EDIT: Miscarriage
 

[EDIT] Lost the baby. Please see my second post in this thread. :(


I've been overweight all of my adult life, but am currently about the same weight as I was in high school. That means I'm down about 100 pounds from my highest weight, which is relatively good, and I've maintained that loss for several years now so I'm pretty proud of that. Staying anywhere under 250 seems to be a struggle for me though. I managed to get near 240 this past spring, but a lot of stressful things happened and I unfortunately put eating right and exercising on the back-burner. Throughout the rest of the year I managed to put back on about 20 pounds. Frustrated, I attempted to put a stop to it by giving myself a good talking to and getting down to business. I took one step at a time, starting with making healthier choices before concerning myself with portion sizes, and I started walking in hopes of making my size 22 jeans fit me properly again.

Then my energy completely drained away. I was short of breath, was barely able to make myself go from to room to room, and it took everything I had to get my butt out of bed every morning to get the kids off to school (not mine, was just a live-in babysitter for a few weeks). When everything started to smell really weird or super gross, I attributed it to the cold I seemed to be catching. Then my boobs . . . oh, my poor boobs started killing me! :lol: My whole body felt off-kilter, I had to pee all the time . . . er, well, I'm guessing I'm boring you all with these familiar symptoms. ;) Anyway, when I started throwing up the one morning I realized that my period was late. The next time I went shopping, I picked up a test.

It was positive!

Don't get me wrong, I'm so excited to be pregnant for the first time (if a little scared, lol). I've wanted a baby for years, but actively used protection until about 6 months ago (I've been married over a year now). I've also realized that my biological clock is ticking (I'll be turning 36 soon) so I think the timing is pretty good.

But . . .

I feel kinda shallow about this, but I'm pretty annoyed I gained back 20 pounds in the past few months and didn't get it back off before getting pregnant. :( Because now, of course, I have to do what's best for the baby, and I can't even think about cutting calories. I'll still do my best to eat a healthy variety, but it'll be over a year before I can even think about working on my figure again. As it is, I'm still obese and frustrated, and feel absolutely horrible that it's even an issue. My old size 24 jeans from last year are no longer comfortable (I'm only 7 weeks along so it's not as if I'm showing yet) and I'm sort of at a loss on finding plus sized maternity clothes outside of online shopping. For now I bought some of those elastic-top "fake" jeans from Walmart to get me by.

And I shouldn't even be thinking about my figure now, I realize I should be thinking about overall health . . . which once again, ticks me off since I gained back that 20 pounds. But all I can do is move forward from here. I'm still so excited to be pregnant and look forward to the new joys that life is offering me . . . I just wish my weight didn't have to be an issue. I'm not going to mind having a pregnant belly at all, but I don't know how to explain it . . . I guess I just didn't want to start this journey already in plus sizes?

Maybe I needed to vent a little? :?:

First off, congratulations! And come join us in the Spring/Summer 2012 Mamas thread!

That said, I understand where you're coming from. It's hard to have to adjust to viewing weight gain as a POSITIVE thing (and that applies whether you're at goal OR still in plus sizes...I'm STILL having a rough time with it, and so are several others on that thread). It's an adjustment, and if you add to that the mental stresses and emotional turmoil of being pregnant...well, it's natural to be a little off.

But you absolutely CAN work to keep your weight gain at healthy levels, and you CAN work to eat a variety of healthy foods to grow a strong, healthy baby, and yo CAN get exercise so you're strong and healthy for labor. And then you'll have those good habits in place to fall back on when the baby is born.

Congratulations, Sirenity!! I know what you mean about not being able to cut calories and stuff like that, but pregnancy is a time when we are supposed to gain weight and let our babies grow! :) Don't fret too much...just enjoy your pregnancy. And I agree with Mandalinn ~ now is the time to start eating really healthy, and it's important to keep that exercise going, too. I am excited for you!

congrats Sirenity! I'm so happy for you.

