Hi Mars-

Thank you for reading and responding to my post. To answer your questions, I was forced by collapsed discs and a diagnosis of degenerative disc disease, to acknowledge that I had a binge eating disorder. I tend to be a logical thinker. and I have always know that something was wrong with the way I felt about food in general. That being said I have, prior to meds, a Type A personality, so seeking help for something that I could not control was simply out of the question until I did not have a choice. I was the manager of a group home for developmentally disabled clients, all of whom are in wheelchairs and non verbal. I hurt my back at work and after countless doc visits, MRI's, and the like I was told that I would have to drop weight before I could have surgery to try and repair my condition. Everything came to a head in my neuro's office when he asked me how I had let my weight get so out of control. To actually hear someone accuse me of being out of control in any aspect of my life was just to much. After that particular visit, which was about a month ago, I had to have a difficult internal conversation with myself. I had to lose this weight or I may be dependent on a walker or wheelchair at the age of 42. The only way I could come to terms with the situation was to admit that I had a problem, and seek out help. I feel like binge eating is just the medium of an addictive personality. I also love to play blackjack, I've never had an alcohol or drug problem, but I'm almost positive that I would become addicted to those substances if I tried them.

I think food addiction is the worst addiction to have- there is virtually no way to stay away from food altogether.

Wow julie1973, I'm sorry to hear about the injury, and I hope you are pain free. I wholeheartedly agree with you about binge eating being the medium for addiction. I'm more of a compulsive overeater. Over the years, I noticed how much my relationship to food seemed like what I had read about addiction. I'd never thought of myself that way, in fact had disdain for drug and alcohol addicts, until I experienced the profound calm of IV narcotics during a dental procedure. For about a week I had no urge to eat at all.

I experienced binge eating after phasing off of a restrictive, long diet. I found this book really helpful in understanding the powerful urges to binge, and eventually they went away. The book, if you have never heard of it, is Brain Over Binge by Kathryn Hansen. Her story is a good read, and while her method may not work for everyone, she gives such a clear & plausible explanation of BED that is helpful nevertheless. Her method, btw, is based on a way of getting over alcohol addiction.

I hope you can focus your wonderful care-giving energy on yourself right now.

oh, one more book I love is ]Addiction and Grace by Gerald May. It's an oldie, from the 1980s. He was both a psychiatrist & I think a priest, or maybe just active in his church. So there is more biblical reference than is my own style. But that can be overlooked because he is also very articulate from a scientific, psychological, and cultural perspective. In hindsight, a takeaway from the book was that religion might be about trying to deal with addiction as part of the human condition. Some of us are addicted to more socially acceptable things than others. According to Dr. May, the basic feature is the same: an enslavement of the mind and spirit. He did pioneering work in helping alcoholics recover.

19/20 sugar free days.

Good morning all-

Mars- thanks for the kind words and the info you posted. You mentioned that i should focus on taking care of myself, interesting you should say that, because of my physical situation I am know forced, for the first time in forever, to take care of myself. Great point, and so true. With all of this free time that I have from not working, I've had to face many personal demons, not the least of which is my relationship with food..

I'm not a deeply "religious" person, however, do believe that everything happens for a reason. There is a bright side to this for me, in order to rebuild, you have to tear down first..

have a wonderful weekend everyone-

Wise words, julie. It sounds like you are doing really great with this time. If my experience is of any relevance, I had a couple of stints of being off work. What made it difficult was lack of structure and feeling superfluous. In hindsight, I would probably handle those things by structuring my day, sticking to some sort of schedule. It's hard to be a caregiver in any setting and then suddenly stop for a while. So if you find caring for yourself to feel alien & uncomfortable, keep practicing!

Yesterday was Carb Day. I inadvertently had a little sugar. It was not triggering so I will not count it in my tally. I put a little ketchup on some fries (because they were completely tasteless & really disgusting), also had cole slaw in a restaurant and they reliably add sugar to dressing.

I still have the tendency to go overboard when given permission to "eat anything and any amount" but it's only an issue on this one day/week. I prefer my normal WOE most days. I think my food addiction is not specifically to sweets, though they top the list. I will seriously overeat anything that is "highly palatable" & provides instant gratification.

Julie -- As Mars said, you are definitely not alone! I can so relate to so much of what you posted and I have dd disease as well and deal with the resulting chronic pain (oh joy). I hope that as you lose weight your will feel some improvements in your back, as I have found that staying as light as possible is the best thing I can do for my back (though that is always easier said than done, for sure).

