Hi ladies!
I know I said with the new year would come a new commitment to the end of my journey, however sadly, my dear little Canaan finally lost his battle and passed away New Years Day. Although Canaan really did not get to live his life and spent his time here miserable, I'm still at a loss for words. Four years simply doesn't seem long enough. I try to take comfort in the fact that he is no longer suffering, but I can't help but longing for my dearest Canaan back. For you ladies that have been around awhile, you know how big of a struggle this was for him and for myself. And I know logically, I should be elated that my precious boy is now doing all the things you couldn't do on this earth. But selfishly I find it little comfort. I'm really trying to do my best but I've simply feel empty. I can honestly say that finding Canaan that morning was the most indescribable feeling a mother can ever feel. It's like all of a sudden all the warmth is drained from your soul and your heart simply withers. We finally laid him to rest Tuesday on a rather frigid day and now the healing process begins.
I just wanted to let you gals know why I wasn't around after all my big talk last month. It's a very difficult time for me and my boys, and please pray, that I can maintain my sanity and find some peace. And MsP thanks for the message, I appreciate it and for those of you that spread the word, thank you as well. I really wanted to get on here sooner and let you ladies know, but I'm such a wreck right now, I'm doing good to even take my next breath. Anyways, I love you ladies and keep up the great work. And please, treasure your days with your kids and loved ones.
