't seem to be any hostility behind it.

I know I've said things to people of different cultures, disabilities, features, races, religions, sexual orientations.... that in hindsight made me wonder if they thought I was a complete idiot. Luckily, most of them didn't point it out to me, and it was running through the conversation in my mind that I thought, "what was I thinking to say that."

Ok, I usually tell women to empower themselves and stand up to those who say stuff, in this case, I think the woman is just an idiot. BUT, why if it is upsetting to you, are you not talking to her about it? Even if she is a clueless bozo, she needs to be told to stop in a nice way if your feelings are hurt.

I would suggest next time you feeled there is a veiled reference to your weight something like, "You know, I am happy with who I am and just so you know, I don't really have anything against disabled people either!"

LoisLane -

I know just how you feel. My grandmother, bless her heart, has made several comments that unbeknownst to her, have been very hurtfull. She is a wonderful, lovely lady who would never do anything to hurt or insult me, but she is 87 years old and sometimes doesn't think about what she says.

One time, I was at her house and she said she had some black pants that she wanted me to try on. I asked her why she didn't want them and she said that she had lost weight and that now they were just HUGE, so maybe I could where them. Really hurt my feelings.

Then about a month ago, when I told her I was going on a special diet, she was very encouraging and said how much she would support me. She then said that she was looking at a picture of me at my wedding and thought "won't she be pretty when she gets back down to that weight." It didn't even occur to her what the underlying message was.

Anyway, my point is that it happens to all of us and it hurts, but often times, people don't even realize what they are implying. I'm sure the lady you work with didn't mean anything by it. Just take it in stride and know that you are certainly not alone.

Lisa

Heh... my aunt Dixie, who is a ball of spit-fire & vinegar, once told me that someone had said a hurtful comment to her about her weight, and she replied:

"Yeah, I'm fat! So? What are YOU gonna do about it??" I just about died laughing!!!!

It seems I run into insensitive jerks while shopping, especially at JCP in the mall. Once a woman turned to her friend and said (with me standing not 3 feet away), 'If I ever get fat enough to wear the huge sizes, just put a bullet in my head'. Another day a woman cutting through the Plus Size dept said to a friend, 'keep moving, we're in the fatties dept'. And another time a clerk tried to steer me to 'my sizes' when I was shopping for a gift for someone in the Petites! I try not to be overly sensitive but sometimes I just wanna punch someone right in the nose!

See, I don't put up with that crap, ever and I weigh over 300 lbs! For example, the bullet in my head comment, "You're so rude why wait until you get fat?" The keep moving comment, even though not directed at you "Ma'am the anorexic's are across the aisle." And honey, a clerk that did that to me, I would dress her butt down then ask for her supervisor let her or him have it and THEN leave without buying anything. I would also write to the store CEO when I got home. You don't HAVE to put up with that stuff. I don't know why fat women cannot just stand up for themselves. We are not a subculture you know. Be proud of yourself even fat for heaven's sake. You are beautiful just the way you are!

Faye

Heh! Atta girl! I LIKE you!!!! And you're RIGHT! WHY do fat women not stand up for themselves more often??? We are NOT a "subculture" - we are human beings! Many of us know what it's like to be THIN too, I think (me, for instance) and for some reason I just feel "extra bad" that I've gained so much weight... like I'm a total loser, because I used to be thin, & I should have STAYED that way... but I've never lost my spunky side, & I'll be a monkey's uncle before I'll let somebody diss me in public - ESPECIALLY to my face!

There sure are a bunch of wankers in this world! And I'm officially on WANKER PATROL. Heh.

Hello all,

Many of us are really, really angry about the way we get treated because of our size. The many hurtful comments that are unintended, and the rude comments that really are intended.

But I believe that lashing out in an equally hurtful way isn't the right thing, either. Yes, one CAN make a comment back to raise awareness. For example, one could say to the woman who wanted the bullet put into her head, "Did you know I was here when you said that?" With a smile. Because I guarantee, she would be looking for the gun at that point having been such a jerk. And the same to the "keep moving" lady. As for the sales clerk, all one needs to say is, "I'm looking for clothes for someone else." With a smile. Assume she was trying to help.

In other words, it does not help to throw one's anger like battery acid all over others, regardless. One can stand up for oneself without being vicious. And why get a store clerk fired over something like that? This is a woman who very well may need that job very badly. Yes, she made the wrong assumption--do we have to kill her?

Yeah, I'm angry about it too! Believe me. And I used to flame folks. All that seemed to do was spread the bad feelings.

Jay

I do think it important to sincerely examine ourselves to see if we've ever thrown stones from our glass houses, before we confront anyone else on their behavior. That's why if stupidity, or a "brain fart," rather than malice seems to be behind an insensitive comment, I tend to let them slide or joke very gently (maybe smile and say "ouch, that hurt."), because I know I've been in that position more than once myself, where what I meant, what I said, how it was heard.... got mixed up and resulted in someone taking offense at what I said. Sometimes I understand immediately why they got upset, and sometimes even if confronted I'm stumped, and wonder whether I'm just an idiot or whether the other person is overly sensitive or possibly just looking for an argument.

I try to be generous when assuming another's intent, because I'd like to think everyone else is giving me the same benefit of the doubt.

All three times that happened to me, I was so taken aback that I didn't say anything. Believe me, I'm no shrinking violet, but when I'm shopping alone I tend to be in my own little world til something jolts me out of it. I went shopping for carpet not too long ago and the salesman was so rude to me, behaving as if I was annoying him by wanting to spend my money. I turned abruptly to leave, but stopped to tell the manager that he might want to find out if his salesman was really interested in making a sale or playing pocket pool! People who have not been overweight do not realize how differently you can be treated because of your size. And in case someone would think I'm over sensitive, I believe I can tell by others' facial expressions, tone of voice and other ways when I am being dismissed because of my appearance.
While Christmas shopping this year, a young, slender salesgirl actually smarted off to me because I asked her a question. She was standing there filing her fingernails when I so rudely interrupted. She could barely stand to wait on me. I went to her manager and explained what had happened and why I would not be making the IPod purchase I had planned. The manager stuttered around but did not even agree to speak to her employee. She finally offered me a discount which I refused (I found it online cheaper anyway!).
Sorry I went on so long, but it still makes me feel sad and mad. I may be wrong about sizism prejudice, but I don't think I am. I've been overweight too many years and been slighted too many times!
Lisa

stay strong
i had a group of guys yell something out of their SUV one evening as I sat outside on a bench waiting for my husband....

i am totally not use to that but I let it fly right off of me after it happened

you are doing something very positive by being apart of this online movement of people who are in similiar situations as you, and who can give you the support that you need to reach your goals

I like your attitude! Sometimes I need a reminder to stay positive and not let the sad come back in!