I remember being at a doctor's office when I was in my thirties and saying something about being built like a football player with a large frame, and the doctor said, "Oh no, you are actually small-boned, particularly for someone your height. You're just fat." I was SO shocked. He didn't say it cruelly, he was just very matter-of-factly correcting my misconception and it definitely woke me up to my rationalizations about being overweight. It didn't solve the issue for me, of course, but it did help me face reality.

I've been doing not so great lately. I had a binge on the 13th, then I've tried to pull it together since then, and today (on the 16th) I had another binge. I do have faith in myself that I will get it together tomorrow, but I had to get that off my chest to move on. Thanks for reading, next time someone brings in cookies and I can't resist them, I need to toss them. As my former Weight Watchers leader Kathy used to say "It's a waste whether you eat it or you throw it away, but one is filled with regret and weight gain and the other isn't." I must and will make that choice, it is me or the cookies, or whatever because that stuff is killing me. True confession, I have insulin-resistance/PCOS and it shows up on my skin as a condition called acanthosis nigricans (sp?) so even after losing 80+ lbs. in the past 17 months, and overall losing around 130 lbs. (depending on the day ) I still have this discolorations on my skin that I wish I didn't have, though I've "come to live with them" my sugar addiction is probably what is keeping them around. *End vent* <3 to everyone else struggling with a food addiction, we can beat this, it has been done.

Hi Candidcamster, Vent away! Btw, you are doing FABULOUSLY! Yes we absolutely can beat food addiction. Slip ups along the way are just blips, you are not defined by them. Don't be afraid to get back on track, today, right now. Your skin will do what it will do, you are beautiful either way, seriously.

Do you have a pathway to get back on track? In case it's helpful, I'll share mine. First is to stop eating the triggering foods, but avoid hunger because hunger can really add fuel to binge urges & cravings. Try to fill up with healthy food that you absolutely love. Weigh only if you feel it will refocus you--I know you know that water weight that will come right back off.

I still struggle with throwing food out! But when I do, I feel a surge of strength and focus. DOING an action on behalf of my healthy self (as opposed to the day-by-day restraining myself from action of unhealthy eating) renews me. Throwing out food is an act of health, not waste. Let those molecules go back to earth and become something else

You've got this

You are doing amazing Candidcamster! As Mars said, a few blips don't define the process or how you're doing -- I'm sure that since you've lost 130 pounds you KNOW THIS, but it can feel scary when you binge, I know.

That out-of-control feeling is truly frightening. Do everything you can to re-set yourself up for success. The days after a binge are always the most perilous for me, HANG IN THERE!

Mars735 - Thank you so much for your message! About trigger foods, long story short I went to Whole Foods w/my mom last night, and she picked up a plastic bin of cookies because they were on sale. Normally I can handle avoiding these because they are not usually very soft (I prefer freshly baked cookies that are falling apart soft, so I can resist store bought cooked ones fairly easily) but I had told myself "no" to the pizza slice, and to the whole Pineapple Upside Down cake (they didn't have the individually ones I like) so I think that made me feel entitled maybe to the cookies? I don't know, but I tried them, and I couldn't stop eating them, I don't know how many I had, but if I said 20 or so it wouldn't be too far off from the truth. Anyhow, I threw away the last 7 cookies, but by that time I was still in binge mode and ate some more stuff.

Right now, I am committed to staying on track and about the trigger foods, at the moment I don't have any around thank goodness. I am getting better about not buying a large quantity of trigger foods, so I have a bad day or 2 and not a bad week, if you catch my meaning . Thank you so much for understanding, I think I should post here more often .

Mrs Snark thank you so much! It is scary, we think we have it all figured out, but there are traffic jams, thunderstorms, road work, detours, etc. on this weight loss "journey". The past 17 months have been some of the best of my life, I could never go back to how I was, but I scare myself when I eat like that. I once lost 60 lbs. through very unhealthy means, if I had been thin I'd have been categorized as Bulimic, but as it were...I ate unhealthily, and when I stopped and returned back to my original unhealthy eating, I regained all that weight with interest. I've been good about not defining myself by what I did 10 years ago, but those old fears crop up now and then when I am eating unhealthy. Where I am right now weighing in the 220's is new territory for me as an adult, but I am up for the challenge. Thank you for understanding me, I hope someone else gets something out of this too, you're not alone.

