OHHHH....good luck with that!!

k someone can smack me now..i blew it this morning..there were brownies in our fridge my hunny bought..and..i sniffed it...and sniiiiiiiiiiffffffeeeed it..and caved in..and ate several! and to think its only 10:30 am...someone smack me..why why why??? i was like...so goood for sooo long!!! and i had my new bathing suit i needed to fit into and everything..

okay..bootcamp for the next month! thats it! ive got to fit into this stupid bathing suit..

wayward and wuv? how come you guys are so perfect????

ugh someone shoot me

I'm not perfect. I ate a piece one of the 36 train cakes I made for the kids for school. I am not even a big cake fan. For me, I am thinking that if I have real protein (i.e. meat) instead of packaged ones with carbs and no restricteds and nothing else today that I can salvage the day. Like you said, moving on.

Also, your hunny is a schmuck for having that in the house. If he needs a freaking brownie he should go out, buy 1, and eat it not bring them home. That is really inconsiderate and unsupportive in my opinion . . . but that's just me.

I don't consider myself to be perfect Port, I just have a goal set in my mind and I am not going to do anything to jeopardize it. I can smell all of the good foods, and that is it SMELL it and I am not tempted to take a bite. Fried chicken is my MOST favorite thing to eat, I sat and watched my best friend eat a 4 pc dinner, my mouth was watering BUT I did not want to eat it. I know that I will not reach my goal if I even took a bite of it. YOU have to be strong!!.....YOU have to say NO I AM NOT GOING TO EAT THAT. Its what YOU want to do. If you put your mind really hard and CLOSE it with I DO NOT WANT THAT, you can do it!!....

Now since you ate the brownies this morning DO NOT continue to EAT everything in site....GO BACK TO PLAN!!!!....Port YOU CAN DO THIS!!!

i dont understand myself wuv..

I dont get it... i really want to lose weight..always have..this is the most weight i have ever lost to date..but what i dont get...is how come i mess myself up? I mean..i want this..but ..is it just that i cant visualize what 40 pounds gone looks like? Im afraid of failure and im afraid of failing again and again and having people say "oh way to go..told you, you would just fail again" or here my friends say behind my back "oh there goes heather, remember when she said she was going to lose weight..look it...shes still fat!"

I dont know whats wrong with me! I feel like i can still hear the taunting and teasing i got in school..its like i can hear all there comments about me..i hate it! it just makes me want to eat more and it makes me depressed hearing it...

I want to be different.. i dont want to be the fat women everyone looks at all the time..its sucks! and i hate that i cant visualize what it will feel like being 40 pounds lighter....i want to see it first so i can feel it..so i can do it..and i know that wont happen..

Ugh.. have i mentioned..that sugar makes me feel depressed! i never realized that till now..and i never realized how crappy it made me feel

Also Coliep... my hunny can be quite insensitive..at only 140 pounds, he doesnt understand what it is like to struggle with a weight problem..or anything weight related..he can eat anything..and so he does stupid things like bring brownies and coke home..and blah blah blah..

ok so you wanna know what 40lbs looks and feels like.....go to the store get 4-10lb bags of potatos...THAT is what it looks and feels like! You are NOT a failure, you have loss more weight than you have ever done before that is SUCCESS!! I was taunted as a kid myself, I went to a very small country school and I was the ONLY big girl, never had a boyfriend, never included in anything, I was a loner. You have grown as a person Port, You are not that child anymore, you have children of your own. Don't think about what people say about you, this is my motto "take me as I am or not at all I really don't give a Damn". The only person that you have to worry about is YOURSELF! make yourself happy, think of the good things that have happened to you, you are married, have a wonderful family, you are beautiful and will continue to lose this weight and now you are starting college. YOU can and WILL succeed at this process, BUT YOU are the only one that can make it happen.

If you know that sugar depresses you then why on earth do you eat it?? I would stay a million miles away from it. You have to stop thinking about the past and move on to the future, the future is in YOUR hands, YOU hold the key to it. If I could reach through the screen I would give you a big hug but those will have to work. YOU WILL GET through this Port.....YOU WILL!!!

I am 45 year old and my mom told me the other day, do you know how long I have wanted you to lose this weight and take care of yourself? I said yea mom I know but I wasn't ready I guess but now I am. She is very proud of me and how far I have come, DO NOT give up on YOURSELF you are worth all of the troubles you have to go through.

