The scale and my pants were unkind today. I have a little list of "try-its" from last week and they didn't work. I will still give them a go but I have made a new list for this week. Something has to work.

I am becoming increasingly alarmed at how easily bad habits have returned. I will keep working to edge them back out of my life. I wish the new improved replacement habits would truly stick. I need to be more diligent about tracking my calories. Lately, I haven't been tracking it on paper like I should and the rough estimate in my head is always incorrect. I generally think I have more calories available than I really do.

The bottom line is I am out room and need to take the next big steps in downsizing my diet. What I mean is I have been getting by with eating smaller amounts of favorites. I am at a point where I need reduce the frequency I am eating certain things. It has always been true that I should do this. However, I was able to skirt by with the smaller portions for a long time. Never fear, nothing is off limits. Making something off limits is a recipe for an immediate disaster.

I stayed on track calorie wise and I feel good about that. I feel not so good about my ability to create a streak of days of being on track. On my tracking paper, I list my calorie goal. I have started to list what I believe to be my break even calorie limit as well and am trying to make it my hard stop. It is the lowest value from all of the calculations I use. I don't want to regain any weight back.

Yesterday, I even penciled in what I thought I was going to eat. I don't like doing that because I never stick to it. Today was no exception. However, I managed to stay within my limit anyway. I've penciled in food for tomorrow in hopes that it helps. Something has to change.

This evening, half of the back of one of my hands got really red and itchy. It almost looks like there are hives but they are not well defined. The other hand was affected as well but not nearly as bad. I put ice on it. It helped but still red and irritated.

Still trying to get refocused. I was within my maintenance limit today. I really wanted to stay below it but I wasn't able to. For a little while, I was trying to start over each morning and give myself a reasonable allowance for before 5 pm if I had overeaten the night before. That didn't work I just ended eating more and never really reset. Hopefully, I can get reset at maintenance. After a few days, I am hoping I can begin to cut back on calories and improve my diet.

As usual, tomorrow will be a challenge.

Well, I was over calorie wise today. I am still working on getting back on track. Tomorrow is a challenge also. The eating in the evening is really a problem.


On one on my routine walks I go by softball and baseball fields. Across the street is a golf course. My husband and I are forever toss softballs, baseballs and golf balls back to the fields or course. Yesterday, I threw a baseball back over the fence. I threw as hard as possible because it going into a stiff headwind. Last night, my upper arm was really sore. I ended up taking some ibuprofen so I could sleep. Today, it is still really sore. I hope it feels better soon.

My "try-its" are not working. Plus, it doesn't help that I lost the list. I need to get my evening eating under control. I am really struggling with the energy seeking behavior. I have been so tired this week. I am really happy that tomorrow is a paid holiday for me.

My cats are indoor cats. We have built them a spot to go outside though. We put a rr77ut6, oops sorry, the cat was helping me type. As I was saying, we put a rabbit hutch over one of our basement window wells. Then we put a pet door on the screen so the cats can go in and out WHEN THEY WANT. Oh my, I didn't mean to shout that last bit- the cat was helping again. It works really well and is a great spot for the cats. It is next to the bird bath and near the bird feeders. Plus, it is right under our picture window so we can check on them when they are outside.

We had the window open so they could go out if they wanted but we do close it at night. My husband closed it this evening. A few minutes later, he heard a soft thumping noise. It took him a couple of minutes to figure out he had locked the black cat out. LOL. That's the kitty that was helping me type. She wanted some extra cuddles after being locked out.

Well, another day at the screw up factory under my belt. Seriously, why can I not get this together?

Tonight I was so tired after dinner, I had to take a nap. Then I needed to take a sip of an energy drink just to do my last walk which is literally just around the block.

Don't ask- it was not a great day. This is the perfect minute to start over.


There is this squirrel who hangs out in my front yard. He has issues with his tail. It seems to be paralyzed and not as fluffy as a typical squirrel tail. Today, the poor fellow fell right off of the bird bath when he was trying to jump down.

And another day slips away. I am still struggling with the energy seeking behavior. The fatigue was so much again last night. I ended up taking a nap yesterday. It was hard to get up to go rec center and my final walk. Trying to change things up again. This time, I have made a very short list of things to do when I am really hungry and trying to wait it out to the next meal time. My body lies to me and I feel hungry almost all of the time. If I eat when I am hungry I gain weight because I am eating all of the time. So far, so good today.