Hello Today is day one for me on this site and in this forum. I have a lot of weight to lose as I am 5'5 1/2 and 310 lbs. My highest weight was 362 lbs a year ago. I was doing so well and then started having arthritis in my knees which brought my exercising to a complete hault...then depressed...then over eating...I need HELP! with what to eat and different ideas as I get bored and I am quick to start eating badly again. I have now as of today and reading the fabulous post of people decided...I AM GOING TO DO THIS!

B- 2 tangerines
L- Tuna on wheat w/light mayo
D- havent decided yet

Welcome Akhatarian38! You have kept off 50 lbs since last year! You can do it, most definitely, and are well on your way! Fwiw, I am finding it easier to eliminate sugar altogether, and also have cut down on artificial sweetener (not totally, tho). You can play around with what works for you--just keep working at it, even if you have a slip here and there. The only suggestion I have is be careful not to over-restrict, as hunger can trigger very powerful cravings. There's a sweet spot between starving and stuffing ourselves that will work and also be sustainable in the long haul.

3FC is a great source for info, support, and to add fun to the process---yes, fun!!! Please do keep posting here There are daily accountability threads, challenges, and a ton of others, too. You can start your own thread, too.

Re exercise, You can lose weight quite well without it, so take care of those knees! As your weight comes down, they will feel better. If you can, even a tiny walk each day will build strength and make you feel better. Walking in a pool spares the knees too.

I'll share something that helped my head stay in the game this yr, that I learned of on 3FC: audio recordings by Belleruth Naperstek of positive affirmations. They are about 20 minutes long, you listen ~once a day. HealthJourneys.com This is not an ad, lol, just something that was surprisingly powerful to stop my negative self-talk

candidcamster, Yay YOU for figuring things out. You had a plan, and it almost worked--now you have more info going forward. Maybe a nice reward is in order? Mani-pedi, something to wear?

Your story with those cookies sounds all too familiar! Whole Foods is my store because I love their salad bar & produce--healthy stuff, right? But to get to it, you have to walk through the gauntlet of their bakery goods. Fortunately for me, their frostings aren't sweet enough, lol! I learned that the hard way!

In the long run, these slips provide information. Each time there is a slip followed by refocus, our confidence grows. When I phased off my restrictive IP diet, I was so 'perfect' I didn't know myself. It was almost a relief to experience the return of my old urges to overeat. I feel more confident now that I'm finding solutions for each issue, one thing at a time AND getting back on track, over & over. Being thinner feels more like 'me' now. I hope that makes sense

Today will be a month, well 27/28 days sugar free. This week i had some thoughts of how nice it would be to polish off something with a lot of sugar and shortening, 'nuff said. Fortunately I was at work and so the thoughts came and went. it helped that I have been eating enough to keep hunger in check.

I've noticed it getting dark in the mornings now, and fall is on the horizon. I get depressed in winter with the short daylight, and often self-medicate with sweets of all kinds. So this fall/winter will be ann interesting challenge to stay off sugar. I am resolved, as the sugar never really solves my mood issues.

Have a great weekend all!

Hey mars735 thank you, agreed! I just wanted to add that I am 2 days abstinent from binge eating. Weigh in on Monday!

That's fantastic Candicamster! Keep us posted. Love your blog, btw!

Yesterday was Carb Day on my plan to let out steam and stoke up the metabolism. I went a little overboard and am feeling draggy & out of sorts as a result. Will be glad to get back to regular eating. Next Carb Day I will starting planning a specific nonfood indulgence.

Hi everyone, I'm hoping to join in on this thread. I've struggled with binge eating disorder for a long time (diagnosed ED-NOS when I was 18, I'm now 25, I think over the years it mutated more into straight binge-eating disorder but I haven't seen anyone for it specifically so eh). I went for around 10 months without bingeing in late 2012/early 2013 so I know it can be done and that the urges simply diminish the less I give in to them (although can still be somewhat triggered by emotional stress). I got down from 190s to 140s when I stopped bingeing and I re-gained the weight over a period of about 20 months I guess and am currently trying to re-lose my regain and get back to a weight I feel comfortable at.

I am currently at 18 days binge free and hoping to continue that for many more. Doing mini rewards each 5 days binge free, maybe bigger ones at 25 or 50 or so… haven't quite decided. My last 3 rewards were books and I think my next one is getting a new treat dispensing toy for my dog… doesn't sound like a reward for ME but it is because it occupies her attention so I can get other stuff done .