I am sorry to hear that. My husband can eat anything, too, but what he doesn't want to hear is me complain about my weight lol, so he does't bring junk home. In fact, when I started IP after a few days he started his own low carb thing because he didn't want to eat "forbidden" foods in front of me and wanted to be supportive (as well as take off a few himself). I think it is very important that you tell him that at this stage in your lifestyle change, you'd appreciate a no junk in the house rule for a while. If he wants something, he can have it . . . somewhere else. You will find yourself stronger as time goes on but nobody needs to sit at an ice cream bar to test their willpower, ya know!!

I don't come from the same place with respect to my self-sabotage, but I did think to myself . . . well the low carb thing isn't working anyway so what's the big deal. And then afterwards, I think "DOH!". Anyway, I am sorry you are struggling. Don't give anyone power over you.

Sometimes I need to do things for someone else. Smoking for example. I used to smoke. I didn't have the willpower to quit for myself. I quit because I was going to have a baby and I don't start because I don't want my babies to see that. I feel the same way about food. Do it for your daughter. She needs to learn good eating habits, she needs to learn how to have a healthy relationship with food, she needs a mom who is strong and healthy and will be able to keep up with her as she gets bigger. You don't want her to grow up with the same emotional fallout you describe above, so the change and example will begin with you. If you cannot do it for yourself, do it for her. That is a tremendous motivator and far more imprtant than a bathing suit!

Now, if I could only find words of wisdom that would motivate me for these last 8-10 pounds...

Coliep, use your own words of wisdom on yourself.....don't you have kids? they need you to be strong and healthy so that you can be around to be that team mom. They need to see that you can eat healthy and be strong so that they will want to be like you.

I know Wuv!! I knew someone would mentiong that and I thought about that as i was typing but I guess I feel pretty strong and healthy anyway and so the words aren't motivating me, go figure! I did get up at midnight and try on my old clothes to see if that wouldn't work lol!! While I think I can definitely lose some more body fat, I am wondering how much my shape is really going to change at this point. After 3 babies, pretty sure these hips are staying just the way they are!

Anyway, I think I have to admit that I will not be IP. I am clearly just not willing to be as dedicated as you all have been to get these 8 pounds off. The next question is, what AM I going to do. I was thinking low carb and reasonable calories, at least that has been my approach. I did some research and was trying to do more of a paleo / primal type of approach. I guess what I am struggling with is that this approach hasn't been working and I just don't know why. I am trying to be patient to see if the hormonal changes settle and the weight will change . . . honestly, that is really the only cause I can see. Otherwise, even though I "cheat" in terms of IP I am actually eating a healthy, calorie restricted diet (minus a stinkin' piece of cake). I have been successful eating just calorie restriction before and losing weight and so this is really confounding me. C'Mon whhhhhhoooooooooooooooosh fairy!!

Well sounds like you know what you are doing just stick to the way you are doing and the WHOOSHHHHHH fairy might visit you soon enough

Here's hoping =) And thanks for not kicking me out!

Port - great job going back to school! I have been thinking about it myself, just a class or something so that i can have some intellectual stimulation these days. I have actually been thinking a lot about doing something in food/nutrition (maybe even alternative) or fitness, since the degree or program I choose at this point would really just be for something I enjoy and am interested in! Not sure DH would be all that thrilled with me incurring some more student loans that he works to pay off though lol!

Kicking you out???.....NEVER!.....wayward would hunt me down if I did that....haha

Ha! Speaking of Wayward . . . it is much to quiet without you here. Hope the little guy is getting better and you are your wife are staying well!!

Looks like he was up at 3am, must of had a rough night. I was just thinking myself that he hadn't posted yet today.

Wow so much to comment on and so little time.
Just busy taking care of the little one.This is the first chance he has given me to grab my laptop.
He is in his little play bouncer, he still sounds pretty congested, but he is being a trooper.
I will try to comment more tonight on all that is transpiring.
Coliep you are always welcome.
Heather just get back on track, dont sweat the slip ip.
Btw 140? is he like 4 feet tall or just skinny as a rail?
Sorry had to ask.
Have to run, he is starting to cry.
Stay strong everyone.
Thinking of you all.