[QUOTE=Pipsicle;5449479]And another day slips away. I am still struggling with the energy seeking behavior. The fatigue was so much again last night. I ended up taking a nap yesterday. It was hard to get up to go rec center and my final walk. Trying to change things up again. This time, I have made a very short list of things to do when I am really hungry and trying to wait it out to the next meal time. My body lies to me and I feel hungry almost all of the time. If I eat when I am hungry I gain weight because I am eating all of the time. So far, so good today.[/QUOTE ]

[QUOTE=ceejay52;5449496]Have you seen your doctor for the fatigue? I can understand where you are coming from. My doctor found through blood test that i was extremely low in b12 and vitamin D. I also have a low thyroid. Feel better soon

Hi Ceejay- I do need to see a doctor. I have seen doctors, more than a dozen, about the fatigue in the past. It turned into this never ending circle of referrals and offers of antidepressants. Personally, I believe my issue is secondary hypothyroidism and that my pituitary doesn't produce TSH appropriately. However, TSH is the "gold" standard doctors will use for thyroid function under threat of losing their license if they don't. I do need to see a doctor but it was such a long road the last go around. There were never any answers. One of my New Year's resolutions is to find a new primary care doctor.

I think I did much better today and was within the calorie limit I set. Last October, I started cutting my calorie allotment by 35 calories each week (so five calories less per day for a week). This was for a couple of reasons. One, my weight loss was stalled out so I was thinking I could find where my new threshold was for losing weight. Two, if I truly lost the weight as planned, this is how much I would need to reduce the calorie allotment to stay on-plan. Ultimately, it got to the point where I was rarely meeting it and it was feeling really stressful. I have picked a new limit based on where I am right now. It is a little higher but still a challenge to meet. I figure I'll get a few successes under my belt and go from there.

I am also following my short list of to-dos when I still feel hungry. It is only three items. I don't like any of them as I would rather just eat. This is for when I've eaten plenty but the appetite is in overdrive. One of them is to put on tighter pants which I did when I was feeling hungry after dinner but had eaten plenty. Interestingly, once I put them on I felt ravenous, almost instantaneously. Then within two minutes, I felt nauseated. It didn't last long maybe a minute or so. Now, two hours later, I feel about as hungry as when I started.

This little bunny has to go out to dinner with the vipers tomorrow. Luckily, the most venomous viper will not be there.

Stayed on track which felt nice. Dinner went fine- so YAY! Now to figure out how to track it.

I got the entire ice rink to myself today. I really enjoy that. The ice was in really good shape. The session was for figure skaters to practice which makes me wonder if they take more time to groom the ice than they do for a regular public skating session.

Sometime, I do wonder if my body has completely forgotten about all of this excess fat and that's why it is so hard to get rid of. I also wonder if that is why many folks who do yoga are on the thinner side. Does all of the movement and stretching make the body check in and get rid of fat that is impeding the movement? Generally silly thoughts, but I am always looking for the one tweak that will start my progress again.

So I just finished lunch and I am still very hungry. I've done my short list of to-dos and we'll see if they are effective or not. So far not- only about four hours to go.

Last night at 10:30 pm I remembered I did not do my last walk. At 11:00 pm, I was walking around my neighborhood. It's fair to say I am committed; now to get the eating under control.
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Adding more to my post- I made until 5:00 pm so maybe that means my action items will work. Unfortunately, I am still eating too much in the evening. It definitely sneaks up on me. I eat little bits of things but they all add up much quicker that I am willing to admit.

Taking a break and will not be posting again until Monday.

I'm trying for mind over matter but I'm just getting mind over fatter!

I had a good break and thought I did okay calorie wise. However, my pants and the scale say otherwise. Getting back on track this instant!

I was on-track today and it felt manageable for the most part. Tomorrow feels like it will be a stressful day.

Yet again, I ate more than I should in the evening. I didn't follow my rules and now I have the blues. I really need to tally before I eat anything. However, when my calorie window opens, I feel like I have lots of room to splurge. This may have been somewhat true a while ago but I need to tighten down the hatches at this point.

I've cut down on my allotted total calories. I'll see if I can manage this for the rest of the week and then I'll go from there.