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Old 10-14-2013, 07:36 PM   #1  
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Default When have decided no more babies, but are being haunted by the thought of having more

DH and I decided together that #3 was the last for many reasons.

#1. Kids are expensive. I'm a SAHM mom now and DH is the only income. He makes a good living but without my income we can't really move foward (paydown debt, eventually sell this house buy a bigger one that we will need as the boys get older)

#2. I hate being pregnant. I get deathly ill during the first trimester. I cannot move off the couch, I puke non stop and I was in the hospital with hte last pregnancy for fluids b/c dehydration. I cannot care for my current children during that time. I wish for death and after this time swore never again. I am also fat and in lots of pain at the end.

#3. I had trouble getting pregnant with my 3rd baby. I had two miscarriages and ended up needing progesterone with my third son.

#4. I'm going to be 33. Not old but as I creep up there, I think about how lucky I am that my kids are healthy. I worry that I might have a child that is not healthy.

#5 Speaking of healthy, My oldest son is high functioning autistic which I consider healthy, but he has a lot of challenges. We don't know if our new little baby is on the spectrum, he;s only 2 1/2 months old. So all we can do is wait. I worry about having another baby that is serverly autistic.

#6 We'd like to get on with life that is hard to do with little babies. Travel, sleep through the night...I need to get back to school. I'm a few classes away from finishing my BSN. It has taken me a lifetime because I keep stopping to have babies!

#7 I will not get pregnant at this weight. I'd have to get back down to around 160 for me to feel ok getting pregnant again. But I dont want to rush. I'm really struggling with the weightloss this time, and that would put me under the gun to get the weight off.

#8. I dont want to regain only to have to lose it again.

#9 My last baby was 9 lb 6 oz...I am still having pelvic pain...I am terrified of having another baby that big. The labor was the worst pain ever. Exponetially worse than my 7 lb and 8 lb kids. And I had an epi! But the puching part, I felt ike I was splittin in half...seriously I'm scared to do that ever again. If I knew another baby was going to be an easy 7 lbs...well that would be different...

So DH and I have all these logical reasons. And I felt at peace with 3 kids. I didnt feel "done" at 2...but 3, I felt good.....and the past few weeks I've been seriously loving loving loving my new little guy and the time with him (I had to work with my other two) that I have a little voice in my head saying "I want another"...

I don't know if its because he's my third, and I know he's last, or if its because I'm older, or because I'm home now and not trying to work 40+ hours weekly, or because we are more financially secure, but I'm so much more at peace and enjoying this time, I want to do it again. WIth my other two I was more stressed.

BUt we are done. I dont even want to bring it up to DH...BUt I've literally thought about getting my tubes tied so I cant try again...

How did you know you were done? Did you have doubts? Is there a grieving process moving out of the child bearing stage of life??
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Old 10-17-2013, 03:08 AM   #2  
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I ask myself this same question everyday....Even now at 2am nursing this cranky 8 month old back to sleep, I contemplate having #4. I think it really is a grieving process when you decide you're done having babies. It's what we KNOW we're good at, so why wouldn't we want more babies to be a mother to? The only thing that eases my negative thoughts about not having more children, is GRANDCHILDREN! We will get to do this again...And we wont have so many restless nights, or middle of the night ER trips, or mountains of laundry!

Just remember...GRANDCHILDREN!
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Old 10-18-2013, 06:20 PM   #3  
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Now that my babe is 16 weeks, the thought of another baby has been on my mind. I think it's because he's out of that cuddly newborn stage. And because I've been really enjoying him (he's a good baby). And because I am mourning the fact that I will never have another newborn (not mourning the lack of pregnancy, though. I hate pregnancy.).

BUT I am 39 years old. Neither DH nor I are willing to risk it. We have three healthy kids. We're blessed.

Besides... he got snipped. So now there's no going back.

It's okay. But I do feel a little bit of a tug at my heart about it sometimes. I think that's normal.
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Old 10-21-2013, 04:05 PM   #4  
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Thank you both for replying. I do think its a grieving process, whether we have 3 kids or 10, I'm going to have to go through that "never-going-to-have-a-baby-again-" stage and feeling.

I am trying to really enjoy all my time with my little one. B/c now I know just how fast it goes. But I'm sure as my youngest grows out of stages, baby, toddler, preschool...its going to be a bitter sweet feeling...
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Old 10-21-2013, 07:39 PM   #5  
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There was a time in my early thirties when having another baby was the last thing I wanted or needed. But fast forward several years and at 37, with my two girls teenagers and not needing me as much, I started thinking of having another baby. I now have a 2yo and I panic at the thought of having another or of accidentally falling pregnant. My marriage couldn't survive another baby.
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Old 01-05-2014, 10:30 PM   #6  
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Originally Posted by happybug View Post
There was a time in my early thirties when having another baby was the last thing I wanted or needed. But fast forward several years and at 37, with my two girls teenagers and not needing me as much, I started thinking of having another baby. I now have a 2yo and I panic at the thought of having another or of accidentally falling pregnant. My marriage couldn't survive another baby.
This is pretty much my situation. My kids are 9 and 15, and I use an IUD, but everything else is the same. I said NEVER again - but this morning I woke up and realized that I have worked for a long time on my career and now want to have a more balanced family life. For me, that brings the thought of having another, non-surprise, purposeful pregnancy. My kids were wanted, but not planned. I would like to try it both wanted and planned. But I've been going over the "cons" - including my husband not wanting to talk about it.

Thanks for starting this thread - I'm really really unsure of things right now.
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Old 01-05-2014, 11:06 PM   #7  
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I'm in the same boat - I honestly would LOVE to have another baby, my husband? Not so much. He is the voice of reason: expensive, being able to spend equal time with them all, etc. (We had twin girls 19 mos ago and I have a 6 year old). And I think it scares the **** out of him that I would potentially have twins again (the chances go up if you've had them before).

I just LOVE the baby stage. I loved being pregnant, had no problems whatsoever...I just really feel like I was born to be a mommy. (I breastfed twins for 9 mos, made my own baby food, etc. etc.) I would have another one in a minute, but I don't think that will happen again.

I'm grieving that part, looking at my twin girls, I already feel guilty that I can't spend as much time with them as I'd like (I work full time), and my hubby can't wait for the time when they are all in school and we won't have to pay daycare anymore. I just have to accept that I was blessed with 3 beautiful healthy girls....even though I wouldn't mind trying for a boy.
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Old 01-06-2014, 11:00 AM   #8  
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This is my first baby and 95% done because I'm 37 and hubby is 40 (I will be 38 when this one is born, factor in mat leave and coming back to work...I'd be going on 40 trying to get pregnant again. He has an 11 year old son...the anxiety over my age is getting to me.

I will grieve for the son I won't have if I have a girl and I will grieve for the daughter I won't have if I have a son. Either way I'm hooped and who am I kidding I'm already grieving because I think about it. But I know where he's coming from and understand that if we had met sooner I'd have my two. It's a tough place to be in so I'm trying very VERY hard to enjoy every last minute (even though I whine).

Last edited by Ishbel; 01-06-2014 at 11:01 AM.
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