Congrats. I know what you mean I was there when finding out I was pregnant with my 4th in June after losing 90 pounds and having to mentally prepare myself to gain weight and not eating a low amount of calories. My doc made me feel good about it when I started complaining about the weight gain and oh my has it packed on BUT he said to me dont worry about it you lost 90 pounds and will lose what you gain you already know how to do it and he was right. Baby will be here in 5 to 8 weeks and I plan on getting right back on the calorie counting train and excerise again.

Thank you for all the kind words. Got so busy and preoccupied that I never took the time to reply.

My cat got really, really sick on Christmas day. Took him to the vet the next morning and found out it was renal failure and had to put him to sleep. He was only six and I took it pretty hard. :(

Decided to visit my aunt and grandma out of state the first chance I got, which was in the middle of January. I was hoping it would cheer me up to talk about the upcoming baby with family. And while at their house, I woke up in the middle of the night bleeding. Went to the ER and lost the baby before I was even admitted. :( Spent three days in the hospital, and several more with family before returning home. Gave myself time to mourn and work through it as best as I could, although I don't expect to be emotionally healed right away.

It's been well over a month, and while I'm not always sure how I'm feeling I'm at least doing better overall. Luckily I didn't have to have a D&C so the doctor said we could try to get pregnant again as soon as I was done bleeding. Found out at least four of my family members went through a miscarriage for their first pregnancies so I have hopes the next time around will go better. My grandma even lost her first immediately before having my mom, and my other grandma lost her first before having the oldest of my dad's siblings. So many old friends also began to tell me stories about their miscarriages, and it's so much more common than I originally thought . . . I guess it's something people don't talk about much.

This past week I've gotten back into weight loss mode and already have a little more energy. I'm also taking prenatals (at the doctor's suggestion), have been more active, and much more careful about my food choices. I figure things can only go up from here.

Anyway, I just wanted to give this thread some closure.

Sirenity - I am so very, very sorry for both of your losses. :hug:

Your post illustrates that you have a positive perspective and are making healthy choices to help you in the future. You are right, things can only go up from here.

Please continue to take the time to heal emotionally and update us when you need support. :hug:

:hug:

I don't have much time to post now but I'll try to come back here. I had a very, very similar experience. I had a surprise pregnancy during my weight loss journey that ended in a miscarriage at exactly 3 months pregnant. :(

It hurt, it really did. But, on the other hand, it gave me that much more determination to lose weight and continue on this journey. For awhile we talked about trying again early on but ended up decided to wait until I was done losing weight (also there were some financial reasons there too, though).

I just wanted to give you lots of :hug: about the miscarriage. It's hard, really hard sometimes. Just take it one day at a time.

Serenity I am so sorry for your loss :hug: I lost my first born at birth and my second pregnancy ended in an early MC. I now have a lovely healthy 4 year old and am 25 wks pg again.

Be kind to yourself and allow your self to heal. After the loss of my daughter I used my grief to motivate me to eat well and exercise I started running as it felt good to have some physical pain instead of just the emotional. I ran for my Sonja who never got to run. I started off my pregnancy with my DS less weight and way healthier then I did with Sonja, I actually ran my first 5km race when I was 9.5 wks pg with him :)

Sending you lots of peace and love.

:hug: :hug: :hug:

Thank you for being brave enough to share your story. I know how you feel, and that awful empty feeling. :(

I wish they would publicize more how common miscarriage is...I read an article that said the best research indicates the rate may be higher than 25%!!! But that many women don't even realize they've had one since the majority occur very early in the pregnancy and the really early ones could be mistaken for a regular period.

So you are not alone. :hug:

I am so very sorry for your loss. I am inspired by your courage and strength. We all need to remember how truly blessed we are to have whatever it is we have. I thought I lost my daughter in the beginning of my pregnancy because I started bleeding. The best day of my life was when I saw that ultrasound that confirmed she was still with me.

I remember that horrible fear vividly. I cannot imagine the pain you felt. Please keep us posted if (or when) you try again. The whole clock ticking thing is very stressful. But, try as much as you can not to let it rule you. You will have a beautiful baby one day.